I was reading posts this afternoon, and was reading your post with your lovely tribute to Brutus. I saw the shrine you made for him. I have a similar area ready for Bandit. I just ordered prints of some of my favorite photos and had an urn made for her. I am hoping I feel that way about her ashes, I haven't done this before, so I don't really know how I will feel once I get them. I hope I am comforted having her here.

Thanks so much Barb.

Oh Dottie, that video made me cry - I hope it's true, I hope one day I do get to hold her again. Thank you!

Sweet Banditsmom,

Of course it's true.

Please know this: "Believe ... And you shall see!" It will be. Honest and for true.

"The Rainbow Connection"

Why are there so many songs about Rainbows,
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
And Rainbows have nothing to hide.

So we've been told and some choose to believe it.
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the Rainbow Connection ...
The Lovers, the Dreamers and me.

Who said that every wish would be heard and answered,
When wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that and someone believed it,
And look what it's done so far.

What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing,
And what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the Rainbow Connection,
The Lovers, the Dreamers, and me!

All of us under its spell ...
We know that it's probably Magic!

Have you been half asleep? And have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?
The voice might be one and the same.

I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm s'posed to be.
Someday we'll find it! The Rainbow Connection ...
The Lovers, the Dreamers, and me!

"You and me together, Mom! We'll make a Rainbow Connection!"

"I Love You So Much!!!"

"Gonna go play with my pals at The Bridge Now. See ya latter, Mommy!"

Dottie, wow that video made me cry. Thank you. I really appreciate all your kind words.

I actually got myself to go out last night and try to lighten my spirit a little. It worked for a bit, but coming home to her not being here was like a punch to the gut. I feel like I lost my anchor, she was such a part of my day routine, my life routine - for 14 years I would get up and walk her & feed her before I did anything else. She also ended my work day - when it was time for her dinner, I would stop for the day. I feel lost without these anchors, these responsibilities. She gave me purpose.

5 days...seems so hard to believe...5 days

I so understand...after Brutus left, I felt like I wasn't needed anymore, sometimes I still feel that way. My whole life revolved around him. I have 2 other dogs and a husband who need me, but it's not the same as what it was with Brutus...it's almost like we were one, such a deep connection. And Brutus was high maintenance and I was the one who took care of him. I guess in reality, I needed him more than he needed me probably. It's hard to adjust to not being needed like that...and not needing as well, very very hard. Hugs.

I know exactly what you mean. I had that with Bandit too, she was so special to me. I got two sympathy cards today, it meant so much to me that people in my life realize what a big loss for me this is. I know so many other people don't get acknowledgement like that.

Banditsmom--

That's so sweet, that people would think to send you cards. Often people rally round right at the time of crisis, and then just forget all about it. I'm happy for you.

I did a kind of strange thing after Poppers died. I "stole" her from my abusive landlord in CA. (he wasn't abusive to her, but he was abusive to ME!!!) and I'd had her for almost 11 years. For some reason, when she died, I wanted him to know what a long and happy life she'd had, that she'd passed, but that Ladywolf was still with me (he loved Ladywolf too. So in spite of the hard feelings I hold towards him and always will, I put together a card with a pic of Poppers and Lady on it, and sent him notice of Popper's long life and relatively pain-free passing. However, I did NOT put a return address on it. It seemed to be an act of completion for me.

Bandit is absolutely adorable! I can see why you got so very attached. Her appearance and big heart, and then all those strange woofling noises that Pugsters make--they're so endearing. I am so sorry, again, for your loss of her.

Hugs--Margi and the Wolf

Margi,

I'm glad that brought you some closure. You saved her, and I am sure she was/is eternally grateful. I feel like I did that for Bandit too when I adopted her. We just fit, she knew she lucked out, and so did I!

Thank you - Bandit had a way, even people that weren't dog people loved her. She just had such a wonderful temperament. And yes, I love all her pug noises, the snorts, the sneezes, the amused me endlessly!

I hope you are doing ok!

We time our day by them and they to us. They get us up for breakfast, join us for coffee, are waiting at the door when we return home from work, errands or just taking out the trash. They are a key thread in the tapestry of our lives and when it ends there is a hole in the weaving. And our hearts. Sometimes I see my cat Tatem in the flash of sunlight, the depth of a shadow. I think I feel her jump onto the bed and when I reach out for her and she's not there its like I just lost her all over again. Keep coming. Keep reading. People here understand how hard it is to pick up and get on with life. And no matter who tells you to do it it is up to you how and when you do.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

alison

Thank you Alison - just knowing everyone here understands means so much. I can only read so much here at a time, I get so sad for everyone's loss, probably because mine is still so new. I just don't know what to say to anyone else yet since I am so raw. Unconditional love, it is so beautiful to have, and so painful to lose.

Bandits Mom,

It took me months before I could respond to anyone. It's been five months and I finally feel ready to help other people. Right now, you just need to deal with your feelings and we are all here to help. One day you will be able to help others when their pain is so new. Please come on here as often as you can because as I'm sure you have figured out there are some amazing people on this forum and they are so supportive.

You are so right about unconditional love, it is AMAZING! We are so lucky that we have experienced unconditional love, there are a lot of people that never do.

I will be praying that you find peace soon.

Rhapsedy

Thanks Rhapsedy.

Tomorrow I pick up her ashes. I am dreading it (I know I am going to be hysterical), although I know I will find some comfort in having her home. I still keep having those moments where I get up to check on her - then in a flash I remember - I'm just so conditioned. I guess it will take a while to break out of the habits I've had with her for 14 years.

For me, Banditsmom, there was a kind of sense of peace in receiving the ashes of the dogs I had cremated--another step in our closure. Maybe by thinking ahead of time that you will be hysterical, and experiencing those feelings, you won't be hysterical tomorrow. But if you are, it's perfectly okay! Certainly none of US will judge you for it!!

Keep the faith--

Margi and the Wolf

I'm hoping that is how I will feel. It still does seem so hard to believe without her here, so if it helps with the acceptance, I welcome that! And I know if I'm not ok, I can come here, and someone will listen to me.

Awww! Precious Bandit, your Mommy loves you so much!!!

Hang in there, Banditsmom. We're all here for you, Hon.

Many Comforting Hugs to you and your Angel Fur Kid Bandit!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Oh Dottie, I love that heart with the pug, so cute. Tomorrow is going to be very emotional, but at least I know I can come here when I get home tomorrow night.

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to comment here, it is greatly appreciated.

Oh Dottie, I love that heart with the pug, so cute. Tomorrow is going to be very emotional, but at least I know I can come here when I get home tomorrow night.

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to comment here, it is greatly appreciated.

Hi Bandits Mom
I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. It's been over weeks since we lost our Sam -- it gets better, but then somedays -like yesterday - it was really bad again. I, too, felt better when we got her ashes back. I know her spirit is free, but at least I know where her ashes are. Take care of yourself today. Bandit would want that.
Sharon