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Full Version: One Month Since Losing My Beautiful Boy Brutus
Lightning-Strike Pet Loss Support Forum > Pet Loss Support > Death and Dying Pet Support
BrutusMom
I am new to this site as a member but I have read many of the past posts. I just needed to say that my Brutus passed away on March 16, 2018. He was my only furbaby-child as I was not able to have children of my own. He was 11.5 years old and the most handsome, black-bearded 30-lb. mini schnauzer you had ever seen. He was diagnosed diabetic and with a heart murmur 3 years ago. I believe on that fateful Friday, one of his heart valves failed as he started to show symptoms of congestive heart failure and his heart was greatly enlarged. I got him to the vets in time and they tried to revive him. He looked at me as I held his face in my hands, said goodbye, and was gone. The vet started CPR but to no avail.
I will post more in the future and add pictures of my beautiful boy Brutus but I am too upset and crying rivers to do it now. Thanks for listening
Mistletoe
BrutusMom--
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So sorry to hear about Brutus--I know exactly what your loss and pain feel like. sad.gif

 Not the least hard thing to bear when they go from us, these quiet friends, is that they carry away with them so many years of our own lives..." John Galworthy
BrutusMom
Thank you Mistletoe. It feels like I have been trapped in a nightmare since my Brutus passed. I find I hate coming home to an empty house because he is no longer here to greet me. Actually my life is turned upside down and I struggle to find ways to cope. Sorry about your loss.

BrutusMom
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I have inserted a photo of my Brutus. I hope I did it correctly
Mistletoe
QUOTE (BrutusMom @ Apr 14 2018, 06:59 AM) *
Thank you Mistletoe. It feels like I have been trapped in a nightmare since my Brutus passed. I find I hate coming home to an empty house because he is no longer here to greet me. Actually my life is turned upside down and I struggle to find ways to cope. Sorry about your loss.



THANK YOU----

BEAUTIFUL BRUTUS!!! Again---so sorry

I do so understand. You found the right site---hopefully you will hear from others, that will share your grief.
It doesn't seem like it now, but it will get easier, in time.
Maybe, one day, you'll come across a Fur baby, who needs you as much as you need it
Do your grieving---it's natural and appropriate---it will help

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BrutusMom
Again, thank you Mistletoe for your kind words. I do find comfort in knowing that my Brutus will not suffer the painful path of full blown congestive heart failure with the bloating and difficulty breathing due to his much enlarged heart. He was just beginning to get the cough. The fact that he was also diabetic compromised his heart and other organs on top of everything. I was also spared the most difficult decision that a furbaby parent has to make as that is a likely scenario. My Brutus crossed the Rainbow Bridge on his own. The last gift my sweet beautiful boy gave to me was that when I held his face in my hands, he looked at me and the cataracts were gone and his eyes were as brown as brown could be. He said goodbye as we stared into each others eyes, and then he was gone. The vet started CPR but after I while I stopped his hands and whispered "enough, stop, my baby has been through enough, let him go in peace"

All the above is true but the fact remains that I cannot see clear right now--all I know is that I feel broken. Brutus was my second heart outside of my body. It has been made worse because my mother passed October 12 2017 and my stepfather passed on March 11 2018. With Brutus passing on March 16 2018 it was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.

I feel broken and lost and struggle for ways to travel this grief journey.
BrutusMom
I will be going out of town for a week and will not have access to a computer. I am very disappointed that with the exception of Mistletoe, I have not had any response or support from this group. I may be oversensitive at this point but I was just hoping for a more "lighting-strike" guidance, understanding, and support. I may touch base upon my return and hopefully getting away from the home I shared with my Brutus will help me start to find myself again. Thanks again Mistletoe, without your kind words my situation would have gone unnoticed.
moon_beam
Hi, Brutus' Mom, please permit me to add my belated sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Brutus. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Please know your heartbreak has not gone unnoticed. For me sometimes the words are hard to find to write, so it takes me awhile to respond. I am so very glad Mistletoe has been able to offer you comfort, and has shared with you what is also in my heart.

