Rosie--what a lovely face you have and I bet you are at the Rainbow Bridge having so much fun.


I bet that WAS a sign from Rosie!!!!!! I believe we all get signs. Just some people don't pick up on them.

Know we are here for you!!!

Hugs to you and the new Angel Rosie!!!!!!!!

Hey Jan-------Rosie was a sweetie.I know she was a bigger part of H's life but the way you view animals( the LS style as it were) I am sure you loved her alot and are hurting right now.You know how your friends here at LS feel toward you and you know we are with you in your grief.Now that Rosie is at the Bridge your new chapter will begin here on earth.Again,keep in mind your forum pals are thinking of you at this time during your own earth transition.Keep posting during this change and I will keep an eye on your thread and do my best to keep you company via the computer.We'll get you through this friend.Promise..............Bubba...............

Jan, I am so sorry to hear about everything you are going through, and for your loss of Rosie. I had a similar situation of a series of "unfortunate events" as I like to call them. Hang in there...... I know it seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, but there will be. Good things will happen again, I know it just doesn't seem like it right now.

Ren, Zorro, and Nemo's Mom

Jan,

I just wanted to check in and see how you were.
Hope to hear from you soon.

Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, OMG, Jan....I'd been here only briefly earlier today, but didn't even SEE your thread. I'm in total shock about how everything went from bad to SO MUCH WORSE and can't even begin to imagine how horrible you must feel now, as if you hadn't felt bad or had enough to try to handle before! This is all just stunningly awful!!

All except for dear Rosie making sure she sent a sign JUST FOR YOU in particular - oh yes, I truly believe it was her or you wouldn't have noticed it that way. (if you really wanted to confirm this for yourself, I'm sure you could call the vet who helped in her transition and ask if they have a record of the exact time) Just remember, even though you two didn't know each other very long, SHE obviously LOVES you for WHO YOU ARE and just the way you are, grief and all. I'll just bet that you were the only one who DID have such compassion for her with all that was going on around her, and she knew/knows that....hence her grateful sign. No matter what has happened or what will happen, always remember that you have a huge, warm heart that many others so appreciate, even if the ones you wanted to appreciate it didn't. Their much bigger loss in the end, even if they're too whatever to realize it! (I'd like to openly use some choice adjectives here , but I guess I have to be civil on a public board....)

You're so right about the wise reasons for purging and working through everything possible about each grief and loss, just as I've always believed, too. But I couldn't be sorrier that you've had to discover this in such harsh ways, and that you'll certainly have your work cut out for you with that now. But at least you'll be able to take this wise counsel with you, unlike your (ex) H who is more likely to just keep repeating the same pattern in his life. In a way, that's almost like 'justice' right there.

Everyone else has already said much the same things I would have, had I seen this sooner (and special thanks from me, too, to the wonderful guys here for being so markedly and gloriously different from some others of their gender!)....and I'm still so stunned I can't think of what else I might add, except to say my heart absolutely breaks wide open for you and I only wish I could make this all go away for you!

But I SO hope that counselor will be able to guide you through everything in the best ways possible. Do you think there's any chance one of your friends there might be able to come and stay with you for awhile as you attempt to adjust to all these sudden and painful changes?

Oh, man.....you've just been robbed of so much. I'm so, so, very sorry about everything that's completely torn apart your world in the last while and only hope that collectively, we can all help you through it, for as long as it takes.

And just for the record....you deserve FAR better than this! (so I'm hoping it's exactly THAT that's somehow on its way to you!)

Too many hugs to count!!!!!!
Nissa and Sabin's Mom / F's Mom

[quote name='LoveThem' date=

Somewhere I remember hearing we are not given in life more than we can bear...but when so much happens all at the same time, it seems, it makes me wonder how that can be true.

Sorry about everything...all the losses...it can just be too overwhelming at times.

[/quote]

Thanks Judy

I went to my parents, out of town yesterday while they moved stuff here. I felt better, but this morning I had the counselling session and I feel really bad again. The counsellor said she believed H had made up his mind a long time ago and the reason he is so matter of fact now is because he has gone through all the stages of grieving about the relationship. I am just beginning.

I feel so duped.

As for Rosie, I think of her when I go for walks. We had to carry her down the stairs and I had to help her onto a ramp, then watch to make sure she hadn't fallen on the way. I don't think Rosie was ever fully happy after H's wife died. She always had a sadness in her eyes and now she is with her mom. I think she is much happier now and in a far better place.

thanks again.

Jan.

Sissycat - thank you. I think Rosie wanted to go to Rainbow Bridge a long time ago, missing her mom so much.

