Hello all
I just lost my best friend on Sunday. He was just short of his 15th birthday. He had been sick for about 2 months. I tryed everything to help but nothing did. His name was J-dog, he was a very speical dog a Jack Russell. This is the hardest thing I've had to do. I'm having a really bad day today. I have two other dogs another JRT she is almost 13, and a Lab who is 13. What a crew! Both of my other dogs are joining me in my grief. I'm worried about my Lab he too is just hanging on to life by a thread. I don't know how I will deal with back to back grief like this. The Lab is my husbands dog, J-dog was mine and my other JRT is both of ours. She is having a hard time dealing with Jays death. I try not to cry around her, but it hard because she won't let me out of her sight. I quess I need some encouragement on how to deal with her. Gosh I miss my buddie so much....

Welcome to this forum. There is a lot of caring and comforting here because there is a lot of pain from losses and as we all share pain so we all can understand where you are coming from.

When the loss is recent that is the hardest time to try and deal with it. You do have your other 2 dogs and I am sure their instincts know you are upset. You said you try not to cry around the others...I say hug them and cry your heart out! You need that relief. Post here and tell us about J-dog. If you have pictures..think about posting them..many here find that very therapeutic and it makes others smile cause we all know that in the pictures were healthy babies in happy times.

I have gone through dog losses over the years. My recent ones were 3 cats I adopted from my backyard in 1991. After my last dog passed we were waiting until after moving and my quiet yard attracted a feral mommy who had kittens there. This is the first time I have had the same age pets and related (so genetics are the same). It has been hard to lose my 1st twin in 2002, the sister in 2006, and now my Little Guy in 2007. The twins both lost out to cancer, the sister looked like her sire so her body genes could have been different..we think she got feline dementia and most vets don't believe in it..well they didn't go through it, we did. So I understand what you are saying about having your others who have also been with you a long time. Just take this 1 day at a time and whatever you do to help yourself is the right thing...like crying. Don't hold it back. Your other pets want to help you so hug them while you cry but don't be surprised if you get a "slurp" across the face. Take Care.

Dear Victoria,

I am sorry for your loss of J-dog. I too have just lost my little love Annie on Wednesday. I have two other kitties as you still have your 2 other dogs. It is hard on them also. My kitties are wondering what is wrong in their usually happy home as my husband and I have been devistated and I have been crying (often quite loudly) for days. I hope that shared losses will help us to recover. I don't know anything else to do.

Annie's mommy

J-Dog was the greatest of dogs. He knew so many tricks, you name it and He did it. He loved to preform. He even did it at the Vet's. I just got a card from them and all the girls in the front office will miss Him dearly. There was a TV program on call Wishbone where a dog dressed up and told storys. My J-dog was his son. He was also so loveable and thats what I miss the most.
At first I think I expected my other JRT Dinky is her name, to take Jays place. I finding thats just not going to be the case as she is more about playing than loving. This is hard!! I will try to post some pictures alitte later, when I get through this a bit further.

Hello Victoria, this is the best place to come ot on the web IMO. Grief is a natural porcess that you have to go through, it is very healthy to feel this way, and vent about the pain your in. We all understand the pain you feel, because most of us have been through it.

Try to remember the good times with your J-Dog, his spirit is still within your heart, and death cannot take that away from you. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Talk to you soon

Victoria, J-dog sounds like such a great dog. JRT's are so smart, and have so much personality. I remember Wishbone, I used to watch with my mom and we would laugh and think what a great dog.

It is so hard at first, it feels like the pain will never stop, the loss of a pet is so hard for so many of us. There will be a change in the family dynamic, my cats certainly sensed it when Fuzzy died. I used to cry so hard while my cat Britty sat on my lap. I don't think it's bad to cry in front of your other pets, they already know something is wrong. Take them on extra walks and give them extra love it will help everyone so much.

Come back and when you feel you're ready tell us more about J-dog, it's hard but it can really help, we all understand.

Victoria, I am deeply sorry to read of your loss of J-dog. You were so blessed to have him in your life for 15 yrs. He sounded like a really fun dog who loved to perform his tricks.

I know that your husband and other dogs will bring you lot's of comfort. And I hope that we can be of some help here on this board as well.

I lost my beloved Lizzy (yellow Lab) who was only 9 1/2 last month. As big as she was she loved to do tricks as your J-dog did. Jumping through a hula hoop always amazed people. She was a big part of my life and although I have another lab the house is too quiet.

I hope that your sadness will be replaced by the happy memories you shared with J-dog.

Nancy

Thank you all for your kind words. I really will come back and show some pictures. Right now I feel like my heart is going to burst. Can't hardly talk about him without crying. I miss him sooooo much. He still had so much life in him, he was hanging on. But his kidneys shut down. And he had other problems too. I know it was time to let him go or he would of suffered very badly. He even tryed to cheer me up the morning I took him to the vet. I have to go I'm crying again. Thanks for listening.

If I were back in October of last year(06) where my Yukon was devastated with Felix's death and so was I I would have avoided doing what I did which was go off by myself to grieve and put on a front in front of Yukon as if life is normal because this encouraged him to do the same and we both kept it inside until he exploded with full blown overblown diabetes symptoms and I ...went crazy instead....so if you can, let the tears come down and hold your baby, tell her you love her but like her you're hurting really bad and spend all the time you can together, it's like here, grieving is bad and trying to get others to feel better somehow makes you feel better at the same time. Hugs this is so very hard, i certainly know how it is, it will get better, with time and with love exchanged.

Well I can't believe it been a week and a day. I did not relize how much time I spent caring for my J-dog. My life seems so different without him. I know I did the very best thing for him. He was a once in a lifetime dog... But I do have two more wonderful dogs that need me too. I quess this is something we all go through if we are animal lovers! My grief is changing but is still to strong to not cry everytime I talk about Jay-dog. The good memories are starting to come now. Before long I hope I can share them with all who have encourged me. Thanks for being here.

Hi Victoria,
Welcome to this site. I am so sorry about the loss of J-Dog. It is so hard and frustrating to lose our babies. He sounded like he was a wonderful, one of a kind little dog who brought you so much joy. I know it's fresh right now but you will begin to heal.

Like the others who posted here, I think that it would probably be best if you cry in front of your other dogs. They know when something is wrong and they can see through our efforts to mask whatever we feel. You have each other and sometimes healing comes from sharing the same sorrow with the ones you love. I lost my dog, Duffy in September. My mother had become very attached to him and I found that being with her, crying with her, (despite the fact that we might get each other upset), was extremely cathartic. We had the same empathy with each other and there was really no one else who felt it to the extreme that we did. You dogs may find comfort in that. They are hurting too.

Hugs to you, your husband and your babies. I am so sorry.

I think one of the hardest things I've had to deal with is most people only want to hear about this kind of loss only once. I feel like no one want to hear about it anymore. It is still very much in my life. I seem to be ok in the Morning but by late day I can't hold it together any longer. There is a big part of my life thats missing. Even my husband, which is still very understanding seems to be over it.
I am still learning to deal with my other dog (dinky) she is trying to fill the empty spot but she is a different dog. I too am trying to let her find her new place. This is really hard to go through. One day at a time I guess.

Dear Victoria,

It does seem like some people tolerate our sadness for such a short time. And some (many) seem to tire hearing about our loss and how badly we feel. I am feeling that way too. I know it is one day at a time, but I too, can only "pretend" or "try" for a few hours at a time, and then I'm back to full-fledged sorrow and in need of the same support I needed on day one. I don't know what to do about it. I'm seeking books on grief support and more info on the afterlife to survive this awful time. I would like a pet-loss support group to attend in person I think. Where everyone in attendance was grieving and providing support for each other for as long as we all needed it. (Like this forum, only "in person".) I might call my vet's office to see if they know of a local support group. Maybe you could try it too. Of course, that still doesn't resolve the issue of dealing with the others you deal with daily (even family members) who are not grieving to the extent you are or who have moved on. I feel the same as you.

