My gosh. I find myself very haunted and perhaps disturbed by that video. So, I went back and made another comment. Unfortunately, you're very limited as to how much you can say in one comment so I used phrases and still didn't say all I wished to express. Well, now there are two comments and they're both from me. The second comment I made utilizing phrases is as follows ...

"Hi, I'm back. This video is very symbolic and interpretation is left to the viewer. No beak so no voice. First starts slowly flapping wings. To get attention? It doesn't work. Then the bird dances frantically holding that exclamation point as if to say, "Hear Me!" But, hear what? A cry for help? A pretty melody? Finally, musical notes flow silently from the exclamation point. First soft colors but the last 2 notes are red then blue. I get it!

An award winning film!

Always,
Angel xoxoxox"

It's me talking again. I sure do hope and pray that I can get that "short film" out of my mind. It's just that I really do see my Most Cherished Feather Child Alex when I view or even think about that video. Is Alex really murdered or is he somewhere crying out to me, "Mama! Mama! What are you doin'?! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Then he cried when he was sad or depressed. Yes, he said all of the above and cried making sounds just like a human as tears roll down his sweet face ...

This is torture to me. I ... Am ... Serious. This gawd awful guilt, pain, grief, horror and devastation is flooding right back into every corpuscle, neuron, cell, DNA strand and gene of my body ...

I could have stopped any and all of this from happening! Look up "moron" in the dictionary and you'll find my photograph. Alex, I am so sorry! Please forgive me! God, please forgive me! Please, what happened to my Precious Baby Boy?

Okay ... Gonna go and try to calm down before I have the big time stroke. After all, I do have unfinished business. Yes, I was an imbecile. Still, Alex was betrayed (as well as myself) by those having authority and management of this home association.

Alex, you will have earthly Justice!!! I promise you!!!

I Love You And Miss You Sooooo Much!!!

Eternally, Your Loving Mama Dottie xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

PS. To anyone who may be reading this: Thank you very much for allowing me to vent.
I'll be fine so please don't fret. Honest. Hugs!

Hi Precious Angel Alex! Guess what? Your Mama actually got some sleep last night after four days of not even a nap. About five to six hours of full, uninterrupted sleep. Woo Hoo! There's a very important message I want to give you today, my Sweet Angel. Yep, it's in song but I already knew the song I wished to tell you. It took going through several videos because the messages on the one I finally chose appear on each awesome, breathtaking scene. Oh, Alex. I sure do wish you could read but I imagine that would have been either impossible or have taken me far too many hours each day to teach you. Besides, I'll bet my eye tooth you wouldn't have shown any interest in learning to read. LOL! Then again, I could very well be wrong because you sure did pick up a lot on your own from observing other people, the TV, computer and so much more. Little Baby boy, you were Amazing! Astonishing! Astounding! I am so Very Blessed to have been your Mama!

Well, I know you've never heard this song before and I just know you'll love it! I hope you also love the images I chose as they do fit this song so well accompanying each and every message and as well as the lyrics on all the magnificent photos throughout this film. Most Cherished Feather Clild Alex, Enjoy and Celebrate!

SWEET MARY, MOTHER OF GOD, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH MORE PAIN, GRIEF, HORROR, GUILT AND DEVASTATION I WILL BE HUMANLY CAPABLE OF BEARING BEFORE THE GUYS WITH WHITE COATS AND STRAIGHT JACKETS PUMP ME FULL OF ESKALITH AND HALL ME OFF TO THAT PADDED CELL. I ... AM ... SERIOUS.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I AM SO GRATEFUL TO GOD FOR ALL HERE AT LS WHOSE SUPPORT, LOVE, KINDNESS, COMPASSION AND GENTLE GUIDING HAND SERVE AS MY BEACON OF HOPE FOR A BETTER DAY. I'M ALSO TRULY AMAZED AT HOW I'M ABLE TO PUT ON THAT HAPPY FACE. ANGELS REALLY DO BREATHE!!! WHATEVER WOULD I DO WITHOUT ALL THESE ANGELS YOU'VE SENT TO ME?

I AM SO VERY BLESSED!!! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!!

MOST BELOVED ANGEL FEATHER CHILD ALEX, PLEASE NEVER FORGET THE FOLLOWING ...



