Hi, Jules02, I am just being able to get caught up on your posts. I wish to add my support to what others have already shared with you - - Roman did not die because you neglected him. Roman did not die because you now have two precious human babies in your household. Roman died suddenly because of a very sudden medical event that happens to people, too. And as Ann has so eloquently shared with you, there is NEVER enough time with our beloved companions on this side of eternity - - we will always want just one more minute, one more hour, one more day - - one more lifetime with them. Unfortunately they, too, have physical bodies that are subject to the same medical challenges that human bodies are. Guilt is a stage of grief that we ALL go through as a result of a loss - - it is a very painful stage to process and move beyond. For whatever it is worth to you, clinical studies have proven that the brain "saves" the memory of a traumatic event and then "replays" that traumatic event over and over again. The more traumatic the "event" is the more the brain will "replay" the event. Witnessing your beloved Roman's death was a very traumatic event for you. The memory of where he died also is part of the trauma. It is a "vision" that your brain has not yet processed and is therefore not allowing you to emotionally begin the healing journey of losing Roman's sweet physical presence with you. There are some things you can try to physically change the area where Roman died that may help you to focus differently. For instance, can you place a table in the hallway in the vicinity where Roman died and cover it with a table cloth that will let your eyes and mind focus on the design of the table cloth - - maybe put a vase of dried flowers - - or fresh flowers - - on the table. Or - - could you hang a picture on the wall that will draw your attention away from the floor and spot where Roman died and have you focus on something "pleasing" to the brain. I know this may sound off the wall, but it is a matter of re-training your brain to stop "playing" the traumatic event of Roman's death. This is a technique that is used with PTSD and Survivor's Guilt patients - - I know from first-hand experience from being in an automobile collision several years ago that permanently changed my life physically and emotionally, and caused the death of my mom. And I totally agree with Flossie's Mom - - Roman wants you to focus your energies on your precious twins and be happy with them. I know this is going to take time for you to understand but I will say it just the same: Roman's sweet living Spirit is still with you -- he has not left you. You will always have his sweet Spirit in your heart and your memories, and this can never be taken away from you. His legacy to you is to focus on taking care of your human family now which you can do freely without having any guilt or sorrow. His sweet precious Spirit is right beside you helping you with your twins and sharing everything that is taking place in his family - - for you will always and forever be his family. Jules, I hope what I have shared with you will be helpful to you in some way. This grief heaing journey is both physically and emotionally painful, but hopefully by now you know you are not alone. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Your Roman reminds me so much of my dear Mack, who died of cancer Sept 2, 2006. Mack didn't die quite as suddenly as Roman, but he only lived a week after we had a confirmed diagnosis. I kept asking myself where was I and what was I doing when this evil thing crept into my house to steal my treasured boy. But Mack's cancer was caused by a genetic mutation... it came into my house with him...if anything the care and love we gave him may have delayed the expression of it, and prolonged his life. And so you know it was with your Roman...the glossiness of his coat shows how loved and cared for he was. It shows in his eyes.


I miss Mack every day, and sometimes his pictures bring back a memory so tender and sweet that it takes my breath away...and tears follow. But they double my determination to go on in strength, because from the moment we met every breath he drew was for me, and his sister Birga who is still with me at 12. You and your healthy babies are sweet Romans legacy. I know he is watching over you with love and pride.


Thoughts and prayers,
Dayna

Joanne,
Thank you for saying that I extended his life. I am starting to feel better every day. I still have my days when I cry my eyes out but, I do feel his presence and I somehow feel peace when I do. I loved him so much and my heart will be broken for a long time. I will indeed pick up this book. I bought several books to help me through this time. I am currently reading Cold noses at the Pearly Gates!

Thank you for your words!

Moon_Beam,

Thank you for sharing your knowledge on survivor guilt. I am very sorry about the automobile accident and your mom. Did that happen recently? I know that was not an easy thing to go through and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

I do feel Roman's presence with me. It is weird. I do feel some peace. I still cry and miss him so very much but, I feel him here in this house and even thought I heard him last night walking up the stairs. I know that sounds crazy but, it makes me feel better to think that just maybe Roman's spirit is here. I cannot do anything where Roman passed in the hall. It simply is right in the middle and I could not put a table or anything there. You know I was thinking that I am starting to think that he waited for me to come around the corner to see him before he left us. I do not know what I would have done had I not seen him collapse. If I would have came even a sec later I would never have known what had happened to him and that would have haunted me more NOT knowing. I hope that makes sense. I would have gone crazy wondering how long he had been there even if it was minutes.......but, seeing it as traumatic as it was I know he died quickly and was in no pain.

myhrtisbrkn,
Thank you for saying it showed how much he was loved and cared for. You have made me really think about how much Roman looked after me and the babies when I was pregnant. He was at my side the whole way when I was on bedrest 4 months. He was my protector and gave me so much company and strength to get through that lonely time. I am crying now just thinking how the babies are his legacy. He was so special and we had such a unique bond. I still talk to him daily like I used to and I hope he hears me. I am going to miss the spring when we took so many walks. I am crying so hard right now. I loved him so much and I miss him terribly. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since he passed. I miss you Roman and I hope you are okay. I pray for you every night. Mommy loves you!

