Capone is and always will be my majestic little bear husky. He was so goofy and handsome. He had the best personality ever. Two days ago I was just about to open my business for the first day ever !! I had brought both of my huskies to work with me, I put them inside behind the doggy gate and proceeded to go out to the car to grab my bag. I turned around once I got to my car & both of my huskies were taking off down the road....they had opened the gate and nudged the door open. I started chasing after them & not even two minutes into the chase I could see from the distance three people surrounding my little boy who laid in the middle of the road, lifeless. His beautiful blue eyes completely dilated and wide, almost to where they were black. His tongue was out and I started shaking him yelling Capone wake up wake up.. The moment I saw him I knew he had passed .. I was just trying to see if he would react even though I knew he wouldn't. I could not believe this nightmare was happening. I couldn't even cry at first because I was in such shock. He died on impact. My other husky came running to me before I got to his body. She had a large cut on her paw, but she was ok. We ran over to our little Beary and I couldn't believe what was happening. He was the best boy you could ask for. He would howl at you all the time , wipe his face on the carpet after eating , he was such a goof. Every time I was out without my pups I couldn't wait to get home to see them. My bf & I always would say I want my puppies when we were out and about. And as soon as we get home, Capone would give us the biggest sweetest howls. Even just going to do our Landry in the neighbor hood coming back 5 mins later he would hoot and holler in joy. He was so happy. Seeing his soulmate (my other husky), Luna be in agony with out him hurts even more than my pain alone. She loved him so much and they had a bond unlike no other. She doesn't want to eat or play. She only lays in the spots he lays. And she cries sometimes for him. It's only been two days, and I can tell you right now these are the most terrible days I have ever experienced. The image in my head of my beautiful boy keeps replaying over and over and over . And I keep mourning and wishing my Beary was still with us. He was the most beautiful dog I've ever seen and made so many people happy in his short two years . Everyone loved his unique self. Personality and looks, all around a 10+. Now I go on walks with my boyfriend and Luna and I have nothing to hold, no one to walk. And it hurts so bad, he was my little boy, my precious angel. He was my son. I spent so much time and care and took them everywhere together, the beach, dog parks, other parks, roller blading , monkey farm.. They were my number one. And he was mommys little boy. And Luna is daddy's little girl. My bf hurts so much too, but he was my little boy who would stare at me all the time , watching me go from room to room , howling for me, wanting his belly rubbed. Getting so excited Everytime we went for a walk or when we got home .. He was just so perfect and I still cannot believe this happened. I lost a different husky , Sky 7 years ago when I was out of town my mom was watching her and she ran out the house came home and was showing signs of distress so they took her to the vet and she died there. They believe internal bleeding from possibly a car. There was also a lot of rattlesnakes in the area so we aren't sure what it really was. That was heart breaking enough, I got her for my 8th birthday . She died at age 8. Another gone too soon. But my little Beary who I gave my entire heart to did not deserve this and I don't know why God had to take him so young. I'm just in so much pain. And everyone is so hurt and affected by this because he was a huge part of my family's & my bf family's life . He was the center of all our joy & lunas. And now Luna is going to miss her soulmate so so much. This kind of pain is one I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy . The feeling is unbearable, one minute your sobbing the next your ok, the next your wondering why or what or wishing you would have done things differently . I wish so bad to be with my little boy again. It hurts so much because it was so unexpected . It was supposed to be the best day of my life (opening a shop) and it turned into the worst day of my life. I still can't believe he's gone and I just wish the pain and awful image would get out of my head . I miss him more than anything . I hope he is in the spirit world playing with sky. The image of him was unbearable. There was no blood at first. Just the look of death, no response, open dilated eyes, the worst thing I will ever see .. I wish this was all just a nightmare and I could wake up and hear his howls again and pet his furry soft ears. He had such a long, fluffy copper coat. I miss you Beary,we all do. You were so amazing in every way possible and thank you so much for bringing the most awesome memories into mine, Luna and daddy's life . We love you deeper than any love there is .... Rip little bear . how will I ever get over this and drown out the last image I had of him?

