Everyone keeps telling me that time heals and that I will feel better with time, but the weird thing is, I don't feel like time is passing. I don't feel like I'm moving farther away from my cat's death. Every morning when I wake up, I feel like it happened the day before. It's like I'm stuck. Every morning, it feels like a fresh wound to my heart. I don't feel like I'm ever going to get past this and enjoy life again.

I understand how you feel. We lost our dear cat, Spencer, one week ago today. Each day, I'm sad. I cry. I miss him so, so much. I know that, with time, there will be less "grief", but still sadness. Spencer was a wonderful companion. To me, its like losing a spouse or child - a faithful companion and soulmate. I have 4 books now addressing grieving for your pet but I don't have the inclination to read them.

All I can tell you is the "timing" for you, for this kitty you've lost, may take much longer than you expect. Everyone is different. And the grieving period for each cat may be different. It does help to talk to others with a similar passion - whether its here or another online source, a friend or coworker, or a local support group (check with your vet).

Your kitty would want you to grieve but also to continue to be happy. Honor him in as many ways as you can.

Hiya Jess,

I understand you totally. Our pets are members of our families and we love them so much. I know that whether their passing is recent or not so recent, the feeling we get constantly is as you say that it happened only yesterday. For me it is just over a week since I found my little birdy had died. He was playing with me at the night time as we both went to bed late all of the time. The next morning I found he had died. No warning of him being unwell or anything, in fact he was in robust health and very, very mischevious. It totally devestated me. He was such a big part of my life, the only person to love me as much as I loved him and the only person I had for company. I miss him so much.

I don't think that the pain of loss can just go away when you love the little beings so much. Don't try to be strong for others, express how you feel if you can, allow other people to understand how deep you are hurt and above all be yourself and and grieve in your own way.

I hope that peace of mind will come for you. You are in my thoughts.

gossamerwings

Furry Companions are very special. I still sob sometimes, and it's almost 2yrs.
I think the gaping hole gets a bit smaller with time, does it completely close, for me I don't think so.
Hang in there, we all heal at our own pace. Take all the time you need, and don't let anyoine rush you.

Take Care

Hello everyone. This is my first post, so hopefully I'm getting this right. My husband and I just lost our 8 month old little kitty cat Joey on Tuesday night. It hurts so bad. We just adopted him at the end of January, so we only had 4 short months together, but we are so blessed to have had him. He only had 3 legs! When we saw him on the computer, we knew he had to come into our home and be with us and our other animals. Over the last week he wasn't eating very well, and previously he had been in for continued cold symptoms, mainly a runny eye. Boy were we shocked to find out he had FIP and there was no treatment. We were with him when they put him to sleep. Last night I was haunted by those images. Yesterday my husband and I both stayed home from work to try to grieve, but today we had to go back. It was very hard to be back, but I will admit both of us felt a little better just to get out of the house and be busy with work tasks. Of course, then I felt guilty for not feeling as totally distraught as I had been yesterday. Both Tuesday night and all yesterday were awful. Lots of tears were shed. Tonight, I feel just the tiniest bit of peace (and even as I write that I feel guilty to say that). I also had some more moments of crying, but not as constant as the last 2 nights. I am hoping we'll continue to heal. I had been obsessively reviewing every moment in my head and blaming myself for everything, even though the vet said it was nothing we did or didn't do. Joey will always be in our hearts and we miss him so much. I offer my sympathy to all who are going through this. Thanks for sharing -- it has been helpful to read all of your thoughts and feelings, and I look forward to exchanging messages. The support is much appreciated. Love you Joey! <3

I'm sorry to hear of Joey's passing. I, too, had trouble getting the images of my cat's passing out of my mind, but I am told that eventually those images fade and are replaced with memories of the happy times you shared together.

Wishing you peace.

Thanks so much. I wish the same for you. I think even aside from the "image" of him laying there, I just kept wondering how it really felt for him and was he scared or angry at us, stuff like that. And then something I read online (after the fact) said that if you're going to be crying during this, it might scare your pet and maybe it's best not to stay during the procedure. So then more guilt came upon me for possibly causing Joey more stress at an already bad time. But I had to be there for him. My hubby says he was rubbing his paw and I was rubbing his head, and when they gave him the injection, Joey's eye moved and he (hopefully) saw us there with him. It's just so unfair. Thanks for letting me vent. Last night while trying to fall asleep, I kind of went into panic mode thinking all these horrible things. We printed pictures of Joey off my cell phone yesterday and I'm going to make a scrapbook. And we framed one and hung it on the wall, so we can talk to him when we walk by. I've also been writing little letters to him, just to capture our memories and how we're feeling. So that has helped.
How are you feeling tonight? Take care!

