HELLO, DEAR ONE. THIS IS ONLY A QUICK INTERIM POST TO LET YOU KNOW I READ YOUR RESPONSE AND WILL ANSWER ALL YOUR QUESTIONS TO THE VERY BEST OF MY ABILITY. IT JUST TAKES ME A WHILE TO COMPOSE A MESSAGE SO I'LL DO THAT NOW THEN COME BACK, EDIT THIS OUT AND SPEAK WITH YOU.

THERE ARE THREE THINGS I DO WISH TO TELL YOU NOW THOUGH AND WILL REPEAT THEM IN MY EDITED POST WHEN I RETURN.

1. YOU SAID ...

MY APOLOGIES BECAUSE I DIDN'T WORD MYSELF WELL AT ALL. I WAS NOT REFERRING TO EX-RACERS. I AM REFERRING TO THOSE RACERS THAT LIVE, TRAIN AND RACE RIGHT THERE AT THE TRACK, ARE NOT ADOPTED OUT. DO BECOME ILL WHILE LIVING AND WORKING AT THE TRACK OR ... I JUST DON'T WANNA TELL YOU ... THE ONLY LIFE THEY'VE EVER KNOWN OUTSIDE THE TRACK IS WHEN THEY WERE PUPS UNTIL THE AGE OF APPROXIMATELY 1 TO 1 AND 1/2 YEARS. PLEASE DON'T HOLD ME TO THAT AGE THOUGH. I'LL CHECK WITH AN ASSOCIATE SO I CAN BE MORE EXACT.

MY POINT IS THAT IT'S MUCH DIFFERENT FOR THOSE GREYHOUNDS WHO ARE ADOPTED INTO A LOVING HOME AFTER THE TRACK NO LONGER WANTS THEM .... AND, THERE ARE A FEW REASONS THE TRACK SO LONGER CAN USE THEM, THE NUMBER ONE REASON IS THAT THEY'VE OUTLIVED THEIR USEFULNESS. OH, BUT IT'S SO VERY DEAR OF THE TRACK TO PLACE THEM WITH ORGANIZATIONS WHICH WILL THEN FIND THEM LOVING HOMES. HOLY COW, ALL THE PAPERWORK, BACKGROUND CHECKS REGARDING YOUR PAST PETS AND MANY OTHER QUESTIONS ASKED ... I DO BELIEVE IT MAY HAVE BEEN EASIER TO ADOPT A HUMAN CHILD WHEN I RESCUED MAIDEN. THEY ALL KNOW ME AND WERE SO PLEASED THAT I WISHED TO TAKE HER INTO MY HOME AS FAMILY, BUT THE ORGANIZATION NEEDED TO GO BY THE BOOK. MOST UNDERSTANDABLE.

IT WAS DIFFERENT WHEN ADOPTING TRADER DOG SINCE HE WAS HOUSED ALONG WITH ABOUT 125 OTHER GREYHOUNDS AT THE HUMANE SOCIETY IN THE NEST CITY OVER FROM ME. EACH HAD THEIR OWN SEPARATE PEN. LOVELY! TRADER WAS ONE OF THOSE "HAS BEENS THAT NEVER WAS." PLEASE PARDON MY SMILE BUT SO DEAR. HE WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH TO MAKE THE CUT AT THE TRACK AND I LATER FOUND OUT WHY. IT WAS HIS HEART. I'LL GO INTO MORE DETAIL LATER BECAUSE I KNOW FOR CERTAIN YOU'LL WANT SPECIFICS ABOUT TRADE'S HEART DUE TO WHAT HAPPENED TI YOU NOSE PRECIOUS BRITNEY. YES, I WILL COME BACK, DO AN EDIT AND GO INTO DETAIL.

2. I AM SO HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY THAT WE HERE AT LS WERE ABLE TO HELP YOU IN COPING WITH YOUR LOSS. I CRIED ... UT OH, HERE COME THE TEARS AGAIN BUT THEY ARE TEARS OF HAPPINESS AND CONTENTMENT THAT WE WERE ABLE TO HELP YOU, SWEET BRITNEYSMOM. YOU'RE ARE SO RIGHT ABOUT WHAT GREYHOUNDS MEAN TO ME AND WHY. SUCH WONDERFUL, LOVING, COUCH POTATO POOCHES!

3. WHEN I SIGNED ON, A WINDOW POPPED UP INFORMING ME OF YOU PM. I'VE NOT YET READ IT AND WILL DO SO AS SOON AS I'M ABLE. BLESS YOU!!!

MANY MORE COMFORTING HUGS, LOVE, ANGELS AND PEACE TO YOU AND YOURS!!!

ALWAYS,
DOTTIE xoxoxox

PS. PLEASE PARDON ALL TYPOS. I WAS TYPING AS FAST AS POSSIBLE BECAUSE I SAW YOU WERE ONLINE HERE.
I'LL FIX THOSE WHEN I COME BACK TO EDIT. MORE HUGS!!!

So sorry for your loss.

Patricia - you wrote some wonderful words. About Britney sitting with God's arm around her, and watching from above. What you wrote is so beautiful. I wish I had found this site when we lost Lily last year. Like you, Britney's Mom, we lost her so suddenly, and there was nothing we could do. It all happened so fast. We don't really know what happened to this day. It looked like she was choking, but we couldn't feel anything in her throat and all our efforts to save her were in vain - we watched the light fade from her eyes. I live with the guilt of thinking that if she did choke it was our fault for giving her the bone. My husband thinks that maybe she swallowed a bee. Either way, there was nothing we could do and there was not enough time to get her to the vets. She died June 24th last year and the tears are streaming down my face as I write this. I'm sorry - I know this is about you and your precious little angel. But just a few days after losing Lily, we found out our other baby had cancer. We lost her this April 4th. We still haven't buried her ashes, and sometimes I think that we are being disrespectful to Lily by not burying Hunny's ashes next to Lily. Lily was buried not cremated. I don't think I could handle bury Hunny's ashes yet though.

Anyway, I'm so sorry for your loss. And I'm glad you found this website. I wish I had found it last year when Lily left us. But I did find it a few days before we had to give Hunny her angel wings and I am truly grateful for the kind and wonderful words that were offered. People here are wonderful. I wish I could have met some in person - I really could have used that hug in person.

So, I'm sending a hug your way.

Take care.

Lynette.

P.S.

This is Hunny in the picture. I have not been able to upload a photo of Lily. Lily was a gorgeous blond spaniel cross whom we rescued back in 2001. She died on the very same day that Izzy was surrended by a puppy mill. We rescued Izzy just ten days after Lily left us. I like to think that Lily gave up her place on this earth so that we could shower our love on another needy dog. Not that it makes things a whole lot easier, but Izzy is so precious to us - I could not imagine life without her now. Maybe things happen for a reason!!! Who knows?

This is Lily.

Hi, Lynette. Thank you for sharing your wonderful photos of Lily and Hunny. How beautiful and precious! I can sense their loving and eager personalities in their photos.

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you sharing.....and no, this is not just about me here. We must all share and help each other. You helped me with your post because it helps me realize that I am not alone in this and that people can and do move forward with their lives after such sudden loss.

You know a lot about how I feel. I felt powerless, helpless, responsible. Watching her die before my eyes without being able to help her was the worst possible thing.

What did you do to process this and come out on the other end? I've been trying to remind myself that Britney is now happier than she ever was here on earth. I hope to someday see her again.

Thank you for writing.

I have to head out for a few hours, but was just reading something on guilt. It appears that I am suffering from "imagined guilt" according to this blog I found at: http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/quips...our-pets-death/

I am going to keep reminding myself that this guilt and questioning that keeps creeping back in is a destructive force on my path to healing that I need to bash out of the way. I know I was a good doggie mom. We took excellent care of her and gave her all of our love and affection, were always gentle with her, and tried to enrich her life experience with fun and new activities.

I'm pasting the article here so I can read it along with everyone else's input. Maybe it will help someone else too.

I just have to say --- I must have a very strong imagination. Plus a strong need to be in control (but my husband already knew that!) ;-) Just trying to perk myself up here.

I'm also arrogant, as nearly all humans are (especially us Americans), thinking we can control everything that happens. We can control a lot of things, but not everything.

Okay, now if only I could keep this fleeting feeling of strength and clarity with me all day!


Here it is:
4 Ways to Cope With the Guilt of Your Pet’s Death

1. Remember that it’s normal to feel guilty. Whether your guilt is real or imagined, know that it is a normal grief reaction. Even the most “innocent” of pet owners feel guilty about the death of their dog or cat. I cringe when I recall how angry I was at my beloved cat, Zoey, for scratching the basement door (I didn’t realize the door to her litter box was shut tight, and she couldn’t get in). That was over 12 years ago, and I still feel guilty! Some pet owners feel guilty about their cat or dog’s death - or how they treated the pet while alive.

2. Identify “real” guilt. Real guilt may spring from your feelings that you neglected your dog or cat’s annual vaccinations, daily food intake, exercise habits, and “quality time” with you. If you’re struggling with real guilt, remember that you had reasons for doing what you did. The stress of money, work, kids, marriage, and daily life may have taken precedence over how you treated your pet. Maybe you didn’t make the best choices. Dealing with the guilt of your pet’s death involves accepting that you wish you would’ve done things differently - and talking this through with your family, friends, or loved ones.

3. Remember what you did right. Your dog or cat loved you beyond all reason - so you must have done something right! How did you love and take care of your pet? Balance your real guilt with the real ways you loved your pet. You took good care of your dog or cat in many ways; don’t wave that away. Coping with pet loss isn’t just about mourning; it’s about cherishing the best parts of your life with your dog or cat.

4. Identify “imagined” guilt. Not recognizing that your Yorkie, ##apoo, or Siamese cat was ill doesn’t mean that you weren’t paying attention or taking good care of her! This is imagined guilt. Animals can’t always communicate their physical health; we can’t see inside their bodies and brains. If you’re dealing with imagined guilt because of your animal’s death, remember that sometimes illness or disease overcomes our dogs, cats, and other beloved pets…and there’s nothing we can do. This loss of control is a very painful part of life; unfortunately, it permeates everything we experience.

well then you keep on taking those big hugs from lucy and i whenever you need one all the way from california. how are you doing today? i was reading the posts and if i may, would like to offer you some advice: dont speed up the greiving process and dont expect it to be over from one day to the next. as someone who has lost many of her wonderful fur companions i can relate to how youre feeling. you want to be ok again because the pain is so deep. but you will go thru ups and downs. i lost my riley, freds little brother, over a year ago and i still lose my mind when i see pix of his sweet face. i have good days and bad days. with time, the good days overpower the bad. logic will take over and you will feel yourself getting better one day and the next logic goes out the window and we fall into that black hole again. but your britney does not want you to be unhappy and we must find a way to keep going. its not easy by any means. know that its ok to have bad days. you just lost britney. its going to take time. i love how you and your husband walk thru memory lane and remember the wonderful happy times that you had with her. keep doing that. and i love elains (petmum) advice to you: "you can hounour your beloved Britney by knowing that she loved & still does love you for everthing you did & for everything your tried to do to save her." so when you feel upset and the guilt tries to win, remember her words to you. words we should all live by. youre doing great britneys mom. i can assure you that britney is watching you and will always be with you...

you are in my prayers. may the lord continue to heal your pain and your sadness and give you peace.
patricia

lynette, than you for the kind words. i truly believe that our pets are a gift from god. and i also believe that our heavenly father misses them just as much as we do and when he calls them back into his kingdom, he rejoices. your hunny (what a beautiful dear one) and lily are there too. when they arrived at his feet, he embraced them and welcome them back into his arms. dont you ever for one minute think you are being disrespectul to your sweet lily. our dear ones are 100% love and all they know is how much we love them. so you keep hunny's ashes as long as you need to. i have all of mine still. dear lynette, i feel as though i should give you a big hug. i think you are needing one right about now. please know that my lucy sends one as well. and please write. there is no reason for us to hold this grief inside. the more we let it out, the easier the days become…and most importantly the more our pets smile from up above. they want us to be happy again. so please if youre having a bad day, know that we are here for you.

you are in my thoughts and prayers
patricia

Lynette.[/quote]

Hi again.

I don't know that I have made it through. When Lily died I cried all the time. It took a very long time to accept her death. I would cry all the way to work and back every day. But at the same time I had to deal with Hunny's cancer. There was two months of cleaning and bandaging her foot every single day - at least once a day. And last year was so wet here. Poor Hunny - she absolutely hated having to wear the bandages and the plastic bag to keep it dry. And she especially hated the collar. Hunny didn't have much time to grieve for her sister either because we decided that we couldn't lose Hunny either. She fought such a courageous battle. She seemed to be doing well for a few months and then we noticed the tumour growing again at Christmas time. I cried so many tears when we found out Hunny had cancer. I have no regrets with Hunny. And the thought of knowing that we would more than likely have to put her to sleep haunted me daily. I would play over and over in my mind what would happen. I've never had to go through this before so I didn't know how it "worked". I felt guilty for "planning" her final moments, but I just couldn't help myself. The day that we had to make the call, I cried non-stop all day. That's when I found this website. But I woke up on the actual day with a sense of calm or acceptance - I don't know what it was. I took Hunny for a walk that morning. I let her lead the way and we walked slowly. We got to the end of the road and she just stood there for a few minutes. Walking had become difficult for her because of her foot, she tried, but could never go too far. I remember thinking that she looked just so weary standing there. I think she was ready to meet Lily. I think she was only holding on for us and our other dogs.

I think it was just before Christmas sometime that I think I finally let Lily "go". It just popped into my head one day that "what if Lily was caught between worlds because she couldn't leave us yet, because I couldn't let her go?" I couldn't bear the thought that she could be trapped somewhere and not be happy. That's when I "let" her go. This might sound crazy, but I told her to fly to heaven, if she hadn't already. To be happy and healthy and to be with all of the other pets that I have lost over the years. She knew Bruno and Pooch would be waiting for her. I told her that we would be okay and that Hunny would be there soon. It wasn't until I did this that I was able to move on. I still cry for Lily - I am now. Writing this makes that emptiness in my heart seem even emptier. And I wish so much that I could see them again. I imagine that they are walking along the ditches and across the fields together - side by side - like they always did here on earth. I hope that they are happy together. And that both are healthy again.

A few days after Hunny left, I was walking our other dogs with my daughter when I said to her - "look, there's Hunny and Lily. Do you see them walking up ahead?" She looked for a few seconds, with a serious look on her face, then said no. That was a sad moment, for her not to see them. But I saw them (in my mind's eye I know). It was actually a very peaceful feeling to see that. Knowing that they are both together again. And happy and healthy.

I guess time is the answer. It just takes time. Time doesn't stop for anyone unfortunately. And I miss both of them so much that it still hurts. But there is nothing I can do and I am just grateful that I have other furbabies to love. I can talk about Hunny and Lily sometimes without crying - sometimes. I know there will come a time when the memories will all be good ones. But for now, all I can do - or any of us - is to just take it one day at a time.

I know I'm rambling again. But it is getting easier. It's not often that I cry all the way to and from work anymore, just for a few minutes at a time now. Anyway, I hope that you can find some peace soon. After the guilt comes the longing and the aching for them. That one lasts a very long time or at least it has for me. I still have that feeling. Sometimes, out of the blue it's just like a wave washes over you and you have such an empty longing for them. That's the saddest and the hardest part I think. Cos you know they can never come back. Sorry for telling you this, but this part I think hurts the most.

Anyway, I better go. Thanks for listening.

Hope to talk to you again soon.

Oh, honey. You didn't kill her. You took her for a walk. That's what people do for their dogs, they take them for walks. 85 degrees doesn't seem that hot to me. You don't even know if it was heat stroke or a heart attack or what. You couldn't predict it. You just went for a walk, that's all. People take their dogs for walks every day.

