It's been three weeks today since Jason's death and I still miss him like crazy. My mind keeps replaying the moment I found him dead inside his cat carrier on my living room floor. It seems like that moment is on auto replay in my mind. My two new furbabies help tremendously and I love them dearly but Jason will always have a big part of my heart. I hope he knows how much I miss him and still love him.

Like you and many others, I still see my boy just before he was euthanized (paralyzed with pain). It has been 9 weeks today. I don't have those visions all the time, thank goodness, only more at night when I wake up, when I tend to replay the last moments. I can only speak for myself, and yes, it does improve, and I am able to get through the weeks with more positive thoughts. It helps to have a picture of a healthy animal to refer to, because it begins to replace that terrible last vision of our cherished friends.

I wish you and your new friends the best, healthiest life possible. They will never replace Jason, but they will give you unconditional love also, and they will have their own, unique personalities. I hope that things will improve, and your days and nights will be easier. Hope is the operative word, and gradual is the pace.

This may sound far-fetched, but occassionally at night, I see the vertical blinds moving in only one spot, when there is no wind or air moving. I think it is my Felix, and I talk to him. I put his toys (a tattered crow feather and a squeaky mouse) back at that spot so he knows he is still welcome. I am not sure, but it is possible that he is moving around still. I guess it is a matter of faith. I am sure that Jason knows that you love him, and it does not hurt to say it (just in case).

Hi Turriri,

Congrats on your new furbabies and opening your heart to them! I am sure they will become part of your heart. Yes, nothing can ever, ever, replace your dear Jason- but the good thing is nothing has to. He has a part of your heart that is dedicated to him forever and ever, and I'm sure your sweet Jason knows that.

Happy three week bridge day Jason!

Ren, Zorro, and Nemo's Mom

Hi Turriri, it has been 2 weeks for us. It is difficult, especially for the remaining cat who keeps looking for his lifelong friend. I think with time, though, our hearts will heal, and we will have great memories of our "Jasons", regardless of any other animals we may have. I have a collection of photos and notes that I have made to remember my Jason. I'll never forget him, nor will you forget yours, I suspect. They were special and will live on always in our hearts and minds. They may not be here physically, but they are here in spirit. Enjoy your young furbabies, they need you.

Hi Jasonsmom,

You seem to be handling the two week anniversary of your Jason's passing very well. My Jason was an inside cat so I'm trying to figure out what to do with his ashes. He used to lay in the sun on our bed so I might bury the ashes in the sun by that corner of the house. I'm going to keep some ashes and put them in a cremation keychain that's shaped like a heart. I kept one of his favorite toys along with his picture and the keychain filled with ashes. I'm goingl put it all in a shadow box and hang it in my office. I know my broken heart will get better with time but I still miss my furbaby so much.

I got my Arthur cremated too. Having his ashes gave me time to do what I wanted. Like you, he is scattered all over the place. Most of him is in a memory box along with some toys. Some is buried in the garden near his catnip bush that he loved so much. Some I have in a box at my house and some in a pendant. You can do whatever you feel you want to. In some ways, for me anyways, it doesn't seem so permant. I kept his bundle still in the plastic baggie which enables me pick it up everyday and give it a big smooch...The pain never really goes away, but it does subside in time. The love will always remain..Hugs.. Ann

I thought about putting Jason's ashes under his favorite tree (he was an indoor cat but sometimes I took him outside to "help" me in the garden). Then I thought, what if we move? So right now he is on the mantelpiece with his dish, a wad of his fur, and his favourite toys. Tomorrow I am actually going to speak to an animal communicator (not sure I'm a believer but it's cheaper than a therapist ). It's worse for the other cat, though, he cried all night again, which he does every few days just when we think he's settling down. The vet gave us some Valium for him, but it doesn't work.

Turriri, I like the locket idea, not sure I can bring myself to open the urn though. Take care...................................

WHEN will I quit crying over losing Jason? Sorry, just feeling a tad bit sad today. Thanks for letting me sound off.

Jasonsmom,

I just caught your post and wanted to add a few things, since you're still debating what to do.