I can definitely relate to your feeling of panic. It's been three weeks since we put Sydney to sleep and I am just now beginning to feel the slightest bit of relief from the grief. For a long time afterward, I was in a state of utter disbelief that it had actually happened. I'm still not sure how I'm going to get up every morning and face each day without her. A piece of me died with her and I have this feeling of emptiness and this deep longing for her, but at least the pain is starting to subside. I know it could come back at any moment though. It has been an unpredictable roller-coaster of emotions.

(((HUGS)))

What was wrong with Sydney? Sorry if I missed previous posts with this info, and youdon't have to talk about it if you don't want to. But if you can, share anything you'd like. How old was she? How long did you have her? Stuff like that. Do you have family with you and how are they doing? I will probably head off soon, but look forward to continuing the conversation. Thanks again for talking, it helps! Stay strong & I wish you happy thoughts. <3 to your Sydney
and <3 to Joey.

Hi. Here is my first post from last week: http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=5327 which explains more of my situation.

I hope you were able to get some sleep and dream about Joey.

Thanks for posting the link. I think I may have read that when I first started looking around the board. How very sad, especially since she was also young. How are you doing today?
I've been doing OK. I got a nice e-mail from the lady who is the director of the organization that we adopted Joey from. The other day when I was really obsessing about everything, I wrote her twice with a bunch of questions and concerns. She has been very supportive through this, and again told me it was just a random thing that happened. It is SO unfair though. I was just talking to my hubby and again feeling the panic of wondering how he felt in his last moments. I feel like we did something so bad to him, but we just wanted him to be comfortable. There was no getting better anyway, unfortunately. Sigh. Poor little guy. We have 3 other cats and a dog, but the house is still empty without him. This Sunday is our one year wedding anniversary, and I want to celebrate, but I just keeping thinking about how our family is not complete anymore.
I hope your day was calm and you're feeling better. How is your husband handling this? Is he very upset too?

Hello MissingJoey,

I am so sorry for your loss and know how hard it is for you and your family. Thing is though it will take time for you to know in you heart and mind and to 'accept' that you couldn't have done anything more to help. You gave massive love and help by making sure he didn't suffer in pain any longer. You gave im the best time whilst he was with you. Inded I am sure he was 'sent' to you because you and your husband were so caring. The good memories will start to come more and more over time and this will help.

It is 2 weeks today since I found my little companion of 12 years had died in his cage. My little budgie Cheeky, which was his name and his nature. He wasn't unwell and was playing with me the night before and just being him. I was absolutely distraught and still so upset daily. I am confident though in what they lady from the pet crematorium said to me. She told me that noises and slight movements from Cheeky's birdy cage are my little one's spirit. She said that he was happy and so loved by me and he is showing he cares about how I am now. I always feel him around and I speak to him.

Try to think - because it will be true - that when you celebrate your anniversay, which you have to even though you are so very upset, he will definitely be there with you, your husband and your other pets. He wouldn't want you to be sad at that time. Celebrate his little life too on the day.

I do so hope you and your husband begin to feel able to cope with the loss more and more as the days go by. Take care and if I may add, Happy Anniversary to you both.

gossamerwings

I'm okay. I was very sad last night before bed - bedtime and waking time are the hardest for me - so I asked her to come to me in a dream and she did. My husband is okay. He was very very upset when everything first happened and was sobbing right along with me, but after about a week, he had put it behind him and was ready to focus on the positive things in life. He deals with grief in a different way than I do. We also have an anniversary coming up in a few weeks (our 4th) and it makes me sad to think that she won't be there to celebrate with us. I think about our anniversary last year and how we were so happy and had no idea what the following year would bring. Like you, I feel that our family is incomplete without our Sydney.

As someone else mentioned though, Joey would want you to be happy on your anniversary, and I think he will find a way to show you that he is around and that he is okay.

Dear Gossamerwings:

Thank you so much for your kind words for both the loss of our Joey and for our anniversary! We are back home after a couple of nights away. It was tough to celebrate, and I was kind of crabby on Saturday morning before we left but we had our time away and now it is good to be back.
How I wish the whole thing had been a dream and Joey was here when we returned. Sigh. But we are doing alright. We wrote a little memorial for him on another pet loss website I found, and they have a candle ceremony every Monday, so tonight at 9 p.m. our time, we will light a candle in honor of him! I can't believe tomorrow will be one week since we lost him. In some ways, it feels like it happened so long ago. But I'm sure tomorrow it will be fresh in my mind. I have a bad habit of comparing the days, and I know tomorrow (especially at work) will be a similar schedule to last Tuesday, and I'll keep thinking "Last Tuesday when I did this... or last Tuesday when I left work, I had no idea it'd be the last time with Joey." I will try not to beat myself up too much.

How are you feeling today? I am sorry for your loss as well, and I'm glad that you are finding little touches of your beloved pet's spirit around you. That is comforting.
Take care and I look foward to talking with you.

