Ernie - 4/18/1989 - 3/21/2009

To Ernie,

You died on Saturday, your last breathes were a struggle and that I couldn't
help you to breath, I would have given my last breath to you if it meant you
would still be here. Your kidney's were failing and I couldn't do anything
to stop that, I spent every moment with you telling you that its okay, you
can go, you had held on a week, a lot longer then I thought you would. I
knew the time was coming and I did what I thought I could and prayed
everyday you would survive and be healed. My heart is broken, the tears
don't stop and I'm stuck in my own version of hell. I still hear you
meowing, you always had something to say, it wakes me up at night and in the
mornings I still go through the routine, just stopping myself from putting
fresh water and ice cubes in your bowl and opening a can of food but instead
I prepare the dogs food. I go into the basment and do laundry or iron
clothes and you always hung out with me meowing while I talk to you, filling
your cat spa with some kat knip that you loved so much. I miss walking down
the hall while you were in tow saying anything to you while you looked up at
me meowing.

Your dad dug your grave after you died at a friends house, on their property
is a pet cemetary of all their lost fur babies, I thought that was the best
place for you. It is a garden and there stands an angel 3 feet high and its
covered in field stone and every spring flowers bloom. After he dug the hole
and he placed you in there and I threw some dirt down and said goodbye kitty
kat, your dad cried to, he filled the hole back up and above me in a tree
was a bird it went on and on and on, I was to blinded by tears to even know
what kind of bird it was, and it was at that moment all I knew is that you
weren't buried there but you were buried in my heart. I have a marker for
you that I have yet to take to your resting place, I dread that moment of
visiting you and placing that stone where you lay.

On Monday with every ounce of energy I could muster I took your litter box,
cat spa and toys to the garage. I gathered your flea meds, the container of
cat nip and your hairball treats and walked it over to the neighbors house
and left it on there deck with a note. There cat wasn't out at that moment
and I was grateful because thats what I was afraid of....breaking down all
over again. I kept your ceramic water bowl that say's kitty on it and
washed it and put it back where its always been, you loved your bowl and the
ice cubes you insisted on having in it at all times - it remains empty now.
Bailey misses you, my grief has been hard on her, she now wants to go
outside and stays there and she lays on the deck looking at the neighbors
house and watching the cat, I've seen her run to the fence and sit and watch
for awhile, I wonder if she thinks its you.

You were my constant companion, there for so many changes good/bad in our
lives and here for sooooo many years, I will miss holding you or laying with
you while you purred or pulling up in the driveway and there you were
looking out the window and coming in the door and there you sat meowing
curious of the bags I brought in and rubbing your face on everything.

You were my first cat and probably my last for a very long time. When you
came into my life, I knew nothing of cats, we had already had two dogs and
ten years into your life they had passed and you were there, you were the
only one for awhile until two more dogs came along. I've learned something
from you that I never realized is a relationship with a cat is far different
from a dog, even though I miss Sam and Jake and grieved for years and still
cry now and then and with both gone from our lives for 10 years and having
Bailey and Ian now its a very special bond that only a person whom has or
had a cat could ever understand. Regardless, loss of any type of fur baby is
painful.

I miss you Ernie and always will.

I listen to Diamond Rio - One More Day with You - Because that is what I wish.

Love your mom

Thanks everyone, I'm grateful for this site and hope for peace with everyone who is and has suffered a loss of a pet.

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Ernie. You post was so sweet and such a tribute to Ernie. I can feel your emotions through it. I know how bad the pain is at first. It seems unbearable at times. I lost two of my precious cats last year within a month and 1/2 of each other.

Remember all the good times and the joy, and know that Ernie never really leaves you. Hold him close in your heart, he is with you now and will always be. A lot of us here have had signs from our babies that passed. I actually heard my Ren meow, and my husband and I both saw him on separate occasions.

Another song I loved is "So Far Away" by Nickelback. It's about the pain of the loved one being so far away, but also in the end it says Keep breathing, because I'm not leaving you anymore. I like to think of that as they will never truly leave us now.

Take care and hugs to you
Ren, Zorro, and Nemo's Mom

I am sorry to hear of Ernie's passing, but know he is with you every step you take.
I agree with Nemo's mommy-I too have had a few signs from my Sissycat. Maybe someday you will too.
I haven't had a cry in a while, but am now as I read and type this. Just knowing that someone else had such a great love for their furbaby as I did mine just gets me sometimes.

Sounds like you had some really good times together. Would love to hear more about Ernie when you feel up to it.

