I have been reading from this site and wanted to tell everyone here about a special creature that came into my life about 8.5 years ago.

Some background: I have 3 siblings and had dogs growing up. They died, but we were shielded from the grief from our parents and I did not know that at the time. I thank them now.

I am now 37 years old, male, with a wonderful wife who is a lot smarter than me. We have no children. She had been after me to get a dog, specifically an English bulldog. I was hesitant because I liked the independence of not having to be "tied" down to a pet. That, and I knew that the life expectancy of a dog is short. I did not want to have to deal with any guilt or emotional pain afterwards.

Well, my wife found an ad in the paper for some "English/American Bulldog Puppies" and we were getting one, end of story. I reluctantly agreed and we drove a long distance to check them out. They looked like Bullys to me, just a little taller. I fell in love with the whole bunch, about 8 of them. I wanted my wife to pick the one she wanted. She wanted a female, preferably black/white and wanted to call her Bella. The owner started laughing and said 'Watch this...Isabelle, come here, Girl!!!!" From under the wooden deck comes this precocious black and white pup and runs to us. She knew her name--Isabelle, which we changed to Bella!! It took time for me to drop my guard and become emotionally attached to her, but it happened before I knew it.

We had 8.5 years with her, all wonderful. Back in September she started peeing in the house and in her sleep in our bed, along with losing control of her limbs and falling flat to the ground, not on her side. Took her to the vet, he said she had a bad ear infection. Prednisone was prescribed and she did not really start to recover. A few days later she collapsed again and we took her to the Emergency Vet, no help there either. We called a Mobile vet and she saw the symptons we described and suggested she be checked out by a neurologist. We took her to the UGA Small Animal Hospital and they did tests, neurological, MRI, spinal tap, etc... She weighed 60 pounds, down from 64 about 2 weeks prior. They noticed swelling of the brain, but did not see any indication of cancer. WHEW!! He prescribed upping the dosage of prednisone to combat the swelling, come back in for a 2 week check up. She was blind too. He was hopeful that the swelling would go down and her vision "might" return. We had 2 good days with her at home, she navigated around everything normally, played with her toys with us, she even felt good enough to scratch me in my sleep so that she could get under the covers, roll on her back and let me scratch her tummy. On the third day, all of her symptoms returned.

The vet suggested we bring her back ASAP and we did. We finally had to admit defeat, considering her quality of life, on October 11th and let her go. My wife and I were with her on one of her favorite fuzzy blankets, kissed her, rubbed her, and told her that we loved her countless times.

We had her cremated and she is finally back home with us. We have some comfort in that, but my wife and I are devastated. We have lost something of ourselves and cannot bear to be without our Bella. I am a 37 year old man but cannot seem to stop having these crying spells-everyday! It is like a roller-coaster ride and I want to get off! I feel like I was robbed or tricked. My wife is trying not to think about it, but no luck there. We have come to realize that this will take a long time. We even broached the subject (yesterday) of getting another dog. We learned a lot from Bella and I know I want to share my life with another noble creature. They would not replace Bella, but my wife and I have a lot of love to give. Reading some of the stories in the forum has given me some comfort and I want to thank you.

Here is a favorite picture of her just waking up, covered by one of her favorite blankets.

Bella has such a sweet face! So sorry for the difficulty you are having after Bella left you. My heart goes out to anyone who had to make the final decision for their best friends. Assuredly, you had Bella for 8.5 wonderful years, and you will carry her in your heart forever. When the time is right, and you will know when it is, find another friend--not to take Bella's place, but to enrich your lives in its own way. Take care.
Pat

Thank you for sharing your story about your little Bella. It sounds like Bella made your family complete and gave you and your wife so many special gifts. Losing a furry companion is never easy and the void is amplified exponentially when they are gone. After the storm passes and the warm memories of Bella are able to fill your heart, I hope you allow yourselves to share your love with another. If not, that would be the tradgedy. My thoughts are with you.

A friend of ours has 3 dogs and one of the younger ones (Angie) bonded very well with my wife a few months ago. Our friend offered to give us Angie months ago if we wanted her, our friend has not bonded too well with Angie.

