I’m so glad I found this site. I recently lost my cat Friend and, I’ve been having a tough time dealing with it. I’ve been feeling depressed and hopefully sharing my story will ease the pain.
My husband found Friend in a Home Depot parking lot during the winter a some years back. Somebody dumped Friend and a couple of his brothers and sisters who were all sadly run over. While walking to his car Friend popped out from underneath a nearby car. It was very cold and I believe he was just trying to keep warm. Friend was skittish at first, but after some convincing he ran into my husband’s arms. He brought Friend home and he very quickly became a member of our family.
We quickly noticed that Friend would rather hang outside than inside with our other cat. So we let him stay outside and our 32 acre ranch gave him plenty of room to hunt and play. Every morning he would come to eat, and on the occasional cold nights or hot days he’d come stay with us inside. He was such a joy to be around, always a laid back cat.
A couple of days ago I called Friend to eat in the morning and he didn’t show. I thought he had maybe run far off and decided to give him awhile to get home. After a couple of hours I realized he wasn’t coming home. In our area we do often have coyotes running around and I was afraid Friend had come across one. Three days went by and I still continued to call him never giving up hope. Finally while I was walking around searching for him I found him. He was crouched in a corner of our goat pen. I called him and called him but he wouldn’t get up. I knew then something was seriously wrong. It wasn’t until I got close to him that I realized the severity of Friend’s issues. It looked as if Friend had been hit by a car. My husband and I decided that Friend was too far gone and he might die on the trip to the vet. So we decided to take him home and take care of him until it was time to let go.
I stayed with Friend the whole night and just talked and petted him trying to make him comfortable. I often tell my animals a sort of bedtime story of how they came into our lives. So I told Friend the story and told him that I understood he was in pain and that it was his time to go. I’ll never forget the look in his eyes as I told him the story. He was looking at me as if he was remembering and understood every word I said. I didn’t want him to die alone so I stayed with him. I got up to go check on my husband who wasn’t feeling too good, and it was at that moment that I left Friend alone that he passed.
My husband and I buried him under a tree on our property. It was so hard to let him go and I feel horrible that he died alone. I miss him and each day without him gets harder and harder. It’s been hard for me to go out in the morning as I was use to seeing him run towards me. Like I said before I hope me sharing this story helps with the pain. Thanks to anybody who reads Friend’s story.

Hi, hopelessheart, please accept my deepest sympathies in the loss of your beloved companion, Friend. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Thank you so much for sharing with us your story of Friend. He entered heaven's perfect garden knowing that he was truly loved during his journey on this side of eternity, and that he is forever cherished in your hearts and memories. The emptiness in the loss of a beloved companion - - whatever the life form - - is overwhelmingly painful, particularly in the early stages of grief. There are several things that are important for you to know during your grief journey, and one of them is that you are not alone in your feelings. Each of us here knows first hand the loss of a beloved companion, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Hoplessheart, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how things are going for you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Hopelessheart,
I feel so sad for you. You must be heartbroken and I just wish I could take away some of that pain. You did everything you could for your darling 'Friend', who knows how much you love him.
He looks adorable, bless him. He is not suffering now and its good that he got to see you before he left for the Rainbow Bridge, and good for you too, he looked in your eyes and saw your love for him.
Sending hugs for you and your Angel Friend.

Jan and my Angels x

Thank you moon beam and Janika. You've already helped the healing process with your wonderful responses. For once I feel a ray of sun shining on my dark days.

Dearest Hopelessheart,

I've been trying since you first posted to find the words I wish to convey and I simply fall speechless. How terribly sad, heartbreaking and I can feel your gawd awful pain, grief and devastation. Please accept my deepest condolenses on the loss of your precious Angel Fur Child Friend. He is so beautiful and what a true life rags to riches story for him that you and your husband came to be the ones to rescue him. You showered him with great love, affection and he had the very best of care. You are a wonderful Fur Kid Mommy! Please never forget that. How fortunate for Friend to be so lucky that you opened your home and hearts to him. Know this: Love does live on and never dies. Honest and for true.

Please know that you and Friend are in my thoughts and prayers as I wing many loving Angels to soothe and gently guide you through this most difficult time in your life. Please keep coming back to talk more about Friend and how you're doing. Anytime day or night because it's by sharing and caring that we help each other find that Healing Path. May a multitude of Angels welcome your cherished Fur Kid Friend to The Rainbow Bridge where he is now young again, happy, healthy, whole, has many friends and all that his heart desires as he waits patiently for that One Sweet Day when you will be reunited for all Eternity!




Many Comforting Hugs to You and Angel Fur Child Friend!

