Some days are just so hard ,as time goes on you think your doing a bit better,not crying as much, able to function somewhat better,but then it hits you all over again .i felt a bit better i started to try to remember all the happy times i spent whit Jeannie ,then the other day i came home from the beach and just started crying so hard,and realized how its so not the same now .and how much i miss her, and how shes not here anymore ,it seems so long since the last time i seen her,yet it also seems like the other day,i stayed home and didn't want to really do much. my first summer with her not here, i watched the last tape i have of her and how she was trying so hard to get better that last day and it was so hard i cried,it brang me back to that nite when she passed away in my arms,something that if i live to be 117 i will never forget.mabey it was to early to look at the last pictures i took of her also,i want to remember the happy times and not always have a sigh or tears,but i find that it is more difficult then i thought.its almost like the longer you go trying to "move on " and not think about it so much ,the more the grief just bulids up and will hit you again hard.i have tears writing this now because how much i miss her and how things are just not the same anymore and all your left with is the thoughts of all the times you had whit them,and you try so hard to keep that close to you and try to smile and think about the happiness they gave you ,but it really is so hard and i hope as each day passes i am able to do that better ,did anybody els have a rebound with the grief also after you seemed to have been doing a bit better ?? a lot of people don't understand how this all feels but the people here do understand,this is the only place that i can talk about this and it helps THANKS JAY

my dear, it happens all the time. i am so blessed to have a wonderful little puppy but even now, i will have bad days where i will see a picture of fred and start sobbing. you cannot rush the grieving process. you will have good days and you will have bad days. its an emotional roller coaster. the smallest of things will trigger the waterworks. the other day i was cleaning out my purse and felt something in a hidden pocket and i pulled out one of freds insulin needles (new) i had forgotten i had placed it there to always carry him with me. every day still i look over to the hallway, and still expect to see his little face poking out to say hi momma. please be kind to yourself. its society that has conditioned us to feel bad for grieving over our furbabies. it if was a human that had passed away it would be ok to be grieving months a months later. well what a lot of people dont understand is that our babies are our family too. and we cant be expected to be ok a few weeks later. dear jay, its ok to grieve. you will continue to have good and bad days. eventually though, you will wake up one day and realize your crying days are over and then the happy memories will flood you. i promise you.

you are in my toughts and prayers
patricia

{{{HUGS}}} to u jay.
just remember to breathe out, a long slow breathe out, then a slow one in.....then just look around to get you back to the present moment, i found i needed to just ground myself literally. i felt all sorta outta control & that's scary, once i centred myself I was ok for a while, by a while I mean @ first it was minutes, then hours, then half a day...that's all I got to, we hve another companion who is a godsend though the loss of my Buddy is constantly with me, I'm still being patient & look forward to the day I can make it thru a whole day without feeling that ache when I think of my Buddy.

Prayers for you
elaine

Jay,
Hang in there my friend. What you are going through is normal and has happened to all of us more times than we can count. You loved Jeannie and she was every bit as much your family as your human family. When they are gone we are heartbroken, devastated, lost and even angry. You don't just get over that in a few weeks or months. Sammie died on the same day my mom died 6 years prior. I cry and have a very rough time each year on that day. That will never change. There are going to be many traditions that included Sammie that will go on without her and that will always make me sad that she's gone. We will miss them everyday that we are on this Earth but time does make it easier to cope. You just have to allow yourself to grieve on those bad days. It's ok Jay. It is necessary for your healing. Keep coming here and writing. Some days that is the ONLY thing that got me through. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Melanie

Thank you all so much for all your kind words and support.it really means so much to me,each day you try to heal a bit more as you go trough all the grief,but like you know some days are just so hard,i know exactly what you mean patricia how the slightest thing can seem to trigger,i was cleaning and i found jeannies food bowl she used to have as a kitten it was very emotional.some people also try to keep some things a certain way after there pets pass,ie leaving a toy they had in a certain spot,not throwing anything out that was associated with them etc ,it sorta gives the person some comfort in the aftermath of it all,i still have the little blanket that jeannie slept on and i still wont wash it not that its dirty ,but i feel if i do i sorta feel like im washing away the last of her where she sat, as silly as that sounds. i agree writing here does help melanie and its good that there is a place like this because again,not many people do understand this even some relatives of mine saying things like "your not over that yet ,come on " life goes on etc and things like that i also agree how society doesn't think of a pet passing as a significant thing,like grieving for them is childish or what not,they are part of the family and i still don't really undersatnd why many people dont realize this.did anybody els feel that you are alone in the all the grieving and that others even relatives just dont undersatnd how it all feels ?? i can say that only here people truly undersatnd how this all feels to go trough and im so thankful for that,as time goes on you can smile a bit more thinking about them,but there's always that empty feeling there in the back of it all and thats the hard part, THANKS JAY

Your life events with your llittler creature of God has me in tears.................Know that what you have been through is devastating, I'm still not good 3 weeks after losing my little Dancer..But realize she was with you when she passed, this is where she chose too be...With you....She loves you...I am allow myself to cry for my Tiny Dancer at least 1/2 hr per day...I did this when my Mom passed on..Its okay to grieve, its okay to cry..We are at a loss...We are not alone with these others on this site..(Thank You to all) My prayers too you and do allow yourself when the tears come, ley them come.....It doesn't matter the time of day but allow yourself this time..We all care and understand your grief.. Judith

Hi Jay

I am new to the site and want to say how sorry I am to read of your loss, I know how you feel as my cat Eastwood who I loved so much died in May from kidney failure, like your cat Jeannie he died with me in the house. My last memories of him are getting sick his eyes going wide and him trying to get up, he then let a little cry and died. I found him as a kitten and he was a beautiful black cat, had his little tricks and ways and always there to comfort me. I kept a clip of his hair also too have his basket but dont want to wash it out because his hair is still in it. Each morning I miss him so much because at this time he would burst in the door to say hello crying and then hop on to the bed....my door dosent open anymore in the morning :-( Crf is a non recoverable disease which is very common in older cats, but it can be treated too and many cats go on living years, my vet said there was no hope and recommend to put my cat to sleep, Eastwood was so full of life and a fighter how could I let this happen to him after all its just like giving up on him. So I decided to treat his symptoms, I dont think the vet was very happy about this. Some days Eastwood looked like he was going to get better then he would crash I gave him sq fluids at home, but it came to a point that he stopped eating, he was only a month into his failure when he lost lots of weight and couldnt walk anymore..this was a horrible last two days. I carried him out to his garden and let him lie on a pillow it started to rain and I cried as I watched him lie there not able to get in from the rain(Eastwood hated the rain) so I had to bring him in. People I find too dont seem to understand about how upsetting it can be when your little lifelong pet who gives unconditional love dies, I even think my vet thought I was being cruel to my cat keeping him alive( Eastwood was with me when the suggestion of putting him to sleep was made, he knew what was said and looked at me..I looked at him and said no way !!)..sometimes this upsets me and I hope I never hurt my pet, he loved me so much and I loved him. So I do send you lots of hugs over your cat Jeannie and let you know you are not alone its not nice to see your beloved friend die infront of you..but then again at least he was with you and you where together :-)), I hope too that Eastwood didnt think I hurt him in his last month alive because there was hope that he would live many cats have see http://www.felinecrf.org

In memory of my little black cat and beautiful friend for 13 years who I thank for all his love and I was blessed to be given this little soul on earth, I think of you each day and cry too Thank you Eastwood for being my pet :-) ***x

dear jay its so not silly not to wash the little blanket. my riley died on the same day that i was moving into a new apt (year and a half ago now) and i was so distraught. he had visited the new apartment only the day before, and only because i rushed him to the hospital and when they discharged him i brought him over to see the place. so when he passed the next day, well suffice to say it was horrible. i felt like so lost. where was his toy going to sit? where was his favorite spot? had he died a few days before the move i wouldnt have moved because i still need to see the places and spots where he loved to rest or play or eat... i scoured the moving boxes for a bit of his fur. i combed my clothes hoping that i could find a strand. i found one little strand. that strand is now taped down. i look and touch it often. if i had a little blanket, ( i threw everything out during the packing because my kitties were going to get brand new things for the brand new apt) i would keep it under my pillow and not wash it either.
yes youre right as time goes by we can smile again but there is always an empty little hole... when you get sad, try as hard as you can to turn it around and smile as you remember the wonderful times you had with jeannie. because jeannie would want you to be happy again...
you are in my prayers.
patricia

I still have my Buddy's smelly old collar & each time I think I shld wash it, I don't. I still like to smell his doggy smell, it reminds me of him.
I think it's perfectly normal to do these things. Either that or all of us here are crazy, well we all know that's not true, hehehe.
Go gently
elaine

My thoughts are with you Jay, as you struggle with your grief for Jeannie. My beloved Nicole died just over 7 months ago and there are still moments every day when I'm hit with a wave of pain for her. I wish you much peace and comfort.

