Hi Meens,

I just wanted to let you know I have responded to your email to me regarding Sean. Please don't be hard on yourself.......you did make every effort to try and make it happen. I'll look forward to hearing from you again very soon through email.

My thoughts are with you.

Hugs,
Beth

Hi, Meens, I'm sorry things did not work out with your new little chi. Meens, at least you tried -- and you are absolutely right - - Chi and Betty come first. All of you have been through a traumatic event of losing Marilyn, and as sad as it is to turn this little guy back to rescue for placement it is the best thing you could do for him AND for you, Chi and Betty, and your boyfriend. Please know that you will know in your heart when it's time for another furchild to come into your heart and home. You will have a chance to do some temperament testing to make sure that your new furchild will be a good match for you and your home. Above all, you are NOT a failure. Your Marilyn, Chi, and Betty are testimonies to your loving Pack Leader abilities. Meens, just take it one day at a time, okay? And please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I will look forward to hearing from you to know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, meens, just checking in with you to see how things are going. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Very sadly, things didn't work out with the little guy. I am still so cut up about it. I am no expert, but having had my two chis for nearly 16 years I reckon I know a bit about their characters, and how it is vital not to let them get away with stuff because they are so small, or spoil and baby them. He bonded with me instantly, which was lovely but I became "his" - if I left him for a minute, he would bark constantly for my attention.

Hi, Meens, I just got caught up on what was happening. I am sorry it didn't work out with the new guy but you have to trust your instincts. The important thing is you tried. That is a big step. He did bond with you but you knew inside there were others to consider. I believe there is one out there for you that will do just fine with everyone else.

He has gone to one of the rescue ladies and a new owner is coming for him tomorrow. I felt - and still do - a total failure and the guilt is unreal - I feel I have let him down so badly. Handing him in was like losing all over again, I was in tears.

The good news is the new one will have a new owner right away. Don't feel like a failure....it was not meant to be...he was not the right one. It would have been wonderful if everything had worked out but sometimes life doesn't make things easy for us. I really do understand about handing him in feeling like losing. I talked my neighbor who wanted to get rid of her cat into giving her to the SPCA here, who will give her a home forever but I felt guilty like I should have taken the cat but my cir%%stances were not right to do so.
Still, I feel bad..even though when we took her there, someone came in right away and wanted her. She was over 10 years old. I guess we have to understand that all these babies cannot possibly be our responsibility but even so, I understand the feeling of handing one over. I think about her a lot and the SPCA gal said she would call and make sure everything worked out else she always has a home there with them. When we see one who needs a home...it tugs at our heart. But from everything you described, I am sure you made the right decision.

I wish it was me that could make that little guy better, I really do. I totally fell for him and the guilt is overwhelming, I don't know if I will ever get over it. But it wasn't right for the sake of my other two dogs, and they come first. It has been a traumatic time, I wish things had turned out different, but it has made me appreciate the years I had with my little Marilyn, and I feel blessed to have been her mum, and so lucky to have her sister Chi and Betty.

Don't allow guilt to overwhelm you. The little guy will have a good home, I am sure. There must be a reason it didn't work out. There must be a special one that Marilyn picked out for you and you just have to find him (or her). Let Marilyn be your guide. When it is meant to be, everything will come together and be right.

Again, the important thing is you did try. I know a new one will add a lot of pleasure to your family. Again, we can't save them all even though we wish we could and the good news the little guy had someone eagerly waiting to give him a home so he didn't just go back into the waiting area. He is getting on with his life. He will be okay.

In the meantime you have Chi and Betty and your boyfriend who sounds very special....driving those 10 hours you mentioned.
You do have a bunch of blessings watching over you. Don't give up trying. There is another special one waiting and when the time is right, you will know you are holding the right one.

Hugs and take care....you are making all the right decisions and for the right reasons. Don't be hard on yourself. You have done nothing wrong.

Judy

Oh, and yes, post as often as you want to..that's what being here is all about. There are always those listening and waiting to help when they can. Remember no one here is truly alone for the bond we all share is too strong.

Hi, meens, it's been a few days and I thought I would just check in with you to see how you, Chi, Betty, and your boyfriend are doing. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and hope that life is treating you kindly.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Its been a while since I posted but I just wanted to say a few words to my angel.

Marilyn my sweet little girl I miss you so much, more than ever at the moment. I wish you were here to make it all better like you used to do. It would have been your 16th birthday on 1 October and although I was grateful to have your sister to cuddle it wasn't the same without you. Through all the sad times you were there and right now I am going through a really tough time - the last few weeks have been so hard and I can't stop crying.

My fiance, in his wisdom, brought Lily, a puppy, home a month to the day I lost you. I didn't feel ready as it was too soon, especially after the fostering of the chi didn't work . But I was determined to make it work even though I was still hurting inside. Then a month after that (3 weeks ago) he moved out. Leaving me with the three dogs, Betty has gone completely off the rails missing him, Lily is still a handful being only 5 months old and poor old Chi gets older and tireder by the day. I am struggling to cope and miss him - and you, my sweetheart - so much.

I was very brave though and got your photos down from the loft, I cried and cried over seeing you as a puppy again. There were photos with you and my pet hamster and gerbil, you loved them like they were your babies and lay down with them cuddled on your tummy. I cried over missing you and cried over the memories sixteen years have left me. Fifteen years ago I was in the same situation, my then fiance left me with you and your sister, you were only 9 months old and missed him so bad. We went through 6 months of hell but we got through it. I was younger then though and of course I had you my sweet loving little girl, to make it better. You used to gently put your paws on my leg and look at me as if to say, its OK mum, I'm here...

I wish you still were, more than ever. I don't know how I am going to get through this without you my dear sweet girl.

Mummy misses you and will love you always ***

Hi, meens, thank you so much for sharing with us your news. I am so sorry that your fiancee has left you. You have had a lot of losses in your life this year which makes even the slightest of disappointments more difficult to deal with. Your Betty and Chi need you, though, and they know you are the one they can depend on - - you will not leave them - - not ever, nor will they ever leave you - - and this will help comfort each of you through these difficult days and times. I know what it is like to have someone I care for very much betray me with his exit from my life. I wish I had answers for you that would help you through this, but I don't. What I do know is that Betty and Chi are your FAITHFUL companions, and they will NEVER betray you. Marilyn is with you now comforting you through this hurt - - her sweet living Spirit is touching you and saying to you, "it's okay, mum - - I'm here - - I never left you." People come and go in our lives like our lives and our hearts are a revolving door to them, but our real companions are our furkids whose life's mission is dedicated just for us - - whether they are physically with us or waiting patiently for us to join them in eternal joy at our appropriate time. I know right now your heart is breaking - - mine is breaking with you. Hold fast to the love you have with your girls - - Marilyn, Betty, and Chi - - this is a love that is enduring through time and space. Please know you are not alone in this difficult time, meens. You are in my thoughts and prayers, and I do hope you will let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Welcome back to the forum Meens. You were sorely missed by many, and that includes me, even though we have kept in touch otherwise.

I know you are having a very difficult time being forced to cope with so much. Please know I think of you, Chi, Betty, and Lily each and every day and always keep every one of you in my prayers. If you don't already know, I did respond to your last email and look forward to hearing from you again soon.

Much love and many hugs,
Beth

I've just read through this thread and your stories have brought me to tears. I am also from the UK (Scotland). My seven month old kitten passed away in April. She and I lived alone, and she truly was the light of my life. When I lost her I honestly wanted to die. I had five weeks off work and couldn't function at all. If only people without pets could understand what a truly painful experience it is when you lose one.

I am having a bad day today. I like to "pop in" and read other peoples stories from time to time because it reminds me that I am not alone in feeling this immense sadness. Five weeks after Purdy passed away I adopted two kittens. In hindsight, I was ready physically but not emotionally. However, I knew that I couldn't go back to work and come home to an empty house. I felt a huge amount of guilt when I brought them home. When I took Purdy home I fell in love instantly, but when I took Heidi and Coco home I broke down crying. I felt guilty for not loving them, and I felt guilty about them playing with Purdy's toys. It was hard and I felt a whole range of emotions.

I love the two of them to bits now, but I still miss Purdy with all my heart and sometimes the grief feels as raw as the day I lost her. The hardest thing has been going through it alone. She spent three weeks in intensive care and during that time I was a wreck with nobody to support me. When I got the call in the middle of the night to say that she had passed away I was alone. Nobody in my life understood. Nobody could make the pain go away.

Sometimes I look at my (now six month old) kittens and feel so afraid that they are going to get sick. I worry that I can't go through this again. I try to remember that if I hadn't adopted them they may have ended up with somebody that didn't look after them properly. At least they have a loving home with me.

I am sorry about your boyfriend. He wasn't the right guy for you. I think eventually you will see him leaving as being a positive thing, because now you are free to be with somebody who truly loves and understands you. I don't have anybody in my life, but I think any potential man will have to understand how much I love my pets. Animal lovers only need apply!

I hope you feel better soon.

Much love, Lynsey x

I forgot to mention, I had a portrait done of Purdy, and it is beautiful. I emailed the artist a photo and she painted a lovely watercolour for me. I wanted something special to remember a special kitten. I don't know if this is something you have thought about doing, but here is the link if you are interested. The artist (Pauline Gledhill) is in the UK.

http://www.ukpetportraits.co.uk/

Dear Lynsey

Thank you for your post - its nice to know there's someone who is on the same time zone as me, it can make it a bit awkward with posting and getting replies when there's s a time difference. I am so sorry about Purdy, I know how hard it is going through it alone. I wish I had known what was going on during those three weeks when she was in intensive care, I would have been here for you. Even though my fiance was still around when I lost my Marilyn, it was me that was at the vets with her to the end. Sometimes I think its worse being in a relationship yet feeling alone, does that make sense? At least when you are on your own you can cry and cry and grieve for your losses without worrying what the other person thinks, or feeling like you have to put a front on. But it is hard being on your own, I know only too well as I have had a string of failed relationships and sometimes I wonder how will I cope, I am so tired of fighting and trying to stay strong yet missing him so much it hurts.

Our situations are quite similar in bringing the new babies home - I wasn't ready for him bringing the pup home and now he has gone it feels even worse. I, like you did, sometimes feel I could never love Lily as much. Marilyn was such a kind caring little dog and right now I miss her perhaps more than ever. Even typing this I am welling up again. Her sister is getting older and more frail by the day it seems and there is that feeling of dread as to the inevitable happening. When she goes it will destroy me, such a huge part of my life will be over.

I hope today is a better day for you. Those kittens have a wonderful mum and I think you have done brilliant giving them a loving home. Please don't feel alone, I'm here, as is everyone else on this board. Feel free to send me a personal message too.

Thanks for the link as well, definitely something I will look into once the finances are a bit more sorted.

Love and hugs

meens ***

Hi moon_beam and thank you for your reply. You always write such lovely words. I guess its because you've been there, and truly understand. I am sorry you were betrayed, if you ever want to talk you can PM me.

I wish I could say, hey I feel fine and I've finally got my life back, but of course I don't. I don't like to be a burden to people, I don't like myself much anyway but when I'm feeling like this, even less so. I just muddle through the days. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. It comforts me more than you know.

Love

meens xx

Good morning Meens,

I did receive your email this morning and want you to know I will respond later today. This time I will rmember to take your email address to work with me.

You are not a burden to anyone here.............don't ever let yourself think that! This is a safe place to let your feelings out with no worries about anything.

Keep coming and keep sharing. It is through the exchanges we make with each other that help us get through these most difficult times. Right now you need LS more than ever.

Hugs girlfriend and hang in there,
Beth