On Saturday, December 15, 2012, I had to make the hardest decision of my life and had to let go of my most precious friend of 15 years. I named her Winnie for reasons I don't remember, but had so many nicknames for her that I think she just knew to come to me whenever I said anything. They included WinnieLou, Bubba dog, Bubba Lou, Little angel, Sweet girl, etc. I got her in my mid 20's when I was single and we became best of friends immediately. When I was home she was always with me. Either playing fetch with her favorite tennis ball, which she could do for hours, or laying right next to me on the couch, or sleeping in my bed. Most Daschund owners know that they like to burrow under things, so it was not uncommon to see her covered up by a blanket or towell, with just her pretty little face sticking out so she could keep an eye on things. As life happens and things change, Winnie was still as friendly and loving as always. I didn't always have as much time for her, but she was loved as much as is possible. She did break her back one day, which was thankfully repaired and gave me another 7-8 years with her. As the years moved on and my family grew, the grasps of old age began to take hold. Her eyesight started going as well as her hearing, but she was still fairly active for her age, she still played with her tennis ball all the time, and would track me down with her nose no matter where I went. Over the last year, the sight was gone, as well as the hearing. The stiffness in her legs was worse, but she still manged to get around with a few bumps into walls and furniture. She could always find the food and water bowls, and she would stand in front of the pantry for as long as it took to get one of her favorite chicken treats.

On her last day, I could tell something had happened. Her breathing was just short of panting, her neck was extended and she wouldnt eat or drink. I watched her all afternoon hoping this would pass, but in my heart I know it wouldnt. When my wife came home and asked what was wrong all I could do was point at Winnie. She asked me if was time, and I broke down crying and said yes. Thankfully we have a family friend who is a vet and he was able to come to our house to help her pass on. At least she was able to go in a familiar place, surrounded by familiar smells and a whole lot of love. I could not watch the injections as I knew I would probably try to stop it. When it was done, I was called back into the living room and there she was, my perfect little angel asleep on the floor for the last time. She looked so peaceful and relaxed. There was no tension in her body as there had been for a few years, she was as soft and as beautiful as ever. But she was gone...

She stayed with us that night until the cremation place came to get her the next morning. I spent a lot of that between time, just looking at her in a special box where she could rest like she did in life, On a soft pillow and covered by a warm blanket. I was able to say the things you say at times like that, about how much she meant to me, how much I loved her, of all the memories I could come up with in my grief, about how I wish I had her back, about how much I missed her. I sat there for hours, not able to leave her side. She deserved that kind of respect and she had been at my side all those years. I could pet her little head and stroke her neck as if she was just sleeping and would soon wake up, but I knew she wouldn't. The tears and sobs were pretty much constant, and still happen, even during the writing of this. I expect they will happen for a long time to come.

I know she is in a better place. Dogs do go to heaven. God would not create an animal that is capable of so much unconditional love and then not have them a special place waiting for them when they die.

What has helped me is picturing her first day in heaven from her point of view:

What a good night sleep I had. This bed is so soft and this blanket has kept me warm and secure. I haven't felt this rested in a long time.

After a nice long stretch still under the blanket, she start to wriggle out to begin her day.

That's wierd, my legs dont feel stiff like they used to for the past few years. In fact, I feel quite strong and flexible.

As she emerges, she looks around, expecting to see only the fog that was her vision, but instead can see everything as clear as can be. Thats wierd she thinks, but as she looks around, she sees her home as it was when she first came home to me. I remember this place, there is the couch I would sleep on waiting for my Dad to get home from work. There is the room and the big bed we slept on togethor for all those years. There is the kitchen island that I used to race around at break-neck speed when I was younger. There is the garage where I would use the potty because I couldn't be taught to go in the grass. Thinking of that, the back door opens and she walks outside to look around. What is that sound, I think its a bird. I haven't heard anything in such a long time. Is that another dog barking off in the distance? I think I will bark back to say hello and that I am here. There is a nice sunny spot on the deck, I think I will lay down for a while before exploring.

After a quick nap, she wakes to find that things have not changed, she is back at home, she can see and hear, her legs are not stiff and her back not sore. I think I want a snack and something to drink. So back inside she goes. There is my food bowl, piled high with my favorite treats and another bowl of fresh water.