Last night Angie stayed with us, mainly to comfort my wife. Angie is a poodle and nothing like Bella, complete opposite. Bella was hardy, sturdy, unafraid..... Angie is small, and just....different. My wife and I know all the inplications of a new dog so soon and recognized them right away. Angie is sweet, but it is too soon for anything like this. We just are not getting that "vibe". We had that with Bella right away. Angie is going back home today, it was just a one night visit anyway. We enjoyed her company and I am sure we need more time and just the right cir%%stances. It will just "happen".

Something occurred to me yesterday as well. Bella was OUR first dog as husband and wife.. My wife and I had very special experiences with Bella TOGETHER for the first time as husband and wife and never had to share that with others.. Nothing can top that or replace it. That is not our intention, we plan on making new memories.

Thanks for reading, it sure helps to get these emotions out.

YES, YOU LOSE A LEGACY WHEN A BELOVED PET PASSES. I LOST A NEAR 13 YEAR OLD BEAGLE "DOLLY" FOUR MONTHS AGO , AND I STIL FEEL IN A STATE OF SHOCK REALLY.
IT'S HARD FOR US TO SEE THEM AS OLD LADIES COMING NEAR A FULL LIFE SPAN , INSTEAD I SAW HER AS MY 12 1/2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER . AND THE SAD PART WAS THAT I KNEW THAT DOG LOVED ME SO VERY MUCH . THAT'S THE REAL PAINFUL PART.
BULLDOGS WERE AND ARE ONE OF MY FAVORITE BREEDS AND I DON'T MEAN TO MAKE YOU SADDER BUT BELLA DOES HAVE A VERY BEAUTIFUL EXPRESSION. YOU CAN SEE THE CHARACTER IN HER EYES. WHEN I DID A SEARCH ON DOGS LIFESPANS I WAS SURPRISED TO FIND OUT THAT BULLDOGS HAVE AN AVERAGE OF 6.7 YEARS , ACTUALLY LESS THAN THE GREAT DANE WHO WAS 8. BEAGLES ARE 12-14. I SAY THIS AS A SMALL CONSOLATION IN THE FACT THAT AT 8.5 , BELLA DID LIVE A GREAT LONG LIFE WITH YOU AND YOUR WIFE.
IT'S FUNNY HOW WHEN 90 PLUS YEAR OLD PEOPLE PASS, WE'RE SAD BUT SOMEHOW FEEL LEGITIMATELY O.K. KNOWING THEY LIVED A LONG FULL LIFE. IS'NT IT STRANGE WITH OUR PETS ; WE SEE THEM AS THOSE YOUNG CHILDREN , WHICH MAKES IT DEVASTATING.
ALSO BELLA'SDAD, IT HELPS ME (A LITTLE) TO KNOW DOLLY PASSED NATURALLY , AND I'M VERY THANKFUL FOR NO HORRIBLE ACCIDENTS IN HER LIFE. I'M SURE YOU ARE TOO. THIS DID HELP KNOWING SHE PASSED OF GOD'S WILL. AND BY THE WAY, -DON'T FEEL ASHAMED ABOUT BEING 37 YR. OLD GUY AND CRYING, I'M 45, EX FOOTBALL AND ALL , AND I HAVE CRIED NOW FOR ALMOST FOUR MONTHS. THAT LITTLE DOG WAS ONE OF , MAYBE THE , SWEETEST EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE .
WISH YOU PEACE VERY SOON.
PHIL.

A little background: I'm an only child and never had the pleasure of having a dog in my life.
Just cats- whom I adore!
I'm now 37 and married to my very best friend- no kids as of yet. I always wanted an English Bulldog( I just love those mushy sweet faces) Well, my husband and I had just moved into our first home and I was determined to get 2 bulldogs! My husband wanted none(and put his foot down) Meanwhile, he never had a chance as I am more stubborn than I'd care to admit. So we got our sweet baby Bella. WE loved and spoiled her rotten.... and were never prepared for the day we would finally have to make the heart breaking decision to put our baby girl down. We now have been just going through the motions of daily life in some kind of cruel trance,neither of us able to pull the other out of the muck. My poor husband had never experienced loss of a pet or family member and continues to sob uncontrolably. And I'm the weaker of the 2 of us. Such a mess. We feel so lucky to have had our Bella in our lives and will keep her in our hearts for ever and ever.

It seems you and your husband share a very special bond, one that was stengthened by little Bella. It has been awhile since I have visited this site, but something compelled me to do so today. We lost our very first dog from our marriage a little over 4 years ago. She should have lived to be 12-14 years old and died at 8! I understand the horrific decision you have to make to put your loved one down. It is so hard and if you are like I was (admittedly still am), you question that decision. In our case (as I am sure was in yours) we had no choice, but that doesn't sink into your emotions at the time. I know how you are feeling and completely understand the uncontrollable sobbing of your husband. Seems you can't get all that pain out no matter how many tears flow down your cheeks. I lost my mother at 16, and until losing our precious girl Ginger, nothing had ever hurt me that much. I didn't think that pain would ever end. It doesn't really end, it just eases up and you begin to talk about the wonderful things about your dog and are able to laugh again. To this day, our family (me, my husband a 25 year old daughter and 23 year old son) still goes silent when we bring up her name. Then, we take on a new life and giggle about the funny quirks she had and all the things that made us so happy to have had her in our lives. My point is that you will get past this awful stage of hurting so much you don't think you can stand the hurt anymore. Just take the time, feel the grief and don't be afraid to talk about your feelings. My best wishes are with you at this time.

THE PICTURE OF BELLA IS ADORABLE AND SHOWS A LOT OF "TWO WAY LOVE" SHE LOOKS REALLY LOVED. I DON'T SAY THIS TO MAKE YOU SADDER BMOM AND DAD , PROBABLY COULD'NT BE ANY SADDER . UNDERSTANDABLY.
IN TIME YOU WILL COME TO AN EMPASS WHERE YOU WILL REALIZE YOU BOTH HAVE SUFFERED ENOUGH AND WONDERFUL BELLA IS MAYBE WITH MY "DOLLY" IN A BETTER PLACE THAN WHERE WE ARE. AND THAT SHE LIVED THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF 90 PLUS WONDERFUL YEARS. THE SADDEST THING IS THE SHORTER LIFESPANS OF OUR PETS. "PUFF THE MAGIC DRAGON" IN REVERSE "DRAGONS LIVE FOREVER BUT NOT SO LITTLE BOYS" AS I SAID , IT'S SO HARD TO SEE THEM ANY DIFFERENT THAN "OUR LITTLE GIRLS". I'M RIGHT THERE WITH YA.

Bella's Mom & Dad,

Bella was as lucky to have you in her life as you feel you were to have her in yours.  There is no doubt that you love her very much and gave her the best life a furry could hope for.

I was also a sobbing mess for several weeks.  In fact, "gut wrenching" only begins to describe the first week.  In my own experience, the roller-coaster ride is the worst during the first couple months.  After that, you may find that little things will set you off again for several more months.  After a while you get to feeling less pain but there's still this emptiness that lingers.  It's been almost 8 months now since I lost Qorqui and I still feel the hole in my heart.  I've accepted the idea that I'll probably always feel it.

It's obvious that you have so much love to give.  Personally, I think you should consider getting another dog.  But not until you're really ready to share your home again.  Only you can know when that time has come.

About a month after Qorqui was killed I decided to go out and find a new Corgi puppy.  Not to replace Qorqui, but so I'd have a little buddy around again.  In my case, it may have been a little soon, as I found myself comparing the new pup (Kali) to Qorqui, and letting it get to me.  I also found that it interfered with our ability to bond.  After a few weeks I was able to get that under control and now Kali is such a joy to be around.  She's not Qorqui, and I'll never expect her to be.  She's her own dog on her own life adventure, Kali style.

Take care of yourselves, and each other.  Don't forget to eat and sleep.  It's so easy to neglect your own health needs when you're grieving, and it's especially important during this time that you take extra good care of yourself.  Grieving is hard work.

Tim

WOW!!

Last night I had my first dream about Bella.

My wife and I were having dinner at our house with my in-laws and Bella just appeared out of nowhere about 5 feet from the table. I saw her first and was so excited and told everyone at the table, "Look, there's Bella!" She was excited, wagging her nub of a tail, causing the rest of her rear end to shake. She looked healthy and could see. She did not approach us, but we did not care. We were all just so happy to be able to see her. I don't recall anything other than that, but I seem to recall my wife hugging her. At least I hope I am remembering it that way. It was very satisfying.

Things seem to be a little better, still have that sense of loss. I am not dwelling so much on the manner and cir%%stances of her death now. I am having constant memories of her as a younger, healthier dog and the many special times she shared with me and my wife. I still have those moments of sadness and downright despair. I am recovering from them a little better.

