Jon730 thank you for your post, I am so touched you took the time for me. I have always thought how well you wrote in all the other posts I have read.

I know just what you mean about the other cats not being HER, of course you still love them as much but its not the same. I used to go round saying, I want my Marilyn, I want her back - knowing of course I couldn't, not in the sense we know but I do believe she is still with me.

I can also relate to what you said about it being really between you and Miles. It's such a personal thing. Marilyn was never a family dog, she and her sister were bought as pups by me and my partner at the time. They weren't even two when he just walked out, so even though I had relationships since then it really was just me and my girls, against the world (that can be a nasty place). They were reason for getting up in the morning.

Thanks again for your post - I appreciate it so much that you replied

meens ***

Hi, meens, I was just checking out the latest posts to "justme" and I saw your post to him today. I am so sorry that you are having medical challenges, some of which sound rather serious. The stress of grieving can indeed cause medical problems and even resurrect previous illnesses and or chronic illnesses. I know what you mean about people expecting us to "get over" the loss of our furbabies. We NEVER "get over" the loss, but we learn eventually how to live with the beautiful memories we have of them. The first anniversaries are the hardest in our grief journey because they are fresh reminders that our beloved furbabies are no longer physically with us. But I am so glad that you have Chi and Betty with you to try to comfort you and help you through this horrible time. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, meens, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Maybe some day you will be rewarded by seeing Marilyn's soul in the eyes of one of your charges there.


"A little while, a moment of rest upon the wind, and another woman shall bear me."

Thanks moon beam

I still get overwhelmed when I see people are still reading my posts and keeping in touch.

I didn't know grieving could you hit you so hard physically, its never got me this bad before. I have no control over these physical symptoms, I really am trying to eat and sleep, and carry on as "normal". Today was hard, two weeks to the day I lost her, plus we heard the guy who we caught burgling our house in June, and whose been in custody since, was let off with a suspended sentence last Monday. When I heard he'd been released and is on the streets I crumpled all over again. I don't know how much more I can take.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, sometimes I think they are all that keeps me going.

meens ***

Thank you - what a beautiful thing to say. The quote was lovely as well.

I believe one day there will be another dog (or dogs!) for me, and I will just Know.

Right now I still miss her horribly, its been two weeks today yet it seems to have been an eternity. Every minute of every day, I miss that little dog.

Thank God for this place, for you and for every one who has taken the time to read and reply to my posts

meens ***

Gibran.





It has always been so strange..a "call" goes out. Six days after Miles went to the Bridge, Iggy was being born a few miles away.

Years ago we had an "opening". Poor old Merlin died, and his daughter mourned all day and night, looking in closets for him, and clawing at doors. In desperation, we went to the shelter and got a black kitten. She decided to take care of her..her troubles were over, and she lived on to be 23 years old. But the "Call" had been sent..and to the door came sickly Miles and her daughter. Then we had more cats than we had planned on, and Miles was my Special Cat Wife, the once-in-a-lifetime friend. So you can never tell.

I had foretold my meeting with "Ignatius The Great" on here before I had met him. I knew it would work a certain way.."I have an opening! Who wants to win the lottery and be spoiled? And one would make eye contact and run towards me..."

And you work in a shelter. Someday, suddenly, sometimes one that is not even your "Type" will show up, and you will never figure out exactly what it was, and you will be home with your friend for some time, and you will suddenly realize that you were deliberately chosen/tricked/suckered, but whatever it was you will not mind AT ALL.

"How did this happen??? Oh Well. shrug...It is very good."

Hi meens, I've been hop skipping around this forum, can't seem to stay focused here. Just came across a msg to wrote to me in Jorge and Buster's forum. You liked my pict with Arthur. They are all any of us have now, and we need to treasure them. I just read your story of Marilyn and I am so deeply sorry for your loss. For me, my whole world has changed as I knew it. This all can't be real. It hurts, real bad. For you too, I wish you many happy dreams with your baby.. Take care..Hugs .. Ann

