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Lightning-Strike Pet Loss Support Forum > Pet Loss Support > Death and Dying Pet Support
MartyParty's Mama
Hi everyone,

On Sunday, we had to put my beloved pug, Marty, to sleep. Our story is long (much longer than can be typed), but I am in so much pain, and just feel like I need to get it out there.

The very first weekend we brought Marty home from the breeder, he almost died for the first time. He was in our possession for about 2 days before he went to the urgent care and spent the weekend on oxygen. The vet recommended that we put him down, because even if he made it through the weekend we were in for a long haul of medical issues with little Mart. At that point we only had him for two days, but that didn't seem right to me and I had committed from the moment he became mine to care for and protect him. I would be bringing him home with the knowledge that we would probably struggle with his health for the rest of his life.

I was worried when we went to pick him up at the vet that day and bring him home that he wouldn't remember me. We only had him for two days and the little guy had been through so much for the past 4 days. The vet brought out my (at the time) 3lb little pug, and his eyes lit up and he literally jumped into my arms and cuddled with me like he never wanted to be away from me again. That was the beginning of our beautiful bond.

After many other run ins with health issues, it was finally diagnosed that Mart had a liver shunt. We decided to monitor his condition with diet and medication, and once we did, he put on a ton of healthy weight and became a new dog entirely.

He was very much my dog, and I would call him my little shadow. He would follow me EVERYWHERE. To and from the bathroom, he'd be waiting for me outside the shower, he would sleep on my stomach, he wanted to play constantly. We would watch TV with his head in my lap and me massaging his velvety little ears between my fingers. I was his mama, and he was my little baby. Honestly.

The last 6-8 months have been Marty's best yet, especially this summer. My family has an amazing lake house far from any roads. He spent most of the summer running free (no leashes necessary), playing with his sister (a newfie named Sooley) and my parents' two dogs, swimming (more like me putting him in the lake with a life jacket on so he could splash around), chasing squirrels around the woods and he even went on a boat ride. At night, he would curl up so close to the bonfire I was worried he would burn himself, but he loved the warmth and was usually so tired by the end of the day I would carry him to bed. He was healthy, so so happy and more loving and playful than ever. We thought that, while the shunt was still there and would probably reduce Marty's lifespan, that given how good he had been lately we would have him for at least a few more years.

In the past, when he would begin to display signs of an episode, symptoms would come on slowly, giving us time to prepare and discuss options with the vet. Not this time, the last time. Friday night he started acting restless, and I gave him the medication our vet prescribed when he started to display symptoms. In the past this would pass and he would be feeling better within hours. Unfortunately, my husband was out of town and I was in a wedding on Saturday, so I was gone from 9am-midnight. My mom stopped by to let both of our dogs out twice that day. She said while Mart seemed a little less lively than usual, he still was running around with the other dogs and begging for food like he usually does. He was very lethargic by the time I got home at midnight and I gave him another dose of medicine.

The next morning, he couldn't walk (he would try and collapse). This is where I hate myself. Because we had been through this many times earlier in Marty's life, I gave him more medicine and held him in my arms in bed instead of taking him to a doctor immediately. I am haunted that if I had we may still have him with us. My husband and I decided to wait since the emergency vet clinic wouldn't have his medical records and we were optimistic that once the meds kicked in he would start to improve. Here's the irony: I actually said to my husband, I am worried they will want to put him down, not knowing how many times he has fought back from this. I honestly thought he would bounce back, he had so many times before. Eventually things got really bad, he urinated on himself and we were at the emergency clinic 15 minutes later. They kept him for about an hour before calling to let us know that his kidneys had failed, and he had brain damage from his most recent episode. It was the humane thing to let him go.

They brought him in so we could say goodbye, and while he did not have much control of his body any longer, he used the energy he did have to move his body and head so that he could look at me in the face. I held my baby as he died, and all he wanted was for me to help him.

I am having such a hard time with his passing. 2 1/2 years is not nearly enough time and I feel hurt and angry that such a good little soul was taken from us and robbed of a normal life...especially after doing SO well the last 6- 9 months.

I can't walk into my home (that we purchased mainly for the yard, our dogs in mind), I miss my little shadow so much it aches. My husband thinks we should get another puppy and thinks I need something to love and care for again, but I feel so guilty even considering it.

I know everyone keeps saying how we did so much more than a lot of other people would have for him, and that we gave him a very happy life, but I can't stop thinking of how afraid he looked when he was in my arms, and that I should have pursued other treatment options for him. It upsets me not to know where he is, and wondering if he is okay, or scared or lonely.