I recently talked to some of my co-workers about Bella, they knew her too. It really helps to have a support system at home and work. I have this strange compulsion to talk about Bella and I am thankful that a handful of my trusted co-workers knew her and can relate to my situation. I keep thinking about another dog too. I know that will happen eventually, I want to make sure that we have evertything ready for that time. We have a fenced in back yard that I had installed for privacy and especially for Bella. We have plenty of shaded area in the back yard and a wood pile for the new dog(s) to climb/play on. Bella loved to climb on the wood pile and chase the squirrels.

Anyway, thanks for reading and all the responses. They mean so much to both of us and have given us a different perspective on Bella and her life and what she did for us.

I am so sorry for your loss ~ I so related to your words as follows:

It is like a roller-coaster ride and I want to get off! I feel like I was robbed or tricked.

Reading your story and relating to everything here helps me ~ I was blind sided by this last loss ~

Love and Peace, Kathryn

Well, it has been 3 weeks since we let Bella go.

I personally feel a little better, the pain and sadness is not as severe as it was. Certain times of the day are hard for me and they involve things we used to do with Bella. I cry everyday, that will not change for a long time. I really do not care if it does. It is a release of pent up sadness, frustration, and about 1000 other things.

I put Bella's red aluminum rabies vaccination tag on my key chain. I think that will give me some comfort.

My wife and I bought a wooden box with antique metal trim and a matching lock, it even has a nice antique leather strap. We are in the process of looking at plaques to put one on the front of the box with all of Bella's info. We are thinking of putting an acrylic picture frame on it as well with a good picture of her. We will also put her toys, collar, harness and assorted items that she played with, in the box. This has been a painful process too. Everything is a painful process.

My wife and I are different in our personalities and we grieve differently. Everyone does it differently, but it is no less painful.

I have begun looking online to adopt a dog. This will take time as well. The time will be right and it will happen. We still have Angie coming to us, later this month or maybe even after Christmas. Not looking forward to the holidays either.

Mommy and Daddy miss you babygirl, rest easy.....

This post has absolutely touched my heart and soul ~ and gives the soft and gentle breeze of healing to my storming spirit ~ Such love can only make the universe cintillate with glorious song of joy and thanks ~ I hope CC finds your sweet boy ~ he will think its a little white dog and CC thinks he is part dog anyway ~ Love and Strength to you both ~ Kathryn

Bella's Dad & mom,
I know this doesn't seem relevant at first but please stick w/me & I'll get to my point..... when my Dad passed I had an extremely horrible time with his death. He was here one day & literally gone the next. I can't explain how messed up I was. After 6 months I had a dream about him. He looked great & told me he was happy and would not stand for my sadness another day longer. He was really worried about me. Well, to make a short story long (!)....I was told by a grief counselor that loved ones most certainly come back at some point to let you know they're OK...and to check up on you. And it's usually in dreams as that's the easiest way to contact us. He said that he has heard literally hundreds of stories about contacts like these. Souls live on regardless of what they lived as on earth. I'm convinced she let you know she was doing great and not suffering anymore. I know after my dream I felt so much better that I felt I had to start healing up my pain. I'm in the process of losing my 10 year old baby girl pug and all these feelings have returned. I hope she will visit me after she's gone.
Juls

Friday my wife and I received something very special in the mail.

It was a padded envelope from the UGA Small Animal Hospital where Bella was treated and finally put to sleep. In the envelope was a sympathy card signed by the Vet and the staff. The other item in the envelope that made me so happy and so sad at the same time was a plaster cast of Bella's paw print.

I could not stop crying!! My emotions were so mixed up!!

They had painted it and put her name on the front. The imprint was perfect and even had impressions from her nails. The nails that she used to paw us to get our attention. She had what we called a "heavy paw" because it would scratch us and hurt. We wish we could feel that pain again everyday!!!

On the back was her name, "Bella Fryar" and the date of her death, "10-11-2005".

I saw an ad for the same thing after Bella died and had been beating myself up for not thinking of it before she died and was cremated. I can let that go now and enjoy the paw imprint.

The journey to healing and peace continues.......

It has been a little over a month and a half since we had to put Bella to sleep. It feels like it has been 10 years, but the memories are still strong and my reaction to them has not really diminished.

Since Bella died:

My wife and I went on a cruise back on Nov. 12th. It had been in the works for some time, before Bella got sick. I was not really looking forward to it, I was feeling guilty. I was going to go on without our best friend, have a good time. We took a picture of Bella (when she was younger) with us on the cruise. We had it displayed in our cabin. That was a mixed blessing. I have to admit I really felt very emotional 3-4 times, talked about it with my wife, had a good cry and went on. It was all I could do.

We got another dog upon our return home, a poodle that is sort of a "rescue". A friend of ours has 3 dogs and did not really bond with one. Her name is Angie, she is an 8 month old poodle. She was going to give the dog to a mutual acquantiance of ours that is kind of "out there" mentally. On top of that the acquantiance has a son that put a gerbil in a box and shook it to death. No way in hell my wife and I would allow that to happen to any animal!! We told our friend we would take her. Angie is not the type of dog that we would have picked, but some times fate deals the deck for you....

At first we brought Angie home and it just felt weird for both of us. We both kept commenting on how strange it was!! I had a really hard time accepting this small, skin and bones dog that was nothing like my Bella. Angie was skittish and frankly, a big old scaredy cat!! It has been about a week and we are all adjusting and I think it will be okay. More of her personality seems to be coming out.

My wife and I miss Bella terribly, it just seems like we don't have the intense sadness that hung over everything we do like before. I still have those vivid memory flashbacks and some of them over power me. I still cry, don't care if anyone knows it either, that used to concern me. We both make comments about what we miss about Bella, cry a little, sometimes laugh.

I would give up everything I own to have more time with her, have her healthy. I comment to my wife that I would be willing to give up years at the end of my life to have her back healthy for another 2 years +. My wife has the same feelings.

It has not really gotten better, just different. I was not ready for any of this to happen and I was unprepared. How can you be prepared?

I understand exactly how you feel. My dog has been gone for nine weeks and I would give anything to have him back for a few more years. But of course that isn't possible. I too have adopted a new dog, a nearly six months old puppy named Sam. He isn't Rudy, and I still cry too, but Sam is helping to make my heart less heavy. Your Bella looks so sweet, she reminds me very much of my basset hound Sophie (I have two dogs). Angie is a lucky dog, one of my late dogs was a sweet little poodle. Take care. Gina

Thank you so much for sharing Bella's story. My husband and I just lost our baby- Leon. Not everyone can understand that family you create with a dog- He was not just a dog to us, he was the center of our lives. I absolutely feel for you and your wife. We lost Leon November 24th- the pain is unreal. Some days I can't imagine going on- how do you go back to work after you've lost your most favorite little guy???? How is it possible to have Christmas without Leon there making us all laugh as he rips open his presents???? I just don't know how to do it. I am so happy that the hospital gave you Bella's paw print- that is touching and so very thoughtful. Pictures don't do it, do they? you need a larger piece- I am so happy that you have her paw print.

The missing is excruciating!!! Leon was so wonderful- and that is an understatement. It tears me apart- going home and not having him there to greet us.

Bella and Leon are playing together now- I think they would've been great friends. Leon loved cozy moments in bed with us just like your little Bella.

Please take good care of yourself and your wife.

I am so sorry for you both.
-Rebecca

It has been almost 4 months since we lost Bella.

It still feels like yesterday and we are expecting her to return home.

My wife has a hard time being at home by herself, especially on Mondays. She does not work on Mondays (or the weekends) and Mondays were special days for Bella and my wife. They had the house to themselves and I was at work, they could sleep late and hang out.

I feel a little better, but miss Bella terribly.

Again, just about everything reminds me of her and many times it brings a smile to my face.

We have our new dog, Prissy (formerly known as Angie) with us and she does provide some comfort. My wife does not feel the same connection with Prissy like she did with Bella and neither do I.

We love all animals and know it will take time for shared experiences to develop into a relationship like we had with Bella.

Different dog, different personality, just different.....it does get better folks.

Hang in there.

Hi Bella's Dad,

I know what you mean by different dog and different personality. We got 2 new dogs after losing my Snoops and for the longest time I had a hard time bonding with them. Not that I didn't love them but like you said it was just different.

Now, 2 years later ... the bond I have with my 2 little ones is pretty strong. I still miss my Snoops and not a day has gone by that I haven't thought about him but the tears are gone (for the most part) and I smile when I think of him.

You are right ... it does get better.

Hugs,
Beth