Catnip, my heart goes out to you as well, in your loss of Eastwood. All the best to you.

Thank you and may i say how very sorry i am that you went trough that catnip,please give yourself time over that,i do hope that you start to feel better and know that the people here know how all this feels and are so warm and supportive,i feel that you did the right thing trying to treat him,beacuse there was still some time left at the start, crf is a very hard illness to regenozie,buy the time you do notice symptoms over 80% of there kidneys stop working one day they will seem fine and the next they can crash,a lot of cats can live a long time on the fulids,but its just buying time,thats what happen to jeannie,she came home doing great and in a matter of days,got totally worse ,could barely walk and stopped eating,and got so skinny it completely broke my heart to seee her like that.please don't blame your self ,we all do what we think is the best for our pets and try our best to give them a happy and wonderful life ,be well and thank you again.

hi patricia .that sounds so hard that you went trough that ,im so sorry,moving in it self takes time to get adjusted to,even more harder with the passing of your beloved riley we all try to cling on too whatever we have left of them,a toy ,a piece of fur like you have,etc and it does seem to give us some comfort after there passing, i agree they would want us to be happy and not sad all the time over them,a work in progress though, hoping that will be able to smile and think of all the happy times,and not have that sadness after it ,but as you said there will always be that empty little hole because of how much we loved and cared for them and how much joy they bring to our lifes ,when so many other things don't ,they truly do touch our hearts like nothing els,i try to take it day by day and . thanks again and be well

dancer and elaine thank you,and 3 weeks is still so hard,do give your self time ,time to cry and time to gerive like you said ,we have to do that for some it may take longer,its a constant thing and you try to work trough it but talking here does help
nicole'smom thank you and i hope you doing better 7 months is still fresh the first year i feel is hard beacuse its the first year without them,i sure know what you mean when thouse waves hit ,thanks.

Thanks for that Jay, hope you are feeling a bit better because as you said we all know here what it is like to go through the death of our little companions. But its only natural I suppose to think what if? should I have did this or that? I had to see the very same things as you with Eastood, loosing so much weight..he used to go up the stairs to sleep on the bed when he was sick, but as the days went on it got harder for him to climb them, so sad to see him try. I also think maybe he didnt want to see me as much during his last days as he was ill and just wanted to sleep, I would wake him up and give him subq..his last day he cried when he was getting his fluids...I think I was hurting him..which I am sooo sorry, its something I can never forget. He had the most amazing love for me but our last days together I dont know if he became afraid of me, did he think I was hurting him? So I dont really know, but one thing is that the days are not the same anymore and I am not looking forward to the short winter nights, Eastwood wont be there curled up in his basket :-(( I hope time helps out for you too Jay..we loved our little pets I too have some of his fur and I am glad Patricia got to find some fur of her little Riely to keep, and to everyone else Nicolesmum dancer etc it shows your love for your pets otherwise you wouldnt have been here talking about them. Eastwood died with me there Jay just like Jeannie with you, its good to know thats the last face they seen was their best friend :-))

