Puppies.

Yes, I forgot how much work they are to. But they are just so cute aren't they?

I have two of them, beagles - one's a cavalier cross. But man are they alot of work. They chew everything!!! I don't find I compare them to Hunny, but I wonder if they miss her. We got Barney last November and although he and Hunny had a rocky start - I know she loved him so much. We got Casey just two weeks before she died, and I know she loved her too.

I like to think Hunny and Lily are watching over them. Lily never had the chance to meet any of them, but I know she would have loved them to pieces.

Good luck with the new puppy!!

just take it one day at a time trevor. its a slow process for most. and there will come a time where the negative thoughts will be replaced with the positive happy ones. im so sorry you werent able to say your proper goodbyes i know how deeply that is weighing on you and i think maybe if you look at it from a different angle: what a wonderful dad you were. accept that. you gave keesha wonderful wonderful years. years that she might not have had if she had gone to someone else. but you were brought together and during that time you loved her with all your might. thats what she took with her. i hope that helps even a little. of course you cant remember a time when she got mad at you. thats because they are incapable of that. the other day i was frantically looking for my phone: the phone was only two days old and got it only because i had lost my old one after four years... i was so mad. earlier that morning i had seen Lucy trying to get to it and now i couldnt find it. i yelled at her something awful. although i immediately regretted it, i could tell she was hurt (i was stressed because i had to go in to work on a weekend and now i was having to waste time looking for my phone) i picked her up immediately and she tucked her little head down. as i kissed her and hugged her and told her how sorry i was and how much i loved her, she picked up her head looked at me square in the eyes and gave me one giant lick. they do not understand the concept of being mad or hating. they love and love and love. stupid me found the phone later. it had been all my fault. trevor, please be kind to yourself. we cannot bring them back but believe that she is in a better place.
im very glad you have a little one. yes they are a lot of work arent they. although we also have guilt for getting a new one so quickly, i do believe our little loved ones are happy to see us smile (even if its through the tears). and although you may not know it but the new baby is helping you heal. embrace her, love her. she cannot replace keesha but she will soften the pain. (if you think about it, i bet youve smiled more with her than if you didnt have her, right)
trevor youre in my thoughts and i pray that with time your pain will lessen.
patricia

"........i hope that even helps a little." It did, thanks Patricia. I know I gave Keesha a good life and I did everything I possibly could for her. For some reason that just doesn't seem to be enough. I read all these other stories where people were able to say their last farewells and be with their beloved pet right to the end and I feel robbed of that. I feel I let Keesha down at the worst possible time. I just wish it could have played out differently. I hope you're right about eventually the negative thoughts will be replaced by the positive ones. I mean I think back and remember the good times we had together but the last couple days are what I think of the most and that is just so depressing.

Your story about getting mad at Lucy over something stupid brought a smile to my face....how you can yell at them and the next second they just want to kiss you.--such forgiving creatures:)

And you're right the new puppy has helped quite a bit. She's a handful at times but she's worth it. She has definitely helped fill that void Keesha has left. Take care.

one day and one minute at a time trevor… like my friend elaine (petmum) says "breathe in and breathe out". you will get thru this most horrible time. we are here to hold your hand. and you know that story abou the stupid phone and Lucy? well, keesha is looking down and giving you one giant lick. she forgives you and so should you.
thinking about you!
patricia

Keesha,

Hey baby girl, its 7 weeks today- I just can't believe you've been gone for almost two months. I miss you as much today as I did the day you left. The intense pain has subsided for the most part but there is an emptiness and sadness that will most likely stay with me the rest of my life. That's ok though because it will just be a reminder of how much you meant to me and the relationship we had for those 13 years.

I miss everything about you Keesh- waking up in the morning and seeing you lying in your bed ot if you decided to get up first seeing you laying your chin on the bed telling me its time to get up:) I miss coming home for lunch and having you great me at the door. I miss having you sitting by the kitchen table as we eat supper waiting to clean my plate off. I miss our daily walks after supper and seeing how excited you'd get when i said that magic word-walk! I miss taking you in the truck. I miss seeing you laying on the lawn or under my truck. I miss you laying in front of the tv in the evenings. I miss just being able to play and cuddle with you. I just hope you're able to do some of those things where you are now.