Brutus' Mom, please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal in this time of deep grief. This grief journey is one of the most painful experiences we will know - - both physically and emotionally. I, too, have been going through a very difficult grief adjustment journey to the physical loss of my beloved Noah on November 11, 2017. As a senior citizen with severe medical challenges my beloved Noah is my last companion in my earthly journey, and our last year together was not a pleasant one - - for all the many months I was in excruciating pain my beloved Noah's sweet body was being invaded by cancer and he never let me know he was becoming seriously ill until the evening of November 9, 2017. I was able to get him to the emergency hospital where the doctors finally discovered he had terminal cancer that had massively invaded his abdomen. The consolation is that I was able to be with him when the doctor mercifully assisted my beloved Noah on his transition journey from this earthly realm. Although it has been 5 months since my beloved Noah joined the angels my heart still aches from the deep sorrow of his physical absence - - and most importantly that he was so brave for me all the months I was in such excruciating pain while hiding from me that he was becoming so ill.

I also know what it is like to lose a beloved companion so quickly after the physical loss of a human family member. Indeed, I can so well understand how you're feeling coping with the physical loss of your beloved Brutus so quickly after the recent losses of your mother and stepfather.

I truly wish there were an easier way to navigate this grief journey, but unfortunately there are no fast forward or delete buttons we can press to speed up the process or make it automatically disappear. The only way is to take one day at a time, one moment at a time - - knowing you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through. Brutus' Mom, we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us - - and please know I will respond to you as soon as I can.

Brutus' Mom, I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, and encouragement as you travel your grief journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Brutus with us, and for this wonderful picture of your handsome boy. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Brutus' Mom, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
My Doxie and Me
Please forgive me... as each letter i type is a mountain each of us will
have to climb when a beautiful friend passes as we crumble as we
ask why... As many trace are friends Paw Prints as each breath is
labored almost a gasp;... as we climb an impossible Moment....
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<6:14 Ludovico Einaudi> - Primavera [Extended]
I shall forever climb
just to kiss you
one last time...

<A forever purpose to Honor the ones we love A forever Climb>
This shows a true friendship and what we are willing to never truly part with a beautiful friend^^^....

<Space left Blank>


<A Silent Moment>
This is when a friend will speak as we have to sit in silence to hear the vibrations of time....
Learning a friends speech after can become a beautiful life experience as Brutus picked you as
what a brilliant teacher he will become....

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To Brutus you have a long journey to whisper you're heart felt Moment for a Friend....


<Voices from Mountain Tops>
Are Angel whispers let us know they hold a dear friend as he created life and friendship....
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Thank you for sharing Brutus as he is now in my thoughts....






















































Forgive me as i have questions Brutus ears with heavy cartilage Points
to a Noble Bloodline He is quite breathtaking Egyptian like
As my attempt to send Energy;... Just an observation
perhaps a conversation... A beginning...Know this reading your post/loss brings
speech as we speak Brutus name we kneel and always lay are thoughts with
a beautiful friend...
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March 16, 2018
He looked at me
I held is face
We said goodbye...























<Lindsey Stirling - Carol of Bells>
Forgive me...What does a life sound like with Brutus... I can only imagine A glimpse into a Beautiful...

A Beautiful Symphony of a life you must let others know as we wait for a beautiful story of a friend that touches your heart...
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Still Searching for words as checking up on my feeding plan when Brutus took 5 days of my ... What a special boy as i learn his...
as the tears are his voice trying to....Your love for a friend is everlasting a will to teach... you are his will.... Who is Teaching...










Please Forgive my Words as it is difficult to try and understand the Loss of a true friend as each one of us on LS have
made this journey when someone so special comes along the words you are seeking are waiting within Brutus life long
love for you....Write his story and clarity of friendship will follow special friends find LS as we all wait for a sign that lets
us know they are ok and watching over us as they lick the tears as we cry are self to sleep as we find some peace as
we close are eyes only to see shadows of a friend;...
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My Doxie and Me
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Lighting a candle for a friend is everlasting and Heart Break...


















































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To speak for a friend is a lifetime of caring.....As we end up asking for....;...
BrutusMom
To Moon Beam - thank you for your kind words. I have followed your posts and have become very much involved in your journey after losing your beloved companion Noah. When you described the pain on coming home and not having your beloved Noah there to greet you I felt a kinship with your feelings as they described exactly my feelings after losing my beautiful boy Brutus. I continue to struggle as now I feel my home is now just a house without my Brutus' loving self being there to share it with me. I am so sorry for your loss and send you comfort from one who knows all to well the dark days.

To My Doxie and Me - I have also read all your posts and I am so sorry for your loss as well. You have a poet's soul and it speaks to me as I have a poet's soul as well but have not been able so far to express my pain in my words. It is too raw as tears are razors that cut as they fall. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for lighting a candle for my Brutus.

BrutusMom
On the loss of Brutus...