Hi... well its now a year since Jeannie passed away and its like at times i still cant believe it,things are still hard from time to time. im able to think a bit more of the happy times ,then her last days and how overwhelming it was But i still miss her so much,more then words can even describe,i know she's in a better place now, but i still have moments where i will still cry over her, and at times angry,beacuse so many things still remind me of her,like in the summer when it gets hot how she would sit on the window sill or the part of the carpet where the sun hits to be in the sun ,and like when putting up the Christmas the tree,how jeannie would always jump in the box ,then sleep under the tree when it was all set up,Things like that, little routines we used to have, it just gets you sad that she's not here anymore doing all those things that she used to do,and to see all those spots where she used to sit. I finally got a new kitten and that's something that helped, although l know it can never replace jeannie,, a new cat will bring new times to share, and i really think that Jeannie is now watching over us., now my other cat buddy has a friend to play with again,they get along very well.Her name is Mindy.shes so cute and very playful,shes a calcio/tiger mix .I got her at the animal shelter when she was 2 months old.The minute i looked at her i know that she was the kitten i would be commig with, i wanted to post this about 7 months ago to update how things have been,but i was so busy talking care of the new kitten,and sometimes its hard to write about jeannie not here anymore,so i figured i do it at a year.I just wanted to thank you all for your support and caring at a time when i was so devastated and upset about jeannie passing away,i still have yet to open the box her ashes are in, its still in her fav spot on the couch. She will always be my heart as i continue on,and i know that the day will come where we will meet again. When our pets pass on i don't think we really ever "get over it" it just stays with us as we continue on,but i try to think of all the great times and try to smile about them i know that Jeannie would have wanted that. Thanks JAY

Hi Jay,

First I want to thank you for your post on my own thread regarding the loss of my precious Gabby. It was two weeks yesterday and although I don't cry as much I'm just not the same person I was. I may never be. I'm happy that you got a kitten. It will certainly help having a new life to take care of. One that will rely on you for food and affection and lots of love. Though Mindy will never replace Jeannie she will hopefully fill a small part of the void Jeannie left behind.

I read your posts from last year and it brought me to tears. It reminds me so much of Gabby's decline. There's such an unbearable sadness that follows. Day by day, that's what my mother tells me. But I know that like you I will probably never get over this loss, not completely. Part of me doesn't want to though. It seems that with time and distance her memory will fade and the closeness I shared with her along with it. Maybe holding on to the grief, having it interrupt us from time to time, despite it being so difficult to face, is a way for us to hold onto that bond we shared. Maybe that's not the best way to look at it. I'm not sure. I guess time will tell.

Take care,

John

Thank you ,I thought now that its been a year i would have gotten over it but i still have times where it just hits back hard again,i know what you mean on how now the only bond we have with them now is that is that grief,and as time goes on you think that it will be a distant memory,and you don't want to forget them ever.But i know that we will never forget them ,the bond of caring and the love we have for them was so strong it will always be a part of us that's how i try to think of it.I still have her toys and her blanket and her last bag of fluids and and ivs,its like i don't want to let go of it,I guess everybody has there own pace. I never really though it would be that hard to get over it , taking each day at a time, but it indeed still hurts, that we cant still have them here with us,i just try so hard to think of all the good times ,and think that they would have wanted that. Thanks again,Jay

Hi, Jay, the one year anniversary is a hard one. It's a year of firsts without the physical presence of our beloved companions with us on this side of eternity, and still nothing seems to be right BECAUSE the physical presence of our precious one is not here with us.

Jay, contrary to what society in general, and some people in our lives specifically, believes - - the goal of the grief journey is NOT to "forget" or "move beyond" our beloved companions. To try to do so is impossible, and it is reprehensible for anyone to encourage us to do so.

This grief journey is about trying to find a peace in our hearts that will help us to embrace the sweet Living Spirit of our beloved companions that will help us to focus on the good memories that we have of our journey together on this side of eternity and will give us the hope we need to proceed with our lives that will honor the love and dedication that our beloved companions shared with us - - and still share with us that is no longer dependent on the limitations of time and space on this side of eternity.

For me, I still have toys and leashes and collars out and about of my beloved furkids who are now in heaven's perfect garden. They do give me comfort, they are physical reminders that I can hold in my hand and close to my heart that keep their presence real for me, and - - I would also like to think that they provide a welcome atmosphere for my furkids to know that this is still their earthly home - - that their sweet Living Spirits are always welcome here.

But this is what works for me. Each of us need to find the "place" that gives us comfort, and that's part of what this grief journey is about. Hopefully as we share with each other what works for us it can be helpful to others who are seeking ways to help them in their grief journey.

Jay, I hope this is being a good day for you, and that you know Jeannie is still with you as she always has been. Please know that you can ALWAYS come here to share with us about your precious Jeannie. And I know she is so glad that you have Buddy and Mindy. And yes, I do believe our beloved companions do influence the "matchmaking" process from their heavenly home. They may not be physically with us - - but they are still very much a part of us - - always and forever.

Jay, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please do let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam