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My Doxie and Me
2018 3-10 a better beginning I promise..
<Ludovico Einaudi - Primavera 6:41>

I became your paw print to find a better life for friends that you would be so happy to play with
these guy's where in bad shape...because i looked back to see you walking in my foot prints;) we walk the same path my friend....
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I will not recall the last few hours of Jens life i will hold that close to my heart on april 30th 2011 2;58 pm< In my promise was one to never let her suffer> for 15 years she always came first
if you know Duchshund you never really own them your just a care taker;) I love you my friend



To walk beside me and never fear
to sit by my side with not one tear
To hold you close to my heart and know how much i care
To wish for times that can never be
i cry myself to sleep
Only to see you in my dreams
to sit beside you in the sun
Soft wind blow

Jenna April 8,1996 to April 30th 2011
leejaye
Hi Todd, I'm so very sorry about the loss of your beautiful 15 year old Jenna (that photo of her is really lovely), I had my Mischief cat child with me for 17 years, and like LoveMyMickey said, it's never enough...I can hear in your words how much you loved each other -now she lives in your heart forever, she will never leave you. Thank you for sharing some of your memories of her, I can just picture her from them...I hope it gets easier for you, this is such a hard road you are on, sending you some good energy today Leejaye
moon_beam
Hi, Todd, adding my sincerest sympathies to Leejaye's in the physical loss of your beloved Jenna. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. This grief journey is one adjustment to the physical absence of our beloved companions. The good news is that the love bond we share with them is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Our beloved companion's sweet Living Spirit continues to share our earthly journey and we are forever blessed with our cherished memories in our hearts - - they are always a heartbeat close to us.

Thank you so much, Todd, for sharing your beloved Jenna with us. Please know you are among friends here who truly understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Todd, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
moon_beam
Hi, Todd, thank you so much for sharing with us these wonderful pictures of your memorial to your beloved Jenna. How very creative you are in this beautiful garden. It is a living tribute to your beautiful girl, a loving tribute from your eternal love for her.

The love that is in your heart is eloquent enough, Todd. This speaks volumes when words are hard to find or just seem so inadquate. Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Jenna with us, Todd.

I hope today is being kind to you, and please do let us know how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
leejaye
Dear Todd, Thanks for these wonderful memories - and another photo of your beautiful girl, she is very lovely...she walks with you still, every day, every minute...sending you some good energy for your wounded soul today Leejaye
leejaye
Dear Todd, Thankyou for sharing some more of your and Jenna's story - your journey together will never be over, your girl is happy and safe in the enormous love you still have for her, now she shines down in that magic moonlight which watched over both of you, I hope the pain in your world is easing a little, sending you some good energy Leejaye
leejaye
Dear Todd, Thankyou for the extract from the book, I really liked the bit about being connected in a way that humans have forgotten - I am so glad you are starting to find peace. Our girls were true gifts in our lives, all that you say about Jenna I understand - the smallest way she moved telling you what she wanted, the smallest way you moved and she knew what you wanted, this is a very special relationship, I'm not sure if everyone gets to be this lucky in their life. I too think my Mischief girl brought out the best in me - all that they gave to us (and still give to us) is still there, in the quietness of our hearts. I am so glad you found some comfort in my words, I really believe they are true, Jenna will never leave you. I hope you smile today my friend, Leejaye
moon_beam
Hi, Todd, just stopping by to get caught up with how you're doing, and wish to add my thanks to leejaye's for sharing extracts from the book you are reading. Leejaye has so eloquently expressed what is in my heart, and hope that you will find comfort in what she has shared with you.

Thank you, Todd, for sharing your beloved Jenna with us. The love bond you share IS eternal, Todd, and is yours forever to treasure.

I hope life is treating you kindly these days, Todd. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
leejaye
Dear Todd, Your words and feelings for your girl are so beautiful, thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing them, sending you some good energy my friend, Leejaye
Gretta's Mom
Dear, dear Todd

Thank you so much more than words can express for sharing your beautiful poetry to Jenna. You have said everything that is in my heart about my beautiful Gretta, the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived. You are one brave, strong soul to be able to open your heart up and express these precious things. Although most of the time I don't realize it, my heart is shut tight, even after all these months (5). Your words have opened an avenue for saying all those beautiful, deep things I need to say to Gretta. Thank you for the immeasurable gift, my new friend.

