Hi
My husband and I had to put our beloved Westie - Sammy to sleep on Dec 7th. It's been 26 days now and I don't know if I will be able to survive this loss. She was a part of our lives for almost 11 years -- just 5 days shy of having her for that time. She was my first dog and I miss her so.
Almost a year ago she quit eating some of her favorite foods and I didn't put two and two together. I feel like I should have noticed something was wrong sooner. In May she got really sick and two local vets told me she had severe gastritis. I then took her to two other vets - one out of town and they told me it was probably IBD. I put my poor dog through so many blood tests, xrays, barium xray, ultrasound, and endosopy to find out what was wrong with her. I feared it was cancer, but none of the 4 vets we took her too were able to confirm (or deny) that. She weighed 22.7 lbs at the beginning of May and the day we put her to sleep she weighed only 15.2 lbs. We also did two different allergy tests and they contradicted each other -- she was allergic to so many foods it was hard to find foods to feed her. When she kept losing weight, I hand fed her a can of dog food a day -- she didn't like me putting the food in her mouth - but she let me do it day after day -- I felt I needed to do this to keep her weight up and to hopefully turn around whatever was wrong. She allowed me to feed her this way for almost 6 months -- I know it wasn't normal to hand feed a dog, but I just wanted to save her. I even took her for acupressure treatments to hopefully help her. She just kept getting thinner and thinner - some days she would eat some of her dog treats in addtion to the canned food I gave her, but she still didn't get better or gain any weight back.
The day before we let her go, she vomited blood and just got so very sick. I knew in my heart that she probably had cancer -- and in tghe end, the vet felt that's what it probably really was too. My husband and I held her in our arms that Monday morning - we told her we loved her and they gave her the injection. She went very peacefully within a matter of seconds -- but my heart turly broke at that moment.
Coming home to an empty house was the worst thing. That day, for the first time in 11 years I actually went to the bathroom by myself -- Sammy followed me everywhere! My husband works out of town several nights a week - and she was my constant companion. I miss her so much and don't know how to get over this.
We got her ashes back about two weeks ago, and that helped me to somewhat -- but tonight now I'm all alone again and I so sad. People are telling me to get another dog, but I can't do that now -- I don't know if I ever want to put myself through this kind of grief again. I know people think I'm crazy for mourning a dog this much - but I can't help it -- I loved her so much and she's gone forever.
Thanks for listening to my story.
Sharon

Oh Sharon - my heart just breaks for you. Unfortunately, everyone here has been where you are and we understand and share your grief. The light of my life, Austin - a gorgeous 7 year old Doberman - died suddenly of a heart attack while playing ball with my husband. We had no clue Cardiomyopathy was prevalent in his bloodline so we were totally unprepared. I was 2 hours away when I got the phone call and I too felt my heart break. My sister had to drive me 2 hours back home (at midnight!) because I had to see him and touch him before he was cremated. The pain was was so bad those first few weeks it actually phjysically hurt to breathe. The first couple of days I spent crying and sleeping (which is an escape I know but I had to). My doctor actually had to give me a few days supply of sedatives I was so diustraught. Pleas don';t EVER let anyone make you feel abnormal for grieving for your baby. Only someone who has never loved an animal as part of the family would be heartless enough to think that getting another dog will make evrything better. All I can say is that you will be sad for however long it takes. I meassured my progress first by hoiw many hours I went without crying, then days, etc. And most of all I am grateful for the love an support I found on this website. There are wonderful people here to lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on. Most of the time we cry with you. Keep writing and letting us know how you are doing. Sometimes it may help just to write more than that you miss your baby. I will keep you in my prayers tonight that your saddness eases and you soon are able to find some peace. In the meantime, many hugs are being sent your way!

Sincerely,
Carol
In Loving Memory of Austin
7/26/01 - 4/17/09

Dear Sharon
I've just read your post and wanted to drop by to say hello. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I could take away the hurt you are going through.

It's so plain to see how much you love your darling Angel Sammy and how much you cared for her. You did everything you could to give her the wonderful life she shared with you. Knowing when it was time to let her go was so hard, I know, I had to do the same with my darling Tasha, almost 4 years ago. I too hand fed her for a few weeks before, maybe I should have let her go sooner, but I don't think she was in any pain, she just wasn't having much quality of life. I couldn't bear to let her go, but I knew when the day came that I had to, bless her, as you did with your Sammy.
My Noushka was there to help me through that terrible time, but now she has gone to join our Tasha at the Rainbow Bridge. She left us 4 months ago. I miss them both so much it hurts.
I'm glad that you have found this website and forum. It truly has given me so much comfort, being able to talk about my Angel girls and post photos of them, and talk to people who really do understand what we are all going through.
I am thinking of you.
Please come back and tell us more about your darling when you feel able.
Hugs
Jan and my Angels x

Sharon,

I am so sorry to hear about Sammy. No one should have to go through pain like you are in right now; it is just too hard. I lost the love of my life on July 2nd so I know the heartbreak you are going through. He was my first dog and followed me everywhere. We were partners in crime, like Sammy and you.

I am sorry that I don't have any great advice except please hang in there and know that we understand.

Wendy

Hi Sharon I to am so sorry for yor loss of your angel gjrl Sammy. Believe me everyone here really does understand the pain you are feeling. The loss of are pets is like loosing a child. They say to loose a child is the worst well we here can now relate. I know what you mean about others who cant understand the grief and pain we fee so just remember then they have never loved or had a pet to truley love them. Just try to take one day at a time that is all we can do. Mine was Dec 2,
and it has effected to the point I did not even put up a tree. So yes I do understand. I will be thinking of you and your angel sammy.

HUGS
Anna

I am so sad for your loss Sharon, it breaks my heart reading your story because I know how it feels to lose the love of your life. I know that devastating unreal feeling that you feel when you lose them and I feel so very sorry for you. I suppose people think they are helping when they say "get another dog" but to me it's like saying "well just get another child, or husband, or mother, they obviously don't realise that these beautiful creatures are family to us, just like anyone else is. xx

madi xx

I am so sorry for your loss of your Sammy. Be comforted that we all here understand what you are going through...grief of such a great pet like Sammy is heart wrenching...it is so unfair that they all only live a few short years.

I lost my 13year lab and soulmate, Brutus, 7 weeks ago tomorrow. I feel lost without him. Time does help...but it never goes away....I will be praying for peace for you and happy memories of your precious Sammy.

Hugs,
Brutus' Mom

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers. I am so grateful that I have found this website to help me get through this awful pain. We didn't put up a Christmas tree either this year - and I really am glad that the holidays are over. It's so hard trying to pretend to be happy when I'm not. I know that I have to get over thinking I didn't do enough to try and get her well - because we truly did. I just am so angry and sad that nothing worked. I would have stepped in front of a speeding bus if it would have helped her get well. I just hope she knows that I only did all of that to save her. She was the best little dog -- well, she was my only dog, but she was so wonderful. We never had any children so she was our little baby. I wish they would live longer than they do.
My thoughts and prayers are with all of you too - I know you are and have been where I'm at right now too. Blessings to all of you.
Sharon

Hi Sharon,

I am so sorry for your loss. Believe me I know the pain you are going thru. It has been 15 weeks since I put my soulmate Callaway to sleep and I still miss him so much but I am doing better. I too didn't think I would survive my loss but I have and I continue to get better. I can't believe I am actually typing these words because when I first lost Callaway I couldn't eat, I lost 30 pounds within 4 weeks and I didn't even need to lose weight, I never slept and I could barely function. I have gained 10 pounds back, I am sleeping more with the help of a sleeping pill, and I am functioning much better. You will get thru this and the people on this website will help you get better. I found myself asking people that had been thru the same thing how long it took them to learn to cope with their loss hoping that I would find out how long I would be grieving but there was no answer, everyone is different and for some it takes weeks and others it can be months but everyone I have talked to has gotten over their grief.

My wish for you is that you will find peace soon.

Take care,
Rhapsedy

Thanks Rhapsedy -- it helps to know that this will get better. I read a saying a week ago that goes something like this -- "don't cry because it's over - smile because it happened.". I'm trying really hard to keep that phrase in mind.
I'm so very grateful that we had Sammy for 11 years, but I never thought it would be such a physical pain to lose her. My elderly neighbor lady just put her dog to sleep last Wednesday -- so I'm trying to be there for her as well - and I think that is making me sadder too. But I know how terrible that first week was so I need to be there to help her in anyway that I can.
Thanks so much to all of your for your responses. I feel that I have finally found a place where I can talk about my little baby as much as I want to. I'm really, really grateful for this website.
Sharon

Hi Sharon,

I see that I was not alone not finding it in my heart to even put a tree up. Everyone kept telling me I was being rediculous. I could not even do Christmas shopping, everytime I would venture out to do so all I did was cry the whole time. I didnt have one once of holiday spirit in my intire body. I feel the same as you so glad it is over. New years was just awful too knowing I have to start a New Year with out my baby. You are in my thoughts and prayers. We are here as much as you need us.

Hang In There
Anna

Hi Anna
Your description of your holidays is exactly the same as I felt. I'm glad they are over - but like you I didn't want the new year to start without Sammy. A friend gave me one of those tiny Angel Ornaments of a Westie and I keep it on my nightstand. For some reason it gives me comfort -- feeling like she's still watching over me. Today it's 4 weeks since she's gone and I have to say it's almost as hard as that first day. I like to plant alot of flowers in pots each spring -- but thinking about being on the deck without her is so sad that right now I don't even want to plant anything -- though that is still months away. She followed me everywhere when we watered them each day. She loved the snow so it's really hard at this time of year too. Going for walks doesn't even sound like fun now and my little dog would have walked to the moon and back given the chance.
Thanks for your thoughts -- my prayers to out to all of you on this website who are hurting like I am.
Sharon

Hi Sharon
I,m sorry for your loss,we too just lost our 12 1/2 year old pound puppy.It was my childrens first puppy and they all grew up with her.I am now in the throws of the what ifs and whys? It is really tearing me apart because its just killing my daughter and there is nothing that dad can do.
That darn dog was always eating something she shouldn't and thats what killed her (chocolate cake) it was just a dumb stupid accident that she got into it but I feel like I didn't protect her enough and probably didn't seek treatment soon enough,she had done it several times before with no ill effects.
Now I have to sit and watch my daughter be completely torn up.It didn't help that the last day she was with us I was in bed with the flu and her and my wife had to do it all.I hope that I can get through this and come out on the other side a better dad and man.Thanks for letting me vent.
hurting dad

Hi 123dad
You've come to the right place to vent- vent as much as you need to -- I just found this website a few days ago and it has helped me tremendously!
I understand how you feel about thinking you didn't protect your dog enough -- but sometimes they do things that we just can't control.
As I said in an earlier post - I'm trying to live by the saying -- Don't cry because it's over -smile because it happened. I'm hoping that someday I can look back at just the happy memories of Sammy and the (almost) 11 wonderful years we had together. Dogs just don't live long enough - in my opinion -- they should live to be 50! Take care and be kind to yourself - you did the best you could.
Sharon

hurting Dad...I'm so sorry for the loss of your pound puppy. The what if's are horrible..we all do it to ourselves..there are simply things we cannot control though so be easy on yourself. I'm sending prayers for you, your daughter, and family...everyone here totally understands the pain of your loss.

Hugs to you and your angel pound puppy.
Brutus' Mom

Brutus
I don't know how to write this and not have you guys think that I'm a horrible person.But I know if I don't it will eat me alive.Emily(that was her name)ate that cake and I didn't even try to make her throw up because we had tried on several other occassions unsuccessfully to get het to throw up even the vet couldn't get her to.But the point is I didn't even try and I think it will haunt me forever.I hope noone thinks I an animal hater or cruel to animals but that is exactly how I feel right now.My daughter says I can't blame myself because she was always eating something she shouldn't be,but that seems to be little consolation for me.
You guys are truly wonderful people and I hope God blesses you in every way possible.Thanks
Hurtingdad

123dad...I think we all have things we regret...everyone of us...it's still the what if game. Even if you did get to her in time before the chocolate had already done it's damage, you may have not been able to get her to throwup.....I know I still blame myself for making the decision to end Brutus' life. It's like there is no escaping blame and the easiest person to blame is yourself...it's a way of creating self torture that we all do to ourselves. I think guilt/blame is the hardest part of losing a pet...even though none of us have done anything wrong...we need to put a reason to it all/make sense of it...the easiest reason is to blame ourselves...that makes sense to us, even though it's not true.

Time does help...it's been 7 weeks for me today and I was doing so well...but suddenly crashed yesterday for no apparent reason. They say the 5 stages of grief are....denial, anger, guilt, depression, acceptance....I swear I've done them all in one day...they can come in any order and at any time...and then come again and again. Your pain/grief is so fresh, your head is probably spinning right now...you want to blame someone...so you blame you. Things will get better...then get worse again...then get better again. Guilt is the worse, and unfortunetly there is no escaping it, as hard as we all try...I think sometimes it just has to run it's course...I know that is probably not much comfort to you, but do know we are all always here and we do understand....you are not alone here.

Just know we are all thinking of you and your precious Emily...we are all in this together...and together we will all get through it...never over it...but through it.

Hugs,
Brutus' Mom

Sharon...hope you are doing good today and having happy memories of your dear Sammy.

Hugs,
Brutus' Mom

Hi everyone
Hurtingdad -- Brutus' mom is right -- it's easy to look back after the fact and second quess what we did or did not do. I know that's how I feel too. Maybe if I had taken her to that holistic vet in Montana - it was 10 hours away, but just maybe -- or maybe if I had agreed to the exploratory surgery even though she just had been put under the month before to repair her left rear knee that she tore chasing after her favorite animal - the squirrel. We spent over $6000 on Sammy's vet bills and meds from May until the day she died -- I would have gotten 2 more jobs and spent $10,000 if it would have made her well. But I have to accept the fact that more than likely she had cancer that was incurable. She didn't want to eat for most of the last 7 months of her life -- I keep having to tell myself that to make me understand that she was ready to leave me even though I wasn't ready for it.
Today was a bit better even though it was 4 weeks today. I went cross-country skiing after work and I actually had some happy thoughts about Sammy.
I'm praying for eveyone on this site -- I hope we all can be healed of this terrible hurt and pain that we are suffering from the loss of our pets -- our family members.

I do know that I would rather be the type of person that grieves deeply for my pet than someone who is incapable of loving an animal.

BLessings to all of you.
Sharon

Well Said

Anna