I know she is happier now.

Jan.

Bubba,

That really means a lot. I am still in a state of shock and disbelief. The place looks like we were robbed - all his furniture, his tv set, everything is gone. The ironic thing is that so much of the place was designed with his tv set, speakers, studio for his business etc etc and even just a week ago we were building a bridge and stairs for bathroom access to his studio. This cost a fortune, so why would he do this knowing he was on his way out? He was very sure and very absolute, and the counsellor I saw this morning said that she felt he had made up his mind for some time and was probably hoping to wait until after Xmas to make the move to split.

I guess I was living a lie. It makes me wonder if I'm naive or if I just can't trust people. H just never expressed that he felt that bad about things. I think they could have all worked out but we had so many tragic situations in such a short period. I am really gutted. I have my moments of peace, but I still don't believe it. Yet here I am in an empty home with no furniture.

Jan.

Hi Nemo's Mom

I got your message, and will respond soon. I'm also getting audited tomorrow morning for my business - what impeccable timing! So I might not have time today.

I so appreciate you taking the time to send me your thoughts.

Jan.

Oh thanks sissycat - that makes me feel good that you are checking on me! I really need that right now.

thanks so much, it brings tears, but that's not too hard right now...

Sometimes I wonder if the grief is ever going to end, just one thing after another.

Jan.

F's mom - thanks so much for your dear thoughts. I don't have much time right now because I have to deal with audit stuff for my appointment tomorrow morning, but you gave me your # before on a message I believe and now, since no-one is around to care, I will try calling you. I don't know when you are around, or when it's convenient so let me know but it won't be until after tomorrow morning because that's when I'm getting audited.

You guys are so wonderful, all of you! You are seriously keeping me afloat. This is so important to me!

I like the idea of having a friend stay here - what are you doing over the next while? Just kidding, but this empty house is so weird. We had a student staying here who also left Sunday. So 3 people and one dog have left, making it a very empty house.

I really appreciate you saying I have a huge, warm heart! I feel on some level maybe there is something wrong with me for H to make such a final and forever decision without us even having worked on any issues. It leaves me with a feeling of inadequacy. Like maybe I expressed my stress too much over things, or maybe I stayed in grief too long, or let the stepdaughter issues bother me too much. But in the end, I am human, and I couldn't do everything the way they liked. I think this split was mostly SD's discontent with me because she really didn't want me in H's or her life. But ultimately it is H who is the adult and he went along. And in the end, who wants to be with people that don't love you.

thanks for caring!

Jan.

Hi Jan,

Oh heaven's! I'm not sure if that counsellor has that right or not and not that I'm any professional, but it sounds more to me like your H was utterly confused in his own head (and heart) and if nothing else, sure wasn't actively and seriously thinking ANYTHING through. As you said, to go ahead building complicated and specific things that you plan to just up and leave.....there's some other factor that's missing in this picture, I strongly suspect. Either that, or it may have been one of those "let's fill the hole I feel with STUFF and hope that helps" ways of thinking. But you could speculate until the cows come home and that doesn't really change what you're having to live with now. I just hope you didn't let them take any of YOUR stuff or things that ought to have been negotiated over.

And I also hope there's no chance that anything in your business was tampered with, hence the audit. If it's possible, perhaps that would explain such a sudden and hasty retreat?

You can certainly call me anytime after about noon most days (11 your time) and I'd be happy to chat and help that place feel a little more 'filled' if I can'. I just can't imagine, either, how deafening the silence must be for you. I'm sure everyone here has also realized that, of all times of the year, this is NOT a good time to feel or be alone NOR, of course, for something of this magnitude to happen, so if I can help you fill in some voids here and there, I'd be happy to. (and honestly, feeling like I have a purpose for existing right now would be of benefit to ME as well) If I didn't have so many lengthy projects to get done (or, heck, even started!), I'd honestly consider coming out there for a few days! It would do ME good to get out of HERE, too, for awhile. Are none of your friends likely to understand what you're going through and come to help you out then? Or is it just the whole time of year thing?

Your last few sentences are full of wisdom, I hope you know...even if you can't quite believe or trust the extent of your own intellect right now. So yes, in the bigger picture, it's best not to be with those who don't value you, of course, but it still hurts like hell when relationships fall apart, especially if they're beyond earthly, reasonable repair. There are still spiritual-type exercises that can be done on them, essentially to make YOU feel better and help sustain you, but naturally, you still have to feel all the yucky feelings, too, especially at the beginning. Many if not most of us feel like there "must be something WRONG with me!" when we're rejected by those we care about, even in those instances when it's clearly mainly about THEIR stuff. And even though it's also always about US to some extent, too, that's a much longer project to figure out who's baggage is being carried by whom. So just try not to take on someone else's responsibilities.