Hi Jess. Thanks for your message. I read it before we left on Saturday morning, and I appreciate your kind words, as always. How are you holding up? I'm glad you got to dream of Sydney. It is hard to celebrate those special moments when you also have a big loss to think about. Last night when we had dinner out, my hubby was flipping through the pictures of Joey that he put in his wallet. I was lucky not to start crying at the dinner table. There is one picture I love which is from the first few days after we adopted Joey, and I'm holding him up with one hand (he was our tiny little man, as we called him) and he's kind of sitting up on my shoulder and his eyes are closed and I have a big smile on my face. I just love to look at that picture, even though it is very sad too, but I hope he was happy and at peace while he was here with us. We miss so much about him. I don't know if I mentioned this previously, but Joey only had 3 legs! He had some sort of injury before we got him and they had to amputate most of the back left leg. But we also have a cat with no tail, and when we saw Joey online, we knew he'd be a perfect fit. He got around pretty well, kind of a hop and drag movement, and we miss seeing that. He did just fine for himself, even though he had that to deal with!

I mentioned in a previous post to Gossamerwings that there is a candle ceremony through another pet loss website every Monday and it's at 9 p.m. central time. I think they have a chat at the same time, but I am just going to do the candle lighting. Everyone will be doing it at that same time, so if you want to join in, there will be lots of good wishes going up to our little sweethearts.

Talk to you soon and take care!

I'm glad you were able to enjoy your anniversary. I'm doing eh. This weekend was hard because my husband worked for most of it and normally Sydney would be here to keep me company. I hadn't realized how much of a companion she was, how I was perfectly content to spend a Saturday night alone watching a movie with her curled up on my lap. I spent a lot of time relaxing on our deck this weekend and she would have been outside with me, basking in the sun and stalking little critters in the yard. Our other cat did keep me company some of the time, but it's not the same. There is such an emptiness without my Syd.

Hiya MJ, I too light candles for my little one. I do it every other day as they burn for 48 hours. I have at last managed to upload as my avatar a picture of my little Cheeky too. I put the image into a gallery picture and I love it.

Wow, our pets are the light of our lives aren't they? My little fella was a stray. I had been saying for ages that I wanted company as my husband worked for a newspaper and was out until the small hours of the morning. One afternoon I went to the front door and I saw a little blue ball of feathers outside in the gutter. The little mound of feathers stirred and then hopped and flew low in through the porch into my home and then into my lounge. We cut a box up and pushed a curtain rod through it and found a medication cup, filled it with water and then my husband went from shop to shop to find some food for himas itr was a Sunday and not many shops were open where we lived. By this time I had christened the ball of blue feathers Cheeky. It took a while for him to settle and not to be scared. I can't imagine how frightened he must have been when he was outside with all the other wild big birds, bless him.

Cheeky was my first ever pet. Thing is I know in my heart that my Dad sent him to me. When I was young, my Dad had a blue budgie and named him Cheeky and he adored my Dad and my Dad adored him too. When my little Cheeky bird flew into my life, my Dad had passed and I know in my heart he sent this beautiful little boy to me because I had wanted company.

My husband left me last November and being on my own was and is so very hard, but as I have no children or anyone close and hardly ever get to go out because I am disabled, having Cheeky in my life was such a big thing for me. I loved him so much and I know that he loved me.

May you have more and more peace of mind in regard to thinking of your lovely Joey every day. Hope to speak to you soon.

gossamerwings

What a sweet story about Cheeky coming into your life by way of your Dad. It makes perfect sense to me, and I enjoyed hearing your story. I just did the on-line candle lighting and prayer service, and about 85 people were in the chat room, so again, I realized I am not alone in this struggle. We are all together in this. I would like to post a picture of Joey. Maybe I can do that tomorrow night (1 week). Take care of yourself, and we'll talk soon!

I'm glad you got outside into nature. I'm sure you felt close to Sydney, just sitting out and daydreaming. The one thing I miss, and forgive me if I talked about this on here but I don't think I did yet, is when Joey would hop up on the bed with me when I was reading before going to sleep. We have a little scratching post by the bed, and when he jumped up on top we called him "Trophy Joey" because he was like a little statue on top. But it seems to me it was just that last week or so before we lost him that I happened to do a lot of reading in bed before we went to sleep, and my hubby would be out front watching t.v., so Joey would hop off the post onto the empty side of the bed, and then I'd pat the bed next to me and he'd hop over and lay right by me and I'd pretty much abandon the book and sit and pet him instead. Gosh, I miss that so much. It's so hard to see that darn scratching post there, but the other cats use it too. Anyway, just a favorite memory I wanted to share. They are truly wonderful companions and friends. Thanks again for chatting with me, it means a lot.