I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!

OODLES AND BOODLES OF BIG BIRDIE KISSES TO YOU, PRECIOUS BABY BOY ALEX!!!!!

ETERNALLY, YOUR LOVING MAMA DOTTIE xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Dearest baby boy Alex, damn those three monsters to Hades for all eternity and longer. I pray with all my soul that God will forgive me feeling this way and I sure do greatly fear my just punishment from Him when that time comes. Please forgive me, God!

This is so terrifying to me since I have never in my life come this close to hating anyone and oh, what has been done to me in the past on several occasions is positively unspeakable. Word to your mama. It's just that this time, it was done to you, Precious Alex. So very loving, compassionate, trusting with such a kind and gentle mind. You did not deserve what was done to you! You did not!

I cannot even begin to express with mere words how gawd awful terrible I feel that I didn't stop this all from happening. Please forgive me my Darling, Immortal Beloved Feather Child!

God's many Blessings to all of you and your Most Cherished Fur and Feather Babies.

I Wish you Peace!!!

MY MOST PRECIOUS FEATHER CHILD ALEX. LOOK WHAT I FOUND ...

http://images.google.com/images?gbv=2&...=20&ndsp=20
THIRD ROW SECOND IMAGE
SEE WHAT IT SAYS ...
"I Am Your Angel!"

http://images.google.com/images?gbv=2&...=20&ndsp=20
THIRD ROW SECOND IMAGE
SEE WHAT IT SAYS ...
"Alex, I Shall Love You Eternally"

http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&...mp;aq=f&oq=
FIRST ROW FIRST IMAGE
SEE WHAT IT SAYS ...
"God Bless You Most Abundantly"

http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&...mp;aq=f&oq=
FIRST ROW FIRST IMAGE
LOOK WHAT IT SAYS ...
"Always Your Loving Mama Dottie ..."

THIRD ROW SECOND IMAGE, TOO
A GLITTER CHILD FAIRY PETTING A BUNNY
"Dottie xoxoxox"

http://images.google.com/images?gbv=2&...=20&ndsp=20
FIRST ROW SECOND IMAGE OF THE RAINBOW BRIDGE
SEE WHAT IT SAYS ...
"Always Your Loving Mama, Dottie ..."

AND THIRD ROW SECOND IMAGE
ANIMATED GOLD ORCHID AND BUTTERFLY
"Always Your Loving Mama, Dottie ..."

OH MY GOSH!!!
http://images.google.com/images?gbv=2&...=80&ndsp=20
THE ANGEL IMAGE I MADE END INSERTED TEXT
"Alex, I Shall Love You Eternally"

http://images.google.com/images?gbv=2&...mp;aq=f&oq=
OH MY GOSH! ALL 5 PAGES!
LOTS OF LS PEOPLE HERE.
BUDDY DOG AND STYX KITTY, TOO.

SEE YOU THERE SWEET BABY BOY ALEX. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!



ALWAYS, YOUR LOVING MAMA, DOTTIE xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Hi Dottie, I still can't view the videos, but know in my heart how touching they are. I was reading your last few post to and about Alex. I'm crying right now typing this. Not really sure what to say to make you feel any better except you can't blame yourself for what happened, you just can't. I hope and pray with all my might you find the answers and get the justice your looking for. Hugs to you and Alex....Ann

{{{{{{{Ann}}}}}}} Thank you so very much for your kindness and concern. Hugs!!!



Lotsa Love,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hi Dottie

I'm so sorry to see the pain you are in.

But you were and are NOT either an imbecile or a moron. HOW could you have known? You couldn't have. What those people did was cold and heartless, and we expect better than that from most humans. That's like me thinking I was a dope for buying into x-h's "nurturing behaviour" when I realize in fact he should have received an Academy Award for his persuasive acting performance. You trusted these people, and they betrayed you. Trust is a good thing, betrayal is not. That's like that fateful day that Ziggy went just outside the door and was shot. Who would expect these actions from humans, who we would expect to behave somewhat like ourselves? You could never do this to someone, so you don't expect someone else to do it to you or to your pets. This was NOT your fault. You had absolutely no idea this would happen. There were morons and imbeciles involved, but trust me, you were not one of them.