Blessings always,

Gretta's mom
leejaye
Dear Todd, Thankyou so very much for your exquisite words to and about your girl, you have such a wonderful ability to see through Jenna's eyes - she is still with you my friend...please let us know how you go with Friede, the kingdom needs a new ruler, I hope you are able to give this gift to a little one who has not known how kind and beautiful a human heart can be...sending you a wish for a moment of peace and some good energy til your heart starts to heal, I have plenty for a friend in need, Leejaye PS Thankyou for the picture of Jenna's window, you two live in a beautiful world.
leejaye
Dear Todd, Thankyou so much for another beautiful tribute to your girl and your life together - with words like this in your heart and your soul Jenna can never truly be apart from you, you cannot touch her but she is there my friend, I'm sending you some good energy today, leejaye
leejaye
Dear Todd, You are making such lovely word pictures of your girl - I hope you have kept a copy of them, maybe you could print them for yourself with Jenna's pictures and make a Jenna tribute book so you always have them close? I hope Friede can come to you soon. I agree with you, no animals are alike, even if they are the same breed. Like people, they are themselves with their own personalities - you can see so much in their eyes, the set of their ears, their stance, and you know how to see, my friend. I know you will find the right ruler for the kingdom when the time is right. Sending you some more good energy today, hope the world has sunshine for you today, Leejaye
leejaye
Dear Todd, Perhaps reading these words again will always bring you pain - this, too, is a part of the love you and Jenna shared. They are very beautiful words and show just how much you and Jenna joined yourselves in heart and soul, looking through each other's eyes... thankyou for sharing them and for the photo of your world...I hope the universe smiles on you today, sending you good energy for as long as you need my friend, Leejaye PS Have you met anyone who might be the New Ruler? Or is the time not quite right - you will know...
leejaye
Dear Todd, Paradise indeed! Thankyou for the beautiful photos and words - they are wonderful and so sincerely what is in your heart...I really hope the days are getting easier my friend, still sending you some good energy and a wish for peace, Leejaye
leejaye
Dear Todd, Wonderful news for the kingdom! And what a wonderful name for the ruler - Friede - Peace - I wish you both much happiness my friend. Jen is smiling on you both, she knows how much love there is in your heart, and is so glad for you to share it with one who has never known love like this, take care my friend, Leejaye
Bobbie
Dear My Doxie and Me (Todd):

THANK YOU from an ever grateful heart for writing for Trevor, what he could not write by himself. "His" words are like salve on a still open wound that may never completely heal. My eyes leaked so much when I read the last line. I felt so much love for Trevor at that moment - like I used to when he would finally sleep and I lay next to him trying to memorize every feature of his (finally) calm face, every soft hair on his head, the rhythm of his breathing and the touch of his paw in my hand. I know I will never get to experience that again and I hurt because I didn't take as much advantage at the time.

Trevor will always be The One. His Love took my heart by storm and then settled in to a private exchange. Only when he died, did the exchange change forever. I miss what I had and want it back again.

YOU, such a good friend of my sister's (Gretta's mom), took the time to listen and hear Trevor, even though you did not know him at all. And yet, you captured in your words, the very essence of my sweet boy. Thank you again and again and again. And if Trevor should ever speak again, please feel free to let me know and I will treasure every letter of every word.

With gratitude,
Bobbie, Trevor's mom
Bobbie

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!



from the bottoms of MY heart!

XOBobbieXO
Trevor's mom
Bobbie
Well, you did it again............

brought some actual peace to my heart for a few minutes while I wait to see when the cancer can be removed from my body.


I hope you know just how much this means to me and Trevor. YOU are an incredible soul.




thank you


XOXOxoxo
Bobbie aka Trevor's mom
Gretta's Mom
My DOxie and Me

Thank you from the very bottom of my heart for continuing to write such beautiful poetry for my sister Bobbie (Trevor's mom). She was so sad and worried about a message but when she saw your beautiful poetry and even more exquisite pictures, her heart was gladdened and greatly comforted. Thank you for casting her a lifeline - it' s really helping as she goes through this agony of her own.

You're a saint, Todd.

Gretta's mom
Bobbie
Dear, dear those Doxies' dad,



thank you


I take in each word, over and over, as strength and support, encouragement and caring


It is like a salve on my terrified soul


And now I CAN go on!

XO Trevor's mom XO
Bobbie

There you go again!!!!!! laugh.gif


THANK YOU from the bottom of my little duckling heart!! happy.gif


XOXOxoxo
Trevor's mom
XOBobbieXO
Bobbie
Such a beautiful tribute to a beautiful dog! The love you have for Jen pours from your heart and shapes words that bring meaning and feelings to life. Life that once was and life that continues now into eternity.

These days, when the sorrow and reality seem to knock us to the ground, are the very ones when we must grab onto our Loved One(s) for dear life. For they understand, as no one else could, what we are and who we are. Only they know how our sorrow and even regret translate into undying love and devotion to those very souls that we more devoted to us!

Please, if you don't mind, keep sharing your love story of Jen, and any others, with those of us here who drink in your words as a comforting sip of nectar.

Again, I get to thank you for yet another amazing poem! I wish I could think of a better word(s) than simply Thank You!, but I don't think there are any. So "Thank YOU!" it will be.

XOXOxoxo
Trevor's mom
Bobbie
Bobbie

Once again, I open Trevor's post and find that my dear, dear friend has given me a great gift!

Thank you for the gift of strength and of song! I love listening to the birds talking and singing outside my kitchen windows early in the morning! I love the sound of cardinals talking back and forth. Even crows have wonderful voices! This afternoon, I will find and play the album I have of canaries singing - it is stunning and so uplifting!

Please give my love to Jen. I know she and Trevor are fast friends and that they compliment each other so well.

Enjoy the warmth of the weekend. I will be enjoying my grandchildren (Olivia 4 and Benjamin 6 months)! Oh! That sounds so sweet to me: grandchildren!

Thank you from the depths of my heart and my soul. You are a guardian angel and I'm glad you found me!

XOXOxoxo
Bobbie
Trevor's mom
Gretta's Mom
Hello My Doxie and Me

One more huge thank you for the poetry you write for Bobbie. It truly is sustaining her soul during this awful wait .... for a wonderful blessing.

XOXO
Gretta's mom (her sister
Bobbie

Today I am tired and pretty well drained. But I wll ALWAY find time to THANK YOU, my friend, for sending me gift after gift of uplifting and sustaining words that fill in so many of the blanks of my mind. Two birdie pictures made me smile, ear-to-ear. I grew up with red-winged blackbirds and always wondered how that happened? I no longer wonder, I simply marvel at it.

Please forgive me for not having all the words in my mind that are surely in my heart today. You carry them so well for me. How can I ever thank you?

Give my love to Jen - lots of it! I LOVE YOU, JEN! wub.gif (everyone gets a wub)

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

Now I can go on with my day!

Gratefully,
XOBobbieXO
Trevor's mom
Bobbie





help!
Bobbie
My friend,

I don't think I've ever read such loving, honest words to a beloved (animal) friend as you continue to write them. Oh! How I can feel your love for Jen over and over and over. While these love stories/lives play out at a pace we humans don't like, we do have the hope and the faith that we will be together again for all Eternity this time!!!!! There is no way I can wrap my mind around Eternity, but won't it be wonderful spending it with our loves???

Thank you for the healing and comfort your words bring to me, even when the words talk about others, especially Jen. I LOVE reading love letters like yours. Most people would say that the lot of us are crazy or out of our minds and they are correct! We are crazy-in-love and out of our minds waiting for that glorious reunion with our Jens, Trevors, Grettas, Peanuts, Tuckers, Hermys, all of the marvelous creatures that wait, so patiently for us.

Now, I get to thank Jen for bringing you that unconditional love that nurtures us and ever so gradually pushes us to take it for granted......until it is gone

THANK YOU, JEN!

Gratefully,
XOBobbieXO
Trevor's mom
Bobbie
How do I find the words, once again, to thank you???

You give me the words, put together in such a way that I receive boundless support, encouragement, empathy, and a promise of loyalty (you did learn that from Jen, of course) that few others I know could say, much less do. Jen's daddy, you have given me a strength to draw from when I cannot find my own. I have (another - actually only 3 total) a place to run to when I need to retreat from the coldness and the uncaring. And it is not a fantasy. It carries no requirements (from me) which you, somehow, know I cannot extend.

I treasure the Knight kneeling. It speaks volumes without saying one word. Because it doesn't have to. He is there. He is there. A frightened soul needs those reassurances, especially when the road she is traveling is totally hidden from her, although she is not blindfolded. And it is light of day.

