As most of you know I lost my Sammie girl, a black and white sheltie who was 3 1/2 years old exactly 18 days ago. The past few weeks have been the most difficult of my life since my mom died 6 years ago on the same day, June 5th. In some ways this was harder for me. Maybe it was the shock of coming home from vacation and finding out she had died and hadn't been sick or maybe it was the fact I've never felt or given a love like that. I've cried, screamed, sobbed, hyperventilated, threw up, yelled at my family, drank too much a few nights, took Ambien to sleep, put her collar under my pillow, put pictures everywhere around my house and I write letters to her in my journal. I also ordered her a marble headstone and they are etching her picture in it. Her grave site has beautiful stones around it and flowers. I can now make it through the day without crying. Somehow I feel guilty about not crying as if I've moved on and that's not right. I think I feared moving on as if it might mean I loved her less or stopped loving her. Rediculous!!!! That's just the grief talking. Most friends don't understand but you all do and I am so thankful for each and everyone of you that has helped me through the past 18 days.

I now have a dilemna that I know will come with very different advice but I want to write about it anyway if for no other reason than it seems to give me some peace to put my feelings down. Two of my kids came to me early last week and said they wanted to get another puppy. I was MAD, whew was I mad at them. They let me rant and rave for awhile and this is what my quiet, reserved 12 year old said to me. "Nothing will bring Sammie back. She loved you and she loved us and she knew how much we loved her. Sammie would be hurt if she knew how sad you were. She always wanted to make you happy". At that point I was sobbing pretty hard. My other 12 year old who is very outspoken said, "Mom, you need another dog to love. It won't replace Sammie. The new dog will be different and you will love her because that's what you do, you love animals". They begged me to think about it and I told them I would. The very next day, my friend, the one who Sammie was with when she died, told me she found us a puppy on puppyfind.com. In fact, she said she found litter mates, girls. I yelled at her a bit too. Then she told me that she's know me for 20 years and when she lost her sheltie a few years ago the only thing that helped her get through it was having her other sheltie to love. She thinks I need that too. So, then I called my dad and my brother and my other best friend and they all said they think I should.

I'm scared. What is I resent the dog(s) b/c they aren't as loving as Sammie or as smart or whatever? These puppies are also shelties, black, white and a little tan and remind me of Sammie so much. They come from a breeder in Alabama which is a few hours from me. I've talked to him and he is a wonderful man who's been doing this for 20 years because he loves the breed. My husband thinks that the puppies will be different enough in their personalities, size and stuff that I won't compare them to Sammie. I have to admit to you all I am excited about getting puppies but I am fearful and nervous all the same. Then I think will I stop mourning Sammie? Would she be happy that we are bringing new little ones into her house? A million thoughts are in my mind. The owner of the puppies said he would give me a few days to think about it and they wouldn't be ready until July 3rd.

What are you thoughts, everyone, the good, bad, anything. I'm really struggling. Thanks so much.

Just like our grief, let your heart help out here, I know what u mean about being fearful & nervous, I was like that just thinking what it wld be like to have a puppy again. You will make the right choice, just remember to breathe out then in in.....

youre probably sick and tired of hearing from me, but i feel compelled to respond. so i will i have to wonder if wonderful little sammie is behind all of this. it sounds like youve already opened yourself up just a little bit to these beautiful puppies. youre kids are absolutely right on in what they said especially the parts where they say sammie loved you and KNEW how much you loved her. its ok to be scared. you know my story with lucy. i was terrified. will you stop mourning? absolutely not. i cry for my fred every day. but like i mentioned before, then lucy steps in and licks my tears away and ill im left with is giggles as she stick her tongue up my nose and jumps on me and puts her little paws around my neck. its not easy! everyday (or i try to anyways) i log on and when i ready everyones stories, well, i cry right alongside with you. one thing is for sure, sammie does want you to be happy and i believe that fred is smiling from ear to ear everyday when he sees how much lucy means to me (and because everyday lucy reminds me how much fred was so lo maintenance). well, i wont continue to ramble, but i will finish by saying that although i dont believe that new babies will stop the grieving from one day to the next like we all wish it would, but they certainly help to heal. dont be afraid to love again. you have a wonderful heart, remember that and the new ones will never replace sammie (shes always with you), they will just be another chapter in your life. listen to your heart...
hugs,
patricia

beautiful words patricia, i sooo totally agree......