Alex would not want you to take on this burden, so for his sake, please take care of you. I know the pain can be sooo intense that sometimes it feels too much. But it will pass and there will be better days. Don't get me wrong, you will never forget Alex, and he will never forget you. It drives me nuts when I talk about x-h's daughter and how bad I feel about what's happened to her through her dad's choices and people say stuff like: "You need to let go." I don't WANT to let go. I spent 3 years trying to bond with her, and I actually DO care what happens to her, even though she hates me guts. Letting go is not an option. For me it is about surviving in the best way possible. Knowing the injustice, knowing the betrayal, knowing the harm and the loss of trust etc etc etc - this was NOT your fault. For me it is about how can I make the most of the rest of my earth experience knowing all these things are true. You are bonded and connected forever, regardless of whether Alex is here on the earth plane or has passed to spirit. Alex knows you love him and would never do this to him. I believe that animals are much more psychic than we are and they sense feelings and intentions much better than we do.

Interestingly my dog Chance, once got aggressive towards x-h. This was sometime late fall or winter in 2007. It was seemingly out of the blue. The weird thing is that I dreamt about Chance being aggressive to someone just before this happened. At the time I didn't understand why he did this. Now I think Chance sensed things going on with x-h, that I didn't. x-h said at the counselling session (the one and only session, where he broke up with me) that his feelings for me had started to change after his heart operation. (Actually he said "we" were drifting apart, but funnily enough forgot to mention that to me as he carried on with his stellar "nurturing husband" performance.) But when I think about it, it was after that time that Chance got out of the blue growly and snappish with him. Chance never really respected x-h and I sensed a competitive feeling. But now I think Chance was picking up x-h's energy towards me! Animals are experts at reading energy - they are natural psychics.

So the only thing I can offer you, is that whatever thoughts you send to Alex, know that they are heard, if not by Alex in the physical form, by his soul. I think of this with my Zita who went missing. I've been thinking about her a lot since Zeus had the blockage. For some reason Zita never has shown up in my dreams. I've had 2 dreams of Ziggy, lots of my old Merlin, but Zita for some reason hasn't shown up. I still miss her, always will.

I know your heart is broken and I deeply empathize. I've had some really low days and in those moments I try to play music I like and just focus on breathing. Just breathing in and out and letting my mind be blank. In some ways this state puts me into an "I don't give a sh*t about anything" state of mind, but in that state I actually then realize that if nothing matters that much, then why not try everything and do everything? Then if it *does* make a difference, well who knows. I don't mean trying to resolve what happened to Alex. You can only do so much with that without going crazy. - I know because I'm dealing with a separation agreement and I could let the whole process destroy me if I didn't give myself ample time to "not" deal with it. I'd actually rather do my weeding and my book-keeping, or pick up the dog poo outside. There are way more things I'd rather do than have to deal with x-h. So sometimes I just don't deal with it. I give myself permission to take a break.

This grief thing, especially when accompanied by betrayal is so, so difficult.

Here are some links I found for myself last night, maybe they'll help you:

I know you practice EFT sometimes so here is one...

EFT for betrayal

Here is another I found:

Self Help Energy Techniques for Betrayal

Take care Dottie and keep in touch!

I'm sorry for not being there for you more as you've so often been such a great source of encouragement for me.

Sending you much love and healing....

Jan.

Dearest baby boy Angel Alex, I simply cannot turn off my PC and lie down before I let you know that come what may, I will Love you until my dying day.

Many Big Birdie Kisses to you, my Precious Angel Feather Child!!!

{{{{{Jan}}}}} Thank you so much for sharing, comforting me and providing those links. Bless you!!! Here's my response and it goes out to both you and Alex. You've seen and heard Josh Groban sing this but I don't know if you've heard Celtic Woman perform You Raise Me Up. It is awesome and look at all those birds in flight along with the other magnificent scenes. The three Roses in the video are for you. Hugs!!!

Please Click on the Glittering Gold Heart



"You Raise Me Up"

When I am down and oh my soul so weary.
When troubles come and my heart burdened be.
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence.
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains!
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas!
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up ... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains!
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas!
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

There is no life ... No life without its hunger.
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly.
But when you come and I am filled with wonder.
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains!
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas!
I am strong when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up ... To more than I can be.