I still talk to him daily like I used to and I hope he hears me. I am going to miss the spring when we took so many walks. I am crying so hard right now. I loved him so much and I miss him terribly. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since he passed. I miss you Roman and I hope you are okay. I pray for you every night. Mommy loves you!


Roman hears every word you say to him. That is because he is such a part of you, he really can never truly leave you. He is in your heart and his essence surrounds you and your family each and every day. Only the physical can be taken away from us. The bond of love between us and our special ones cannot be broken by any power. I talk to my boy and look in his eyes in his pictures and feel a connection when I do so.

2 weeks is such a very short time for a loss to even become bearable. It takes a lot of time but we can help it along by remembering the good times and be thankful they became a part of our lives and lived in our home and now always of course live in our hearts.

When you walk in the Spring I could believe Roman is still walking beside you because I feel he is so much a part of you that he will always be with you...wherever you are.

He is okay. He is without illness, without pain. Although with the kind of love these sweethearts give us, we know they would gladly go through all that to be with us again...such is the kind of love they have.

I read about the nights being the hardest. Try to sleep imagining he is lying down not very far away from you...but feel his love and his spirit...and know he is watching over you all the time but especially at night still sharing that special time with you. He will always be with you.
And, he is listening to every word you say. Angels may not be able to speak to us but I am sure they can hear us.

Hugs to you and your family...and your special Angel...Roman
Your pictures of him are truly precious.

Judy

Oh does my heart break for you, I just had to have my rottie put down on sunday night, as he busted out both knees in his back legs, they say it was a freak accident, but my god I cant stand it, I cant stop crying, cant sleep, hardly eat, and I want him back! My entire person hurts! My Jasper was not what everyone thinks of when they hear rottie, he was the biggest lap dog you can imagaine, he would give you a kiss and rub noses with you, and if you didnt do the nose rub, look out cuz you would constantly be being kissed, and what I would give right now to ignore that nose rub and be kissed to death!
I have been searching for a chat room on pet loss but cant find one. And it really dont seem anyone understands what I am going thur! While he wasnt a rescue, or a found puppy, I paid alot of money for him, and to be told even if they did the surgery on both legs, I would have to keep him in one area, and not let him move for weeks, and even then they could not guarntee he would ever have use of those legs again, and recommended if I did do this to be living in a ranch type house with no steps. Well I dont. And to make things even worse, I didnt lie when I called off work on monday, I actually told the truth, and after picking my baby up to take to get cremated so I could always have him near me, Imy job called and fired me as that was not a valid reason to call off work! Only death of a family member! DUH-what do they think he was!
Anyway, I am very sorry and I can feel your pain, and sorrow, I hope my Jasper is up in heaven playing with your baby!
Hugs and Kisses, Rottiemum

JackJackBoJack, LoveThem....

Thank you so much for always saying the right thing to pull me through another day. Roman is missed so much and I still see him everwhere in this house. I think I am doing better and WHAM something will bring me to my knees again.....a memory that makes me so sad. I know someday those memories will make me smile and be happy that I had Roman in my life, but for now all it does is make me sooooo sad. I hate going in my back yard.....I still have his favorite blanket in my car when I would take him for rides. I cannot even think about taking it out. I miss you Roman and I love you very much!!!

I still have his favorite blanket in my car when I would take him for rides. I cannot even think about taking it out.

I still have my Little Guy's favorite blanket on my living room couch and even though it has been over a year....I can't think about putting it away.

We see when we lose such special ones...that there are so many things we all think alike about.
That's probably because our love and our pain is so much alike also.

Take care and I am glad you are coming here and it is helping you.

Hugs,
Judy

It will be 3 weeks tomorow that Roman passed away. Wednesday is always so hard for me. I am so dreading waking up and seeing the place in the hall where he collapsed. I miss him so much and it hurts so bad. Mommy misses you so much Roman. I have not even been able to go on any walks without you. I cannot even go in the backyard yet. I see you everywhere and my heart just breaks. I think about you everyday. I love you with all my heart!!

OK...I am having one of the hardest days so far today. I thought I was doing better and WHAM I have not been able to quit crying today. I think I am just so pre-occupied with babies that I have tried to put it out of my mind. I guess I am in the denial stage. I miss him so much. My heart i just breaking. When does this pain subside? I have lost many close friends and family members and this hurts more than that. I think I am doing better and then I cry all day.........We took the batteries out of our doorbell because I just could not stand that Roman was not here to bark and growl at whoever was at the door. He LOVED it when that thing rang.......I miss you Roman and I think about you every minute of the day. I wish you were here........