I hope you are watching over us--feel free to show up in my dreams from time to time. I love you very much and miss you more than words can say. Talk to you later Keesha. Love Trevor

trevor, you are missing the same things I am missing about Callie! Our lives were so integrated with our dogs that there was no line of separation. Now we've lost part of ourselves and we're lost. I wish I could make it all go away, for you, for me, for all of us here.

Chele, until you lose them you just don't realize how much your world evolves around them. Everything changes....from the emptiness of your home to your daily routine. Whenever I had to do something I always thought of Keesha first....can I take her with me do to this and if not how long will it take before I get back home to see her. Except for going to work I hated leaving her at home...I always wanted to take her with me. Maybe that wasn't healthy because now with her gone I'm lost. My life is so different now. I put on a pretty good front to the people around me but inside it kills me knowing I will never see her again(in this lifetime anyway). Literally when she died a part of me died.

Like I told you in your thread about Callie the intense pain will subside and it does get somewhat easier but life will never be the same again. I don't think i go more than 15 minutes at a time without thinking about her. I just can't fully concentrate on anything 100%. Its only been 7 weeks for me and maybe things will get better but I just don't know. Hope you're doing ok, take care.

"I breathe in, I breathe out, I put one foot in front of the other" - not sure what the rest of the lyrics are, but that sure captures how I'm coping. You know, yes - it's killing us to be without our girls, BUT I won't change a thing about how I build my life around my dog! My next dog will be as loved and as spoiled as Callie was! I got Callie to have someone to spoil and that's judy what I'll do with the next. Dogs deserve that! I'm glad you have gotten another pup to spoil too! Don't hold it against her that she isn't Keesha, she doesn't have to be! Just love her and enjoy her. I'm looking forward to when I will be able to do that too.

Hey Keesha, its 8 weeks today. I can't believe we've been apart from each other for that long. It really sucks! I miss you so much. I just wish this was a bad dream and I could wake up and you'd be back with me. I talk to you everyday I just hope you can hear me.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately-about the last couple months of your life. Did you have the cancer for a few months and were you hiding the pain from me? Some symptoms of bone cancer are loss of appetite, loss of weight, less physical activity than normal, lameness, etc.. You would always lick the milk left from my cereal in the morning but two or three times a week for the last month or so you wanted no part of it. You started eating less in general. Your last visit to the vet you weighed in at 51 pounds as opposed to your usual 60 lbs or so. You wanted to sleep a lot more than ever as opposed to playing around. You still loved your walks but you tired easily and we had to start cutting them short. After laying down it started to become difficult for you to get back up. I guess I just chalked this stuff up to you getting older but the cancer probably played a role as well. You were a tough girl though as you didn't want us to know anything was wrong with you did you?

If you didn't break your leg that Sunday night we still wouldn't have had any idea you had cancer. But the cancer was what caused the break so I guess it was inevitable. I just hope you weren't suffering much. It killed me to see the pain you were in the couple days we had to wait to get you into surgery for your leg....unfortunately you never got the chance to come out of the surgery. I had to make that gut wrenching decision to let you go when they found the cancer. I still second guess myself some thinking I should have had them amputate and bring you back home even if it would have been for a short time and probably painful for you. I think you would have wanted it that way but it just wouldn't have been fair to you Keesh. You would have suffered from that awful disease and I just couldn't put you through that- I hope you understand and forgive me for ending your life. I hope you knew how much i loved you and that i always did everything in my power to help and protect you. Sorry I wasn't with you at the end and that I didn't get to say good-bye-that will always bother me. I pray everyday that I will get to see you again one day.....see you baby girl, I love you!

A very beautiful letter to Keesha. I'm sure she understands that you did what you had to do because you loved her too much to do any less. It's so hard, having to make "that" decision, believe me I know, but I just keep telling myself that even though Callie would have come home with me and suffered for me just to be with me, that I couldn't let her do it. You couldn't let Keesha either.