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains!
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas!
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up ... To more than I can be.

You raise me up ... To more than I can be.



Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Wow Dottie

That is a beautiful rendition of the song. Since my computer got a virus lots of my music is scrambled so I'm looking forward to getting things set up again and this song with be on the list of "inspirational songs". Thank you!

Also here is a song for you (it will be on the "inspirational songs" list for me too!)

It's called "Just for Now by Imogen Heap"

Just for Now - Imogen Heap

I hope it gives you the same hope that it does me...

Jan.

{{{{{Jan}}}}} That is awesome! Hugs!!! Right back atcha and this is to both you and Alex. I love it so very much and hope you will, too.

"Just a Bird"

From time to time people tell me, "Lighten up. It's just a bird." Or, "That's a lot of money for just a bird."

They don't understand the distance traveled, the time spent, or the costs involved for "just a bird."

Some of my proudest moments have come about with "just a bird."

Many hours have passed and my only company was "just a bird." But, I did not once feel slighted.

Some of my saddest moments have been brought about by "just a bird" and in those days of darkness the gentle touch of "just a bird" gave me comfort and reason to overcome the day.

If you too think it's "just a bird,"
Then you will probably understand phases like:
"Just a friend, "
"Just a sunrise, "
Or "Just a promise."

"Just a bird" brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust and pure unbridled joy.

"Just a bird" brings out the compassion and patience that make me a better person.

Because of "just a bird," I will rise early and look longingly to the future.

So, for me and folks like me it's not "just a bird" but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future, the fond memories of the past and the pure joy of the moment.

"Just a bird" brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries of the day.

I hope that someday they can understand that it's not "just a bird." But, it is the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being "just a human."

So the next time you hear the phrase "just a bird," just smile because they ...

... "just don't understand."



author unknown

truly inspiring Dottie thank you so much
elaine

You're very welcome, Elaine and Blessings. Ya know, you can take out the word/species "bird" and replace it with doggie, kitty, bunny, rat, iguana, goldfish and so on. It's the same and I feel your own loss so acutely. I sure wish I could tell you when you'll start to begin to see the light of hope at the end of the tunnel. However, as you know, it's different for each of us and there are many, many reasons for that ...

I don't know if you've done much research or reading in the "Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles." There's a wealth of information there. I'll give you a few direct links to specific posted articles and Websites in that part of LS Support board which validate all you're experiencing and will hopefully guide you to a healing path. This way you don't have to hunt them up ...

Your Fur Child Loss Devastation - You Are Not Going "Insane" - Emotions and Behavior Caused By Pet Loss
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=4893

'Light A Candle' Online - It Is Free Please Read And I Send Love To All
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=4662

A Place For Us - Why They're Not Really "Gone" - By Terri Onorato
(Then click on "A Place For Us" once you've click this link.)
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=5237

How To Heal When You Have Lost A Pet, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Healing Sessions
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=4814

The following are not in that area, but in case you have small children or know people who are suffering a terrible fur kid loss who do have children, you can share this very helpful information with them ...

Children and Pet Loss
http://www.aplb.org/services/children.html

Explaining Pet Loss to Children: Six Do's and Don'ts
http://www.petplace.com/dogs/explaining-pe...n-ts/page1.aspx
(REMEMBER TO CLICK ON PAGE TWO AT THE BOTTOM)

Helping Children Deal with the Loss of a Pet
http://vetmedicine.about.com/od/lossandgri...LossAndKids.htm
(REMEMBER TO CLICK ON PAGE TWO AT THE BOTTOM)

Sweet Elaine, perhaps you're familiar with a song called Mr. Bojangles. It's a pretty happy song but I always cry so hard when it gets to this part: "He told me of the time he worked with Minstrel shows traveling throughout the South. He spoke with tears of fifteen years how his dog and he ... They would travel about. But his dog up and died. He up and died. And after twenty years he still grieved."

We dearly love each and every fur and feather kid with which we've been blessed. It's just that one always leaves far deeper footprints in our hearts. The first link above that I provided to you will explain why this is so.