Our kidlets are buried outside, but WHENEVER we move in future, we'll actually be taking them up again (in their wrapped caskets; we preplanned for this) and then having them cremated. They'll do that here, casket and all - we prechecked. At that point, I'll be keeping their urns (when I buy 2 I like) indoors with me, and probably also getting one of those lockets as well. Regarding the latter, if someone ELSE could remove the small amt. needed FOR you, maybe that would make it easier? And re: burying ashes, you could always, in like fashion, bury an urn (wrapping it first so it won't degrade) and later take it with you if you ever move.

As for your remaining cat, I really wouldn't suggest using Valium on him. That will only result in him being rather forced to "stuff" his real feelings and then, to be frank, he could develop some kind of illness.....same as what often happens to humans when THEY stuff THEIR feelings rather than work through them more naturally. Or, his/her own grief will still be waiting patiently to be dealt with LATER, so the drug will only delay the natural process. In most cases, animals' grief doesn't last as long as humans' does, so I wouldn't panic.

That said, why don't you try some gentle and safe Flower Essences instead for him, AND for yourself? In a few more mins. I'll post a separate info. thread (not sure in which FORUM yet, though) all about FEs, so you and everyone else can read up on them and their use in cats. You could also consider finding someone who does distance "energy" type work for animals (your communicator may already know of one, or even do that her/himself) and do that, too, for your cat - animals LOVE energy-type work and usually find it very relaxing and soothing. Either or both of these things are also much safer than pumping them full of dangerous drugs, that really only MASK symptoms of inner turmoil (or of physical dis-ease) anyway.

Turriri,

Your question about: WHEN will I quit crying over losing Jason? Sorry, just feeling a tad bit sad today. Thanks for letting me sound off.

For me and my boy, my answer is there will always come times where the tears will flow..it doesn't matter how much time has passed. The pain becomes bearable but it is only natural to fall back into grief, because we love these babies so very much and we miss them terribly and it is that pain that cannot ever be completely gone because they are part of us forever and so we will always miss them....some days spring up where it is harder than usual. That's normal and natural. It is okay to cry...and feel sad. It is all part of grieving.

I had my boy over 16 years. You had Jason 15 years...that's a lot of good memories. It may help when you are feeling extra sad to think about the many times all was good and Jason was well and think about the love you two shared and will continue to share forever. Like I tell myself, I am glad my boy was in my life for as long as he was and that is something I can feel so very grateful about...that the sadness can never take away the happiness we had together. I find strength in thinking about that and it helps me through my sad moments.

Anytime you are feeling sad, come here to your topic and write your thoughts and feelings.
It does help to know it is okay to be sad. It helps to know you are not alone..not when you are here. The feelings you have...are the same feelings that are a part of all who lost their best friends. We never forget those feelings but in time we understand it is okay to grieve anytime it hits us and believe me, sometimes that sadness can seem to just come out of the blue. If you feel like crying...cry. If you want to vent, vent (and this is a good place to do that).

I am so sorry about what happened to Jason. None of us know how our babies will be taken from us..but we know the sadness will always be there. The way my Little Guy went was the worst of all my losses in my lifetime and I can type here and cry just writing this sentence.
But if I had the choice again...I would not hesitate to have him as part of my life. His pain is gone but the pain of our missing them does not leave us....it eventually gets bearable and sometimes buried for a while.

Hugs, Turriri. A hug always lets you know someone cares and cries with you every time.
Judy

Thanks, Furkidlet's Mom, for your suggestions.

I didn't really like the Valium idea either, but we needed to get some sleep after an entire week of the remaining cat (our tabby Fred) constantly meowing day and night (OMG I was so ready to give him away at this point!!!!!!) but saner heads prevailed. The vet said if we were really desperate to try the valium. We gave it to him one night and it did NOTHING! Sooooooo, we now let him sleep with us, he crawls under the covers and hogs the bed. And passes wind, phew. We spend time with him and play with him, and talk to him constantly, but he still cries for his friend :-(. It is sadder for him than for us, I'm sure.