Hi Keesh,

Its time for my weekly letter to you- 9 weeks today. Wednesdays are the hardest for me because that was the day I lost you. Sunday evenings are tough as well as that was when you broke your leg and was the beginning of the end. I miss you so much. I saw your sister Mindy yesterday for the first time in a few years and she is doing well. Other than a little arthritis in her back legs she is very healthy. This kind of made me sad though because all I could think of was this isn't fair...your sister is in fine health and you're gone. You still had so much life in you, you still had that great personality and were so full of joy all the time. I don't know how long you had that awful bone cancer but you never let it show it was affecting you. You were the best dog ever Keesh and you'll never be replaced. No matter how many more dogs I have in my lifetime you'll forever be number one that I can promise you. I may love another dog as much as you but there is no possible way I could love another one more than you.

Maya is great and she's filling that void you left. I wish you could have met her- although you probably wouldn't have liked her much as you weren't a big fan of puppies or smaller dogs were you? She probably would have drove you crazy:) We left your bed under the bed in the spare bedroom and Maya found it the other day and chewed it pretty good which kind of made me mad knowing it was yours and all but I couldn't get mad at her as she didn't know any better- i was hoping to pass it on to her when she was ready to sleep out of her crate but i guess that is out of the question now.

I still wish you'd appear in some dreams- unless I'm having dreams of you and forgetting them I just don't recall having one since the first week without you. Pictures are great but I would like something more realistic and a dream is the only way I'll be able to get a realistic view of you again. Anyway I love you and miss you like crazy.

Trevor

dear trevor. i just wish i could wave the magic wand and all of us could have our furbabies back. i know how much you are missing your keesha. im sure she misses you too. sounds like maya is a little handful she sounds like my lucy who chews and eats everything in sight. in fact lucy (about the second month that i had her) chewed up part of the little memorial i had set up for my fred (sigh) but i forgave her because she didnt know any better. maya is another chapter in your life. she can never and will never replace keesha. keesha is forever in your heart.
take it one day at a time trevor. this pain, it will pass and all that remains are the happy memories. youre right that life is never the same, doesnt mean it cant be good again, it just takes another route. be kind to yourself. its a rough road you are on now but time will make it all better. you are not alone.
you are in my thoughts and prayers
patricia

Thanks Patricia I appreciate it. I wish you could wave a magic wand and we all could have our furbabies back as well:) For the most part things have gotten better. There is still that emptiness that will probably stay with me forever and occasionally that pit in your stomach comes back. We will always miss them and it is still painful but I am starting to get to that point of remembering the good times and focusing on the good memories. I'm to the point where I can talk about her without tearing up. Its a long painful process and I don't think we ever get to the point where we are fully over the fact that they're gone but when it comes right down to it do we really ever want to be totally over it? I don't think i would because that would almost mean they've been forgotten. I pray everyday that they're in good hands and that we will get to see them again one day......believing we will makes the grieving process a little easier.

Oh no, Lucy chewed up part of Fred's memorial? I hope it was salvagable......and i thought Maya chewing up Keesha's bed was bad....puppies, you've got to love them:)

so lovely trevor. they ARE in good hands and we WILL see them again. i cant wait! but im glad to hear that things are getting better for you. its a slow process and sometimes it seems like we take two steps back back it does get better. many times ive written how i still can cry over the pets that ive lost so so long ago. thats the beauty of all of this. we couldnt ever forget them, even if we tried. they are always in our hearts. i still miss tiger my very first kitten that my parents gave me when i was 6. WOW i am so beyond 6 now but i remember him like it was yesterday. what a little sweetheart he was.
but i wanna share with you a little story that may cheer you up a little. yes lucy my little troublemaker came to me when she was 6.5 months old. (shes turning 1 this month). in my tall bookshelves, out of her reach, or so i thought, i had set up a little memorial for fred that included his bowl, pictures, his collar, and he was diabetic, so i had a bottle of his medication and one of his needles. well she was such a little tornadoe when she came, she would wear me out. one saturday i just needed a power nap really bad. she just wouldnt settle down at all. during the day, she was go go go. so i set my alarm for five minutes, thinking what can she do in five minutes? the next thing i know is my alarm is ringing and she is standing above me looking not so good and dry heaving. worried i put her down and sure enough her breakfast came out, then as i looked around there was a vomit trail ending in a little bottle of medication that had been chewed open and the contents were spilling out. that little girl had jumped up (shes part jack russell) brought it down somehow chewed it and drank half the contents in five minutes. i called her dr immediately and he asked me what she had injested. i HAD to tell him i didnt know as she had also injested the label. i knew freds meds werent serious (his insulin was in the fridge), but i didnt know how seriously it could affect lucy. so i rushed her in where they were all waiting for her. luckily freds dr was also there and was able to check the meds. 10 minutes later the dr came out, wiping his eyes as if he were crying. i gasped! was lucy ok? what had i done? omg!!! then he patted my arm and said dont worry, these are tears from laughing so hard. turns out lucy had injested freds laxative medication. so the only thing i had to watch out for was... well you know. my wonderful mom came to my rescue as she insisted i come over there and she would take care of lucy while i napped. i slept for a couple of hours and when i woke up, i found the "consequence" of injesting the bottle all over her beige carpet. even lucy came over and looked at it with me as if to say "wow, that came out of me?" 3 hours of scrubbing and steam cleaning the carpet, the carpet and lucy are just fine. (although shes gotten into more trouble since then but youre right: gotta love them. shes my little lucy-fur
from freds passing i realized how sometimes we neglect to tell them how much we love them while theyre here. so now i tell lucy how much i love her a thousand times a day maya is one lucky little girl
i pray that your heart continues to heal.
patricia