In some ways, the health struggles he had as a little puppy made me even closer to Mart. He needed me. I nursed him back to life multiple times begging him to fight and stay with me and he was so strong. He fought to be a part of my life. He wanted so badly to be alive and with me. I have never had a thing in my life that needed and loved me so much, and I now have a gaping hole in my heart.
moon_beam
Hi, Marty's Mom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Marty. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion at a very young age intensifies the grief.

Marty's Mom, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time which is why it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Unfortunately guilt/ remorse is one of the many emotions we ALL experience as it is an inescapable part of this grief journey because it comes from looking back and trying to reconcile all the whys, what ifs, and if onlys that haunt and torture our hearts and minds at a time when we are so emotionally vulnerable.

Marty's Mom, from what you share with us there is no doubt that you did everything in your power to give your beloved Marty a happy, healthy earthly journey. Sometimes veterinary medicine can intervene and restore our companion to a stable quality of health. And sadly - inevitably - there comes a time when the only thing we can do is ease their transition from this earthly realm to the company of the angels. This is the last gift of love we can give them at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in eternal joy - - even when our hearts are breaking from the deepest sorrow we will ever know.

Although your beloved Marty is no longer physically with you, there is one thing that will never change - - the love bond you and your beloved Marty share. Love is eternal, Marty's Mom - - it is not restricted by the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Marty's sweet Living Spirit is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I do know so very well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep sorrow there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so very much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Marty with us. Perhaps sometime you would like to share a picture of him - - but only when / if you want to. I hope today is treating you kindly, Marty's Mom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Marty's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
LittleGirl'sMommy
Oh, Marty's Mom, I am so sorry about the physical loss of your precious little Mart !! sad.gif

I am sure that I, too, would have given him his medicine that night and cuddled with him in bed ! ( And I would've anticipated the vet thinking he should be put down! sad.gif ) There was NO WAY you could have known that Friday would be the end of his physical journey with you and that possibly (but perhaps very doubtfully) medical treatment could have intervened. Possibly he would have spent the night in the ER and passed there, without you holding him. Instead, he was with you and your comfort and your love!!

When he looked up into your eyes, I am thinking that he might have been worried---about you. Pleading with you to be okay---NOT to feel guilty. Grief is a nightmarish journey, but adding a lot of guilt to that makes the nightmare more horrible. Honestly, he wants you to be okay. And if the roles were reversed and it was you who had passed from your physical body, you would not want your sweet Marty torturing himself.

As moon_beam said, the Love Bond is eternal. There are no time/space restrictions in the blissful realm Mart is in. He's still with you and is not scared or lonely. He will never know any type of pain again. He's a free little spirit. And, when eventually it is your time to pass, you'll be fully reunited.

I'm thinking Marty might be the one to lead you to another needy dog, when you are ready. When you adopt again, you do not have to feel guilty. You would be adopted another needy soul in honor of Marty, and Marty will be very proud of his loving Mom.

I believe that God gave you Marty because there was no one in the world more suited to be his Mom. (And I think that with any other person, he would not have lived as happy or as long a life as he did.) wub.gif

Please keep us posted on how you are doing. Will be sending prayers your way!!!!!
Thinking of you at this excruciatingly painful time,
Kathy
lynette
Hi.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I know how you feel, as do most people here. I watched the life leave my babies eyes too and it haunts me to this day and Lily died 8 years ago last Friday. We love these little angels with every cell of our being. I have four dogs now and just the thought of losing them scares me to death. I honestly don't think I would be able to handle it. Losing Lily and her sister Hunny within 9 months of each other, and then losing George almost three years ago is enough. They all passed before their time. These four I have now I hope that they live long and healthy lives.

I know you're feeling a lot of guilt and to be honest if you're like me, you'll probably never get past that, but you'll learn to live with it. In time, you'll remember mostly the good times. He loved you there's no doubt about that. And given his health history, you gave him the best life he could ever had hoped for. He was happy with you. Yes, not knowing where he is and if he's alone and scared is paralyzing. I still have those thoughts. I'm not religious but I hope that there is another life after this one and that we'll all be together again.

Maybe getting another pup would help. I know you're feeling lost without him and you feel guilty "replacing" him. But you wouldn't be replacing him. He would understand. He would understand that another little soul needed someone to take care of them just like you did him. That's what happened when we lost Lily. She died suddenly on June 24th, 2008, and we got Izzy July 5th. But Izzy was surrendered by a puppy mill on June 24th. So, I like to believe that Lily left us for a reason. You see she was a rescue and she knew just how much Izzy would need our love too. I'm crying as I write this, because it is so heartbreaking. I loved (love) Lily with everything I am and I miss her so much. I also like to believe that my dogs are with my two babies that I lost too. It was their turn to play with Lily, Hunny and George.