Hi, meens, I'm at work right now and the only one in the office covering the phones during lunch. So I thought I'd log on to see how you're doing. Meens, I have come to define "normal" as being whatever seems to be happening at the moment. Your "normal" has been drastically changed because your life as you have known it has been changed since Marilyn joined the angels. I see the judicial system in Great Britain has many similarities to the United States. I am so sorry that you now have the added stress and concern of your home being violated. The anniversaries are hard to manage - - my heart aches for you and what you are going through. Because our society does not understand what we go through when we lose a beloved furkid, we fur parents and friends must stick together. So, please keep letting us know how you're doing, meens. We are here for you. My best regards to Chi and Betty, too.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hugs to you too Ann - the pic is beautiful, it gets more so each time I see it. Thank you for taking the time to post and for your kind words. Yes our whole worlds have changed. Our lives will never go back to how they were, they are just different. I still can't quite believe I will never see Marilyn again in this life. I feel "robbed", how can she really be gone? Even though I have her ashes, I see the photos and think, well there she is, why isn't she HERE? I don't know if that makes sense, I hope it does.

Thank God for this place, I always think that when I come here. You take care too and thank you again for sharing that wonderful pic. As havana said, you don't need any others. That one is enough.

meens ***

Dear moon beam

You are so lovely to think of me during work - bless you. You summed up "normal" perfectly - I guess we just stumble through life at times like this. I find myself withdrawing into myself a lot, if there are people around me who don't understand (which sadly is a lot, in fact most, people) I just keep quiet and wait until I can come on here to where people understand. Some days are easier than others, some hours are easier than others. My sleep is still troubled by dreams and I am finding the acceptance, that Marilyn really isn't ever coming back (not in this life anyway) so hard. It hurts that I will never cuddle her or get kisses off her again, the emptiness is like a massive hole in my heart, I can feel it and it aches.

Thanks so much for remembering me during your sadness too. Yes we must stick together.

Bless you and everyone on here, I would never have come even this far without you.

meens ***

Hi, meens, it's been a couple of days since I checked in with you and am wondering how you're doing today. Right now I can imagine the chasm in your heart feels like it will never be filled again, and to a certain extent you're right because that place will always belong to Marilyn. But hopefully as the days and weeks and months proceed you will find that this awful ache is slowly being filled with the warmth of your many loving memories, and that your heart is filling with the sweetness of her living Spirit still sharing your life as she always has - - just in a temporarily different way. I hope all is well with Betty and Chi. And I'm hoping that you will not have to endure any further invasion of your home from the perpetrator who was just set free. Do you by any chance have a security system in your home? If not, and if you think it is a way to protect you, your home, and those whom you hold dear, you may want to consider having one installed. Since I am the only human in my household, and a woman to boot, I have one that is monitored 24/7 for burglary, fire, and medical. At least I know that if something should happen, particularly while I'm at work, my furkids stand a chance of being rescued. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, meens. My best regards to Betty and Chi, too.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi moon beam

Thank you for remembering me. I stopped posting for a few days as I didn't hear much from people and thought I'd just bored everyone and they'd gone away! I am sort of OK - it still hurts and I'm not strong enough to get the photos down yet. I wanted to plant a nice plant in the garden for her but again don't feel strong enough. When I think about Marilyn it hurts so much and I still get teary over my sweet little girl. Its been over 3 weeks but I still feel empty inside and sort of lost. Betty and Chi are coping OK, still sleeping on the bed with us (boyfriend getting a bit fed up but its a comfort to know they're there, and if I wake up in the night which I often do, I smile when I look at them snoring and snuffling away!)

I have a bit of a dilemma which I hope you don't mind me asking your advice on (and anyone else who reads this). I think I mentioned I help out at a local dog rescue. Well I had a call from the lady that runs it yesterday. Long and short of it is there's a chihuahua who needs a home. The chances of that are about a million to one, you just don't see chis in rescues here. He's a five year old neutured boy and well, she asked if I wanted him. The only thing is he's on the other side of the country, a place I've never been to. it would mean my boyfriend and I driving over there at the weekend, and it would take about 10 hours there and back. My poor boyfriend is working really long hours at the moment and would probably only be able to go on Sunday (his only day off) But I said yes...