I don't know who you are, other than Jen's daddy and I do not need to know any more. That is not the point. WE do share a common bond in the passionate love for our creatures and we are both so much better for that. I wish I could have known Jen and that you could have met Trevor - the love of my life. I've had many previous Cocker Spaniels and loved them with everything I had, but Trevor is special and unique. I will only experience that once in this lifetime, but that is all I need. I have threads all over the place on LS, so wherever you see Bobbie, you'll read more about Mr. Trevor, all the way back to early 2011.

Again, my gratitude is deeper than the oceans. Today, Mr. Knight (in shining armor) really did save my life!

I LOVE YOU, JEN! wub.gif
XOBobbieXO
Trevor's Mom
Bobbie
Miss Jen.

You have an amazing, incredible dad, that's for sure! I don't know how he tolerates my "small town" vocabulary and slang. I imagine it's like fingernails on a chalk board. Actually one has to be quite middle aged to member chalk boards instead of WhiteBoards.

Ms. Gretta and her mom have made it to this site now, so we're all getting together. Don't you (and your dad) think it is so much quieter and more peace-filled? Yes, the original site serves a very important healing and grieving function and I never thought I would reach this level of "acceptance" even though I still rail against the idea that my Trevor is physically gone forever. But the pain is not quite as searing - it has become a very familiar and heavy ache, an emptiness that I know will never be filled on earth. I think the greatest, actual transition came when I was able to make and display Trevor's collage because so many pictures hold memories of happy days (please don't ever ask him about the empty yogurt cup on his head!!! it's kind of cute).

Jen, you filled your father's life and soul with a love that a) never dies; cool.gif is irreplaceable; c) has kept him going on in tis world. Only YOU knew how to do that and what was needed to continue that love into the future that you knew was coming and accepted with dignity, courage and grace. We humans aren't good at that, period. So, to you, I say THANK YOU, JEN! I am blessed to call you (Trevor's) friend! (do you mind?)

Have a beautiful Saturday! Me? I'm sleeping in allllllllllllllllllllll day!

I LOVE YOU, JEN! wub.gif
XOBobbieXO
Trevor's mom
Bobbie
Dear, Dear Doxie Friend!!!

Once again, your words and pictures have touched my soul! I am in a drought of confidence and am stagnating. I MUST get moving because my life depends on it! Could I ask Jen for some help rays? She sounds like a powerful lover and giver. I would be ever so grateful.

Do not ever worry about crossing any "lines". Lines are artificially made by those who cannot or will not learn about their own boundaries. You and Jen have become Trevor's and my friend and we both treasure the gifts of that friendship. Don't worry, our friend, OK?

I'm needing a lot of Love Rays from Trevor today. My body is physically manifesting the anxiety and fear that I have about meeting the oncologist tomorrow. At least I know where all of this is coming from.

I wish for you two a day of peace, joy, and love filled with butterflies and (I like) dragonflies!

XOXOxoxo
Trevor's Mom
Bobbie
Bobbie
Hello Dear Jen and her daddy!

Want to stop by and remind you that you both are in my thoughts and prayers each and every day!

PEACE be with you!


Love,
XOBobbieXO
Trevor's Mom
Bobbie
Just wanted you to know.....

I am alone with my thoughts and my fears having been judged as too emotional and jumping to conclusions that most likely won't happen. So I will keep them to myself while I try and make it through the night until daylight, once again, appears. Perhaps, then I will not feel quite as hurt or misunderstood.

Silly me, I thought this cancer journey was mine and that people around me were there for support and understanding and listening and more listening. But I guess I am wrong, totally wrong. I am to follow another's path, one taken by someone with a different cancer and a different outcome. I must listen to them for they have all the wisdom of experience. I must be told what to do and what not to do because it is obvious that I cannot come to my conclusions as they did. I must, I must, I must.

That is why I come to you and this site. For here our voices are heard for who and what they are. We are not told what to do, how to grieve, what to question, when to speak and when to shut up. I must find those people (some I already have.....) who will listen, support, understand my fear, my struggle, my sorrow and my joy. And I must find them quickly. How?

Please speak the words you know to comfort me, soothe the searing fear in my heart, the sorrow in my soul, the empty arms that can no longer hold my Trevor................................
Jake'sGrandpa
Todd and Bobbie, I am touched by your love for Jenna and Trevor, and can feel your pain as I struggle to come to terms with the loss of our beloved English bulldog, Jake, two months ago this Friday. I wish you both the very best and hope that, in time, the sharpness of the pain is replaced by the warmth of the memories.
Bobbie
Hello Jenna's Daddy!

