I've been devastated by the sudden death of my eight and half year old cinnamon green cheek conure named Chicken. He (or she...never had him sexed) was in perfect health early Sunday, and when I came in from shoveling the driveway, I was absolutely horrified to find him laying dead at the bottom of his cage. He had only been in his cage for an hour and a half, so I'm confused, angry, upset and just downright depressed about the whole situation. Everyone keeps telling me it wasn't my fault, but I still feel guilty like I might have been able to prevent it or do something. The little guy was bonded with me, and the feeling was mutual. Whenever I was home, he was with me most of the time and wanted little to do with anyone else (including my wife). I feel like I lost one of my best friends, and I've never been hit this hard by the loss of a pet.

I dropped Chicken off at the vet yesterday for a necropsy, because I'm beating myself up wondering how this could have happened. I often wonder if I made the right decision in doing this! He'll also be cremated and the leg band (he's a banded bird) will be returned to me.

I'll deeply miss my little pal, and I will always have fond memories of all the joy he brought me over the years.

Oh I am SO SO very sorry about the physical loss of your sweet Chicken!!

Let me assure you that Chicken does not want you to feel a shred of guilt !! I have heard many, many stories of pet parents thinking they somehow are bad because they made some "mistake" or missed some sign (myself included. I lost my 9-year-old cat Dolly to Stage 4 renal failure in 2012. I still sometimes get pangs of guilt and horror -- wondering whether I missed something, or whether I could have brought something into the house that poisoned her?! It's only when I make myself remember that whatever DID happen, Dolly is free of any future illness/unhappiness, and I will be fully reunited with her when it is my time, that I am comforted.

Chicken knew, and knows, how much you love him (I will refer to Chicken as a "him" in this thread just so that I don't type s/he and him/her throughout). He really does. And in the realm Chicken is in now (he's still with you but as a Spirit; he's experiencing only bliss. No regret, no pain, nothing bad at all. Since there's no sense of "time" for Chicken now, it will seem like a split second to him before you fully join him in that realm [a long time from now, when it is your time to pass]. So there is no need to worry about how he is doing. wub.gif As much grief as you are in now, I hope that truth brings you some comfort.

If you can, try and imagine that the roles were reversed and it was you who had passed on. You would not want Chicken to be in any emotional pain, beating himself up for anything. Grieving is normal--and "guilt" etc. is part of that process so in that sense it's "normal" but only because we're still in these physical forms where we don't fully understand that there's no need to feel any guilt or regret, and that our loved ones don't want us to.

I am just so very sorry that you are experiencing this terrible heartache! Remember - you and Chicken are forever bonded. Love truly does transcend the death of the physical body.

Let us know how you are doing! I will check back here later today.

Sending you prayers of peace,

Kathy
P.S. Chicken is absolutely beautiful. What a lucky bird to have had you as a parent! (And to still have you. Always.)

Hi, Erik, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Chicken. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion suddenly intensifies the grief.

Erik, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year to endure. It is also a journey that is filled with many different emotions which can overwhelm us all at one time, which is why it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. EVERYONE experiences guilt / remorse which is one of the hardest emotions to reconcile because it comes from looking back and trying to reconcile all the things that didn't make sense at the time they were happening and all the "whys" "what ifs" and "if onlys" that haunt and torture our hearts and minds during a time when we are emotionally vulnerable.

I add my support to Kathy's comforting response to you that there is no doubt you did everything in your power to give your beloved Chicken a happy and healthy earthly journey. As with human medicine sometimes a veterinary post-mortem can help to identify a cause that contributed to the physical loss of a beloved companion - - but sometimes they can also raise more questions than answers. I hope the results of your beloved Chicken's necropsy will offer you some peace, Erik.

Although this grief journey is one of adjusting to the physical absence of your beloved Chicken, there is one thing that will never change - - the love bond you and your beloved Chicken share. Love is eternal, Erik - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Chicken's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will, for he is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know so very well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so very much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Chicken with us, Erik. He is a beautiful bird, and you are so blessed to be his soul heir to his eternal love. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Kathy and moon_beam,

I thank you both so much for your kind, supportive and comforting words (I read them at least twice), as they brought a smile to my face during this very difficult time. I find that it really helps to talk about this with people instead of keeping it all bottled up inside, and I'm very glad that I came here now. I do feel a bit better after reading your words, and I know that as time goes on it will slowly improve.