I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I went back and read your post and it is so sad to lose a dog always, but 3 1/2 years old is so very young. I lost my dog on April 20 to Heart Hemangiocarsacoma very suddenly and she was only 6 1/2 years old. I like you missed my dog Pepper so much I was crying for a week straight and in my case I was overwelmed with guilt for things that were not under my control but somehow I felt I could've stopped the whole thing from happening. On May 31 I got a new puppy, her name is Jessie. She is a beautiful Australian Shepherd and quite a handful. I had forgotten what it was like to have a puppy. I still miss Pepper, but I find that Jessie keeps the family very busy and we all love her very much. I was worried we might compare her to Pepper and feel guilty after getting her so soon. She has her own unique personalality very different from our other dogs and Pepper. We had a lot of love to give and this opportunity came about and the puppy is great. Everyone is different, but I find having a new puppy has been fun. I will always miss Pepper but Jessie needed a home and we had love to give. It sounds like your kids are ready to commit to a new puppy. The puppy has helped our house heal.

Dear Sammie Girl,

I was stunned when I read your message as it could have been written by me!! I lost my beautiful Dobie boy, Austin, on April 17th. I was out of town visitng my family when my husband had to call and tell me my baby had died while playing ball with him. He was only 7 years old! I screamed and cried, got sick and my sister had to pack my things and drive me 2 hours to get home so I could see my baby before he was cremated. It was 3:00 in the morning when I got to the Emergency Vet to see him. i was in so much pain I said repeatedly that it even hurt to breathe. there were times I thought I was having a heart attack my chest hurt so bad. The next couple of weeks passed in a blur of tears and Xanax. When I started having days where I actually didn't cry at least once I felt guilty. I didn't WANT to stop missing my boy because i had loved him so completely and totally he returned that love ten times over.

After a bout a month, I realized that not only did I miss Austin, but I also missed having a Doberman in the house. I missed the character traits that make them so special. They have a need to constantly be close to their people. People think they are big and scary, when in reality they are funny, sweet and gentle animals. I started scanning lists of potential breeders and found that most reputable breeders who had litters due soon also had them all spoken for before they even arrived. Then 2 weeks ago a breeder contacted me and said that she had given one of her previous female pups to a breeder friend in Canada and he had bred her with a beautiful male up there. The breeder in Virginia was going to Canada to bring back a female puppy from this litter and it just so happened there was a male who was not spoken for and would I be interested in having her bring him home for me? I was excited and terrified all at once. What if she brough him home and we didn't like him or he didn't like us? What if he didn't have the temperament I wanted in a dog? Anyway, she brought him home and we went to meet him2 weeks ago. I sat down on the back deck indian-style and she let the 2 puppies out. Bless, his heart - my little male IMMEDIATELY ran over to me, jumped in my lap, curled up and laid his head on my leg!! I fell in love immediately with my little Maximus! (Max) We are bringing him home from Virginia this Sunday and I am excited, but I so still worry - will I love him as I did Austin? Is it too soon? Will I constantly compare him to Austin? that wouldn't be fair to the little guy. All I know is that right now our home feels empty and lifeless and I just know in my heart that Max will change all that. My friends and family all agree that in getting another Dobe so soon I am not dishonoring Austin's memory but rather it's a tribute to how wonderful he was that I had to find another to love. By the way - Max was born on April 15th, just 2 days before Austin left me. If I am able to get the photo uploaded, check out the tan markings on Max's chest. Looks like 2 hearts!!