Following a quick snack and long drink, she spies her old tennis ball by the door. I know that ball! Thats the one I always had with me, that I slept with and carried around everywhere. It still looks a bit worn with age, but that is how I like it. As she plays with her ball, knocking it from side to side, rolling over with it boucing on her front paws, a gentle hand reches down and grabbs the ball and rolls it way down the hall. Go get it a voice says, and off she goes, running at full speed and with reckless abandon as she did many years ago. This is great, I feel wonderful and all my favorite things are here, but something is missing. Where is my Dad. He must be at work. I guess I will play a while longer with the man with the wings and then take a nap.

After exhausting her regained stores of energy, she burrows back into blanket on that super soft bed. She wiggles around under the blanket until she pokes her head out and lays down so she can see the front door. Just a quick nap and then my dad will be walking through that door very soon. I can't wait.. As she drifts back to sleep.

I know she is in a better place. What may be weeks, months or years before I can go and see her again, to her it will be as just a single day has passed. She won't be alone, for the angels are there to meet her needs till I come. I know the sadness and grief will knock me to my knees from time to time, but I will try to think of her first day in heaven and look forward to seeing her again. When we will have eternity to be at each others side.

She is still my precious little girl and always will be. I love her and miss her greatly. I know she is in a better place.

Click to view attachment

My sweet angel just after I let he go to heaven.

I miss you so much. I love you more than words can ever say. You meant the world to me and I owe you my life.

Daddy will see you again soon my precious little angel.

Dear For Winnie My Girl,

I am so sorry for your loss of Winnie. That is such a beautiful Tribute to her and I love the story of her first day in Heaven. Yes, I too, believe our pets go to Heaven.....Winnie looks so peaceful in her picture.

This grief journey is a long road, and we are here for you. God Bless You...

LoveMyMickey

Click to view attachmentThank you. She was peaceful. I know the horrible pain, grief and guilt will lessen over time, but it is so bad right now. I would give anything to have her back with me. She was so full of love.

This was her 7 years ago with our first child. She always found the best place to sleep.

Hi, Winnie's dad, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Winnie. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Winnie's dad, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences we will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are experiencing is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. Unfortunately it is a journey that will not reconcile in an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey of "first withouts" and "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure. And even though we have many reasons in our lives to be happy and festive during the holidays, what is supposed to be the "most wonderful time of the year" can be the "most horrible time of the year" when our hearts are filled with deep sorrow. It is important that you provide yourself the private opportunity to openly grieve for your beloved Winnie as you need to during these days of family and social commitments.

The good news in the midst of the pain of your deep sorrow is that the love bond you and your beloved Winnie share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Winnie's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will - - for she is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, Winnie's dad - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart, Winnie's dad. I can only hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey. Grieving can make a person feel very isolated and alone - - even when they are surrounded by the love and affection of others. One thing you need to remember during your grief journey is that you are not alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Winnie with us, Winnie's dad, and the wonderful pictures you have to treasure. She is a sweet little girl who knows she is always and forever loved - - she knows she is always and forever "daddy's girl." Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Winnie's dad, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

That was a beautiful tribute, For My Girl Winnie. I feel much the same about my Jake and share your pain. Somehow, your story has made it a little better. My best to you.

Thank you. I know this will be difficult and it will take time. Today was better, only broke down 2 times. I keep saying to myself that she made the journey back home, restored with her former health and eneregy, happy and enjoying life. She won't be sad or scared because her wait for me will seem like just a few hours, even thoth it may be years for me. When I walk back through the door to her, she won't even realize I was gone, wiggling and wagging her tail so much she can barely keep standing.

Writing out what her first day in heaven would be like really helped me with my concerns about her. I know she is ok. It has helped with the pain because when I start to find myself losing it, I think about her first day, and our ultimate reunion on my first day, and how we can again share in all the happy moments and activities that I now look back on with both fondness and longing. Those days will happen again for all of us.

The guilt is ever present. I almost want to take her picture off of my screensaver because it often makes me sad to look at it, but if I did take it down, am I not honoring her in the way she deserves? I know she doesn't know or care about my screensaver, but it is the torture we put ourselves through.

I know the tears will continue. I'm almost dreading getting her remains back next week because I know it will bring the absolutness of my loss back to the forefront. But at least I will have something tangible to keep close to me and that will be a comfort.

I don't know how many people will read this, but try writing out what you pet's first day in heaven was or will be like. It may comfort you more than you know.

Hi, Winnie's dad, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to offer you some words of encouragement in your grief adjustment journey. One of the many emotions we all experience especially during our deep grief is guilt, and it is one of the hardest of emotions to reconcile. Guilt / remorse comes from looking back - - hindsight - - trying to make sense of the events that happened - - wishing things could have been different, things we wish we "could / should have" known, done differently, etc.. The good news is that our companions know we are mere mortals - - we are not gifted with foreknowledge. They know we do the best we can for them at all times and in all circumstances with the information and resources we have at that time. Not only are we blessed with their unconditional love and undivided attention, - - we are also blessed with their unconditional forgiveness for all the mistakes and blunders we make. I hope and pray that as you travel your grief adjustment journey you will be able to find peace in your heart.

They also understand our need to grieve when they are no longer physically present with us. They know this is a HUGE adjustment for us both emotionally and physically, and they want us to do whatever we need to make the adjustment journey as painless as possible. For some people looking at pictures of their beloved companions during their deep grief only intensifies and prolongs their deep sorrow. If you feel that looking at your beloved Winnie's photo on your screensaver is painful right now, then your beloved Winnie would want you to find something that is more positive for you right now. As your deep grief eases, you can ALWAYS reload your beloved Winnie's picture back onto your screensaver - - if you choose to do so. One of the many ways you can honor your beloved Winnie is to do what is best for YOU - - particularly during your deep grief. I promise you she knows she has your heart and your eternal love - - this is the most ultimate tribute to your beloved Winnie she can ever have.

Getting our beloved companion's ashes back is definitely a two sided coin: on the one side it is comforting to have them back home with us where they belong - - while the other side is yet another blatant reality check that they are no longer physically present with us in the life form that our hearts and arms long for. I hope and pray that you will feel comforted when your beloved Winnie comes back home to you.

One of the hardest adjustments we have to make in our grief journey is adjusting to the physical absence of our beloved companions. We live in a physically oriented world governed by the five senses of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Every time our companions touch us and lick / kiss us they are literally chemically implanting themselves onto us so that they can identify us out of all the other millions of people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels, we literally experience a physical withdrawal from them, and it is a very painful adjustment to make. One thing you may consider to help you through the agonizing moments when you long to touch and hold your beloved Winnie is to hold one of her blankets, toy, collar - - SOMETHING that belongs only to her. When each of my companions joined the angels I slept with their collars under my pillow and held onto one of their blankets when the overwhelming deep sorrow became crushingly painful not being able to hold their sweet bodies. No, it isn't the same - - but it does help to bridge the painful emptiness particularly during the deep grief.

Winnie's dad, thank you again so much for sharing your beloved Winnie with us, and letting us know how you're doing. I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Winnie's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello Winnie's dad

What a wonderful picture of Winnie at rest. I have seldom seen such a beautiful, peaceful old dog. I love white muzzles. They are a mark of distinction and love. My first dog as an adult was Gretta - no - IS Gretta. She is a beuatiful chocolate lab who I adopted when she was about 10 years old and who lived with me for almost 4 years. I use her as my picture her on Lightning Strike. She chose me at the one and only adoption event I've ever gone to - walked slowly over to me, laid her head on my lap and gently pawed my leg saying, Please take me home. She taught me all about spirit animals and soul mates. She carries a part of my heart with her and I carry a part of hers with me. I think that's why the hurt of separation will never quite go away. She had been used for breeding until those days were over for her and "oh my, our dog ran away." She was a street dog and was picked up, starving, on a cold November day in Minnesota. A wonderful woman who went to Animal Control to rescue another dog looked into her eyes and just couldn't leave her there.

Like Winnie, she is a miracle dog. Your image of Winnie being at home on her first day in heaven will become a treasure in my heart. I have never read a piece of writing like it. Nor have I ever thought of that image before. May I ask you a favor? Would it be OK with you if I downloaded Winnie's picture and put in into my "amazing dogs" photo gallery?

Winnie's dad, you are a wonderful person who was chosen by a wonderful dog. You share parts of the same heart and soul. I take my hat off to you and welcome you to the society of people who have been loved by very special animals. Their love is the only testimony needed to a person's character.

Blessing to you and your family.

Gretta's mom

Dear Winnie's Dad,

What a wonderfu love story of you and Winnie. How could she not know that she was loved every second of every day? She did! And she still does! Your description of the Perfct World - Heaven - was absolutely delightful. I have just one little detail to add. Winnie is gathering more and more friends and gamily than she would have ever imagined. Let's see, in our little circle, there is my precious Trevor, Rudy, Jasper, Kelly, Birney, Crocker, Sport, Squirt, Gretta, Mickey, Jenna, Hermie ( a bunny), Jake, Peanut, Buster and sooooooooooooo many more than I cannot remember all their names. Just take a look down the column in this section and you will get a tiny piece of the picture of those precious creatures in Heaven, all healed and loving Winnie.

Did you also know about the part where Winnie cannot stop bragging about you and your wife? Oh yes! That, too, goes on for a long time and everyone gets to "know" everyone else's humans, even if just by first name. That's enough.

Winnie's daddy, I can imagine the pain, srrow and grief you feel every minute. I have been there several times, by my Trevor was by far the most special and influential in my life. I don't have to say more as everything is written in either this section or the eulogy section.

But this time is about YOU and Winnie. Take your time, take all the time you want and need to remember Winnie because you will never forget her. Talk to her, write to her, sing to her, do whatever you two liked to do. I still sleep with Trevor and Rudy's pictures ever night and have Trevor's pic plastered all thru our house. Even though I now have two new loves (Dreamer and Kelley), I still have Trevor right next to my heart so he can feel every beat of my love for him. I'm sure someone tol you that is exactly where Winnie's Spirit is, too. A part of her Spirit is right up against your heart so that every beat tells her how much your love still flows for her. And she is right there, telling you the same thing back.

Winnie's dad, I am so sorry for your painful loss. You are a good dad and my heart goes out to you. Please write, when you want to, and let us know how you are doing and let those of us who have been on this painstaking journey, listen, help, support and love you, too!

Blessings.............................
Trevor's Mom (Bobbie

I truly wish you and your Winnie girl...What a kind heart she gave to you..
What a beautiful picture a precious memory..Thank you for sharing as your lose
brings many thougths as you tell such a poetic journey for a friend as she sleeps
forgive me i'am lost for words... I think i will say thank you for your friends voice
as i can see each step of true friendship you and Winnie have taken ...

Dachshund what a special friend it takes a life time to re....Forgive me...
It takes a lifetime to reveal the hidden language that holds are heart...
As your whispers of love for a friend are truly clear..With such caring
words for Winnie what a lucky little girl..yes little girl as they seem to fade
are Hearts always know they are close.

I shall Kneel in Honor of Winnie a Special Doxie as i do know...

Thank you for Sharing thank you Winnie what a beautiful life you have givin to a special person
As you lay your head in rest where you find comfort in the big bed as your friend whispers you
are safe you are Free....


What beautiful words your friend has to say as you stand Guard and wish her well with the Kindness
Winnie has givin to you a small window as you look within...

I wish you well my friend Winnie is truly the lucky one as we speak her name as you
Sing songs of past to heal a friend that lays within your Heart a Picture that Shows the
kindness of your thoughts ring clear to all as i see a friend in your words i wish you well..

Click to view attachment

Thank you for the kind words. They are needed during the holidays. I will miss Winnie laying next to me on the counch as we open presents in the morning. As we prepared for Santa to come tonight, hers was the only stocking still hanging up when we were finished. Doesn't seem right but I'm sure the angels have put some goodies in her stocking in heaven.

Grettas mom, thank you for the post. Of course you can add Winnie to your list. Thank you!

Every time I start to lose it, I just think of her first day in heaven and it brings a true sense of peace to my heart. I would suggest trying it to anyone who has lost a loved pet. Of course your baby's first day will be different, but the act of actually writing it (not just thinking about it) brings about a more cathartic experience. I think God put those words in me to help me deal with the pain and loss. I read it often and it brings home the fact that she is in a better place. Maybe it can help someone else who reads this. I would love to read how your loved one will spend there everlasting first day in heaven.

Merry Christmas to all of you and God's belssings!

~Winnie's dad


Click to view attachment