Please know you and your precious Angel fur child remain in my thoughts and prayers.

I Wish You Peace!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

That line has always gripped me since I was a kid. Hey!! were back ...........at least for now.......What's shakin'...........Bubba.........

more tears so beautiful, i've always cried @ that exact part in the song, & until u put the words up here, I had purposely not thought of that song, tho now i've read them i hve a completely different way to feel when I hear that song,
I will check out the websites thx so much Dottie
elaine

HI BUBBA! I'VE MISSED YOU SOOOOO MUCH! HOW'S CHILLY GIRL DOING? AND LILY? AS FOR ME, I DON'T WANNA SAY WHAT'S SHAKIN' CUZ YA KNOW HOW I CANNOT BEAR TO BE PITIED. OH, I KNOW YOU WOULDN'T DO THAT BUT OTHERS READ HERE, TOO. JUST TAKE IT AS A CLUE THAT I'M STILL TYPING WITH MY RIGHT HAND AND IT'S GONNA STAY THAT WAY. HAPPY, HAPPY, JOY, JOY. MORE DEVELOPMENT'S HAPPENING ALSO ... BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT CONTAGIOUS.

DONTCHA JUST LOVE HOW EVERY CLOUD HAS A SILVER LINING? YEAH RIGHT, AND MY ARSE IS A BANJO. WELL, AT LEAST I WEAR MY HAPPY FACE AND YOU SURE KNOW HOW THAT GOES. BARRRUUUMMMPPP PUM! *GRIN*

BIG HUGS AND LOVE TO YOU, YOUR DEAR WIFE, LILY, CHILLY AND, OF COURSE WILLY!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

EDIT: HEY BUBBA, I ALMOST FORGOT. THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU AND DO SO HOPE IT BRINGS YOU AT LEAST SOME SMALL COMFORT AS IT DOES FOR ME. PLEASE SEE MY POST #320 ON PAGE 16 OF THIS THREAD. IT MADE ME THINK OF YOU AND WILLY.
I EVEN MENTIONED YOUR NAME WHEN WRITING TO ALEX AS YOU'LL SEE. PLEASE KNOW THAT YOU, YOUR SWEET WIFE, LILY, CHILLY AND OF COURSE WILLY REMAIN IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS. YOU'RE A WONDERFUL PERSON, BUBBA!!! NEVER FORGET THAT OR "I WILL FIND YOU AND I WILL HURT YOU!" THAT'S A LINE THAT BILLY CRYSTAL KEEPS REPEATING IN A SUPER FUNNY COMEDY SKIT AND I LOVE IT. I THOUGHT I'D BETTER TELL YOU SO YOU WON'T WORRY ABOUT ME HUNTING YOU DOWN AND SMACKING YOU SILLY. SO FRET NOT, MY DEAR PAL. LOL. MORE HUGS!!!

{{{{{ELAINE}}}}} HERE YA GO >>> AND THERE'S PLENTY MORE TO GO AROUND, HON. I SO WISH THAT I COULD REACH THROUGH THIS PC MONITOR TO HUG YOU AND WE COULD CRY TOGETHER. PLEASE KEEP COMING BACK TO SHARE WHENEVER YOU'RE ABLE.

IT'S SO DIFFICULT TO SPILL YOUR GUTS WHEN YOU'RE CRYING SO HARD THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE THE KEY PAD TO TYPE. BUT, YA JUST GOTTA GET IT OUT AND YOU'VE FOUND THE PERFECT PLACE TO EXPRESS YOUR PALPABLE PAIN. PLEASE KNOW WE ALL CARE SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE EXPERIENCING. IF WE CAN'T FIGURE OUT A WAY TO OFFER SOME SMALL COMFORT, PLEASE KNOW THAT WE HEAR YOU. WE FEEL YOU. AND WE CARE, DEAR ONE.

SO, TALK AS MUCH AS YOU CAN ABOUT ANY TEARS, FEARS, DEVASTATION BECAUSE IT SURE HELPS TO GET OUT THOSE GAWD AWFUL FEELINGS ESPECIALLY TO THOSE WHO EMPATHIZE ... WE ARE HERE FOR YOU, ELAINE!

MANY BIG COMFORTING HUGS!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox