I had the same tough decision to make with my Shenley and decided to let her go. Here was my rationale: The chances for survival were (according to the vet) slim to none. Even if they had operated, Shenley would likely have had to bear a certain amount, maybe a lot, of pain only to wind up leaving anyway. I thought about telling the vet that I'd just take her home and let her pass there - maybe the next day, maybe the next week, who knows. On the other hand I couldn't bear the thought of her being in pain and didn't want Shenley to end her life sick and not able to do the things we so loved doing together.

Omar probably wouldn't have had much time left either and, as difficult as the decision was, I think you did the loving thing and let him go in peace. You can't keep beating yourself up for making a decision out of love for your Omar. He's in heaven now, perpetually young and healthy and he loves you for the decision you made - after all, it was a decision made out of love. He'll be waiting for you on his side of the rainbow bridge. I know that when my time comes it will give me solice to know that my Shenley will be waiting for me just like all the others that meant so much to me during my life on earth.

OmarMommy, please don't think I'm trying to diminish the significance of your terrible pain. I just thought sharing my philosophy regards my Shenley might help you in working down the slow road to peace.

My prayers and thoughts are with you.

ShensFriend

Dear Omarmummy

I have just joined this forum as I had to make the same decision as you - and have my baby chihuahua Marilyn put to sleep last Monday. The image of her lying there will stay with me for a long, long time. But as others have said, please don't beat yourself up about it. You did the kindest thing, the biggest act of love we can do for our animals is to let them die with dignity, and put a stop to pain and suffering.

Having said all that I am still going through the what ifs, what if I'd tried something else, what if I'd taken her home. And I also felt like running back in the vets and begging them to reverse it, even though of course they can't...

I could relate to all you said in your posts. I loved the one about stroking Omar's fur - Marilyn loved it when you gently pulled the fur under her chin (she was a long coat chi), she would fling her head back to ask for more, sometimes I'd joke and say this is my day taken care of, tickle-under-chins for the rest of it. And if you gently blew in her face she'd fling herself at you as if to bite your nose (she never did of course) and make mad squeaking noises. We wish we could turn back the clock don't we?

I know how much you miss your Omar, cos I miss my Marilyn the same. The hurt seems to go on and on.

My thoughts are with you x

That kitchen picture you just posted is adorable. I can see why you would just want to scoop him up and plant some kisses on him. Never mind he is not a kisser back...he gets them anyway. And the nose was my favorite place with my dogs.

I smiled about the leg moving when getting scratched...they are a lot alike...these canine sweethearts.

I know what you mean about the fur. I saved some from hairbrushes and put it in a ziplock bag..one for each of my 3 kitties. The oldest is from 2002 and it is still as soft today as it was then. Sometimes I "visit" them by taking the piece of fur out of the bag and running it back and forth between my fingers and there is something about actually knowing that was theirs..for real.
Just a piece of fur but, like their pictures, it came from a time they felt okay.

It is so easy to understand so many feelings here in the forum because so many of them we all share are so much alike.

Hugs and I wish you peace and healing. It is hard because they love so easily and never wanted to let us out of their sight and...we miss that...a lot.

Judy

Thank you all for your such kind words today. I kept busy today...and it was a little easier today, but now I'm home again...and I just let loose. I found a 'piece' of Omar's fur today in the kitchen floor...and I put it in a baggy. It's only one...because I 'thought' when I came home last Wednesday I should 'clean house' because his fur was everywhere...and I thought I couldn't handle it here...but now I really regret cleaning, because it's hard for me to find the 'chunks' his coat would leave on my carpet. He had husky in him, so his undercoat was like a cotton ball. It would come out in chunks. He would let me 'pick' at his coat to get those out.

I miss him so much.

Just a quick hello to let you know I am thinking of you.

Hugs To YOU!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you Sissycat. This is the time of day that it seems to be the hardest. The house is quiet...kids are sleeping, and it was just me and Omar. I went about my morning...and he followed my feet. Last thing I did was let him out back...while we enjoyed the morning air. I brought him in...gave him a treat...kissed his nose...told him to be good and I loved him. Then I left for work. I would call thru the day to ask my kids how he was. Now I call...and it's like I have nothing to say.

I'm reading the posts here, and it seems like so many have dreams of thier furbabies. I want to have a dream of Omar so bad. I lost my mother-in-law two years ago to colon cancer. She was the savior of my life...and my boys. It was very devistating to see her go. I would have dreams of her, and find such comfort. I haven't had any of Omar. Hopefully someday soon.

Hugs to all.