Again and again, you fill my heart and soul with the words I cannot reach, and I am more than blessed by you!

Yes, the chemo did a number on me, but not right away. Kind of like creshendoing (sp) thunder that gets louder and louder until your teeth begin to chatter uncontrollably! I kept thinking of Trevor and how he suffered in SILENCE (not me, that's for sure) and I have even MORE respect for every one of God's creatures that suffere AT ALL from ANYTHING! They are the heroes, not us humans.

Please, don't feel pressured to share your incredible words with me. That is selfish on my part. But I must say that the pictures you send, ALWAYS make me smile and then study them in awe! Your words are magnificent. You know me as a soul mate and a fellow Spirit Dog(s) parent. How could we be luckier? I was once told that Trevor was also a White Buffalo and now a butterfly comes by very often to say Hello! to me from Trevor and, many times, his friends, too.

If I may be extremely nosey......how long has Jenna been physically apart from you? I picture her as the most loyal of all your/the Doxies - filled with love and devotion for her daddy, as well as a spunk that only "smaller" doggies can have! She IS beautiful! (I rarely, if ever, use past tense when talking or writing about any of God's creatures. You know why.) If I begin to sound trite I truly do not mean to -please blame it on chemo-brain (really!). If you love Jenna (and any others) half as much as I love Trevor, then every space in the universe is filled with yours and her love for each other. (Come on, Hubble, catch these Love Rays!) I don't know if you have read my hundreds of posts littered all over this site, but I have my favorite picture of Trevor in every room of my house and one taped to the dashboard of my car. I used to worry about all the time Trevor must have spent lonely, scared and confused. And I pledged that he would never feel that way again - ever! He's even in my wallet! (I don't have pics of my grandkids in my wallet.) The pictures help a lot, as does the framed wallet-sized picture I wrap in a piece of Trevor's second favorite blanket and tuck next to my heart, every night when I go to sleep. Oh yes, it will be 14 months, this Saturday, that we had to physically part and something of Trevor goes with me everywhere.

Grief and the journey it takes us on is unique for every person and every one of their animals. I can, in no way, diminish your sorrow. I DO pledge and promise to always support you, understand you, listen to you, share with you and anything else that can pour even the tiniest of soothing oil to your wound. And don't be surprised, or feel unworthy or any of that malarky (you forgot I was Irish?????) because you have done the same and more for me.

I must go to bed now - a bit of the nausea has resurfaced. Bless you, bless you, bless you, Jenna's daddy!

With gratitude,
Bobbie
Trevor's mommy
Bobbie
To my tall and protecting Fir Tree:

Thank you, again, for listening to Trevor as he tells you about his momy's sorrow, lack of confidence and confusion.

With total gratitude I read, reread and continue to read about the Willow Tree, one of the most beautiful, graceful trees on this earth. I am a Willow Tree - you described me perfectly (again).

Thank you for showing me the truth and the way to find my new station in life.

I only hope, that in some small ways, I may return to you all the hope, confidence, and eventually joy that you have shown to me.

With the deepest of gratitude, I humbly give thanks to you, your Jenna and your words!

XOXOxoxo
Bobbie
Bobbie
Dear Jenna and Daddy!


My wish for you today: a PEACE-FILLED day with warm and happy memories for both of you!



With love,
Bobbie
Trevor's mom
Bobbie
Good Morning Jenna's Dad,

I hope today is treating you with love and respect!

I wanted to let you know one thing about one of your posts to Trevor and me. The date is September 15th and, originally, there was a stunning black and white picture of an American Cocker Spaniel that looked exactly like Trevor and Rudy and Birney and Crocker! It brought tears to my eyes and I simply LOVED IT!!!!

A couple days ago I looked on that post again and the picture had changed!!! Now there is a B&W picture of some kind of Spaniel, but it certainly doesn't look like any of my boys. Do you know how this could have happened? I stilll do not know how to properly post pictures, so am completely in the dark. Is it possible to get the original picture back on? I loved it so much and would like to make a print of it.

I don't mean to be nosey or certainly NOT complaining, rather I wanted you to know what was going on.