"sadness slowly surrounds me
as the mist shrouds the beach at fog
bringing with it the essence of you

it envelops me to the point of madness
i ache for the flesh and voice of you
to be near by my side in its stead
to beacon my way out of the night to safe harbor

and i know that the mist may remain without end
a constant reminder of the light going out
ending the life of a love cherished deep

the torrent sea of emotions never at calm
a doom to begin search for a new harbor home
wishing the while to remain adrift in the black
rather than land at a shore where you no longer wait"

----ddolcelakatos aka brutus'mom
BrutusMom
Five weeks...just 5 weeks since my beautiful boy Brutus became an angel. Seems like a lifetime since he has been gone and I struggle each day to move forward without him. Yesterday I received his paw print and fur clippings from my vet and a whole new abyss opened up. Bittersweet moments when I remember the very same paw print on my newly washed floors and the sweet softness of that fur cuddled with me at night-night. I force myself to imagine him running free and finding his beloved Nana PK (my mother), keeping each other company. A friend told me that "we hurt so they don't have to" very powerful!

Run and play my sweet Brutus. You are loved and beloved.



moon_beam
Hi, Brutus' Mom, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. So many people try to comfort a grieving heart by saying "it will get better." Now that I'm a senior citizen who has suffered more losses than what I care to count I now believe that instead of things "getting better" they just "are different." And adjusting to that "difference" is a lifetime journey. When our companions come into our hearts and homes our lives are changed for the better. When they precede us to the angels our lives are changed again as we struggle to re-invent our lives without their sweet physical presence sharing our every moment. Hopefully eventually the many wonderful memories of the years we are blessed to share with our precious angel ambassdors will once again bring a smile to our hearts as the ache that immerses our heart during the deep grief eases.

Thank you again so much for sharing your beloved Brutus with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Brutus' Mom, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
My Doxie and Me
Forgive my interruptions as they are with heart in hand..
What a Raw Point of emotion a beautiful Memory of loss is masked behind the Suns Dusk...
Lindsey-C-of-Bells a powerful moment as bells ring from Mountain Tops...


The boat sits at rest
In calm, empty harbor...
As we drink deeply
From the skies gift of dusk
That brands the soul forever;...
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-Hunter Coch
A beautiful life we share with a friend is a symphony waiting in the empty harbor...
We can not touch
Nor feel
yet we are
still connected
For Eternity
as we listen
Vibrations of time speak to us...



(A Poem For Brutus)

The Beauty of life is...
A silent moment
A Beautiful Moment
A Life long Moment
A Forever Moment
A Freindship....
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A Dusk that brands the soul forever...
My Doxie and Me
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Lighting a Special candle for Brutus...




























In Memory as New friends gather to Honor....
BrutusMom
Thank you so much moon beam and a doxie and me for your continued support as I try to get through this very terrible state of feeling so so lost and broken. With every loss in my life I am a believer that things do not get better but can get bearable. I can barely breathe for the emptiness in the pit of my being since losing my Brutus. Does it really get bearable??
My Doxie and Me
To a question you will...


1.Lay with your tears
2. be present without being anywhere at all
3. You will look for Brutus around every corner
4.Tears will fall without emotion
5.This i believe is a friend trying to...As we...
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In are journey to find a friend that has no voice
are own helplessness binds us to beg for forgiveness...


As you kneel and tears will fall for years this is a friend that touches are heart
that has no speech as he licks your tears from you're eye;s Brutus has a story
and when you walk in his Paw prints this is when....










Beautiful Symphony will play as Brutus will teach...








Honor a Friend as i have spent hours caring for each word i speak in Brutus Behalf as this is such
a difficult journey I can only whisper a beautiful friend Name...

Yet i was brought here Or imprisoned by a;)... Yet what i have been able to accomplish in loving Memory.....
I have the ability to do great things in behalf of are friends touch many life's as each word
we speak bonds to another as Thoughts of Love ones lay are words to soften are hearts...


This is why Brutus is so important as he was already a gift yet only you hold his whispers.. and in after life he is still trying to
lay next to you...As he has so much to say or maybe just to lay his head as you both look into the Harbor as peace is a precious
commodity that seems to be running..

With silent moment comes clarity as we must see are own faul...Only Then we are set free;...

I still look thru waterfalls just to speak with a friend;... That;s ok as it drives me to become a better person
a Better care taker and if you know Dachshunds they are all about taking;) My Elsa and Free;)
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You have Keep Brutus all to you're self as i would have and did;... Let others know what a beautiful boy
Give him a Symphony of words a beautiful Friendship starts with....