Follow your heart and whatever decision you make will be the right one for you. Please keep us posted.

Carol

Thank you so much. I think I'm coming to terms with the fact that I can love another dog or in this case 2 puppies. They are adorable and remind me of what Sammie looked like as a puppy. I think that on the bad days when I miss Sammie the most the puppies will help me get through it. Our home just feels lifeless and everyone has been sleeping a lot and doesn't seem to want to do anything. The more I sit and think about this I think they are all experiencing some forms of depression and don't even realize why. None of them are the type to talk about their 'feelings' like I am. I think it is like when you have 1 child and you just can't imagine loving another the same or as much. And even though your first child didn't go to Heaven you worry when you have your second how you will feel. Well duh, you love them as much but in different ways because they are different people. Sammie was my first dog. I had dogs growing up and my roommates had them in college but this was my dog. So, she will always be special and I will always wish she was here and I will always miss her. It will be years from now and I will still miss her. I want to share my heart with another animal and hope it will love me back just as much as Sammie did. I really appreciate you sharing your story and words of encouragement. It means the world to me.
Melanie

Carol,

I'm sorry I forgot to mention how beautiful your new baby dobe is. I love dobes too. My roommate had two when I was in college and they were the biggest, sweetest babies. They are very loving dogs. I am so happy this little boy came into your life. I think one heart on his chest represents his love for you and the other is the love of your baby who has gone to heaven. How cool.

Trulie,
First let me say how sorry I am about Pepper. What a wonderful name. And second let me say congratulations on your new baby Jessie. I really appreciate you taking the time to share how he came into your life and for your advice. I think my family needs these puppies more than they realize and ready or not I think they will make things enjoyable again. I don't think it will make my grief for Sammie go away but it will give me something to direct my attention to and love. I miss Sammie so much and I really miss having a dog around. They are the most wonderful creatures on Earth aren't they. It amazes me that I felt so much love from something that couldn't even speak my language. They are so intune with our emotions and wanting to make us happy. I miss that and puppies will definitely have a lot of love to share. Thanks again for your encouragement and support.

Patricia,

NO way am I tired of hearing from you. In fact, when the kids talked to me about getting another dog you and lucy were the first people I thought of. I remembered so vividly your description of Lucy coming into your life and how much joy she is bringing you. I think I'm ready to love another dog. I guess I was just worried I would somehow forget Sammie or love her less. Now, that I think about that it is really crazy. That's what grief does to me. I don't think clearly. Sammie was MY first dog. I've had many as a kid and my roommates had dogs in college but Sammie was my first dog, all mine. I will never love her less and these puppies will be different and I can love them too. I have enough love to go around. And when I cry like you, the puppies can lick my tears and make me feel better too. I realize that I will still cry and miss Sammie so so bad but missing her is never going to bring her back and I really want to share my life with a dog. I believe the dog's are the greatest creatures God made by far. I feel better about this now. Thank you so much, Patricia. Don't stop writing me . As soon as I get on here you are one of the first people I look for.

Melanie

what beautiful pic of Max i love the 2 hearts
thank you for sharing this with us, it helps me to be reminded that's it's ok to love another dog.......