Then I spoke to his fosterer, who desperately wanted to keep him but she says he doesn't get on with her cats (she runs a cat rescue) and has nipped her youngest daughter (though is fine with older kids) Well we have neither cats nor kids, and my friend's daughters are older. She was very honest with me and told me his bad points, he has issues with bonding too close to one person (mainly women) and getting very jealous if someone tries to approach - he growls and snaps at the person. She said he is fine with her 4 other dogs though doesn't like other dogs he sees when being walked. And barks when left alone (the longest mine are ever left is 4 hours a couple of times a week as I work part time and 5 minutes walk from home). She said he is a really loving little boy but he just needs work and time spent on him. Having had my chis from pups, I know their temperaments too well - I've always discouraged the bad behaviour.

I am in such a turmoil - is it too soon after Marilyn, would I be disloyal to her memory, am I wrong to ask my boyfriend to drive all that way, what if it doesn't work out and the new chi hates Betty and Chi and vice versa. They are both very cuddly dogs and I don't want them to feel pushed out. I don't have much self confidence or belief in myself at the best of times, and its rock bottom at the moment, what with all the sad and bad stuff thats happened. I am worrying now if I will be good enough for him, will I be able to cope, and retrain him, and what if they fight etc etc. I know from getting Betty that no rescue dog is perfect but we have worked through it and now wouldn't be without her.

The rescue will take him if it doesn't work out but then I'd feel I'd let everyone down, and the poor dog too. But then I think, its a sign - I said I'd never buy a chi pup as they are so overpriced and badly bred over here, and now an older one's come into the rescue.

What do you think - would I be wrong to try and would I be letting everyone down if it didn't work (maybe like a punishment for taking another chi on so soon after Marilyn?) I am sorry to go on so long but I am feeling so mixed up and alone! I should mention that my boyfriend is fine with the idea of getting him, but at the end of the day its me that spends most of the time with the dogs, walking them etc. Please help!

Thank you

meens ***

Hi, meens, I'm just getting caught up on posts. If you want my honest opinion: I think it might still be too soon for you to take another furkid into your home. Why? Because you sound very unsettled about it. If you really felt secure there would be NOTHING to keep you from doing it. This little precious chi needs someone who can give him undivided unattention to work through his behavioral issues. Aggression - - even in mild forms - - is serious. Jealousy over another's attachment to their "person" is serious. There is a difference between jealousy and protection - - and this little chi is jealous. If you do decide to give it a try, I would support you 100 percent and would go with you if I were there - - if your boyfriend just couldn't. But your boyfriend going with you will be imperative so that you can see what the reaction is going to be from the chi to him. If it turns out that this would not work once you got him home it would be far better for you to surrender him to the rescue folks than to try to force a match that isn't healthy for either of you. But as fragile as the both of you are now, I would be heartbroken for the both of you if it didn't work out. I know how sensitive you are to the needs of the fur people, but from what I read in your post my inclination is that you still need some time to heal from your loss of Marilyn. When the time is right for you to have another furchild in your heart and your home NOTHING will question your heart about it. And Marilyn will be right there saying, "Mom, I'm so glad you've given another furchild a home." Meens, I hope this helps. If nothing else, hopefully it will be a nice drive for you and your boyfriend - - to see a different part of your country. Please let me know how it goes, Meens - - what you decide. I'm here for you. You have not been forgotten.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi moon beam

Thanks for your reply - you gave some good advice. I have spoken to his fosterer and she said his behaviour has really come on in the last few days. I feel the least we can do is go and collect him, and see how it goes.

I'm being realistic, of course I want it to work but I realise it sadly might not ... but I do have to try. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't. I felt the same when we got Betty - we had absolutely no idea of her background (in some ways that's easier though) - I was apprehensive initially but we got through it and wouldn't be without her. Looking back I was nervous getting the chis when they were pups too. I think alot of it is my own self doubt and belief.

If its meant to be, it will be.