I had to delay the session with the animal communicator, hopefully we'll talk this week, she also does Reiki, which I know nothing about but maybe it can help Fred.

I really have a reluctance to unseal the urn and split up the ashes, I think they belong in one place. I know they are not Jason, but it is one of the few remaining physical things we have left other than a wad of fur I got out of his brush that was collected 2 days before he suddenly crashed, poor little guy. He was such a trooper. Our nickname for him was "Cattitude".

But after reading aome of the other stories on this website, esp. Goodbye Rosie and Family, I realize we are actually very lucky. Our cat Jason had a normal lifespan and lived life to the fullest (making us laugh a lot the whole time) and we have no regrets about him, other than I wish we had more warning about his demise. I just wish cats lived for 30 years!!!!! Sorry to blather on.......................................

Cheers to everyone else who has lost a pet, pictures and notes and memeories help them live on in our hearts

Animals love all sorts of energy-type work, including Reiki. My gal got Reiki daily for 6.5 yrs. Cats often prefer Reiki by distance. I had my Level I so also did that with her hands-on (or just above her body).

For the ashes, or whatever you're considering, you just need to do what makes YOU feel better. It's really that simple.

Gotta run now, sorry!

Turriri, I hear you. Certain times of the day, I burst into tears too. When I am only filling up one cat dish, but still leaving space for the other one, when I come home, and the little grey and white face is not looking out the window, when the little grey body is not sprawled out tummy up on the carpet when I come in the house, when no one is bringing toys upstairs to be thrown and chased, when no one asks for the olives off the pizza....... I think I will never stop crying. Worse, I don't think the other cat will ever stop crying, they were together 24/7, for 15 years.

I think it just takes a long long time.

Hi Turriri- hope you are feeling better today. There is no right/wrong time to stop crying. We are changed forever by the loss of our dear babies, but it can change our understanding of the world, too. Makes us more aware of what is important and what is not, and of what is dear to us. I lost two of my precious cats within 1 1/2 months of each other. To say I was grieving would be an understatement. I lost my 16 yr. old Zorro (Jun 08) to cancer, and just a month and 1/2 later, I lost my Ren to heart disease (Aug 08). It changed me in ways I could never imagine. It brought clarity to a lot of things. It has started me on a healing journey and a self-discovery journey that I didn't realize I was even going through. I feel certain I will see my dear kitties again, and that brings me great hope. We never truly lose them... they are always still with us. I have made conscious choices to learn as much as I can since them. And my cat family that is still at home with me, I have made huge changes in their food choices, and learning about what's healthy for them, and what supplements help. I have moments where I miss them so much it's almost unbearable, but then as long as I keep breathing, I come back to just appreciating they are still really with me and I will see them again someday.

Jasonsmom- your cat that is grieving- have you tried letting him smell Jason's ashes? I heard a story about another cat that was grieving for the loss of their friend, and when they brought the ashes home and let that cat smell the ashes, the cat then stopped crying. I actually did that with the loss of my dear kitten Nemo. I brought his ashes home and let his half-brother smell them, and it was weird but he acted like he knew. For a long time, he would climb up on the shelf I had his ashes on, and just sit there, next to him. Cats know so much more than we realize...

Ren, Zorro, and Nemo's Mom

To Nemo's mom,

I can't even imagine losing two in such a short time. I think about what a mess I am at losing one but two would be unthinkable. When you say you made huge changes in your remaining cat's diets, what are you doing differently now? Also, I like your thinking to just breathe. I'm filled with such sorrow that some days I can't see past the grief and want to curl up in a ball.

Words can't express what a help this website has been. I don't know what I would have done without it. A huge THANK YOU to everyone who has offered kind, encouraging words and thoughts.

Nemo's Mom

I can only imagine what it would be like to lose 2 so close together. Our other cat had an unexplained vacc site sarcoma removed in October, he would be gone by now if he hadn;t had the surgery (that really knocked the stuffing out of him for a long while). It seemed like as soon as he was fully recovered, Jason started his decline. If they were both gone within a few months, I don't know what I would do.

I am glad you have other animals that need you, it probably helps you focus and stay centered.