well ok then. i can talk for days... im so happy tbat you are considering the new babies. i can "see" you smiling a little bit. and that is great. sammie LOVES that! you are so right. grief makes us think thoughts that we normally wouldnt. we tend to overthink, the whatifs begin, guilt sets in... well you know. but you are soooo right when you say that you will never forget sammy. because you never will. i dont know if ive told you this. i know ive told someone.... recently my mother found pictures of me when i was 6 and curled up next to me was my first kitty, tiger. i still cry so many many years later. i will never forget my first dogs jenny and chiquita, my cat brando that adopted us, my sweet riley that passed away last year and of course little fred. not to mention all the hamsters, gerbils, birds that i had when i was little all of them have a piece of my heart. with lucy i dont have the time to sit and cry, like sometimes i want to and need to, but when i have a minute, memories of my wonderful fred flood my mind aand i laugh and i cry. the point im trying to make is that i know that when i am 80 i will still remember all of my babies. but, i do understand. ive shared the same fears you are having but know that if i can do it, you can too. you gave me chills when you say that dogs are gods greatest creatures. i couldnt agree with you more. i believe all animals are gifts from god. its heartwrenching that they have to leave us sometimes much too soon but its a part of life, unfortunately.
you will always have the loving and happy memories that you shared with sammie (believe me, they will never go away, you may file them away for a bit here and then but when you want to pull them out, they will still be there) and now you will make new memories, learn with and teach your new little babies. those sweet little ones will have a WONDERFUL new home and a FANTASTIC and LOVING new mom. you all deserve it. above all, im so happy that you are on your way to recovery. recovery doesnt mean forgetting sammy, it just means smiling when you remember her.
i hope that today is a much better day and if it isnt, know that i am praying for you.
patricia

Hi Melanie, that is great to know that your feeling a bit better as the time goes after a while you wont cry as much as the start most likely for many, not beacuse you moved on or don't feel sad about it anymore that's just another cycle of all the grief, i think its our brains trying to give us a break from all of it in that way beacuse its so very exhausting also to be like that all the time,Getting a new pet i feel can help a lot of people whit all that grief i feel,but i also feel that you would have to be ready to take on such a thing sammie cant be replaced like you said and getting a new pet will have his or her own personality's with a new a start and may or may not do the same things as your sammie did ,when some people do get a new pet sometimes they got so used to what the other pet did that in a way they want that to countinue whit the new one and may get somewhat disappointed that it cant ,i also feel thats another part of the grief continuing thats why its hard for a lot of people to get another pet soon after i feel beacuse many times they might compare it to the other one.but know that a new pet will bring a new joruney.and new times and there own things that they will do,a new start ,this is somthing i still dont know if im ready for yet.theres not a day that goes buy where i don't think about jeannie,my neighbor came over the other day and told me that there's a cat at the vets,they do adoptions there also, that needs a home would i be interested in it ,i told her thank you but i feel at this time it might be a bit to soon,istill cant decide,mabey in the summer i might think about getting a new kitten,it is hard i know what you mean whit all the thoughts about it. I would say if possible take a ride there one day and look around and see how you feel before you bring one home ,when your there i think you will know if your ready or not. take care and be well THANKS JAY

I am in that cycle of grief you spoke of Jay - I just don't let myself "go there" as much these days when I miss my sweet golden angel bear, Abbey, and begin to feel the great hurt coming on. I find distractions. I seem to have taught myself how to feel nothing and appreciate how good feeling nothing feels compared to the heartache. You have all written such beautiful and helpful messages. I read them and many times I want to respond, but my blues usually dissuade me. Melanie, it's great that you have children at home still. They have the extra energy to put into a puppy and can help you with the care and feeding. It's important not to let depression bring the household down. Life is too short, and kids are kids for a blink of an eye. Part of my grief with losing Abbey - as devastating as that alone was - is it came soon after both of my kids flew the coop to college, and I lost my job the day after I lost her. Just a bundle of loss and stress and huge changes to deal with at once. It has pounded down my energy and confidence in accepting new change now. This is such a silly perspective I know - but I think, do I really want to get a puppy and go through this again in 9 more years? But I quickly remind myself how incredibly great those 9 years will be - all the love, the fun, the comfort - the best stuff of life in a perfect, furry, wagging package. Your kids are the perfect age to help out with all that, which is really a nice thing. I love the words of wisdom from your kids, too. They have helped me tremendously. They are spot on, and remind me so much of my own kids at that age. It brought a smile to me. My college kids keep inquiring about when we will get another dog. They are all for it. Interestingly, they haven't come home to visit nearly as much, now that their "little sister" isn't here to greet them and give them hugs and kisses. It just doesn't feel like home anymore without her. It's just an empty shell and everything feels wrong. I don't blame them. Well, I wish everyone the best in following their hearts. It is a tough decision, but I have to agree that our beloved ones would be so sad to know how sad we are - and that's the last thing they would ever want. So true!

lovely words AngelBear'sLuv, i keep saying, it sure is helping me hearing ppls stories of how they are handling their grief, it's been 16days since my loss & I cant believe I'm thinking of getting another dog....my kids keep saying "not to soon tho mum, we dont want Buddy to get upset that we have a new puppie", & I am having those exact thoughts of doubt too.....like I said it helps me hearing what we are all going thru
elaine

Melanie,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your Sammie girl and the loss of your Mom. I lost my soul kitty in January (5 months ago yesterday), and my father 12 years ago, so I understand your pain. In some ways the loss of my cat has been harder on me than the loss of my father too. I think it is because we feel so responsible for our pets. My father was responsible for himself (died of lung cancer).
Everyone who knows me knows how much I love cats, so when Mouses died the first thing they all said to me was, "get a new cat." I thought they would know better. Nothing makes the deep love for your individual pet feel more misunderstood and discounted than those 4 words. Knowing when to love again is so personal. I have been posting in the new beginnings section on getting ready to save a new cat. I miss having a cat. I miss Mouses so much. If I/we had the choice we would choose to live with them until we passed, but we do not have that choice. I want/need to sleep with a cat above my head again. I want to hear purring, and even for a moment pretend I am looking at my Mouses again. I recently moved, so I also have the need to see her in this house again even if it is not her. I am looking for a close substitute. I know Mouses can NOT be replaced, but I think I will feel better if I can even see her look-a-like going around the corner. I always get DSH brown tabby cats with the swirling pattern. They are my favorite. I like orange boys, and calico's too, but brown or black and grey tabby cats are my favorite. I think the puppies are a great idea. I think it is nice and comforting to have a reminder of our loved ones. I miss her type of fur around the house. I think it will be nice to see that fur on my pillow again (even if it is not hers).
I know this is easier said than done. I have been going to the shelters for over a month now. I have passed up a lot of great cats. I have gone home crying and empty. None of them are my Mouses. How do I get a new one, when I had the best one? I had the one I wanted. She was the best cat. I am getting there. It is a process, and I am happy to be in it. Everytime I shy away I think of how many need to be saved. I have love to give. They need us and we need them. We won't stop mourning Mouses and Sammy girl. Our new ones will help us through the mourning. Mouses was my therapist. I cried on her many a time. When she died I told her I was sorry I wore her out.

Just another thought. A man somewhere on this site once said, "Life can suck sometimes, life can be great sometimes...you just have to learn to ride the wave." We will be happy again. We are forever changed, but we will be happy again...as you've learned since your Mom's passing. The more love we can squeeze into this journey, the more we will be surrounded with in heaven.

Good luck! Chris

Hey Patricia,
How is your day going today? It's Friday and that always helps me. Today has been good for me. I was the busiest at work than I've been in 6 months and that really helps me a lot. I have a weekend of fun planned with friends and that makes me happy too. Well brace yourself, I've made a decision. I'm going to be a mom again. We are going to Alabama next Friday to pick up two very cute puppies. They are girls, black, white and tan and they are sisters. They will be 7 weeks old next Friday. The kids want to name them Sadie and Sophie. I like those names but will have to meet them first before we make the final decision. I went to Petco at lunch today to pick up some puppy things. I found myself smiling even through some tears over memories of bringing Sammie in there with me. I am nervous about getting two, not really nervous about having a dog again. I'm sure Sammie would want this and I know she will be happy to see me smile. It will be 3 weeks tomorrow that she died. I'm going out to the vet hospital tonight to thank them for all they did to help her. That will be very emotional I know but I really want to do that. I baked some cookies and will take them out there for the staff after work. I'm going to try to figure out how to post pictures of Sammie for you and everyone to see this weekend. And then I'll post of the new babies too. Thank you and thank Lucy for giving me the courage to do this.
Love to you both,
Melanie