Audrey my heart breaks for you. I cried as I read your story about your Capone. I lost my boy Gunner 90 days ago. He was 7 and my husband was playing with our dogs throwing their new glow in the dark ball that they had gotten for Christmas,a gift that I had chosen. Gunner ran into a tree and didn't make a sound after he hit. When I got out there he was on his side and his eye was open and his legs were stiff. I just thought because his eye was open that he was just dazed but looking back on it his pupil was dilated because I couldn't see the beautiful white spot that he had in his left eye. I always called it his angel mark. I was the same way. I was in shock and couldn't cry. It was like it was happening to someone else. My brain couldn't process what was going on. What had been a beautiful Christmas day had turned into the worst nightmare that I have ever experienced. I know what you mean of wanting to get that imagine out of your mind. I wish that I could too. We have 3 other dogs but Gunner was MY boy.we had a bond that I can't explain and a lot of people can't even understand. He sounds a lot like your Capone. He would lay with me,protect me,follow me everywhere that I would call him my shadow. It didn't matter how long I had been gone he was always over the moon when I returned. I have had other dogs pass away before and I grieved but I have never felt pain like this. It felt like my heart had broken in a million pieces. I couldn't eat,slept all of the time or woke up in the middle of the night with anxiety so bad that I couldn't go back to sleep. I would lay around not wanting to talk to anyone. My husband said it was like I was a zombie. I would cry uncontrollably begging God to please let me go back in time and just make it not have happened. I just wanted it to be a nightmare that I could wake up from. I thought I was going crazy but after finding this forum I found that I wasn't the only one feeling this way. The people on here are wonderful and very helpful. They have helped me through some very rough days. Just know that Capone is playing with Sky at the Rainbow Bridge. He knows that you will always love him. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Oh Audrey! I am SO very sorry to hear about this tragic loss !

My heart broke reading your story! I can only imagine the absolute horror, shock, disbelief. Opening Day and then ..... your entire world changed in an instant, in a way you never could have predicted.

As horrible and devastating and unfathomable as this all is, I want to assure you that your precious Capone is still with you (just unfortunately not in the handsome, huggable physical form that you've always known). He will never experience suffering---physical or emotional. He's in bliss right now, and he's not lonely because, to him, it will seem like split second until you and Luna and your bf join him. There are no time/space boundaries, as there are for us. He really is fine and he just wants you to be okay. I know that sounds impossible right now. I know it feels as if nothing will ever be okay again. When we lose a child it changes everything.

If it helps, think of the roles being reversed and if it was you that this tragic accident had happened to; you would want Capone to still be okay. Your precious boy loves you as much as you love him and wants the absolute best for you until you are fully reunited.

Some of us here have wondered whether when our pets (or even humans) pass on, maybe it is "their time" ? I guess none of us will ever know for sure. In some ways that is comforting for me, because it seems to help ease the guilt that is ALWAYS a part of this excruciating grief.

Something that has helped me has been to write a letter to the one I've lost, to express everything I want to say. And then to have them "write" a letter back to me. This somehow has helped me to feel more of the connection with them that I so desperately crave.

I have seen resources (I think there are some on this site too) about helping grieving animals. I know Luna must feel so lost. With comfort and time, you and she and your bf will somehow survive this even though it doesn't seem possible right now.

Are you able to look at pictures of your lovable Beary? (I ask because I have experienced losses where I can't even face a picture; other times looking at a picture has been comforting.) I was thinking of the "last image" and how to help erase it and was wondering if each time the image takes over, you could look at a picture of Happy Capone? The horrible, unbearable image wasn't something he was "aware" of. He was running playfully and then it was instant. But for you ... I can't even come up with the words that express what I'm imagining it must be like.

I hope you keep in touch here and share how you are doing. I will watch for anything from you and will write back. In the meantime I am sending some intense prayers your way for comfort. I'm just so so sorry this happened.

Please try and take good care of yourself, which is what Capone wants.

Hugs,

Kathy

Audrey,

As I was writing to you just now, I was thinking of Gunner's Mama and the similarities with Gunner's and Capone's stories, and as soon as my note posted, I saw that Gunner's sweet Mama had been writing to you at the same time.

Kathy
P.S. It was 12 years ago today that I joined this site---upon the passing of my Little Girl.

Hi, Audrey, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Beary. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion so tragically intensifies the grief.

Audrey, this grief adjustment journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time one moment at a time for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year to endure. It can feel like every moment of every hour of every day has its own special horrific "angel-versary" for our thoughts are continually focused on what we would be doing with our beloved companion who is now no longer physically with us - - and our hearts break anew. We begin to wonder if the horrific pain of the grief will ever pass, and sometimes we think feeling the pain of our grief is better than feeling nothing at all.

Please let me try to add my reassurances that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - very painful both physically and emotionally, yes - - still very normal. And I promise you the deep grief you are now feeling will not always be this way. One day, very likely when you least expect it, you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Beary and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and your heart will fill once again with the warmth of the many treasured memories you and your beloved Beary share. Will this ever completely diminish the sorrow in your heart about the circumstances that tragically took him from this earthly realm? No, but eventually you will be able to find a peace in your heart that you did everything in your power to keep him safe, - - that what happened was not your fault. But until this time comes for you please know we are here for you, with you, and beside you through every step of your grief adjustment journey for as long and as often as you need us.

As painful as the physical and emotional adjustment is to the physical absence of your beloved Beary is, there is one thing that will never change - - the love bond you and your beloved Beary share. Love is eternal, Audrey - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Beary's sweet Living Spirit is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know so very well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so very much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Beary with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Audrey, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi there,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my dog the same day as you, and I know I am still very much feeling the grief. I too am struggling to stop thinking of the last image I have of my dog, and sometimes it helps to look through all of the pictures I have and to watch the videos. I wish I had something more to say to help you through this rough time, but I am still searching for those answers myself.

Stay strong.

Thank you guys... Today I cried a lot... Its been a little over a month. Yesterday I don't think I cried.. But everyday since I have at least a little in the morning or night.. It just stinks doing anything because you can't fully be happy like you were.. like I don't feel fulfilled even though I still have a business, awesome bf & luna who is just as adorable as capone.. It does get a little easier to deal with but not much.. I try not to think of the last image of him but sometimes i do... I just got a house with a huge yard & pool & he would of loved it so so much.. I really would give it all up to be with him again. The pain is still always there because it was just such a devastating loss... I can't really be as happy as I was.. I will be getting a similar husky this winter from the same goofy dad & different but similar mom... Good news is I am getting a deaf boxer puppy this Friday, all white brown eye & half blue eye.. hopefully that will help me see new life & be a little happier. I believe it will..

I also wanted to thank you all so much for your kind words.. They all helped me very much... I hope you all are doing well. There is not much more to say other than this is very very tough to deal with and there nothing you can do except take it for what it was, love them, remember them & be thankful they were a awesome part of your life..

Also, Luna is doing better... She is eating food occasionally now.. She really does look sad a lot & only gets excited sometimes.. She just needs a friend.. It will never be another beary but hopefully similar this winter. And boxers have a goofy personality so Im excited ..

Thanks all again...!!

Oh Audrey, a deaf boxer puppy! Bless your heart!

I relate to your feelings about never being as happy ... and being easily willing to give up material things to have them back with us fully.

Capone is honored about your other upcoming adoptions. Very proud of his Mommy for taking in and loving other needy animals. And I am glad to hear Luna is doing better.

Keep us posted when you feel like sharing anything.

Prayers your way,

Kathy

Hi, Audrey, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Like our forum friend Kathy I too am glad to know that your precious Luna is doing better. I know so very well from first hand experience that our surviving companions also grieve for the physical absence of their housemates, and seeing them grieve can break our hearts as much as the deep sorrow we are feeling in our own grief journey.

There is no doubt your beloved Capone has led you to embracing your new "special needs" Boxer companion, and anticipating the arrival of another new Husky family member this winter. Your beloved Capone's sweet Living Spirit will be guiding his new family members in ways that will bring joy once again to your heart. They will never "replace" your beloved Capone - - they aren't meant to - - but they will find their own special place in your heart meant only for them.

I hope today is treating you and Luna kindly, Audrey, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Capone's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi guys,
Thanks for the love & support. This has helped me keep Capone's spirit and memories alive. Today i'm just feeling really sad. It's like I try to be positive for so long then out of no where I'm hit with this awful feeling of emptiness.. Sometimes it feels like Capone is still right there being silly.. But he's not & that feeling of thinking hes there but hes really not is terrible.. I use to see him in my dreams running around playing. At first it would make me happy but then I would cry knowing it will never be the same.. I will never see my bestfriend/son. Now, I have only seen Luna in my dreams.. I wonder if the spirit has finally passed let go.. I had a dream once that I was rubbing his coat & I will always remember that soft huge coat you had buddy..