I hope the vet has some sort of answer, and I'll be sure to let you know here. I just hope I don't regret doing this, as I keep having doubts now. But at least I'll be getting the ashes, and I'm thinking I can put the leg band on a necklace or something.

I don't really consider myself a religious person, but I like to think that Chicky's spirit really is with me in some way (like you mentioned). He's definitely in my heart and I look back very fondly on all the great memories I have with him. I also know that he wouldn't want me to feel guilty or to suffer like I am, so I'm doing my best to take your words and the words of my friends and family to heart.

Again, thank you so much!

So sorry for the loss of Chicken. Many years ago I used to have much loved budgies. I remember the same experience with my absolute favourite, a very special little character. He had been flying around happily and I put him back in his cage and sometime later I found him dead on the floor of his cage. What a shock. I had that happen with several birds and I think it is probably quite a natural way and nothing to do with you or your care of Chicken.

We all understand how painful the loss of a special companion is. Beautiful photo.

Thanks, SummerHolly. Yeah, I think you're right. The vet called today and said she doesn't think it had anything to do with my care of Chicken. She did the examination and found that it may have been a liver issue. Plus, the heart was a tad larger than normal. And...she found ovaries. So Chicken was definitely a girl. It feels so weird to finally know for sure after calling her a "he" for well over eight years. I'm just waiting for the lab results to know more, but that'll take longer.

I'm hanging in there. It's getting better every day, but I still have my moments. I'll always miss her, but one day soon I'll be smiling at all the great memories.

Hi Erik,

Thanks for the update. I'm sure the vet's report was reassuring to you! And the ovaries finding must have been SO surprising!!

I was looking at Chicken's picture again and I see such a happy gleam in her eye! She's a happy, lucky bird to have spent her earthly life with you.

All the best to you,

Kathy

Hi, Erik, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and the preliminary findings of the results of the necropsy on your beloved Chicken. I'm glad the results you have received thus far is helping to bring a peace to your heart.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Erik, and that your evenings will be blessed with your beloved Chicken's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks to you both for your kind words and for keeping me in your thoughts. She really was a happy bird, and was always content to sit on my shoulder and preen me from time to time. I'm feeling a little better each day, but it still sucks coming home at night and not having that happy little face there to greet me when I come into her room. And it's still somewhat difficult to even go in there. That's where I have my desk where I do my artwork, and I had to temporarily relocate to the basement because it's just so sad and lonely sitting in that room by myself. Chicken would always be perched on my shoulder when I'd draw or paint, happily observing everything going on around her. I still feel like she's there sometimes...

Anyway I've been showing our cat a little extra love, so I think he's liking that. I never allowed the cat and bird to be alone together, but I think he's wondering where that feathery little gal went off to.

Talk to ya soon,
-Erik

Hi Erik,

I SO understand the empty feeling and can imagine how it must feel to enter "her" room. (And I do believe she's hanging out there, and on your shoulder )

Glad the cat is pleased with the extra attention.

Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing along this journey!!

Kathy

Thanks, Kathy.

I'm hanging in there. I picked up Chicken's ashes, leg band and footprints in plaster a week ago, so I have those sitting on a shelf next to my wife's old cat. The lab results added an additional possibility of an allergic reaction to a fume or something (a couple mast cells in the air sacs), so I've been finding that a bit baffling. She said it could have been from outside, however, but I've just learned to accept that I took care of my bird the best I could and it wasn't my fault.

Anyway, my mom was kind enough to create a special photo album with some nice pictures of Chicky, so I'll have some great memories to flip through in the future.

Aww that is sweet that Chicken's ashes are sitting next to your wife's cat's. What is the kitty's name?

Very glad to hear that you know that nothing was your fault and that you took loving care of Chicken!!

Love the fact that your Mom put together that album. Share more pictures if you so desire.

Kathy

Hi, Erik, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Getting our beloved companion's ashes back can be a two-sided coin: on the one side it can be comforting having them back home where they belong while the other side is yet another painful reminder they are no longer with us in the physical form our hearts and arms long for. I can perfectly understand how difficult it has been for you to go into your art room and to relocate to another part of the house. Please let me try to reassure you that this is perfectly normal. Perhaps at some point in time as your deep grief eases you will be able to once again go into that room and find comfort in your heart being there, but for now it is best for you to do what you need to do to help ease the deep sorrow during your grief adjustment journey.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Erik, and that your evenings will be blessed with your beloved Chicken's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I thank you both so much for your comforting words. What you do here on this site is simply amazing, and I really appreciate such kind-hearted people like you.

I'm getting along, though we had to take our almost 6 yr-old cat, Romeow, to the vet today for a bad UTI/urinary crystals he had. They put in a catheter and are keeping him overnight to monitor him, but they say he's doing much better (and that we brought him in in time). Tomorrow, they'll take out the catheter and if he pees on his own, he can come back home with us in the afternoon/evening. Apparently, it's something in his current food that caused it, so they put him on a prescription diet and that's what he'll be eating from now on. Geez, I still haven't even gotten over the loss of Chicken, and now we're hit with this. I just hope we get to pick him up tomorrow, cause leaving him in a strange place (to him, at least) where he's confused and angry is making me even sadder.

I'll post up some more photos of Chicken when I get a chance then...maybe Romeow too.
Talk to ya soon,
-Erik

Hi, Erik, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please know your precious Romeow is in my thoughts and prayers that he will do just fine on the prescription food. Please let us know how he's doing.

It does seem that when our hearts are the most vulnerable in being able to cope with just the daily stress that we can find ourselves immersed with other concerns - - such as with your precious Romeow. The only thing we can do is just take one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, with the reassurance that you are not alone. We are here for you, Erik, for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Romeow kindly, Erik, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Chicken's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you and your precious Romeow are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Erik,

You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight! I hadn't seen your post until now. I believe Romeow (I love his name, by the way!!) will do fine. Is he home today? I will be hoping for updates on his condition. And, as moon_beam said, Chicken's loving, smiling Spirit is right there with you still.

Hugs to your whole family,

Kathy

We had to put down Romeow yesterday... first Chicken, and now this... I'm so emotionally drained and tired now. I just can't believe how cruel this is.

Romeow still couldn't pee after being catheterized and we had to do surgery to basically widen the opening so he could do so. The surgery went well and he came home for awhile, but was hardly eating and drinking. We brought him back in a couple times, and the second time it was determined that his kidneys were failing. We spent a load of money trying to save him and give him a fighting chance, but in the end his kidneys just couldn't recover. It was either put him on kidney dialysis with a slim chance of recovery, or do the humane thing and end his suffering. He was only about 6 years old, and we've been so absolutely upset by this... It's so heartbreaking! I feel that the universe is playing a cruel joke on me.

I can only take comfort in the fact that we gave him a good home with lots of love and care, and if I hadn't found him and his siblings in a window well at work, they likely would have become feral cats fending for themselves. He was a such a beautiful cat, and though he usually liked his space, he enjoyed our company and the love we gave him. We'll miss him so much!

Hi, Erik, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Romeow. I can relate from first hand experience how devastating it is to lose two beloved companions within a short period of time - - which intensifies the grief. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Erik, you did everything in your human and humane power to give your beloved Romeow a happy, healthy earthly journey. Your beloved Romeow and Chicken are now reunited together in heaven's perfect garden where they are patiently waiting for your appropriate time to join them in eternal joy. Although they are no longer physically with you, their sweet Living Spirits are always and forever with you whatever you do and wherever you go as you continue your earthly journey - - for they are always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Chicken and Romeow with us, Erik. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Oh Erik I am SO SO very sorry !!!

When I read of Romeow's passing I was just stunned. I can only begin to imagine how you are feeling as you attempt to figure out your way through this grief.

Without you (the best Dad Romeow could have even imagined existed) he might have suffered both physically and emotionally. Instead, Romeow absolutely knew he was loved and cared for, and he knew he was not alone. In his 6 years he knew more love and concern than most animals ever experience. And with his bladder and kidney issues, he was in the right hands--yours--to minimized any suffering, in every way.

He is strikingly handsome. The love and gratefulness for being a member of your family truly seem to shine from his eyes. What a precious soul !

He and Chicken are completely together (no worries now about Romeow possibly being dangerous to Chicken! They are probably sharing tales from your household, and now are forever bonded), and their spirits both continue to be with you. I have no doubts.

Please, Erik, keep us posted on how you and your family are doing.

You are in my prayers!!

Kathy

Thank you both so very much for your words, it really does help. Sorry I've been away from the forum for a week or so, but I was finding it very difficult to keep coming back and talking about it after having to tell family, friends and coworkers every day. I still have a hard time with it, and I definitely have my moments now and then where I break down. Much of the time I just can't believe all of this has happened like this, but we're getting along and doing OK. It really sucks when we come home and there are no furry or feathery faces there to greet us...it feels so empty without our little companions.

Romeow's mother and his two sisters are with a coworker of mine and are doing well, so I can take some comfort in that. One of his sisters looks and acts very similar to him, actually. There's a brother out there somewhere, but he's with a family I don't personally know.

Once in awhile I look out the window here at work to the pile of leaves where I first spotted Romeow and his family, thinking that maybe some other mother cat will have her kittens there. Silly, I know, but one can hope. It honestly isn't the first time I found cats in these window wells here (I helped to rescue a young cat a couple years after Romeow, but he/she had already become too feral, so we let it run off).

Anyway, we're hoping to adopt a couple cats from a shelter soon (once we're ready) - two siblings preferably. I'll be sure to update you on that as things unfold in that regard.

Deepest condolences Erik. I just lost my best friend Dylan on Saturday night. She died suddenly and she was only 8. I, like you am reeling from the sudden loss. You are not alone.

Hi, Erik, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Indeed, the sound of silence can be deafening when our home is adjusting to the physical absence of a beloved companion. You and your family are very wise to wait to embrace another companion until you know the time is "right" for you, and there is no doubt in my mind that your beloved Romeow and Chicken are already guiding you to that moment when you will see / find two precious souls who will thrive under your loving care. We look forward to sharing your news.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Erik, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Chicken's and Romeow's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Erik,

I like your plan to adopt 2 kitties!! Chicken and Romeow may be picking out the lucky 2.

I hope the days are getting a bit easier for you. I can only imagine how difficult things have been for you over this past month and a half !!!

You continue to be in my prayers.

Kathy
P.S. Do you get to visit Romeow's mother and the siblings you mentioned? I am glad they are doing well.

Hi, Erik

I hope days are treating you better these days. I joined the group a few days ago when my cat, Tama, passed away. I just wanted to say how sorry I am about Chicken and Romeow. It feels like my heart is being crushed all the time, and I cannot imagine the devastation you must have felt when both of your companions passed away one after the other. You have my deepest, deepest sympathies.

Thanks so much, Kathy and moon_beam. I think my wife was having a harder time than I was, being that she's home alone more often while I'm working my two jobs. Coming home to our empty house with no pets was just so depressing. She went to a local adoption fair a couple weeks ago and found two 9 month old sisters that needed a home. After a few cell phone pictures and phone calls to me, we made a decision and she signed the papers. After a screening process, the girls joined us a few days later and are now adjusting to their new home! Their names are Rainy and Windy - named because the adoption people found them on such a day. We kept their names because it was a very similar day when my wife found them at the fair.



Thanks, Miki. My condolences to you too. I hope you're feeling a little more at peace now as the weeks go on. It's still difficult, I know, but we have all those great memories of our beloved pets that will always be with us.



Hey, Hisae, sorry to hear of your loss as well. It's still hard, and I have my moments from time to time where I just feel so sad. I keep flashing back to certain moments and it can be like a sudden gut punch at times. It will get a bit easier, though, and thankfully the wonderful memories far outweigh the difficult ones.

Thanks for replying here, everyone. I think it was all this depression that weakened my immune system and made me sick a couple times over the last month, but I'm feeling better. I miss Romeow and Chicken every single day and know that they can never be replaced, but I think they'd be happy that we're giving our new kitties a loving home. I'll post some photos soon, if you'd like.

Congratulations on Rainy and Windy!!! That is excellent!! Chicken and Romeow are PROUD.

Please post pictures when you can!!!

Kathy

Hi, Erik, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your wife are doing. Please permit me to add my heartfelt congratulations on your new family members Rainy and Windy. May you and Rainy and Windy have a long, happy, healthy earthly journey together.

Indeed the stress from grieving can lower the immune system, and it is fairly normal for us to be more susceptible to illness during this time. I'm glad you're feeling better, Erik. I know it's hard to "take it easy" when you have two jobs and a family who are dependent upon you, but I do hope you will be able to find some "down time" so that you can get your strength back.

Once again, Erik, thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Romeow and Chicken with us. I know they led Rainy's and Windy's paths to that moment when your wife would see them and there would be no doubt that you and your wife would become their Forever Mom and Dad. I look forward to seeing their pictures whenever you are able to post them.

I hope today is treating you, your wife, your precious Rainy and Windy, and all your family kindly, Erik, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Chicken's and Romeow's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Erik, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks so much for your well wishes, prayers and thoughts, moon_beam and Kathy. It really does mean a lot to me!