None of us can act perfectly all the time, or even maybe much of the time, but that doesn't mean we're totally unloveable. Try not to allow them to take away your feelings of adequacy, even though that's a totally natural reaction to any break-up. What's really "inadequate" here is giving up on someone so easily and quickly and that's not what YOU did! You have to fight for yourself now, and to heck with whatever THEY might have thought of you. If you ask me, anyone who loves their kidlets as much you have is obviously of a higher vibration to begin with, so maybe you were just with those whose vibration couldn't match yours and the heartbreak just made that difference more apparent. But that isn't your fault! And you always did have the perfect right to grieve and process things in your own time and way and any that don't support you in that, hard as it is to accept, either just don't want to understand that, or are simply incapable of understanding that because they're too far behind you in whatever ways. I know that probably doesn't help much, but you need to use everything you can find now to feel okay about yourself and not let them drag you down any further. And hey, don't forget that anger is higher on the vibrational scale than depression and grief, and now there's no one to stop you from beating up a pillow or something (except for choosing ways that won't scare your doggies), so USE that if you need to and don't feel bad about it. Anger is hardly gender-specific, you know.

Hang in there, try to think of that audit going smoothly and quickly and if you tell the 'suits' that you were just left, maybe they'll go easier on you, feel uncomfortable (oh NO! FEELINGS!) and WANT to get the heck outta there faster! (after all, they usually send men for these things ) My father was audited twice, after he actually HAD had something dicey done with his books by his accountant....and yet it went just fine. And maybe we can talk when that's done with.

Hi Jan. Just wanted to check in on you. I've thought about you alot this week. You do have a huge warm heart. Don't ever let anybody ever to try and tell you otherwise. It's quite evident in the postings you make to others, inspite of the pain you have been going through for so long. Your husband's leaving isn't about you Jan. He'd probably rather have you believe it is though. Then he doesn't have to face himself honestly.

I'm glad you got a sign from Rosie. She let you know she loves you and that she knows you love her too.

Hugs,
Beth

Hey Jan----------Just letting you know I am here checkin in.Wish I could actually DO something for you.But if it helps to know that alot of us are thinking of you,then,we are, judging by all the posts,doing the group-think-positive-affirmation-thing hoping this awful epoch passes for you in a period that is fleet.If we all lived in the same town we would all be at your house havin-a-helluva party till this huge turn in your life gets on the straight path again.Much good advice and heartfelt feelings have been forthcoming already and I wish I had something to throw into the mix to actually benefit you.I'll go into the parallel universe and tell a silly story only because I don't know what else to do.

Early,one fine morning,the Sesame street school bus was making it's usual morning rounds picking up all the kids for transport to classes.On the first stop,two overweight best friends,both by the name of Pat waltzed on to the bus.On the second stop,a slower child named Ross lept aboard.On the third and final stop,none other than Lester Keyes made his daily appearance.Lester Keyes had a peculiar habit of taking his shoes off and playing with his toes while enroute to his destination.So,what do you have when you put this all together? You have:

(Sung to the melody of the old McDonald's TV commercial of the 1970's)


Two obese Patty's,Special Ross,Lester Keyes picking bunions on a Sesame street bus.

.....Bubba.............

>Oh heaven's! I'm not sure if that counsellor has that right or not and not that I'm any professional, but it sounds more to >me like your H was utterly confused in his own head (and heart) and if nothing else, sure wasn't actively and seriously >thinking ANYTHING through.

Well, that's what I'd like to think. I was thinking about this and I think it's more that H had decided that his "alliance" was with his daughter, which is so sad because I never wanted it to be about choosing between us. I think he had firmly decided that, and the conflicts between her and I (she is aged 14!) reminded him that I didn't do things like his wife who passed. However, who knows what conflicts would have happened if she were alive. Also H had a heart scare and I guess he doesn't know how long he'll be here. I guess he wasn't willing to put up with the 4 or 5 years it would take until SD left home. Or, maybe all this psychoanlyzing is wrong and he just doesn't love me for whatever reason. His style to deal with bad feelings is to "fix" things and not carry on in a grief state. I was not very functional after Ziggy died for awhile, though it wasn't like I was laying in bed all day. I think he sees my reactions to all the stresses we've had as weakness. But in the end, it was really that he made a choice of SD over me, as awful as that sounds, and as much as I never wanted to be in a competition like that.

