Hi, Richard, I am getting caught up on my posts, and want to tell you how glad I am that Deuce's passing was a peaceful experience for both him and for you and your wife. While this doesn't prevent the difficult adjustment to the loss of Deuce's sweet physical presence with you, it will help to comfort you. Each time I have had to make the "E" decision for my furkids it never ceases to amaze me that after the process is completed and before I release my furbaby's body back to the staff for cremation, I always see them smiling. This doesn't stop my heart from selfishly breaking because I no longer have their physical presence with me, but eventually I can look back at that final moment and see their smile - - and that helps me to realize that they are happy now once again healthy to their former selves before the illnesses took over their bodies. Richard, please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Thank you so much for sharing with us about Deuce. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I wanted to add that I am not sure what I can add except that I am where you are, Richard. This is the most devastating thing I have ever experienced. My heart breaks for you, and for now, let me offer my condolences.

Hi, Richard....I was here yesterday and had a reply for you but I got disconnected from the Internet so I saved it and am now posting it today. Sorry I was not here earlier. Here is my reply I tried to post yesterday:

I'm sorry I missed your original posting recently but I always know there are many here who know the right words to say to help because everything that happens is a shared experience and a familiar one.

I am sorry it was Deuce's time to go but from everything you have said...it is the right decision for him..and all your thoughts and reasoning are exactly what you need to concentrate on..to heal.

Especially when you said about remembering WHY the decision was made. That is so very important because it reminds us...we did it for them...it was what they needed. We put aside thoughts of any pain to us because of it and then afterwards...it hits us and so we have to keep remembering the WHY...that helps us cope with such a loss.

Deuce found a beautiful home and you two found a special boy that became a part of your heart and now will remain there forever. The happy, healthy days will never be forgotten and we are grateful they were a part of our lives.

I hope, as you said, you do return here anytime and share your thoughts and feelings. This is one place where we all truly understand such a loss. We share the same pain and so many of the same feelings and if we find a way to cope that helps us.....we do not hesitate to share it with someone newly in that overwhelming pain we know so very well.

Take care....Deuce is truly at peace and not in pain. Making that decision for them is the hardest we ever have to make because we know the pain is heartbreaking but it is a decision we make...for them...not for ourselves.

My favorite saying of a Mom here is:
The pain of losing him will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing him.

This really helps me a lot. I remember it many times and it can make me remember the joy part and smile...usually through tears....but yes, a smile and that smile helps.

Judy

Even more wonderful quotes and thoughts--thank you all so very much.

I received a lovely email from Deuce's vet, thanking us for sharing his life with them and allowing them to be his caregivers. I can't express enough how grateful we are to have such a caring veterinary staff taking care of our dogs; it made such a huge difference on Friday, especially, seeing how happy Deuce was to know that he was in their loving hands. They comforted us at least as much as we comforted Deuce during those final moments.

This is going to be a tough week. I find that I'm constantly looking for him, and expecting him to be in places where he typically used to be (taking up half the bed... sitting with just his rump up on the sofa... scheming ways to steal food from the other dogs' bowls when they're not paying attention... etc., etc., etc.) But just feeling the tremendous relief that he's no longer here SUFFERING has already helped a great deal. By far, the piercing sound of his cries in those final days was harder to bear than the actual euthanizing. Seeing that he experienced such peace and comfort in his final moments has helped us begin our own healing process.

Moving on to the next phase, (and perhaps this would be better suited as a new topic, but I'll pose the question here first) we were told that Deuce's ashes may be ready as early as tomorrow or Tuesday. I'm sure that's going to evoke yet another set of emotions, bringing him home in that state... As we've never experienced this before either, I was wondering what many of you have done with the containers bearing the remains of your beloved pets. I'm not sure it's something we'd "display" in the traditional sense of the word, yet it also doesn't feel right to put it somewhere away and out of sight... And then there's the question of which room he would want to be in. When I consider all these things, I keep coming back to the simple fact that Deuce just wanted to be wherever WE were. If we were in the kitchen, he'd be there with us. If we were working in our studios, he was there. When we went to bed, he went to bed with us. We were literally never apart from him in this house.

That having been said, I think I'm leaning towards keeping his box someplace in our bedroom, since that's where our days begin and end--just as they did for Deuce.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Richard

Richard,

This is all new to me as well, as my baby died on 10/11/08. We picked her ashes up a few days later, as her passing was on a Saturday. We drove to the crematorium on that Tuesday. We had the same issue. For now, and maybe for a long time, we take her remains with us. She always loved being by our side and in the car with us and doing everything we did. I miss her so much, I feel I cannot breathe. In reference to your question though, for now she is either in the office or bedroom. If we are in the living room, she is there. I know her spirit has moved on and these are simply her earthly remains. If you aren't sure of where to put them yet, take them with you and decide on a spot as time goes along. What feels best for your heart and where Deuce's remains feel right to you. I don't know if that helps, but for now, it is what works for us. Blessings to you and I am so sorry for the loss. May Deuce soar high forever.

