I lost my feathered friend Pilaf, my lovebird (dwarf parrot), 3 weeks ago. He was my best friend for 18 years, and for more than 10 years he was my only friend. He was also registered as my therapy animal and he helped me so much with the challenges I face as an autistic person. Pilaf was getting quite old and the last year of his life he had struggled with a few health issues like cataract, a stroke and kidney failure. I had to give him meds for that. He wasn't in any pain and he wanted to live. Even the people at the specialized avian vet said that they had never seen such a fighter, and they also said the bond I had with Pilaf was very unique. They had never seen it before, such an amazing attachment between a person and a parrot. But 3 weeks ago Pilaf had a stroke again and he died. I am left which so many questions and it feels so unreal. 18 years he has been with me always, on my shoulder outside and on trips, and sleeping in my hand while I was working on my drawings (I'm a pencil artist). It feels so empty now. I miss him so much. I feel my autism is hitting the roof as well, the comfort he gave me, he always helped me to calm down. I miss him so much. I'm constantly thinking: "Where did he go"? and "Where is he now?". Is he still with me? Is he watching over me? Also many feelings of guilt -- "Why did I go to that stupid appointment that morning?". I never have appointments and right on that morning he has that fatal stroke. If I had stayed home I could have rushed him to the vet earlier. Does the pain ever get easier? I wish I could talk to him. I want to know if he enjoyed his life with me. Everybody tells me he had a wonderful life and many parrots wish they could have a life like Pilaf, but it would be so good to hear it from Pilaf. I also wonder if he is okay now wherever he is. I want him to be happy and doing well. How can I ever find out? How can I feel that he's still with me?
I hope some of you have answers for me. Here's a photo of Pilaf and me.