My heart is officially shattered. My sweet baby, Scooter ("Tooter") crossed the Rainbow Bridge on Friday after a month long fight with a URI. He was 18 years old and has been with me since he was about 6 weeks old. I always knew this would be hard, but, I could have never fully prepared for this pain. He helped me through so many tough times in my life, and how can you get used to a pet who slept next to you for 18 years, not being there anymore? Anytime I see his photo, find his little hairs, or see the bed without him on it, I lose it all over again. I know this is going to take time, and it's especially going to be hard over the Holidays, but I just want to find some small shred of peace. I literally feel like I just lost a child...he is so special to me and I miss him so much already. I feel guilty that his transition wasn't as peaceful as it could have been. My mom and I had just finished his 4pm feeding...I was still holding him when he began the process. I knew what was happening, clutched on to him and began to scream and cry. I feel some comfort in knowing that he was in my arms, next to my heart when he took his final breath, but, I also feel like I made it more stressful on him by not being calm. I guess we all tend to feel guilty about some aspect of the passing of our babies. He is truly one of the great Loves of my life and that will never change. Rest in peace my sweet Baby. Mommy loves you more than words can ever say.