Please forgive my words as i carry my heart in hand... Also after passing i filled my friends water dish everyday;...Looking Thru Waterfalls..For 2 years;...
I just wanted a Procharger yet i got a Dachshund;)
My Doxie and Me
To answer your question yes on a level that can not be atm
as we play different role as we can see a more beautiful life
as we look thru a young friends eyes as we are reborn with
guidance and a depth of Knowledge fit for Kings as we are now
rulers of this great land;...As we look into the eyes of New Angels...

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You Might see us as in The Kings Court... yet we are still Care Takers...Dear Lord;)
Mistletoe
QUOTE (BrutusMom @ Apr 20 2018, 07:56 AM) *
Five weeks...just 5 weeks since my beautiful boy Brutus became an angel. Seems like a lifetime since he has been gone and I struggle each day to move forward without him. Yesterday I received his paw print and fur clippings from my vet and a whole new abyss opened up. Bittersweet moments when I remember the very same paw print on my newly washed floors and the sweet softness of that fur cuddled with me at night-night. I force myself to imagine him running free and finding his beloved Nana PK (my mother), keeping each other company. A friend told me that "we hurt so they don't have to" very powerful!

Run and play my sweet Brutus. You are loved and beloved.

Click to view attachment
BrutusMom
Moon Beam, Doxie, and Mistletoe--from the bottom of my heart I cherish all your kind words and efforts to help me through this very terrible time as I know each of you have your own pain and sorrow after your losses of your own precious furbabies. From my heart to yours I extend warmest hugs and comfort as you have so generously given me. I am committed to read each and every post on this site and I have become embroiled in all the beautiful and heart breaking stories of wonderful beautiful creatures leaving behind grief stricken mommies and daddies. My thoughts and feelings are so very raw I can barely write in words what I want to say. My creative talents are stagnant at this moment as all I know is that I miss my Brutus to the point of distraction. Thank you all again. I am grateful to you and to this site as I have great need.
moon_beam
Hi, Brutus' Mom, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. I can so relate to what you share with us as you write "My creative talents are stagnant at this moment as all I know is that I miss my Brutus to the point of distraction." After each of my beloved companions joined the angels - - prior to my beloved Noah - - I was able to create a loving tribute to them to share with friends and family. When my beloved Noah transitioned from this earthly realm I could hardly think of what to do for him, and when I did begin the task it took me so many attempts to just figure out the simplest formats of what I wanted to do, and the formats kept changing because making a decision on any level was too difficult. It was all I could do to focus on remembering to pay bills and even what day it happened to be. And I had to write everything down because I literally couldn't remember from one minute to the next what I had done - - or needed to do. The grief "fog" is now diminishing, and I am putting the finishing touches on my beloved Noah's memorial. But the sad thing is this memorial is the "last thing" I will be able to do for my brave beloved Noah who literally sacrificed his well being for mine when I was in excruciating pain for 9 months last year. The life I had known for 14 years with my beloved Noah is now a treasured memory, and "creating" a life now alone as a senior citizen is difficult.

The point of sharing my experience with you is to try to let you know that what you are experiencing now is very normal deep grief. At some point in time your creative energy will return - - perhaps differently than what it was before - - but your beloved Brutus will show you the way - - for his sweet Living Spirit is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you for love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space.

Thank you again, Brutus' Mom, for sharing your beloved handsome boy with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
BrutusMom
Moon Beam - Thank you again for your kind words. I am sorry to hear that you were in such pain as your beloved Noah was silently going through his own pain. I have read all of your posts before becoming a member and I cried along with you as you wrote each one. You are gifted in your words as you know all the right things to say to bring comfort and calm to those who seek answers to questions that have no real answers. It is very clear that you and all the other gifted members know exactly what everyone is feeling because you have walked the miles in their shoes and maybe are still walking the long grief journey. Thank you for your shoulder to cry on and your kind words of comfort and hope. I look forward to seeing your final tribute to you beloved Noah and I hope you receive his sweet guidance to help you along the way. I am Denise by the way and I am so very pleased to meet you.
moon_beam
Hi, Denise, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. One of the many hard parts of grieving a loss of a beloved companion is not having anyone to share it with who truly understands what you're feeling. That is why this wonderful forum was established as a safe place where we can come to share what is in our hearts without fear of recrimination or rejection. It is an honor for me to be able to be here to try to offer some measure of comfort, support, and encouragement to you. And I want to thank you so much for your comforting support in my grief adjustment journey especially since you are in the throes of your deep grief.

Denise, I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Brutus' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
BrutusMom
SIX WEEKS!!!! I am still so lost, broken and confused and at a loss as to what I am suppose to do. I see and feel you everywhere and the silence in this house is deafening. Rude awakenings. I have set up a memorial for you in the special spot on the hearth where you loved to hide your babies. And as I step back to look at it, a voice inside me says "is this all there is left after 11.5 wonderful and life-full years?" And then another voice says, "this is a tribute to your baby in honor of that wonderful and life-full 11.5 years you had shared with your sweet beautiful boy!" Your urn ashes with the photo I took of you just 5 days before you died, your paw print and fur clippings inside the cherry wood box your ashes were in when they sent them to me, you puppy photo after your first grooming, the photo of you in the sun room that was given to me by my friends at work at my retirement party, your collar with the diabetic warning tag that Aunt Diane got you 3 Christmas' ago--and a beautiful angel keeping watch that lights the room when all the other lights have gone out. You are no longer by my side, but forever in my heart!! Rest in Peace my sweet beautiful boy. Run and play--be a puppy again--no more shots, no more pain and bask in the warmth of the Rainbow Bridge sun. Mommy loves you--we are connected at the soul, and the soul never dies!!

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BrutusMom
My sweet Brutus...

In the beginning... I wasn't looking to get a dog. I always had cats because they are more independent and I traveled alot. It was August 2006 and I had recently been widowed as my husband Jerry had died after his short battle with a rare form of colon cancer. Jerry and I were together for 3 years and he died 3 months after we were married. I was still in deep mourning and my sister, your Aunt Diane, felt sorry for me and asked if I wanted to go with her to visit her new puppy Romeo. He was still to young to take home but the breeder wanted all new parents to visit and spend time with the puppies beforehand. And I was a big dog person. I had a beautiful siberian husky in my younger days. My Natasha had been gone for about 20 years and I still kept her close to my heart. I really was not all that fond of mini schnauzers but that was the only breed my sister had. I did not want a "yappy" dog. So, when we got to the breeder's house, there were four puppies just running around. She picked up her Romeo and I was just standing there. Then all of a sudden, one of the puppies left the group and ran over to me. I picked him up and the breeder said that you were a male and the only one that had not been spoken for at the time. You started to lick my face and then you did an amazing thing--you actually fell into me! You pressed your little body so close to my heart that my heart felt the hug!! Immediately I said to the breeder, this little boy is mine and his name is Brutus! I love Shakespeare and the name was from one of his plays and not the brute from the Popeye cartoon (I also suggested the named Romeo for my sister--again Shakespeare)! Just then, the breeder got a call asking if he had a male left from his litter!! He had to inform the caller that all his puppies were spoken for. You gave me a reason. A reason to get up in the morning and a reason to come home at night. You gave me back my dreams that I had lost when I lost my Jerry. You gave me back my hope for tomorrows that were gone when I lost my Jerry. You gave me back my life that had become so empty. I knew, right then, that I needed you as much as you needed me. So together, we build a wonderful and very loving life. So you see, I wasn't looking to get a dog. Instead, I got a fur-baby and I became a fur-mommy. Jerry was my soul mate. I lost my soul mate, but now I had found my heart dog--my canine soul mate. How blessed I was that day!! And each and every day for the last 11.5 years my blessings just grew and grew! And I was pleased that you were not yappy! You were a 30-lb. ball of fire with the bark of a much bigger dog. The UPS guy was surprised to see how small you were because he was expecting to see a German Shepherd charge the door! My heart misses your hugs, that you continued to give, pressing your body so so close to mine that our heart beats were so close they could hear each other. So you see, I wasn't looking to get a dog. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for giving me back my dreams and my tomorrows. Thank you for being. I honor you my brave sweet beautiful boy and will forever keep you close to my heart. Rest in peace and I will see you again when it is my time. I will claim you then as I did on that magical day in August 2006.

PS-if you haven't already, look for your big sister, my sweet Natasha Blue of Trojan. She will be the black and white siberian husky that looks very much like a wolf, with the most beautiful blue eyes you will ever see!!
moon_beam
Hi, Denise, thank you so very much for sharing with us your heartfelt love letters to your beloved Brutus. I have tears in my eyes right now as what you so eloquently share about your love bond with your beloved Brutus is what my heart also feels for my beloved Noah. I know so very well the pain and emptiness your are feeling intertwined with the eternal thankfulness and gratitude that your beloved Brutus is always and forever a part of your heart and memories that nothing can ever take away from you. May you always feel your beloved Brutus' sweet Living Spirit close to you, Denise, for he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Brutus' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
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