I'm sorry for your loss. You will get through this. It'll definitely take time. But consider another little one to love. I know it hurts when they leave us, but look at how much they bring to us while they're alive. My dogs make my life complete and I wouldn't trade those memories for anything.

This is a good place to heal. I've spent many hours here over the years. I drop by every so often.

Take care.

Lynette.
MartyParty's Mama
QUOTE (moon_beam @ Jun 30 2016, 01:09 PM) *
Although your beloved Marty is no longer physically with you, there is one thing that will never change - - the love bond you and your beloved Marty share.


@moon_beam:
Thank you so much for taking the time to offer your support. While this week has been difficult, the thought that Marty is still with me, only in a better place has brought me comfort. Thank you for posting on this site and offering perspective to others like myself, it is very much appreciated and so helpful during a difficult time. Below are a few photos of my little shadow. Marty you are missed and so, so loved.







MartyParty's Mama
QUOTE (LittleGirl'sMommy @ Jun 30 2016, 05:23 PM) *
I believe that God gave you Marty because there was no one in the world more suited to be his Mom.


@LittleGirl'sMommy,

I just wanted to reach out and thank you for your post. So many things you said really resonated with me, and made me look at the entire situation differently. I really appreciate you taking the time and just wanted to say that your words truly helped me during this difficult time. The idea that Marty was given to me specifically because I was the best person for him is a beautiful one. I gave him everything I had, and in return was rewarded with over 2 years of unconditional love. I will continue to carry that with me. Thank you again.
moon_beam
Hi, Marty's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and these wonderful pictures of your beloved Marty. It is obvious in each of these pictures that your beloved Marty knows he is loved - - he has a Forever Home in each of your hearts, and particularly yours - - for you will always be his Forever Mom.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Marty's Mom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Marty's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
MartyParty's Mama
QUOTE (lynette @ Jun 30 2016, 05:33 PM) *
I'm sorry for your loss. You will get through this. It'll definitely take time. But consider another little one to love. I know it hurts when they leave us, but look at how much they bring to us while they're alive. My dogs make my life complete and I wouldn't trade those memories for anything.


@lynette,
I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story with me. I can feel your pain in your words, and I think we both are experiencing the sense of loss. Your above statement that the time we have with our babies is worth every ounce of pain once they leave us is so, so true. I know that when the time is right my little Mart will lead me to another little soul that needs a mom to love and care for it with all her heart. I appreciate your compassion, and know that someone as kind as you has also given your pets a life worth living.
LittleGirl'sMommy
Dear Marty's Mama,

I am glad you checked in with us. We understand so well this type of pain. The pictures of your precious little Mart are heart-melting. wub.gif He was ---and is--- so very loved, and he knows it.

It's just so heartbreaking to part from life as you and he knew it together. sad.gif

Keep remembering that you and he are together always and that you are meant for each other. wub.gif

Continued prayers your way!
-Kathy
moon_beam
Hi, Marty's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. While you're waiting for MyBabyTitan to respond to your query about embracing another companion into your heart and home that you posted to her on MyBabyTitan's forum topic, perhaps I might be able to offer you some enouragement.

Embracing another companion after a loss is strictly a personal decision, and idealistically "should not" be "imposed" by another person. Some people find it comforting to embrace a new companion quickly after a loss for many reasons including having a companion for comfort during the grief adjustment journey. Some people, like me, find it helpful to wait until they have adjusted to the deep grief of their loss. And some people never embrace another companion for many different reasons. There is not "right" or "wrong" decision when it comes to embracing a new companion - - unless embracing a new companion too soon leads to regret which some people have felt who have come to this forum over the years. Only YOU can decide when / if it is time to embrace a new companion into your heart and home, Marty's Mom. And when / if that time comes, you can rest assured that your beloved Marty has been guiding your path to that moment in time when you will see a precious soul in need of the loving care only YOU can give, and you will know beyond all shadow of a doubt that the time is "right" for YOU.

I hope what I have shared with you will offer you some encouragement in your decision to consider embracing a new companion. My mom used to tell me, "when in doubt, wait. It is better to take your time than to make a hasty decision that you may very well later regret. The answer you're seeking will come to you in due time." I have found this pearl of wisdom very helpful to me through the years. Perhaps it will be of help to you now.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Marty's Mom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Marty's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
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