I have a real problem with opening the urn with Jason's ashes in it. So, we'll see.

Awwww you two are so sweet! Yes, I never expected to lose two so close together. I think I kind of flipped out for a little while, really. I just felt so helpless about what had happened to my two babies. I had desperately tried everything I could think of with Ren to save him. I suppose I was in a little denial, and was having horrible issues facing losing another baby so soon. I keep thinking, maybe this would save him, maybe that. I was also very angry at myself at first because the day Ren died (he passed at home), I found out from the bloodtests from the doctor that he was also in severe renal failure (he had heart disease). I had focused so much on his heart getting well, and I hadn't even realized he had renal failure. That was pretty devastating. My poor little baby. Ren died in Aug., and in Oct. 08- my cat Ivy was diagnosed with the same disease he had died of (cardiomyopathy). So I became determined to fight this disease with everything I had, and give my cats the healthy choices so they all could have the best fighting chance at a long life they could.

Anyways, Joanne on this board had been talking about grocery store brand cat foods and some of the toxins they contained. I started to look into it, and I was pretty shocked at what I found. I also learned that a raw diet is best (which I haven't done yet), but next best to that is canned (high protein good brands). The canned food gives the cats the water they need. I guess cats don't drink enough water, and this helps out a lot with their water intake. I also purchased two of the cat "water fountains" and that has encouraged them to drink more. I feed them EVO canned, Instinct canned, Wellness, CORE canned, brands like that. I also feed them Solid Gold Indigo Moon, which is high protein and low grain. Stay away from cat foods that contain corn.

I also researched Ivy's disease and found several supplements to give her in addition to her medication. She has done wonderfully on the supplements and they really seem to be helping a lot! Onlynaturalpet.com has some wonderful products

A really good resource is a book "YOUR cat- Simple new secrets to a longer, healthier life" by Elizabeth Hodgkins. After reading that book, I actually was able to see the signs of hyperthyroidism in my Mom's cat when I was visiting her... and she was able to take him to the vet right away. Very good book! I think I must have ordered 8 book on cat health after losing my two babies, but this was the best one.

Anyways, I hope that is a little helpful. It was actually part of my healing after losing Ren and Zorro. I just had felt so helpless with their passings, I wanted to try and do something positive that I could feel I was in control of, you know?

I hope you both are doing well! Hugs to you both!

Hey, Nemo's Mom - we're getting by. Mention Jason's name around our house, though, and the other cat's head swivels around so fast I'm surprised he doesn't have whiplash.

Watch out for the raw diet - cats are very particular, and they need a lot of various nutrients that they can;t get just from raw meat. When they eat in the wild, they eat the internal organs of their prey etc. A chicken breast or a piece of steak won't provide all the nutrients they need. And, being cats, of course their nutritional needs are not simple. Sigh. Nothing about the darn creatures is simple!

Just a brief note on the raw food diets - they aren't just composed of nothing but raw meat. If anyone's doing that, they're doing it wrong.

It's been 2.5 months since my Jason's death and I'm still at a loss as to how best to cope with all this grief. Just when I think I'm starting to feel better I disolve into tears.

I was going to write a letter to Jason's vet explaining how unhappy I was with his care and how I think she released him too soon from the pet hospital (since he died within a couple of minutes after coming home) but the vet who treated him is no longer with the clinic. I found out after he died that she had just graduated vet school six months prior to his hospitilization and now she's gone from the clinic. My husband called the owner of the clinic and asked what happened to Jason's vet but of course the owner wouldn't give him any information. She said that if I wanted to write a letter to Jason's doctor I could give it to her and she would forward it on. She also said she'd like a copy of the letter.

My main objective of the letter was to reach Jason's doctor and also let the owner know of my concerns over her employee's competence so this wouldn't happen to other people's pets.

What do you guys think, should I still write the letter even though Jason's doctor is no longer with the clinic? Since the owner knows my feelings, should I just drop the issue and concentrate on dealing with my grief? I'd love to know all of your opinions so thanks in advance.

You all have been such a help to me. I don't know what I would have done without this forum.