Chris, Thank you so very much for sharing with me and for your wonderful words on encouragement and advice. I hope you find a new baby to love soon. As pet lovers we are just not as happy or fulfilled without our furbabies to love and for them to love us. It is a void. I have decided to go ahead and adopt 2 puppies, they both look a lot like Sammie only different of course. They are sisters and will be 7 weeks old when we pick them up next week. I am nervous about having 2, sad b/c I miss Sammie, excited to meet them and get to know their little personalities and tired just thinking about getting up with them at night. What a gamet of emotions. I wouldn't trade having a pet for anything. I also have 2 cats too, Clark and Gidget. They won't be as excited about the whole thing as we are. When Sammie first came home they hated her too and then at least Gidget came to love her. Clark just tolerated her. I read this on a placque once, "I wouldn't trade the hurt and loss I feel today for the love and happiness I had." SOOOOOOOOO true. That's why it hurts so bad b/c we love so completely. And to experience that you have to feel the opposite emotion or you wouldn't know and appreciate the love. Hang in there, Chris. Your new kitty is out there, maybe even two kitties just waiting to love you.
Melanie

Thank you for your kind words Angel Bear. I'm so sorry about your loss of Abbey. I wish they could find a way to double the lifespan of our pets. But I will take what I can get because the love of an animal is like no other love in this world. It is a love I've never experienced before. I've always been somewhat guarded with my emotions and letting people 'in'. It was safer that way and I was tough (ha) until I met Sammie. I melted and loved like never before. This wonderful creature couldn't even talk (although she tried to talk and sing when they kids played their instruments) and she understood me and loved me like no other. I think that's the kind of love we will feel in Heaven one day. It is amazing and I wouldn't trade it for all the pain I feel now. I hate this, it sucks, my heart is broke but I wouldn't go back. My 3 1/2 years with Sammie were the best of my life because of that love. Just like you had with Abbey. We are lucky God put dogs and cats on this planet for us. What a gift. I hope you will find another baby to love and to love you back. I will pray for your heart today and your healing. God bless.
Melanie

Elaine,
How are you today? Hopefully better day. I was thinking about Buddy. What did he like to do more than anything in this world? Whatever it was I bet it involved something that made you happy, made you smile and made you laugh. He knew you. He loved you. He wanted nothing from you than for you to be happy and love him back. Well it isn't any different now, Elaine. He can see you. He can visit you. He knows what you are going through. He understands because God has explained to him that your tears and emotions are necessary for you to heal. He knows that. But, he doesn't want that for you. Smile for him. Another puppy will NEVER replace Buddy just like having another child won't replace one that has died. It's the same thing. They are all different and no one can take their places. It's ok to love another. I struggled and prayed and cried over this but it's ok. It doesn't mean you've stopped loving buddy or you are over his death or that you will forget him. He's part of you. You can tell a new puppy stories about Buddy and share the life you had with someone new. I don't know when the time will be right for you but I want you to think about it. I didn't think I was ready but my kids and friends convinced me I was. Now, I'm actually excited about the 2 new little puppies we are going to get next Friday. They are girls, sisters and both look a lot like Sammie, black, white and tan. They will be 7 weeks old when we pick them up. I'm anxious and nervous about it but also excited to have dogs around our home. I'm excited to fall in love again and get to know their personalities. They won't act like Sam although they may remind me of her. It won't change in any way the love I have for Sammie in my heart. What is will change is the mood of my house. Those sweet little girls will make us smile, laugh and probably exhaust us but it will all be worth it just as it was loving Sammie. You have a lot of love to share, Elaine. Let yourself love again. It will honor your most wonderful and precious, Buddy.
I'll be praying for you my friend.
Melanie