Thanks so much, my good friend(s)!!!!
Bobbie

PS: I found the lock of Trevor's hair that had gone missing for months yesterday! Happy days! XOXOxoxo
Bobbie
Good Evening, my friend!

Your words touch the essence of my heart and soul, as I read them and remember Trevor (Rudy, Jasper, Birney, Kelly, Crocker, Spot & Squirt). Each animal, one of God's unique creations grabs onto our hearts and souls from the very first minute.....never to let ago again. We, as the frail human, do not see this coming at first, so we are as free as our companions in sharing the sunshine, cool breeze, falling snowflakes, etc. Then, one day our humanness takes over and we DO see into the future. WE see our greatest fears and, try as we might, attempt to put them off as long as possible.

However, my dear friend, the "price" of this unconditional love that flows in both directions, ultimately becomes our most painful debt. But it is a debt we MUST pay. Is it ever easy? NO Does it ever go away? NO Do we wish we could hold onto what we had for just that while longer? OH YES! But, for some reason, the Almighty Creator, saw fit that man would be the one to carry this buden, to love and cherish every moment with our friends. I do not know why and that will be question #1 when "I get there".

I am so sorry that you continue to feel such excrutiating pain and sorrow. Jenna was extraordinarily special - that I can tell. The one thing I ask of you, is to let even a tiny sliver of time into your grief. Time is a mysterious and amazing thing. It moves ever so slowly when we want it to hurry up, and yet, when we look back, "so much" time has passed! Please do not think that, in any way, I want to "hurry you along" with your grieving. You sorrow is your own and no one else's. I have been a bit fortunate in that those gnarley (sp) branches on the tree of life, have, ever so slowly begun to change - from tough, rough, unbending arms twisting every which way to hold me as tightly as possible to the Tree I'll call "Sorrow Tree". Somehow, in the past couple months (and this is well after one full year of being without Trevor physically) a few of those braches have softened. They are not as rigid, rough or biding as they were for so, so long. They are slowly turning into the branches we see in the Spring. Ever so slightly softer and pliable so that I am able to breathe, which I could not do before. I still have a long, long journey ahead of me, but, honestly, thoughts of Trevor are much more comforting now. I have come to accept that I did everything humanly possible to make Trevor's last 2 years on this earth, the best he'd ever had. And I think Trevor is the one sending these messages to my heart and soul. Who else would know what to say or do? So while my heart remains shredded and my soul crushed to the ground - a tiny ray is shining my direction with some hope, peace, resolution and such a contented LOVE for Trevor, that I have not felt before.

It comes, my friend, but ONLY WHEN YOU ARE READY. Who decides that? Not you, not me, not our friends......but Jenna and her gift of healing time. She holds it for you, ready at a moment's notice to sprinkle some onto your heart and soul. Jenna knows how much you need, each and every time and she gathers your tears, sobs and misgivings into her eternal, all powerful heart so that her dad doesn't have to hold onto it all. See, she is in the Perfect Place now, where she still feels so badly FOR you, but the joy surrounding her now is indescribable and she can hardly wait for you to meet her so you can share the rest of eternity with her!

Please, be kind to yourself. Give yourself an enormous amount of credit for continuing to survive each day and grace so many lives with your words and pictures. Take even just 5 minutes per day to ask Jenna to pat you on the back for all the wonderful times you had together and those you plan in the future world. I would like to know what she has for you! Right now, Trevor just tells me that he wants to snuggle under his blanket with me again. Won't that be nice?

It is time to go to sleep now and dream of my wonderful boys and all their "new" friends. I say a prayer for you, also. And I wish you peace for tonight!

Love,
XOBobbieXO
Bobbie
Oh my friend, my dear friend!

I hope that nothing I said has caused you more pain. I never want that to happen, as you are going through enough right now.

As with you, I say what is in my heart/soul and whatever Trevor adds. Isn't it amazing the conversations we can hold without speaking a single word or at least no more than 3? "I love you"? Our companions are amazing!!!

Thank you for being such a good and gentle friend. Your words are like salve and yet I feel so badly for you as you travel your Journey alone, as only one can do (even if they are married!). Let us walk our journies as we need to and help each other along the way - just as Jenna and Trevor did for us whe they walked this Earth. Now they walk in Heaven which is so GOOD for them!

Thank you for your amazing gift of the word. I read and re-read and then print what you say so I have it any time I need or want it.

Have a beauty-filled day, sunshine or clouds, all part of MOTHER Nature. (ever wonder what happened to FATHER Nature?? laugh.gif

With love, (squeek, squeek goes the chalk)
XOAuntie BobbieXO

PS: I LOVE YOU, JENNA AND TREVOR!!!!!!
Bobbie
I thank you beyond measure, my dear friend!

I am very tired tonight, but have read every word, so eloquent and so real.

Tomorrow, more words will come to me and I want to share them all with you and Jenna!

With love,
Trevor and Bobbie
Bobbie



Thank you and may God bless you, My Doxie and Me! (my eyes are leaking a lot)

XOBobbieXO
Trevor's mom
Gretta's Mom
My Doxie

This is to thank you - in simple prose, I'm afraid, for your beautiful poetry that has strengthened both Bobbie and me during this terrible time. Jenna, oh Jenna, breathe a little of yoru spirit on your daddie today and let him know that even though his friends' hearts are shattered they still love him as you do.

Gretta and Rufie's mom
Bobbie
YOU are a wonder to behold!!!!!!!!!
Bobbie
Do not try to break away, my dear friend! For so much effort goes into trying to escape the "usual" ways that it saps all the energy from one's body, mind and spirit. Instead, try, just try that's all I'm saying, to LIVE through the awful silence. Experience it as many times as "it" tries to dominate your life and one day you will be the master, able to command this silence to depart for good. You will have saved up power and strength and fortitude to do exactly what you want to do right now, but have no power to do it because you are fighting it the way it wants to fight. Instead, turn the tables and know that we are here for you during these awful moments of seemingly doing nothing. But you ARE doing something. You are changing the rules to YOUR rules, ever so quietly and stealthfully. "It" will not notice and thing it has "won". And it will do victory dances on your mind and heart. Live through that (I have to count out loud to ge4t through my worst silent times and my worst physically painful times.) time, reassuring yourself that we are here to support you all the way!

Time after time after time after time this nasty silence will play with your mind, heart and soul, seemingly at will. But unbeknownst (sp) to it, YOU are in control. Did you know that? Yes, you can slowly and carefully control the time you give to this beast, shortening it by as much or as little as you'd like, each time beasty comes around. This, ever so surely, transfers the control and power away from that awful silence to YOU and whatever YOU chose to do with it. If you want to use it as a "good" silence (and you really know how to do that) or for anything else, you can because YOU are in control now and YOU have the power.

It's very frightening to start doing this because one feels completely powerless, but remember, YOU ARE NOT! You always have some power and control, even if it's just a smidge. That's all it takes to get started. Don't expect yourself to be the conquerer the first 100 times this happens. And if you DO win in less than 100 times, GREAT!!!!!!!!!

Show Jenna that daddy has the power to chose his silent times and what happens during them. SHE will help you immensely, as will all her friends in the Perfect World, and by now she has a ton of them! Trevor is right near the front, only Gretta is bigger so she is closer. The entire pack will know when you need them, even when you don't. You will, however, know this after things settle down an that's fine.

No, Jenna's daddy, defeat this enemy with a passive approach that it knows nothing about. That works in so many areas of life that you probably have plenty of experience and just don't realize it. Trevor just recently helped me figure out my silence power as my hephew lay dying - it was overwhelming. And my nephew and I were at least 30 miles apart during most of this! But I KNOW it worked for Mark and I KNOW it will work for you. Just remember, Trevor has never, ever been wrong on anything! OK?

Please know that Trevor and I are here for you 24/7, even if we don't get back to you right away. PM's and posts are more than welcome for all of this actually really helps ME, too. So there is a selfish component in here, too. (true confessions!!!!!)

I wish you peace, love and joy this evening and all day tomorrow on what is supposed to be a gorgeous day! Thank you for being my friend. It is a treasure and a blessing!

XOXOxoxo
Bobbie, Trevor's mom
Gretta's Mom
Hello Jenna's dad

I've asked Trevor to round up a cousin-chorus for Bobbie today. This is an invitation for Jenna (who is surely our cousin) to join. They're going to sing verses of the old spiritual "Everything is Gonna be Alright" (in doggie) nice an loud and keep on singing until Bobbie feels it in her heart. Jenna-girl, could you do this for someone who loves your dad and whom he loves too? I know you will. Thank you Jenna-Mop!

Gretta's mom
Gretta's Mom
Another beautiful poem about the beginning of winter and the wisps of memory we wish we could hold in our hands as we hold them in our hearts. Thank you so much, My Doxie. All the best to you.

Gretta's mom
Bobbie
Dear Jenna's daddy,

Your words bring life to so many memories. They are a precious gift you give your best friend and she so loves them!

The dancing in your thoughts and dreams is beautiful - so graceful and loving, holding onto each other and then drifting apart, only to come together again. This time forever.

Pawprints in the snow speak volumes about the love and honor and tenderness you feel for your friend and companion. She leaves you a message that only you understand and then, POOF, it's gone and another will appear. I wish we had snow like that here. I used to live where it snowed like that and my first dog's prints were everywhere, mixed with mine as we played in the snow. See how the memories always come back when you need them? They never really leave you, just get filed in the brain file system.

And how you describe your best friend is almost beyond words as you melt the images, one into another! Though the paw prints may fade, as they do every Spring, they'll be back whenever you want them or need them. Jenna knows you better than you know yourself! what a treat!

Be well, my friend, and thank you from the depths of my heart for your devotion to "man's best friend".

Blessings..............
Bobbie (Trevor's mom)
Bobbie
Oh, Jenna's daddy,

Thank you for so many compliments and kind, elegant words for me! As with you, I am inspired and open myself only to the closest of friends and comrads - those who will understand even if just a few words are written/spoken. So there you go, we share and we help each other and we think of each other the rest of the time. What a blessing for me! And the pictures, every one of them brought a smile to my face. To be that little girl again, but maybe not in Catholic school at the time. (yikes)

Today I took my dad to the cemetery and took down all the fall decorations and put up the Christmas ones. Someone had gone through the cemetery with a leaf blower or two so most everything of ours was blown all over the place. I still cannot find Trevor's rosary. No mind, I have others for him. This year I went simpler than others. I put up woden crosses that you pound into the groud which were decorated with little poinsettias and a red ribbon. Simple, yet powerful. Then each grave stone got a Christmas "decoration" statue that, hopefully will outlast the cold weather this time. I am thankful that I have been granted this holiday/holy day time to avoid any treatment. This way I can be with my boys when I want to. And I DO want to. Oh, and I decorated the bench that the cemetery director moved for me so many months ago, as I leaned into a large tree, crying next to their graves. So I would have a place to sit and stay with my boys. Enough about me.

Jenna's dad, your pain and grief are going to ebb and flow each and every day, still. And as long as you can stand up by yourself, walk, talk eat and breathe, that's still all you have to do and it means you ARE surviving. That's what Jenna wants and sends your way - the means to slowly pick yourself up and move forward (NOT move on) to peace and all the good memories. You can share them with your new little (?) love. THAT, too, makes Jenna very happy. Remember, like I told Grandpa, Jenna's Spirit is right next to your heart and feels your deep love and affection with every beat - every beat. Keep sharing your thoughts and feelings with those whom you trust and, slowly, ever so slowly, you will rise from the depths without even realizing it for awhile. Oh, you will still drop back into "the hole" now and again. I do and I go right back to the original feelings and sorrow. But, somehow, it's not quite as long as the first, second, third time, just a teeny bit shorter and comfort comes a bit more naturally and literally from Trevor. That's me. Not you. However you recover from this devastation, you will do it well and perfectly for Jenna and for you.

Just an example: My sister, Jeanne, calls me every night for the past 17 years. One night she wanted to ask me about my current Cocker Spaniel, Mr. Trevor himself. Instead she asked: "And how is Rudy?". So I replied, "Dead. Still dead." and we both laughed ourselves silly at being so stupid and yet, at the same time, glad that I could make a joke about my dear, departed best friend, Rudy. I'm not there yet with Trevor, but look forward to the day that I can laugh and smile about Trevor, too. Right now it's still too sacred to enter that space. But I know it will come. For me and for you.

So, peace be with you, also, on this very special December 14th. Peace.

Bobbie (Trevor's mom)
Bobbie
Hi Jenna's Daddy!

Stopping by to say I love you and hope you are doing well. This is what I can write on the blackboard now: "got my appointments with all my surgeons for next week!!!!! That means surgery cannot be far off. It's about time!"

Big statement from a little girl. Not sure what the nuns would think, but don't care either!

Hang in there, my dear, dear friend! You are always on my mind. (remember Willie Nelson?)

Love,
XOXOxoxo
Bobbie & Trevor
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