Patricia, nice story- you just never know what they are going to get themselves into next:) I can't say i've ever heard a story remotely close to that one though!
"they ARE in good hands and we WILL see them again."

I sure hope so. I just can't imagine not seeing Keesha ever again. But like I said believing I will makes this process a little easier. I'm currently reading a book called cold noses at the pearly gates and it has given me some reassurance that we will.

"from freds passing I realized how sometimes we neglect to tell them how much we love them while theyre here."

That's actually one thing I feel good about because I don't think a day went by that I didn't tell Keesha I loved her. Thanks again and you're in my prayers as well.

Hi Keesha,

Its 12 weeks today- hard to believe isn't it? I still miss you like crazy. I still think about you all the time. I wish so bad you were still here with us. For the most part I'm doing pretty well but there are times, like when I look at your pictures, that its really hard. At times I can look at your pictures and see how happy you were in them and smile but often it's just a reminder that I'll never see that happy face again and its hard to deal with. When I do have good days I kind of feel guilty I'm not missing you more or whatever-this grieving process really plays games with your mind.

Things are going well with Maya. I still feel a little guilty getting another dog- I hope you wouldn't be upset that I got another one. She reminds me of you in a lot of ways but at the same time she's very different than you. One of the things that bothers me about her is on walks she tends to use the bathroom almost every time. In 13 years of walking with me you never once pooped on a walk-people don't believe me when I tell them that but its the truth isn't it? I've got to be patient because she is still just a puppy so hopefully she'll grow out of it. Other than that though she's great Keesh and I wish you two could have met.

It just isn't the same around here without you. I've learned to accept it and the pain has weakened over time but there is still that emptiness with you gone that will always be there. I just pray that you're happy and healthy now and we will see each other again. I don't know what shape or form one takes when they leave this place but I'd like to think you look the same in heaven as you did on earth-with that beautiful black coat and the white chest and the white front feet. You were a beautiful dog Keesh and I love you and miss you very much. Talk to you later.

Trevor

Oh Trevor, your letter to Keesha made me cry. What sweet, wonderful words for an obviously wonderful pet who had a very special relationship with her dad! My heart goes out to you as I ache too for my special Frasier.
-Donna

twelve weeks and sometimes it feels like just yesterday they were with us. hang in there trevor. youre not alone.
patricia

Thanks Patricia, I know what you're saying about it seeming like it was just yesterday they were here. I just can't believe its been that long because it sure doesn't seem it. Hope things are going well with you. Take care.

Thanks Donna, Keesha and I did have a special relationship and I miss it dearly. I sure hope I can have the same type of relationship with new dog. Until last night I hadn't been on here for a couple weeks so i just read your story about Frasier and I am so sorry. I know what you are going through and it is awful but trust me it will get better. You did the right thing for Frasier by letting him go when you did. You were fortunate to be with him right to the end. Unfortunately for me I wasn't able to be with Keesha and that has really bothered me. The time leading up to the vet arriving at your house must have been awful- i just can't imagine. Frasier was very lucky to have his family with him right to the end and he was fortunate enough to go peacefully. Hang in there and take care.