Omarmommy
Marcie

Something that I need to ask...so I know I'm not the only one I guess. Over the weekend we went to the lake with our boat. Something that I have not been able to do now this summer because Omar was hard to leave alone, and I would be the 'mother hen' and stay home while the family went out to enjoy because I didn't want him to be left behind. I 'enjoyed' myself out there...like a relief. But then I would feel guilty for feeling relief. It's hard to explain. I wasn't feeling 'happy' he was gone, but could relax there knowing he wasn't home alone for a neighbor to come let him out...or that we needed to hurry home earlier then we wanted because he was alone too long. Does this make any sense???? I beat myself up yesterday thinking I was being awful for these feelings. Don't get me wrong. I would bring those days back in an instant if I could. I would sit home on a sunny day if I could do it all over again. But because I can't, it was nice being away and not worrying. Is this normal? Anyone else feel this at all? It hasn't been a week yet. He's being cremated today. I don't know how that makes me feel. I hope bringing him home brings me some comfort. It's to a point I HATE being home. I hate the quiet moments.

Oh, Yes....I understand about leaving the house and not worrying anymore. Very normal. It is nothing to feel guilty over. It was a normal routine that was part of being a Mom (maybe something like other Moms call empty nest syndrome..I don't know).

We had that with my Little Guy and you know..I DO have a relief I don't have to worry. I was grateful that when he was in the most distress and dragged himself to where we were at 3 in the afternoon....that we were home. I often think about if we hadn't been..he would have suffocated to death and the fact we weren't home to help..would have crushed me. It is not a relief that he is gone..it is a relief that he can never suffer again and it is a relief that he will not ever suffer because of something I didn't think to do.

When he was well, in the summer with very bad heat here, we would worry the A/C would go off and we weren't home and the heat would kill him. It is part of being a Mom....it was a part of us that was there automatically. Now the reason to worry is not there but not because we could have done anything about what happened..cause we could not have prevented them being taken from us.

I guess you could think it is really a relief to know for sure your baby is not suffering while you are not there. No reason to feel guilty about that but I know it can be normal to have some guilt trickle in...part of human nature, I guess.

And, to tell you the truth, even though I don't have the little guilt anymore, I still resent the fact very much that my baby is not here FOR me to worry about. (I don't mean worry meaning he is sick..I mean worry..like about the A/C shutting down in the Summer..things like that.)

Hugs...we all can use these..and it is okay to enjoy yourself. You did everything you possibly could to help your sweetheart. He was taken in spite of everything. Give yourself permission to enjoy yourself now and do not feel guilty those worries are not there. He is at peace and you know with all that love he had...he would want you to be too.

Judy

Thank you Judy. You made perfect sense to me. Exactly how I was trying to say it...and how I feel. I'm a 'human' mom too...so you would think the 'worrying' is a normal part of my being. But having a furbaby is almost like having an infant...for years on end. They never grow out of being needy on you...and they can't tell you what is wrong. You feel like they are very helpless. He was my baby I will never have any of again. My kids grow up...less needy, and I find I need something to be needy on me. I guess this is the time I should be giving back to ME, but I find it hard to do.

I'm having a hard day today with your passing Omar. I thought I was on the road to peace, but it looks like I'm going down hill today. Maybe it's because a week ago I was agonizing with the decision do I let you go...or not? I don't know. I look at your picture all day while at work...you are my desktop picture. I find I just sit here staring in your deep brown eyes...and yearn to pet your sweet fur again. Just one more time if I could. I miss your barking at me when you wanted to have some attention..go outside or to get a treat. I never knew which you wanted...but when I would open the door to let you out...you would just stand there looking at me...then the pantry door...like "lady...you should know me by now". One ear up...the other down. I love you Omar. I will never forget you. You touched our family forever.

Is denial a part of grieving? I feel like I'm denying Omar is gone...forever. When I'm home...I tell myself he's with another family member...where I can't see him. When I'm at work...I try to think he's at home. Of course there are times of the day I can't trick myself...but I seem to be doing more of this. Not facing he's actually 'gone'. I did this when my mother-in-law passed away. I told myself she was on 'vacation'. Over and over again.

So sorry for the loss of your beautiful Omar. I loved your story, it was so touching and the photos say it all.
I know the feeling of someone (usually non pet lovers) not understanding our grief. You go ahead and cry and morne all you need to, as you have earned that right for loving him so much. I can really relate to the birds you saw, as I had read that if you see a Monarch Butterfly it's supposed to be sign that your beloved is near. A few days after we lost our precious Simba, we went out for coffee and we went to get back in the car and the most beautiful monarch hovered over our car! It made me smile. Take good care, and know you are in my prayers.

Deb

Omar's Mommy,
Sorry I'm late in responding to your story. I read your story and it brings tears to my eyes. What a beautiful dog. I love all the pictures you have posted. I completely understand what you are feeling, the empty, quiet house, not being able to share a sunny morning outside, calling home and not being able to ask about how your fur baby is doing. Having children that are not needy. Missing the unconditional love Omar provided. You are not alone.
It's been two months since I lost my sweetheart, Zoe. I miss her terribly. I'd give anything to have her in my arms again, even if it's in a dream.
Take care of yourself.
Cyber hug to you and Omar
Deanna

I'm so sorry you lost your beautiful Omar. I/we all know everything your going thru. I had to put my Arthur down due to an injury. I never thought I would have to go thru that. I avoided it with 2 other cats I had. It was extremely hard. It's a memory that's so hard to let go. All the should have, could haves drive me crazy. Funny about the fur thing, I did ask for some and even though, I was horrified when my boyfriend hosed down the door mat where he use to lay. Getting his ashing wasn't as bad as I thought. Putting him in the ground was just too permanent and I knew doing that at that time would have crushed me beyound compare. This way I feel I have time, to keep him or bury him. A little is buried in the garden by his catnip where he loved, the rest still in the baggie in a memory box with some of his toys. I pick it up and kiss it everyday. I understand about the guilt. Arthur was afraid of everyone and we could not leave for even a night. I make plans in my head to "go away", but just haven't the happiness to do so. I use to think what a pain in the ass, that's the least of my pain now. Be patient about the deams, they will come, and you will wake up to a smile on your face and tears on your pillow. And keep an open mind and heart about the "signs' they are all around you. Arthur gave me a sign the day after I asked for one. (It's in my forum the furry love of my life I know he hears me)It was the most special gift I ever got. I wish you so many "gifts" to help with your healing..Ann

I'm so sorry you lost your beautiful Omar. I/we all know everything your going thru. I had to put my Arthur down due to an injury. I never thought I would have to go thru that. I avoided it with 2 other cats I had. It was extremely hard. It's a memory that's so hard to let go. All the should have, could haves drive me crazy. Funny about the fur thing, I did ask for some and even though, I was horrified when my boyfriend hosed down the door mat where he use to lay. Getting his ashing wasn't as bad as I thought. Putting him in the ground was just too permanent and I knew doing that at that time would have crushed me beyound compare. This way I feel I have time, to keep him or bury him. A little is buried in the garden by his catnip where he loved, the rest still in the baggie in a memory box with some of his toys. I pick it up and kiss it everyday. I understand about the guilt. Arthur was afraid of everyone and we could not leave for even a night. I make plans in my head to "go away", but just haven't the happiness to do so. I use to think what a pain in the ass, that's the least of my pain now. Be patient about the deams, they will come, and you will wake up to a smile on your face and tears on your pillow. And keep an open mind and heart about the "signs' they are all around you. Arthur gave me a sign the day after I asked for one. (It's in my forum I know he hears me)It was the most special gift I ever got. I wish you so many "gifts" to help with your healing.. Ann

Thank you Deb. It's been a week today...well in a hour and 50 min that he's been gone from me. The tears are still coming. I guess today is a harder day. I can't believe it's been a week already. I now sit out back almost every night...looking for birds. It's funny. My back yard is all trees. You hear so many birds but don't see any. So now when I do see a bird I really think of Omar. That's so sweet about your butterfly. I never see those around me. Maybe I will now.

Take care.
Marcie

Deanna,

It's okay about being late. We know here we are all grieving the loss of a furbaby. Some days it's just hard to say anything. Thank you about my dog. Today is a week he's been gone. I miss him terribly. The house is so quiet. He would bark in the AM to get someone to let him out. None of that now. I'm sorry about your Zoe. I would do the same.

Thanks for the hug. Hug back.
Marcie

Ann,

I'm sorry about your Arthur. I'm so sorry you had to lose him so tragically. I knew Omar's time was coming...I was just denying it. I hate that they can't live as long as us. Even my 14 yr old acknowledged that. I get his ashes next week. I hope they bring me some comfort. I'm still waiting on the dreams. I yearn for one. I will keep looking for some signs. There are times I feel real 'calm', and I feel he must be near.

Take care.
Marcie

It's been a week...to the time to be exact Omar you have been gone. I miss you so very much baby. I hope you are playing in doggy heaven as I type this and are looking down on me with a smile. I wish I could feel you still...and smell your fur. You were just bathed before you left me...you were so soft and smelled so good.

Take care Omar baby. I hope you are with NanNan and Rocky up there. I will see you again some day as we cross the Rainbow Bridge.

Love you bunches.

Your Mommy

Omarmommy, the anniversaries are so hard to get through. The first hour, the first day, the first week, the first month, the first birthday, the first of everything is a reminder that the physical presence of your precious Omar is no longer with you. There are no adequate words of comfort that can fill the void in your heart right now. But please know you are not alone in your grief journey, and hopefully someday, the void you feel in your heart will be filled and overflowing with the warmth of friendship extended to you in this time of great sorrow along with the many sweet memories of Omar's living Spirit. One day at a time, Omarmommy. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Peace and blessings,

moon_beam