I Wish You Peace!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Thank you so much Dottie. I feel for once I am crying happy tears. I find so much comfort knowing that there are wonderful people out there like you who understand my pain. My wounds are still fresh and I feel that as long as I come here and talk about my pain the healing process will come slowly but surely. I am missing Friend more than ever today. I sat outside and I felt him in the wind. I still almost can't believe he's gone. I keep wishing i'll turn around and he'll be there waiting for me. It's so hard but I need to take this one day at a time.

I had a major break down yesterday. I was cleaning out my house when i found a picture of Friend when he was little. In fact I think that was one of the first pictures we took of him. He looked so young and vibrant and i shuddered as I remembered how he looked when I last saw him. He was in so much pain and there was nothing I could do. I wish he were here with me. I know it sounds selfish but I would do anything to have him back. I miss everthing about him and for a second I felt like giving away my other pets because I just don't know if I can handle this again. I know it was wrong of me to think that and of course I quickly changed my mind.

Who can say for certain maybe you're still here. I feel you all around me. Your memories so clear. Deep in the stillness, I can hear you speak. You're still an inspiration. Can it be ...

That you are my Forever Love and you are watching over me from up above!

Fly me up to where you are beyond the distant Star! I wish upon tonight To see you smile. If only for awhile to know you're there. A breath away's not far To where you are.

Are you gently sleeping here inside my dream? And isn't faith believing all power can't be seen. As my heart holds you just one beat away, I cherish all you gave me Everyday!

'Cause you are my Forever Love watching me from up above. And I believe
that Angels breathe. And that Love will live on and never leave!

Fly me up to where you are beyond the distant Star! I wish upon tonight To see you smile. If only for awhile to know you're there. A breath away's not far To where you are.

I know you're there! A breath away's not far to where you are.

Hi, hopelessheart, I am getting caught up on your posts, and I can so empathize with your post today. The early stages of grief are so unpredictable with emotions. It's like being on a nightmare roller coaster ride. Your thoughts of adopting out your other companions is normal, and I'm glad you realized that it was simply a momentary emotion to your deep grief. Thank you so much for sharing your pictures of Friend with us. I know how devastated you are feeling right now. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, hopelessheart, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moon beam and Dottie I wish there were words for how truly appreciative I am of you and your words. It means so much to me that in my toughest times I have support from friends who know just what i'm going through. I feel like i'm never going to get over this heartache. I've been reading other's posts and I know that i'm not alone in my struggles. I keep wanting to reply and give hope to others as you have done for me, but it is so hard. Whenever I try I remember Friend and just cry and cry. My goal is to find some strength to help others. I hope that in helping others heal I will help myself heal as well. Thank you so much.

Hi Hopelessheart-

I'm just catching up on the past few days (I had a computer virus), so I just read your posts, and responses, for the first time. Others have said so much of what I feel--I am so very, very sorry for your loss of Friend (what a GREAT name, by the way!) My heart is with you too.

I have one thought to add: it's said that more people die alone in hospitals and nursing homes in the middle of the night when no one is with them than during the day, when relatives and friends are around. The thinking on that is that it can be terribly hard to leave in the presence of the people whom you know are going to be so heartbroken over your passing, so many choose to leave when no one is there to witness it.

The same seems to be true of animals. My Poppers died about a month ago now, and I had been up all night with her for the better part of two nights, and she didn't die until I FINALLY decided to try to catch a little snooze. My father waited to pass until I left his room for the first time in many days. I felt horribly guilty that I wasn't with him, but Hospice workers were, and he was held and comforted--just not by me. I felt a little guilty about Poppers too, but I realize the truth in this theory that it can be so hard to let go when others are "clinging" to you.

Perhaps Friend felt that way too...

Let yourself grieve in whatever way that manifests. There's no logic to it--everyone's grief is different, yet similar...

Big big hugs--

Margi and Ladywolf (who has cancer and is slowly dying)

Margi thank you for taking time to comfort me in my difficult time. It amazes me how you can be so compassionate towards me when you yourself are going through a tough time. I am thankful for that and wish that there was something I could say to comfort you.
I feel that I lost Friend so quickly and didn't get to spend enough time with him. I hope these last moments that you have with Ladywolf are filled with lots of love. Use this time to cherish all that she is and has been to you. I would give anything to have a little more time with Friend just to let him know how truly special he was to me. You and Ladywolf are in my prayers and I send lots of love and hugs your way. May every second you spend with Ladywolf be a celebration of what a wonderful and loving companion she has been to you.