Thank you for being there and for being honest - I really appreciate it.

meens xx

Hi, meens, Good for you. I'm glad I was able to help you sort through some stuff. I hope you and your boyfriend will have a very pleasant trip, and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that this match will work out. I am so glad that you are following your heart to try -- that is SO important. I will be anxiously awaiting to hear your news about your trip, how it went, how this little fellow did traveling, etc.. Are Chi and Betty going with you as well or will a neighbor be checking on them until you get back home? Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Meens. I'll look forward to hearing from you to share your news.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Cool Beans Meen, I'm glad too that you are going to give this little guy a chance. Have you ever seen the show It's me or the dog. Here in the U.S we have a similar one called the dog whisperer. They give good adivce on how to deal with certain dog behaviors. I hope everything works out well for you. A ten hr trip could end up being a lifetime of happy memories. Keep us posted... Ann

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I just put our Annie, an Australian shepherd to sleep. She had severe kidney disease and could no longer stand by herself and could not eat. She was 12 years old and we loved her so much. As I write this the tears are flowing down and the picture of her is above the computer and I look at her and cry. She was the gentlest dog and gave love to everyone and gave us her complete trust. This is the second dog we have had to put to sleep. Therefore, I know exactly how you feel. I hopefor both of us time will be a healer. All my best Teddi

Dear Teddi

Thank you for your post. I am so sorry to hear of your loss, Annie sounded a beautiful dog. It has been just over a month since I lost my girl - it has been the hardest four weeks of my life and I will miss her forever. But I have found as the weeks have passed I can remember and smile through the tears. I realise now, because of various reasons and events, what a sweet wonderful girl she was, and how lucky and blessed I was to be her mum. People used to say to me my dogs were a credit to me, and what a brilliant mum I was. Now, I can let myself believe this. You will also get to this stage too, right now it hurts so bad I know, the pain is unbearable and I am crying for you as I type this. But try and think of it this way - you said she was the gentlest dog and loved everyone and gave you her trust - that was because of YOU. You took care of her when she was sick and the biggest act of love was to end the suffering. Annie was the wonderful dog she was because you were her mum and dad, you guided her and loved her and you must be very proud of that.

I am sending you my prayers and hugs - there are no words to help, I wish there were - it is time, as you say, that is the healer. Coming here helped get me through and I hope it will you too. I will be thinking of you.

meens ***

Dear ann and moon beam

Very sadly, things didn't work out with the little guy. I am still so cut up about it. I am no expert, but having had my two chis for nearly 16 years I reckon I know a bit about their characters, and how it is vital not to let them get away with stuff because they are so small, or spoil and baby them. He bonded with me instantly, which was lovely but I became "his" - if I left him for a minute, he would bark constantly for my attention.

Betty, our rescue terrier, has a tendency to copy other dogs behaviour - if her buddies on the walks do things, she copies them. So if he barked or lunged at other dogs (even ones she knew and is friends with), she would join in. And he wouldn't stop, so neither would she. I left him for an hour and he was barking (with Betty joining in) the whole time. If we didn't have Betty (Chi wasn't so much of a problem but his constant barking was upsetting her) it would be a different story - we could have worked on his issues one to one. It would have been hard but we would have tried, believe me. But Betty and Chi have to be priority. The second night he barked solid from 10.30pm until 5am - when I had to bring him upstairs to bed with us so he'd be quiet and we could get an hour's sleep. Betty and Chi were downstairs throughout so it wasn't fair on them.

He has gone to one of the rescue ladies and a new owner is coming for him tomorrow. I felt - and still do - a total failure and the guilt is unreal - I feel I have let him down so badly. Handing him in was like losing all over again, I was in tears.

But I guess we have to try and learn from life's experiences - and now I look at the pictures of Marilyn - and realise just what a great dog she was - the sweetest, most caring angel. People used to say to me my dogs were a credit to me, and what a great mum I was. The chis were with me through some horribly difficult times, yet - I see now - I did a pretty good job with them - they were by no means perfect but I was in charge and they were loving, yet independent, they would yap, but when I said be quiet, they were.

I wish it was me that could make that little guy better, I really do. I totally fell for him and the guilt is overwhelming, I don't know if I will ever get over it. But it wasn't right for the sake of my other two dogs, and they come first. It has been a traumatic time, I wish things had turned out different, but it has made me appreciate the years I had with my little Marilyn, and I feel blessed to have been her mum, and so lucky to have her sister Chi and Betty.

My best to you both - I hope you understand.

meens ***