You did everything you could to save her. Not your fault she just could not be saved. Hard as it is to accept, it was just her time, that's all. It's not fair, and it hurts like hell, but there you have it.

How do you deal with it? Well, you grieve, and you cry, and you hold her blanket and smell her smell. You talk about it to people who can understand what you're going through, and you ignore all the people who try to tell you to get over it already. You take it minute by minute, that's all.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Magdalene

thinking of you right now britneysmom.
{{{HUG}}}

Lynette, thank you so much for sharing. Keep you've helped me feel so much better. Keep writing.......I'm praying that you feel better, too. Like you said, "It's getting easier."

Wow. Magdalene. Your words are powerful! "You didn't kill her. You took her for a walk. People take their dogs for walks every day." That is my mantra for today and any others days when guilt tries to creep back in.

Thank you so much for coming to my aid.

Hi, Petmum Elaine! I felt your hugs all yesterday when I was driving to get my ring. I felt so reassured.

Patricia, you are just so THERE for me. Your presence is very strong. THANK YOU for your advice about not trying to rush things. Yeah, I'm an impatient one. Two lessons I am learning the hard way -- be patient, and you can't control everything.

I'm just making a quick post here to let anyone reading this know that I am also starting a new thread on signs and messages from God and/or our deceased pets. I am sure there are several like that, but I'd love to start a new conversation on it.

Yesterday and the day before, I experienced 2 very powerful things that I believe were answers to prayerful requests I made to Him.

By the way, this morning, I woke up and didn't feel guilty. Sad and missing her, but not guilty. :-)

thats go great to hear! guilt is one of the hardest things to let go. One day i thought, "my fred and riley, they know how much i loved them and what i would do for them. im the one who is making myself so awful inside". its almost like a requirement isnt it? perhaps its because only when they leave us, do we understand the magnitude of the love that they gave us during their short and borrowed life with us. its bad enough our hearts are broken into a million pieces and now we add guilt to it? i realized that fred and riley want me to be happy again. and if i released the guilt, i would honor them in life and death. releasing guilt, not so easy, but you took your first step. and when you feel yourself backtracking, remember what everyone here has told you: you were nothing but a wonderful, caring and loving mom to britney. its so wonderful that even when they are not here, they continue to teach us so much. so much of my own life, i owe to all of my furry friends. they taught (and continue to teach) me to love wholly, patience, tolerance, and so much more. (lord knows i need the patience with lucy;) but although britney isnt here with you physically, she is still teaching you so much about yourself: she is teaching you to love and to forgive yourself. she wouldnt want anything else for you...
thats why i love all animals. they werent put here for decoration, they were put on this earth to teach us all a little something about love.

you are in my prayers always
patricia

so true Patricia
elaine

Hi,
I am sorry for your sudden loss. I know how painful that is. They're here and then they're gone. A huge punch to the gut reminding us how fragile life is. Then comes the guilt, the what if's...I am trying really hard to crawl out of this too. I have come along way since January. Here is something that helped me. Hopefully it can help you to. HOPEFULLY IT CAN HELP EVERYONE ELSE TOO! Please read: "Breaking the power of guilt," by Moria Anderson Allen, M.Ed. www.pet-loss.net/guilt.html

Hope all is well. It was not your fault. Mouses Mommy

Hi,
I am also one of those who feel very guilty for my dog's death.
I feel bad because my dog started to vomit and I didn't take him to the vet right away...
we thought he just ate too much. We wanted to wait a night and wait until the morning which was a HUGE mistake...
Had I just taken him in right then he would have been alive!! My husband event took the car to
get his stupid brother who was stuck while Ceaser was dying and sick because we thought he was just a little ill from eating too much!
Instead of rescuing his idiot brother , I should have rescued my dog instead!! I should have taken my dog in!
I am very very upset and I know how you feel about this...I know it isn't my fault nor yours...they go when they go...and there is a reason for it!
I still am NOT over it but I have wonderful support from Dottie!
Hang in there...