Very, very normal feelings. My boy has been gone over a year and yet I can have a "breakdown" day. Time does help to make us feel more in control and basically we are but then..wham....we get overwhelmed with feelings of missing our boys and some days it seems like so many things remind us of them...and that adds to feeling overwhelmed. Yes, you will have hard days but as you said...there are times you began to feel more in control. Again...all normal feelings and thoughts.

When does the pain subside? It can't do so completely because we will always love them and miss them and that causes the pain. It is just that in time...it is pushed into the back of our minds and we think of the fun times we had with them...when they were healthy...those very special days that we never want to forget. And so, the pain becomes less intense and does not take over our days and nights like it does in the beginning.

They would always want us to celebrate their life with us because there were so many happy times there and because they are so full of that special unconditional love...they are happy when we are happy.

If we cried, they would want to lick away the tears.....and...we would let them.

But when they see us smiling....their world lights up...and in Roman's case....there would be the distinct sound of a tail thumping. (My Little Guy being a cat..had a big tail..but it doesn't thump..not like doggies do (not like my doggies did)).

Why does it hurt so much more than losing a family member or a friend? Maybe because these babies are the only ones in our lives that ALWAYS loved us for who we are, never judged anything about us, and there were no conditions at all..attached to their love for us. Humans cannot do that. So such a loss is hard to compare to a human loss.

I have a postcard on my wall of a dog lying in a chair and a kitten lying next to him with its paws kind of hugging the dog and it says simply..

" A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same."

That's why it hurts so much...for all of us.
Hugs.....you will be okay...but cry anytime you feel like it, it is an okay thing to do.

Judy

Judy,
Thank you for replying and always saying the right thing to make so many of us feel better. You are truly appreciated for all your kindness.
I am having a breakdown day for sure. It started out with me consumed of thinking of Roman and then my husband went to dinner with friends tonight and I realized this is the first time I am here alone with the babies and Roman is not here. He always kept me company. The house feels so empty without him in it. I still am sleeping with his collar......I am sure that sounds strange but, it gives me comfort and it still smells like him....once again probably sounds strange. He gave me so much happiness and I hope he was happy here. I am visiting him tomorrow and maybe that will make me feel a little closer to him.

When we are grieving for these sweethearts...........NOTHING can possibly sound strange.

Whatever makes us feel better is the right thing to do for us and there is no judging about what makes us feel better.

Hugs,
Judy

Hi Judy,
Thank you always for your words. You always make me feel better. I went through my first thunderstorm without Roman last night. I always tried to comfort him and he always alerted us when bad weather was approaching. I was so sad last night. He would be under my feet the whole time. It made me want to go to his grave and tell him everything would be okay. I just wanted to be with him. Tomorrow will be a hard day. It will be a month to the day that he passed. I hate Wednesday's now. It is so hard because he collapsed right outside our bedroom. I miss you Roman and I love you very much!! Mommy thinks about you every minute of every day!!

Julie

Hi Julie,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I am grateful you were at the right place at the right time to save Roman. You gave him a wonderful home and he was lucky to have you. Just try to remember the good times and try not to do the "what if's", as we all do. There wasn't anything you could have done differently and one day hopefully you will realize this. I too try to &%^ize things when there really isn't a answer. I still do it over the loss of my Casey in November to Cancer, my husband just told me the other day, no matter how much I think about it there just wasn't anything we could have done. I just want to make sense of it all.

Karen

My "day" is Monday if I allow myself to remember. My boy's collapse was dragging himself into our living room at 3 in the afternoon. I put it out of my mind as much as possible because it doesn't make me feel any better to remember. There is nothing more we could have done. There is nothing more you could have done.

It was their time to leave us and that simply hurts so very much, it is hard not to think about what happened....but whenever we can, we should remember the times we loved to be together.
I know what you mean about thunderstorms. There are so many things we have to remind us of our very best friends. The healing begins as we concentrate on the happy moments...those are the ones they would want us to remember..and so...we try. Sometimes we fall back into tears..but then again...we will try.

Hugs,
Judy

How are you doing, Julie?

One big cyber-hug being sent right now!

Judy

Hi everyone. I just wanted to check in and say Hi. Thank you Judy for keeping up with my thread. I am having a really hard day today. I have been really sad and crying all day and missing my Roman. I have my good days and my bad days and this one has been hard. The babies take up all my time and I feel like I had to put away all my sadness for Roman. Then it just comes pouring out when you least expect it. I miss him so much. Spring and summer will be very hard around here. I miss walking with him so much. I have not been on one walk yet since he passed. I love and miss you Roman!!!

dear Julie
i had to start a new thread tonight, about my beloved cat Jim.
so i got to know your wonderful lovestory with Roman.
what a beautiful soul
what a beautiful dog
i love his photos, i can see all his love for you in his eyes.
feeling with you
Eva