I've been feeling better lately, and my wife and I are enjoying the kitties. My wife still sheds some tears about Romeow, but she says it really helps to have our new furry friends around. I too still have my moments of feeling sad about Romi and Chicken, but it's getting better every week.

So here are the new girls! Windy is very approachable and easily warmed up to me, but I'm finding Rainy to be more of a challenge, as she typically runs away from me. I absolutely adore Windy, and hopefully Rainy will get used to me after a time - slowly but surely, I say (I did get her to each treats out of my hand yesterday).

This first photo shows Rainy facing the camera and Windy looking out the window.



I came in the bedroom one night and found Windy laying on our bed, so I quickly grabbed my phone for a pic. My nickname for her is "China Doll".

Hi, Erik, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your wife are doing, and these wonderful pictures of your precious Windy and Rainy. As you know each of our companions have their own special unique individual personalities, and it is their nature that when they see one of their housemates receiving attention eventually other companions in the household will want attention too. I remember when my precious Noah and his beautiful baby sister Abbygayle joined the household. Abbygayle was a cuddler by nature - - always ready for a hug and cuddle. Noah had a more independent nature - - too busy for the human lap and snuggles, preferring instead the company of his baby sister and adopted big kitty brother Eli. Now that he is the sole surviving companion, he has transitioned into a lap snuggler and enjoys cuddles from time to time - - which is a blessing to me. So I know Rainy will eventually seek her daddy's loving cuddles.

Both your precious girls are absolutely gorgeous - - I love Windy's markings on her forehead and Rainy's sweet marking on the right side of her nose and lip - - very distinctive. I know they bring great joy to you and your wife, and they are forever blessed to have you and your wife for their Forever Mom and Dad.

I hope today, and every day, is treating you, your wife, your precious Rainy and Windy, and all your family kindly, Erik, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Chicken's and Romeow's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Erik, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks, moon_beam, and I wish the same kind blessings upon you and your family as well.

Rainy's been warming up to me a little bit over the last few days - actually letting me get in a few quick pets on her head from time to time. Usually I was only able to touch her when she was sitting on my wife, but I think she's beginning to trust that big guy who feeds her and her sister every morning heh. I also find that if I hunch down and come closer to her level, it's easier. Windy lets me walk right up to her and pick her up, but Rainy's going to take much more work. I'm enjoying them both, though!

Windy's markings on her head kind of resemble Alfalfa from 'Our Gang', don't they?

Awe Erik, this is just wonderful.

I am so glad you checked in on how you are doing and on Rainy and Windy
They are lucky lucky girls to have you and your wife! And I believe they were sent to you.

Thinking of your whole family!

Kathy

Hi, Erik, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Rainy and Windy are doing. You are so right when you share with us about Rainy: "I also find that if I hunch down and come closer to her level, it's easier." Getting down to your precious Rainy's level lets her know you are not a threat to her. It's a part of her inherited wild genetic trait that - - if she were in the wild anything bigger than her is a predator. This is part of her individual temperament. Obviously, your precious Windy feels less threatened by your physical size, but even she has this genetic trait as well. Your precious Rainy and Windy are so blessed to have you and your wife for their Forever Mom and Dad.

I hope today, and every day, is treating you, your wife, your precious Rainy and Windy, and all your family kindly, Erik, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Chicken's and Romeow's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Erik, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks to you both. I hope all is well with you as well! Chicken and Romeow have very special places in my heart, and I think of them every day on numerous occasions.

Anyway, I came to share a recent video I took of the two sisters:
Sisterly Love

Rainy joins me on the couch at night sometimes now, so she trusts me much more than she used to. She really is a sweet cat when she wants to be!

This is so neat ... the way they both groom each other at the same time!!

Thanks for sharing!

Kathy

Hi, Erik, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and this wonderful video of your precious Windy and Rainy. Grooming is a way of reaffirming the physical and emotional bond between your precious girls. They are sooooo adorable, and am so glad to share your news that you and Rainy are bonding closer to one another.

I hope today, and every day, is treating you, your wife, your precious Rainy and Windy, and all your family kindly, Erik, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Chicken's and Romeow's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Erik, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I haven't visited this forum for a few weeks, but one of my cats passed away this evening, so I came here for that, and I just read your original post. It really hit close to home. I too lost a beloved bird (10/18/13 is the anniversary of my Blue-Fronted Amazon parrot's passing so I also post here on that day each year). My Boogie was with me for 27 years and I still miss him terribly. That bonding we had with our birds is only something only another bird person can really understand.