Hugs to you and your new angel Ernie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Nemo's Mom and Sissy Cat,

Reading your reply made me cry more, but they were tears of joy knowing that someone cares too. Since Ernie passed last Saturday I have become bitter toward friends and family that either have ignored me or haven't even acknowledge his passing. Nineteen years is a long time and he was such a joy. I was lucky to have a friend whom was only an aquittance for the last 4 years become such a true friend in the last week. I had called her about something else and broke down the night Ernie died and she said Sweetie whats wrong and I could barely get the words out and she said, I'm on my way. She sat with me for hours while I talked and she listened and responded when she felt was right. She has dogs but has had loss too and she said I'm here and I will walk with you down this road for however long it takes and their is no time frame.

She calls me or text or e-mails everyday and I've seen her twice since last weekend and she has been wonderful and I'm so grateful for her and thank her everyday.

All I would like to know is why I've been shut out from others and why don't they care, unfortunately I have made a mental list and won't forget the thoughtlessness of others in my life.

Thank you so much for caring, I'm forever grateful.

Dear Ernie,

Today was another bad day, I keep seeing you around the house but only to realize its just my imagination. I stood in the kitchen imagining you there and for a moment I forgot where I was. I see you everywhere but not seeing you like I want to, at least just one more time, I wish you would come around to at least let me know your okay where you are now.

I accept the fact you are gone now, I stopped bargaining with god and live each day with the grief of your loss in my life.

I hope that Sam and Jake where there to greet you when you passed away. That alone brings me hope.

Tomorrow marks one week since you passed, I dread going to school because I thought of you the whole entire time in class and leaving early because before I left I held you for as long as you would let me and said its okay to go. When I returned from school you were there meowing and I fed you a little which you couldn't keep down and you left the room and came back in staggering and fell over trying to breathe and I was there saying its okay, even though it wasn't. The pain is that I know you suffered at that moment and I blame myself.

I miss you kitty kat.

My song to you - Please Remember me - Tim McGraw

I am so sorry to learn that yet another furry love has passed away. Please accept my sincerest condolences on the recent passing of your beloved Ernie. How wonderful for you and Ernie to have spent 19 years making each other so happy making memories that will help carry you through for the rest of your lifetime. Special loves such as yours are never forgotten.

Though worlds separate you for now, trust that one day you and Ernie will see each other again. His loving spirit is still with you in every way.

Stick with the people in this forum who truly understand how devastating it is for us when a furry love passes away. I've had many people in my life who I loved dearly who are now gone, but the agonizing pain I felt after my Goliath passed away surpassed any kind of pain I had ever known before. Sometimes people just don't what to say or are afraid of saying the wrong thing. Still others have no idea what warmth and love an animal brings into our lives and hearts. Then there are some that don't care. If they do care about you, they will also care about how you are feeling right now. I'm glad to hear that you have at least one friend outside this forum who cares enough about you to bring you some comfort.

May you be blessed with comfort during this oh so sad time of your life.

Hugs and love from my heart to yours,
Beth

I have to comment that though I come across as a cat person, I have had and loved dogs as well. Pepper and Matilda were wonderful dog-friends of ours.
But there IS something different about the friendship with a cat. A freind of my wife's is a dog person...And recently she took in a stray cat that conned her into letting her into the house. Now, she finds herself kinitting TOYS for the cat all the time, and she never stops talking about the cat..it is a new discovery. The dogs are pretty good about it but I suspect they grumble when she is not listening. Dogs have been hunting partners of ours since we left the caves-We and they understand each others' rules.
Cats graciously deigned to show up and protect our grain from rodents and could take us or leave us. But somehow, we and cats became friends, but not in an employer-employee thing like the dogs do. (I can remember Pepper practically saying, "Hi Boss!")
So we find that when a cat gives us permission to be close, it seems to mean something unique. And when we meet and befriend a special one, like Ernie, or my Miles, we are surprised at the intensity of the relationship. Here is an animal we always thought was aloof and independent, and now they unconditionally love us completely. it is even a little flattering.
I had thought of all this when I lost Miles last year...What WAS it that happened that losing her hurt so much? And I think that might have something to do with it. In a sense, she became a real person, and one of the most important in my life, just as Ernie did for you.

What a beautiful cat!!!!!

I am so glad your friend is there for you. Sometimes it is hard for the people around us to respond. They just do not understand how deep an animal/human love can be. Lost my Sissycat June 5 2008 I cried and cried. Lost my step-dad June 25 2008. I barely wept at all. I felt guilty, but that bond me and Sissycat had was so strong!!!!

Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Ernie's Mom,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers as you do through this incredibly difficult time in your life. I know how hard it was (and still is) when I lost my Chickie. Every now and then, a furbaby and completely steals your heart. The bond with those special ones can never be broken. As time goes by, the pain will become less acute, less sharp, a little easier to tolerate. You will be able to think of Ernie and all of the special moments you had together, the times he made you laugh, and the sweet little snuggles and conversations you shared without having a complete meltdown, but it could definitely take a while. It has been just over 4 months for me and I am just getting to where I can talk about Chickie without crying. Ernie was a beautiful kitty and obviously owned your heart. Again, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Adriane

I'm so sorry for your loss of Ernie. He's a beautiful boy. You are so blessed to have had his companionship and love for so many years.. Ernie will always be in your heart. They never really leave us. Hoping your tears turn to smiles thinking of all the many happy memories he gave you. I feel your pain..Hugs.. Ann

Thank you for your response to Ernie passing and how hard its been. I'm so happy to have you and others to express my grief to and to feel the emotions and love this site offers. I hope for peace with all of us even though I cry now as I type this. Thank you sooo much for caring.

Dear Ernie,

It's been a week now since you passed away. We had a birthday party to attend and I managed to get through the last five hours not crying. The moment I pulled into the driveway I found myself paralyzed and unable to get out of the car knowing you weren't there to greet me as you have done for sooooo many years now. I can't even describe the pain of walking in the house and only hearing the dogs bark and not seeing you there as I've always done for so many years. The loss is to great for me now to even put into words.

I looked at your dad and said....at this moment it feels as if he never existed and he said...... he did.

I'm listening to Tim McGraw - Please Remember Me as I type this.

I love and miss you Ernie.

Love your Mom

Dear Ernie,

What I wish........

Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me
It could be for anything
I didnt ask for money
Or a mansion in malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you

Chorus

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe Id be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

First thing Id do, is pray for time to crawl
Then Id unplug the telephone
And keep the tv off
Id hold you every second
Say a million I love yous
Thats what Id do, with one more day with you

Chorus

Leave me wishing still, for one more day
Leave me wishing still, for one more day

Jo Dee Mesina

II don't know how I survived
In this cold and empty world
For all this time
I only know that I'm alive
Because you love me

When I recall what I've been through
There's some things
That I wish I didn't do
Now I do the things I do
Because you love me

And now that you're in my life
I'm so glad I'm alive
'Cause you showed me the way
And I know now how good it can be
Because You love me

And now that you're in my life
Oh, I'm so glad I'm alive
'Cause you showed me the way
And I know now how good it can be
Because you love me

I believe in things unseen
I believe in the message of a dream
And I believe in what you are
Because you love me

With all my heart and all my soul
I'm loving you and I never will let go
And every day I'll let it show
Because you love me
Because you love me
Because you love me

Jo Dee Messina & Tim McGraw - Bring On The Rain

Another day has almost come and gone
Can't imagine what else could go wrong
Sometimes I'd like to hide away
somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war ('cause)
Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anway
So bring on the rain
Its almost like the hard times circle 'round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
And I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing -
but I'm not dead (no, cause')
Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain
No I'm not gonna let it get me down,
I'm not gonna cry
And I'm not gonna lose any sleep tonight ('cause)
Tomorrow's another day
And I am not affraid
So bring on the rain
Tomorrows another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain
(Bring on, Bring on the rain)
No I'm not gonna let it get me down
No I'm not gonna cry
So bring on the rain

Hi Ernie's Mom,

So many of us here experience that with family and friends when our sweet babies pass. There honestly was not one of my friends that understood what I was going through. My husband didn't even understand. Of course, to me, they are my children. We love them with everything that we are and everything that we have. It is unconditional, pure, love. I always think pets are angels in little bodies. Their love is just so pure. Sites like this help so much. It's wonderful to have people that understand you and know what you are going through.

Just like now, my little Ivy is having heart problems. I can't talk about it to any of my friends. They just don't know, they wouldn't get it. But sites like this give me support and love their babies just as much as I do. It is shelter from the storm.

Hugs
NM

Dear Ernie,

It's been 10 day's now and I miss you soooo much. I will be visiting your grave tomorrow and I'm dreading it. I was remembering today when I held you right before you died and rocking you in my arms, I didn't know when but I knew you wouldn't be here much longer and you died an hour later. I know 19 years is a long time for a wonderful and beautiful cat but I just wanted to say that this song is for you...

I miss you my beautiful kitty cat...........

"The Dance"

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance

Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance

Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance