I need someone to tell me HOW to start living my life without my Sweet Beauty. I read somewhere about changing your routine - he was a part of my WHOLE ROUTINE. He was my alarm clock in the morning - no need to have the real thing - he got me up before my alarm went off looking for breakfast. I hate making meals now because he would always be right there reaching up to sample what I was cooking. I had to turn the handles of pans inward on the stove for fear he would pull the pan off just like a small child. When I go in or out I still think Uh Oh is the door shut and I check because he used to like to try to sneak out. I want to sleep all the time to just avoid feeling all this pain and I can't even do that because all I do is think about how he used to be here with me, his head butting under my hand when I read a book for a good head rub. I want to sit by the fire in our pellet stove we just got but he loved the warmth of the fire that he not only slept in front of it on colder days - that's where he died. I feel like I have got to snap out of this but I can't. I cancelled a shopping trip tomorrow because I just can't deal with all the holiday stuff right now - but I will have to sooner or later - and I guess it will have to be later because I just can't handle much of anything right now. Help me. I miss him so, so much.

I won't be too much help right now as I just lost my beautiful boy, Leon- just one week ago. I can only tell you that I experience the same as you. I catch myself asking my husband, "Where is Leon?" Plastic bags are little horrors when I realize I won't have poop to clean up while out walking--- while out walking without him... My husband and I are just struggling through- struggling through... I miss Leon so very much- He was my baby, he was my most favorite little guy. It is so difficult to adjust- mornings are excruciating, and night time is most painful- as that was our special cuddle time when we'd watch TV together. I am just going through the motions- trying to eat, trying to get a little sleep at least. My husband and I are so devastated that just keeping ourselves healthy is difficult.

I am so sorry- I only wish noone else ever had to feel as I feel right now, but I gues life just kind of dumps on all of us. This place is nice, though... it helps to know I am not the only one in such tremendous grief.

It is a huge change, and huge sorrow, and I think only time will make it a bit better for us all.

-Rebecca

Dear Rebecca and Karen
Big hugs to both of you, I too am lost in this world without my best friend he passed away three weeks ago. The daily routine is something that hurts, from the moment you wake, the only way I can get through it is see my baby where he should be. I tried changing my routine but it felt wrong like I was trying to forget him, and that's something I'll never do.
We lit a candle the day he left us (my youngest son is vigilant about ensuring it's lit when we are home) and it's a lovely focal point to remember him by. I can hardly smell him on his blanket now and that hurts, his collar is hanging on the utility room door where his lead used jingle. I try to keep him 'here' because it keeps me functioning.
This place is good, it lets you grieve with others.
Thoughts to you both.
Jo

Jo and Rebecca: Thank you both for your posts - I'm sorry you both are walking down the same path that I am - but at least I don't feel so alone. Yesterday, I thought I was starting to turn a corner. Slapped on some makeup, only cried twice in the morning but dragged myself to the store for groceries - carefully avoiding even a glance down the pet food aisle. I held myself together pretty well the rest of the day until last night when my husband and I both just completely broke down. Today, I'm right back where I started: listless, lonely and totally dejected. I keep telling myself that it is selfish to want more time with Leroy than what we had - not everyone is as lucky as we were. But I just can't help but want him back. The holidays are not helping either. I begrudge no one their right to be cheerful at this time of the year, but I am in no way festive and I just wish it would go away. And to add to it - my birthday is in less than 2 wks. People keep asking what I want - What I want they can't give me.

I know Wicket, Leon & Leroy are altogether with all the other furry angels in a pain-free safe place. Hopefully we can all get to a pain-free place too someday.

Thinking of you
Karen