Annie's mommy

Annies Mommy
I know I will get through this. there is just no way to get out of it or around it. It's because we loved! Thats not a bad things at all. I know my dog had the best life. He was so pampered, and got to go and do eveything. Alot of thing most dogs do not get to do. I think the hardest thing is I always went to my dog when I was feeling down or sad. Now I'm the sadest and he gone.

Hi Victoria,
I have gotten to the point that I am sick of worrying about these insensitive people who get "tired" of hearing about it. I feel sorry for them because they never loved like we did and they were never loved like we were. I would never choose to go through life without that. I just finished reading "Rescuing Sprite" by Mark Levin last night. Well, I was hysterical for most of last night. I lost Duffy almost 3 months ago and reading the book reopened all of the wounds. I spoke to my mother afterward, who is also mourning my Duffy and she said that I have to "understand" that most people will not understand my grief. Well, to them, I say "so what". It's their loss, ultimately, not mine. How sad your life is without the joy of an animal! I am happy that we have these forums to share with people who are like us. Lately I find myself looking at people differently. I have been gravitating away from those who are not animal lovers and who do not understand and making it a point to distinguish between people this way. I guess it's my own personal bias. It's annoying to deal with the less tolerant people. So that's maybe my angry stage of grief. Sorry if I rambled. My point is that we, here, understand the sorrow and that is so helpful.

I am having a real bad day today. Time seem not to be helping. Everyone that know has just gone on with life. I'm still hurting inside and it seem to be affecting my day. I feel depressed. Nothing seem to bring me any joy. I know its Christmas time but it does not feel like it. I just want my dog back . I cry myself to sleep every night. I hope this feeling goes away soon.

Victoria,

I really do know how you feel. I am quite sad myself and Miss my little Annie oh so much! I can't even stand to go into the kitchen cause I want to see her sitting by her water dish. It does hurt. I don't know how or when it will stop. I feel for you.

Annie's mommy

Thanks Annie
I just need to get my feelings of my chest. One of the things that gets me is my other dog. Goose is his name He's 13 1/2 and has many health problems. I though he would of gone first. I never dreamed I'd lose my J-dog first. He seemed so healthy till two months ago, then he just went down hill. Trouble is I think we will be grieveing aging very soon. I don't know how much I can take.

I know how you feel when you talk about...others lives continue as normal....Christmas doesn't feel right...and the pain. I wish I could tell you it would go away soon but I can't..it takes time to heal and it can seem so slow. It is good to think about the good memories and the years you had him. I had my Little Guy for just over 16 years and those were wonderful times. I feel fortunate cause he is the first special friend I was allowed to keep that long before the illness was sent to take him away.

Cry? I can cry so very easily thinking about him. I wish I could ease your pain but that comes from within..when we find the strength to push it aside. But one of the moms here said it so well...I pass it on when I remember to: She said: The pain of losing him will never ever be bigger than the joy of knowing him. The pain is great but I would not trade having my boy to avoid pain 16 years later. I miss him terribly...just like you miss your boy. I guess some healing comes when we force ourselves to accept they are not with us anymore......but that is so hard to do.

I know looking at my baby's pictures knowing he was happy, sassy, and healthy in them helps me. At least I can look at him and remember his endearing qualities.
That's why I put 2 threads of pictures in the Tributes Section. Looking at him has helped others just as looking at pictures of their babies has made me smile too. We all share the same pain and the sharing doesn't lessen its intensity but there is something about knowing you are not alone with such a pain and others understand that really helps..especially as you said..the outside world just goes on as if our lives were still normal, when they are not. Take Care....and hug your other 2. You mention Goose is not in the best health..well that gets double hugs. All 3 of my babies were related...It is the first time I had all the same age...maybe it is better to space a few years in between so there is a better chance there will be more time to heal after the loss of one of them....I don't know the answers but writing is a way to ignore the pain for a moment in time. Keep posting...I think it will help you.

I am still trying to work through my grief. I can't believe its been a little over a month now. I have cryed every day. I am starting to dwell more in the good memorys instead of " the day" I put him to sleep. I sure do miss him..