Something truly amazing happened last night, God sent me a visitor. Today is exactly one week that i've been without Friend. This has been a truly heartbreaking experience for me, but for once I'm feeling a whole lot better.

I had a wonderful dream last night. In my dream I heard a scratching at my front door and when I opened it there was Friend. He looked just like I remember him. His orange coat was shiny and clean and his green eyes were sparkling. I remember saying to myself this can't be real, but right when i said that Friend started rubbing himself on my legs like he used to. I picked him up and hugged him and kissed him over and over again. We then sat on my porch as we did many times before. I petted him and watched him play and roll around in the dirt. I woke up crying uncontrolably, but I was happy. I feel like Friend saw all the pain I was going through and decided to pay me a visit to let me know he's ok. I had such a good day today filled with happy memories of Friend. I only hope that he continues to visit me in dreams so I can be near him like I was once before.

I really thought my dream would help me get through this but sadly it didn't. I think back on it and Wednesday was a truly amazing day for me. Friend visited me in my dream and I was comforted to know he was ok. Today however was a rough morning. As I was getting ready for work the house was quiet and I remembered Friend's last moments. My husband's words as he put Friend in his make shift coffin are resounding in my head. This is hard, this is really really hard. I'm wondering when or if I'm going to get over this. Some years ago before Friend came into my life, I had an American Eskimo named Tasha. I grew up with her and her death was so hard on me. It literally took me years to get over it. I find it troubling that all of that might happen again. I don't know if I can handle years of heartache again. I feel like I need a vacation away from all of this. I want to go somewhere where every little thing doesn't remind me of Friend.

Hopelessheart--

Is there any way that you CAN take a little break from routine and go somewhere different for a few days? It CAN really help to remove yourself from the scene where everything reminds you of your loss. I used to have money, and I used to, indeed, take vacations after the loss of one or another of my dogs. They did me a world of good--somehow it wasn't quite so hard when I came home again, especially if I'd had a really good time while away, sad as I was.

Even a weekend away might help you...

Hugs-

Margi and the Wolf

[attachment=4161:angelcats.gif]
Hi Mommy I am with one of my angel brothers, so please dont be sad I am ok
I love and miss you, but please know I will always be with you.

Your Angel Friend
xoxo

I've somehow talked my husband into taking a mini vacation, but it won't come soon enough. The semester has just started and it won't be until maybe March that we can fit the vacation in. I'm hoping I can deal with all of this until then.

My husband offered to take me to our local shelter to get another cat, but I just couldn't do it. I feel it's too soon and I still miss Friend so much. As much as i'd love to help out another cat I just can't find it in my heart. I keep feeling like we'd be replacing Friend and I don't want to do that.

Margi and Lady wolf and smokey/lady/max thanks for your support. It means the world to me.

Things are changing. Because of circumstances beyond our control we're moving. Since Friend passed I've been wanting to get out of this place, this house that reminds me of him. It's been so hard for me to be here and not have him with me. And now we're moving and I don't want to go. I've been feeling extrememly sad about leaving Friend here. I won't be able to visit him at his final resting spot anymore. And I also feel as if i'll have nothing to remind me of him anymore. My emotions are all over the place right now. One minute I feel happy to leave this place that ultimately ended my angel's life, and the next minute I can't leave because this is where he lived his life. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm lost. I know we have to move, but I just don't want to. As if it wasn't bad enough that Friend is no longer with me now I can't even visit his grave. What do I do? How do I find the strength to move on?

Dear Hopelessheart--

I wish Angel Care One was around this forum right now to help you with one of her amazing, blessed postings. I am NOT the angel that she is, but I sure can hear your pain and sympathize with you. You want to go, you don't want to go--it's awful to feel so conflicted.

Did you by any chance put up any kind of cross or stone or other memorial over Friend's grave? Because if you did, you could take that with you as a remembrance--he wouldn't mind at all. Another thing you can do is create an alter for him in your new house, with pictures of him (that kitten picture is precious, by the way), a candle, a crystal, whatever makes you feel good. Then you can sit by the alter and remember him all you want to. You can also take a picture of his gravesite and add it to the alter--I had to do that once when I left a house, and it really really helped me to have that. Poco-Loco was HER name, "The bravest one-eyed dog west of the Mississippi" was on her name tag!

I know that it feels very final to leave a place where a beloved four-legged lived with you, but I'm sure that you're making the move for a lot of good reasons, too. Really, where we hold them the closest is in our hearts and memories, and no move can ever take those away from you. You'll be making a fresh start, and that's always a good thing, even if it hurts too.

My heart is with you in this difficult time of change.......

Big hugs from Margi and Ladywolf