Sincerely,
Carol

Hi Richard,

i just want to say that getting the ashes can be a tough time. To look down and say thats all I have left of my furkid. I did it 6 times in the last 2 years and I found I really wanted them in the bedroom. Thats where they all loved to pile up on and were so happy. I like to know they are close by when I go to sleep and keep them on the bottom of my nightstand which is open on the bottom. It sounds weird but it helps me. I feel they are still part of the family that way.I also keep pictures of them there also. I hope you get through this tough time. There are few things harder in life but you were lucky to have him. You are in my thoughts ...Barbara

Hi Richard, I didn't have a bad reaction when I got Arthur's ashes. I was just more relieved to know I had him home. I found a memory box at a pet store. I decorated it myself with pictures and poems. He is kept in his orig baggie, so this way, I can pick it up, which I do everyday to kiss. We also buried a little in yard where he loved. I have a little at my house and some in a jewlery piece. But for the most part we keep him in the living room. I would suggest putting him close by his favorite spot. Having ashes is good, because the way I look at it, it buys you time. If you want to bury him, you can, if you want to put him in drawer until the pain eases, you can. The option is totally yours. It will come to you naturally from within your heart as to where you place him. . ..many hugs.. Ann

Hi Richard--------I have found it to be very comforting to have Willy and all my other dogs ashes in a little memorial spot in the family room(My wife and I have no human children so they truely are our family) surrounded by lots of pictures of each of them.This, for us, insures that their presence is ongoing and they are continuing life in their other form.Keep an eye out for visits from Deuce.If you are open to them they will happen.God bless your boy.

Bubba...............

Richard,

Reading your story brought about a lot of emotions in me (and I'm at work, so I should probably pull myself together ). I lost my min pin a couple weeks ago...it was unexpected. She was only 4, and I believe she ate something in the yard within the 2 seconds I wasn't hovering over her. I had to leave her at the vet, because she was pretty ill, but I couldn't stay with her. I knew in my heart she wasn't going to make it, and I would have given anything to have laid with her as she passed away. But then I read your story, and making the choice...you would always be thinking about his last moments. However, I believe whether in my case or yours, we still second guess, or wonder. I'm so happy to hear that it was a peaceful experience for Deuce and you. Having a supportive vet staff must have been wonderful.

As far as your question on the ashes, I'm having the same concerns. Unfortunately in my town, it is a 1-2 month wait for ashes...and part of me can't wait to pick her up, because I just want her home with me. Knowing she's out there somewhere drives me crazy. Although I know that all my emotions from the first couple days will most likely come back. We went online to purchase a special urn that is very "her", and we will be framing one of her photos and setting it next to it. I may put it in my room, for the same reasons you stated. However, I may put it above the TV. I decided on a relatively small urn so it won't be a "display" but she will be there.

I also saw some jewelry or small pendants in which you can put a bit of ashes in. My husband is currently deployed, so sadly has not been able to be part of her passing or the process of receiving her ashes, but he wants to get a pendent to carry with him, and I believe I will do the same.

Let me know how it goes for you receiving Deuce, so I can prepare myself. As I've been telling some of the other pet parents on here, I'm quite sure Deuce is being a big ol' fatherly teddy bear with all our pets. They are all playing and running together. I'm sure my Penny is cuddling with him, even though she's probably only the size of his head:)

My thoughts and prayers are with you,
~Shannon

Dear Richard,

We chose our bedroom to keep Goliath's urn for the same reasons you stated. It is still at night when I miss Goliath the very most. He sits on the top shelf of the TV console with a light that shines down on him. Next to Goliath is an angel and a candle long with a picture of him and a picture of my Hubby and myself. Goliath's collar sits above the urn and will never be worn again by any other.

After we brought Goliath home, the bedroom just seemed to be the perfect place. He is the last sight I see before turning out the light before I go to sleep. Somehow having him there helps me to sleep just a little bit better knowing he is in the room along with us and his baby brother and sister. My Hubby did buy me a gold heart locket and had Goliath's name engraved on the back. The front of the locket has a paw on it and I wear it around my neck on my deceased Mother's gold chain. I never take it off.

I'm sure you'll find the perfect place for Deuce.

Much love to you and your family,
Beth

Richard, I am not sure if you have an urn selected or not. Sometimes the vet will have a catalog available with various urns. Or the place that handles the cremation may have one. For my last two girls I chose a beautiful decorative oak box. On the front their is a place to display a picture of your beloved. They also usually come with a brass plate that you can have engraved. On my first dog I have her puppy picture displayed. She was always so playful and I wanted to remember her that way. My other dog Lizzy loved the outdoors. So, I chose a picture of her enjoying the sunshine and she really looks as though she is smiling in the photo. I have both urns on a bookcase with their collars and angel and lab statues surrounding them. There are also pictures of them on the bookcase and on the wall. These are all in my office bedroom at home...where I spend alot of time.

Oh, and I actually found Lizzy's urn online and had the crematory order it for me.

Hello all,

I received Deuce's ashes yesterday, and am still surprised at how quickly this was all facilitated. He passed away on Friday, was apparently cremated on Saturday, and his ashes were ready on Monday. For some reason, I expected this to take several weeks--which I feared would have been even more difficult emotionally; because just whey you're starting to cope with the loss, there'd be that renewed shock that I thought would come with accepting the ashes. Fortunately, that wasn't the case yesterday.

I received a call from our favorite (and Deuce's favorite) vet tech, letting me know that his ashes were ready. Stephanie took the time to discuss how wonderful Deuce was right to the very end, and helped to ensure that I was in a positive frame of mind for receiving the ashes. I was, and drove over to pick them up shortly after our call.

It was a bit awkward going in for a couple of unrelated reasons. First, there was a woman and her young daughter standing outside the office crying. I felt horrible walking past them, just knowing that they must have been in the midst of a dire pet emergency. I would have liked to have said something to comfort them, but had no words whatsoever; so I looked down and kept walking. Fortunately, the office was relatively empty when I entered. I think there was one customer in the waiting area. However, the receptionist who spotted me first was one of the few new employees there who had no idea who I was or why I was there--Stephanie, who certainly would have wanted to be the one to deal with this--was on the phone at the time. So the other girl asks if she can help me; and after telling her who I am, I said "I'm here to pick up Deuce's ashes." That was a bit tough, because I didn't plan on having to explain my presence, let alone repeat it. (It apparently didn't register with the girl the first time I said it--maybe because I wasn't crying?) When I repeated it, I could tell that she instantly felt horrible for not realizing the purpose of my visit. I tried my best to play it off, so she wouldn't feel bad.

Stephanie saw me and quickly ended her call and took over. Thankfully, she was the one who delivered Deuce's ashes to me.

I was pleasantly surprised by two things: one, the container is a beautiful, simple, varnished wooden box that is slightly bigger than I expected. (But then again, Deuce was bigger than the average Doberman...) It's very elegant and understated, and found myself relieved that it didn't look at all like what I perceived an urn to be. Secondly, it came with something else that I wasn't expecting--a paw print casting they took from Deuce's paw. I recognized the print immediately, and felt a lump forming in my throat. What a wonderful, lasting, tangible keepsake--I hadn't thought to take paw prints of our dogs myself. Seeing it now, and with his name lovingly written below the print--it was really special.

The vet office also has a number of memorial rocks outside that customers have personalized over the years with paint, markers, etc. I asked Stephanie about this, as we would love to create one for Deuce. (Especially as he used to make it a point to pee on all the others!) She said to pick any rock we wanted and decorate it however we liked. One of the vets would varnish it when we were ready, and then we can place it in the garden with the others. That will be another lasting tribute for our Deuce.

As I left the office, the distraught mother and daughter were still outside. They had collected themselves, and were sitting on a bench. Again, I couldn't face them; but I thought I heard the mom sigh with grief--and got the distinct impression that she noticed the urn I was carrying as discretely as possible... I think she also wished she could say something, but as I'm sure all of you know, words aren't always necessary.

We have a small enclave in our main hallway that now seems to be the perfect spot for Deuce's little wooden box; It's right there in the heart of the house, where we will see it and pass by it countless times each day. We're also planning on adding a wall of photos in the space behind it, which I think will provide a wonderful little area for us to see and remember Deuce constantly.

By the way, Bubba--Deuce has already visited once in a dream, and it was great. He was running and jumping after his leash with that huge smile of his--something he hadn't been able to do in quite some time. It was like he was letting me know that he is happy, healthy, and thriving in his new form--which we already knew.

Richard

I wasn't able to attach both photos to my previous post, but wanted to share the paw print keepsake as well. The funny thing is that Deuce probably would've eaten this if he'd seen it... because it does resemble a giant cookie. And how that boy did love cookies...

Richard,

Your story and the tributes you are planning for Deuce are so so beautiful, and I can feel the love you have for your baby. I am so so sorry for your loss. I don't have much to offer in the how-tos of dealing with this, as I am walking the path you are. I have been reading your thread and the posts you write about Deuce and all you have been through. Wish there was more I could say, but the urn and pawprint marker are beautiful, and it is wonderful that he came to you in a dream. Blessings and may Deuce soar high and give my baby a sniff or two, as she is new to the pearly gates as well.

With a broken heart,
Carol

Hey Richard-------That's good news-----sometime down the road those dreams we have of our babies will be our own reality and we will be with them forever so hang on as the time will pass just like it always has--------forward motion---nothing stops it-------nothing.
Bubba..........

Thanks, guys.

One thing that's really stood out to me this week is the overall effect of Deuce's absence. I knew that the void would be tremendous, but what's odd is that in our multi-dog household, it actually feels like we've lost MORE than just one of them. I don't mean that in the emotional sense, but literally--Deuce's personality, energy, and physical size easily matched that of two or more smaller dogs. We're fortunate to still have our other three wonderful pups, but without Deuce, the house actually feels empty.

As I may have mentioned, our other three include a 14-year-old Shepherd/Border Collie mix, a 9-year-old Siberian Husky, and a 3-year-old Boston Terrier. Ironically, Deuce was the second youngest of the bunch, but the first to leave us. The older dogs are remarkably spry, and as you'd expect, amazingly in tune with what's going on. They've each had several uncharacteristic accidents in the house this week; and while I've been coming and going regularly since we had Deuce put to sleep on Friday, only once have they greeted me at the door with excited barking--that was Monday, when I brought Deuce's ashes home. It was like they sensed that he was returning with me, which in a manner of speaking, he was indeed.

The Husky (Lexus) has the trademark Type-A personality, and always made it a point of bossing the others around--particularly Deuce, who despite his size, really was a big baby. She seems to clearly miss him the most now, as she frequently lays near the front door, hoping he'll come home. Before I placed Deuce's collar near the urn, I let Lexus inspect it. Immediately, she pulled away, as if she couldn't bear it. She then lay down and looked profoundly sad... It's truly amazing, how they seem to just KNOW.

Dear Richard, I'm sorry I've been away so long. What a beautiful urn/box and awesome paw print of Deuce you have! It certainly makes for a great Tribute and Memorial to him along with a really nice photograph and/or perhaps the graphic you made of him in a lovely frame to go along with both. You picked the perfect place to put them.

I'm so sorry you ran into the woman and her daughter crying. It makes one feel so helpless and one doesn't know what to say except to give a thoughtful and caring look to them if they do look up at you. They feel you, too. Truly they do. Like you said, as you were leaving and they had collected themselves, the mom noticed you and what you were carrying then gave a sigh as in sympathy. See, many times no words are needed at all.

I'm wondering how you and your wife are doing at this time? It sure has been a tough, tough week for you both.

God Bless You, Your Dear Wife and Deuce!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. I'd like very much to do something with both the images of the urn/box and the paw print with hearts. The urn box makes me think in images of ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics (gold in color) dividers above and below the photo but I don't know how you'd like that and I sure don't want to offend you. Deuce's paw print with the red hearts makes me think of double dividers of paw prints either all black or various colors in "a line" added with a second heart shaped divider both on the top and bottom. I'll wait to see how you're doing before I make or post any images, Richard.

Hi Richard, I'm happy to hear your experience with Dueces ashes was not to tramatic. They did a great job with the urn. I so love that paw print. I wish I had something like that. Duece IS happy and healthy now, that's what he wanted you to know in your dream. As for the other dogs in your home, they do sense it. They know. Always say hello to your buddy when you pass him in the hall each day. Ann

That's very sweet, Dottie--thank you so much!

Yes, they do. I let Zeus, our other cat, check Ziggy's body. He was visibly disturbed. He had checked on her while she was sick also and was visibly disturbed then also.

He rarely comes in my office, which had been just finished and had only been inhabited by Ziggy in her sick state the days before she died. I'm sure he thinks of it as her dying room and doesn't want to be in here. Ironically, Ziggy - in my other office room - had been my "office partner" so it is noticably empty without her presence. I had brought in the cat house and scratch post for her, and can't bear to take it out. Zeus won't touch it. The dogs are pretty much okay about things, probably more upset about me being upset than anything else. One thing strange though was that when I had Ziggy's body in a plastic box, before burial on our acreage, my little border collie Asha was protecting it from our German Shepherd, who wanted to sniff it. Ziggy is buried by her favorite pond where she used to watch the frogs, next to a statue of the Buddha and with two candles for her and for Zita. Two special souls both whose lives were cut unnecessarily short. So sad...

Jan.