The audit went fine! Everything is good and no penalties, nothing! I am so glad that's over with! I did tell the guy what I was going through, but he said my books were well organized and there were no worries.

I will take you up on the phone call but not sure when. Right now there is an electrician coming and going (still not finished the reno's) and there is a plumbing problem still that needs to be dealt with. But I certainly appreciate the offer to lend your ear.

>Are none of your friends likely to understand what you're going through and come to help you out then? Or is it just the >whole time of year thing?

I am very, very fortunate to have so many friends! I didn't know how many until this happened. Some people have come forward and called or expressed their support that I never would have imagined. As for the house, I have a friend doing some cleaning next week, then I'd like to try to get the place together. I have to see what's left in the garage. H won't take anything of mine at least he's being decent that way, and no he wasn't involved at all with my business. I will need to sort out some new furniture.

I think it is really important for me to realize his choice is about him and not about me, as hard as that sometimes is. Even if he hated things I was saying or doing, it's still about his reaction. I would have preferred he share with me his concerns than just let them build.

Y'know Christmas has always pretty much been a cruddy time of year for me, at least for the last several years. It always seems to point out that we are not those shiny happy people that the commercials show.

> What's really "inadequate" here is giving up on someone so easily and quickly and that's not what YOU did!

Thanks! That makes me feel better! That's true also what you said that if a person doesn't connect with love to an animal as much, there's no way they can understand the grief of loss from someone who does.

>don't forget that anger is higher on the vibrational scale than depression and grief

Well that's interesting, 'cause I am plenty angry and not depressed right now. I cry but they are tears of disappointment for a vision that turned out not to be real.

Thanks a bunch!!! I am going to put some of the things you posted here as I am doing with other posts on one sheet so I can remind myself of all these things when I feel cruddy!!!

Jan.

Beth - thanks for checking in and for caring - what special people you are on this site!! I am so privileged to be a part of this.

What you said about it not being about me - those words really help. It is so hard not to take it personally when he said he had no feelings for me, and that the two things that made him unhappy were the house and me. No mincing words there. So what you said means a lot to me.

I did hear what I thought as barking once again that day, but not since. I think Rosie must be so happy, finally with her mom. I think Rosie must have really loved her mom and I don't think she ever really got over that grief of loss in her life. Now she is reunited with her special person! That, we all have to look forward to!

Jan.

Well, maybe we could contact Oprah and she could sponsor a big party? I have a big empty unrenovated house with lots of spare rooms!! Must love dogs and cats - I still have 4 dogs here and one cat!!

And I like your silly story too!

Funny but I spent a lot of hours here and wondered if instead I should have been spending time with H. Now I am so glad I did spend time here. I have my little online support system and that is helping me cope in a big way. I guess I would have been spending more time with H if he was able to handle my grief, but felt at the time I was bringing him down. I know that spending the time I did grieving means I am stronger now to deal with the new grief. With Ziggy I felt exasperated and hopeless about humans, this time I feel angry and deceived. According to F's mom this is a good sign.

Thanks a bunch!

Jan.

This is a painting I made for x-H last year. I used to call Rosie Pixie - with her cute pointed ears. I think of her and miss her on my daily walks, but I know that her body and heart was very tired.

Thinking of you my Pixie and hoping you are having a wonderful reunion with your lovely mom!!

Good morning my Pixie.

Did you say hello from me to Merlin, Tiffany, Zita and Ziggy, like I asked?

I told you to give me a sign when you are around, like bad doggie breath or something like that... I think you must be busy now with all the reunions.

Sprite, Chance, Asha and Ellie keep on looking for you. I don't know what to say to them but they keep checking where you used to sleep all the time. Even though you were old and didn't feel well, they still knew you were part of the family pack. I think you must be happy where you are with all the great company.

You left at the right time, sweetie. Things must be so much happier for you over there.

Thinking of you, and of Merlin, Tiffany, Zita and Ziggy.

Sending all of you much love.

******xoooooooo

That painting of your sweet Pixie is wonderful,you have conveyed all the kindness in her eyes. That looks tells me that she keeps a special place for you forever in her heart , your loving ways must have been soothing for her perhaps you had to be there for her in a strange mysterious way.
I don't know what your plans are for now but one of my friends' marriage split up and she decided to be able to stay in her house by putting up an ad for a person to share the house, it turned out great for her and the renter, both were able to get back on their feet( that other person was living the same sort of upheaval and needed a place to live). You might consider a rental agreement after a few interviews and ask for references, this might be a solution for you too. Take care and big big hugs, not easy, may you be uplifted by angels of all kinds.