Also, I don't remember what exactly I wrote previously, but I was sad one morning a few days after he died, so I was crying & I heard a bark/howl that sounded just like him.. There were a few other incidents as well such as hearing a ball squeak out of no where... I believe his spirit is always with us.. I just haven't heard or seen anything lately so maybe he has passed on.. But I hope to God to see him soon in another puppy form.

I never knew how hard loosing somebody is/was.. I think this situations has got to be on the worse side because no he was not old, no he was not sick. He was beautiful & young, funny & happy... My heart is always aching to be back with him.. I have tried the best I can to change my outlook on the whole ordeal and see it more of a spiritual learning experience that I will take with me for eternity, only showing my soul to become wiser & older.. I try to look at everything as a blessing no matter what. I just have to learn to move on and be happy because quite frankly thats all you really can do..

I sit hear missing my Capone more than anything & everything. My boyfriend has been different lately, not happy like he use to be. I told him its gotta stop. I understand that we can be upset, but we cant let things like this ruin our happiness. Because no matter how sad and hurt we are, nothings going to bring back our little boy. My bf is doing better now though, slowly getting back to a happier place.

Anyways, I constantely think of Capone morning, night, through out the day. I always am thinking of him & wishing he was here. I still dont want to let go. My heart is so empty now because I really lost the closest thing to me. It makes it so hard when someone so healthy, young, & absolutley perfect in everyway dies tragically. I know i'm not the only one suffering. I pray I pray so hard that the next husky I get this winter will be as beautiful & funny as my Capone...

It is not easy by any means. Im trying my best to stay strong. As for Luna, she is doing much better with a friend by her side again.. They took a few weeks to warm up but they play in the yard all day... Luna and Capone would sleep together and lay on their backs with their teeth interlocked just goofing around.. It was the cutest thing ever, memories like that break me and make me cry.. They were so in love with eachother it was a tv show to watch them play. Our new little boxer buddy, Bongo, is pretty cool though. Hes not a Capone but I love him & am giving him a great life . & he has definitely helped heal mine & Lunas gaps in our hearts. However a husky in winter is what she really wants ... & what I really need. Hes a good dog, but I need my little boy Husky.. I just absolutely love their thick cozy soft coats and deep blue eyes.. They really melt my heart... I miss you Capone! I love you so much....

I hope everyone is healing & trying their best to remain happy & thankful that we got to spend time with such an amazing animal(s).

Hi, Audrey, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Indeed, this grief adjustment journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity. Just when you think you have come through the hardest part, "something" happens that can make you feel like it is the first moment when your beloved Capone transitioned from this earthly realm, and your heart breaks anew. This grief journey is not a straight line from A to Z but rather is one of many ups and downs, twists and turns, and turnarounds. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum is here so that we can come together to share our grief journey with those who truly do understand for as long and as often we need to.

I'm so glad you have a new companion Bongo to keep your precious Luna, and you, company. No one can ever "replace" your beloved Capone, they aren't meant to. There is no doubt that your precious Bongo is finding his own special place in your heart, as will your new future precious Husky companion.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Luna and Bongo kindly, Audrey, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Capone's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I never got to post a picture of my beautiful Capone. Here he is at 2 years old. I painted a picture of him from this actual picture that hangs in my house.. God missing you is an understatement... I love you so so sosososososooso much . Come back to me..

Audrey,

What a beautiful picture of your precious Capone!!

He knows you and Luna love him and he is happy that Bongo is there too ! Capone is with you all too---just not in his precious physical form.

Please keep checking in !

Thinking of you,

Kathy

Hi, Audrey, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and this wonderful picture of your beloved Capone. What a sweet face he has and his eyes are so expressive. There is no doubt looking at his face and eyes that he knows he is loved - - and nothing - - not even physical separation - - can change that - - for love is eternal, Audrey, and your beloved Capone is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Luna and Bongo kindly, Audrey, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Capone's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam