I had to put my little girl down on 3/15/11. Her name is Jasmine. She was my first cat, I always had dogs. I found her almost 12 years ago working at a car lot. She ran in fear under a cola machine. She was malnurished and had pneumonia. I took her in and nursed her to good health. Well she got along with the dog and in time won the heart of my dad who was never a cat person before. Well one day she just stopped eating!!! So the next day we took her to the vet. She had lost weight quick and xrays reveled she had a large mass and she also developed a heart murmur. Other signs told the Dr that my baby had cancer and was in pain. So I did what I thought best (and so did the vet) I put my little one down. It was just so sudden! I was expecting her to have a longer life. Just days before not eating she was running & playing!! Oh how I am crying. I feel such sadness like my heart has been broken. How long will this last??? I have lost other pets and mourned but this is bad this time. I think because it was so sudden.

Dear Lynn,

So sorry to hear of the loss of your Jasmine. There really are no words I can say to make the pain better but I can tell you that being on this site and writing with all of the wonderful people here have helped me get through each day since I lost my 3 yr old dog.

In your mind I am sure you know you did the only thing you could to relieve her suffering but not having her with you must be very tough right now. Jasmine had a very good life because of you and a peaceful death because of you. She is thanking you for everything you did for her.
The one thing you know when you found this site is that everyone here is going through a similar situation. I have found that long after my friends stopped being interested in my grief my friends here have helped me to survive.

Please keep reading and posting and eventually the pain will get better.
Joanne

Thank You Joanne. That last comment help you survive that is what I need and reading your response is tremendous help

Dear Lynn,

I am so sorry about the loss of your sweet Jasmine. I know your heart is breaking and the sudden manner in which it all happened makes it difficult to wrap your head and heart around. It will take some time (possibly a great deal of time), but the pain will eventually fade and you’ll be able to remember her and the love you shared with a smile. I do understand how you’re feeling right now. I lost my sweet little girl, Peggy ‘The Dog’ 3 weeks ago last night. She was only 8 years old and always appeared frail but seemed perfectly healthy, until that Friday morning. I rushed her to the vet when she was appeared to be struggling for breath. She appeared fine by the time I got her there and after 2 hours and a bunch of tests, they diagnosed a mild case of asthma and aside from that, gave her a clean bill of health. I brought her home, relieved it wasn’t anything serious and even told my mother ‘thank God no cancer showed up in the x-rays or any of the tests’ (cancer is the number 1 killer of Golden Retrievers). At 7 that evening, she staggered into the kitchen and collapsed on the floor. I rushed her to the emergency vet hospital but by 1:20 am, she was gone. I also had to make the decision about helping her to pass. They determined she had cancer of the red blood cells which had caused tumors to develop on her heart. One of them had ruptured and that’s what was causing her distress. So, I totally understand your shock at the speed of the event and how difficult it is to comprehend when they seemed to be perfectly healthy one minute and gone the next.

I wish I could take away your pain or at least tell you when it will end. I just have no idea. I am still struggling myself. As the days go by, it will get easier to keep the tears at bay but the sadness in your heart will take quite a while longer to abate. They are such wonderful, loving companions but it’s no different than loosing another family member when they pass away. Your love for Jasmine is obvious and you should allow yourself time to grieve for your loss. Try to focus on how much you loved each other and what a wonderful life you provided for her. She was very lucky to have found such a caring heart when she was all alone. I’m sure she appreciated all the joy filled years she was able to enjoy with you and your father. I will keep you and Jasmine in my prayers and hope your pain eases soon.

Take care,

Peggy (the human)

Hi, Lynn, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Jasmine. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can once again be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

As both Joanne and Peggy have so comfortingly shared with you, this grief journey is a one day at a time journey, sometimes a one moment at a time journey. Each journey is as individual as the relationship we have shared with our beloved companions. This grief journey is filled with so many ups and downs, twists and turns, and turnarounds that sometimes we feel like we're on a horror roller coaster ride - - or as one correspondent said on her post - - "battle fatigue."

This is why it is so important for you to remember that you are not alone in your grief journey, Lynn. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. We are here with you, beside you, and for you every step of your journey - - through the difficult days, through the not quite so hard days, and through the days when you feel like you want to curl up in a ball because the grief pain is so intense and overwhelming.

And I hope and pray that as your deep grief eases that you will know that your beloved Jasmine is always with you just as she always has been and always will be. She is forever in your heart and your memories, Lynn, - - she is always a heartbeat close to you.

Lynn, thank you so much for sharing your precioius Jasmine with us. Perhaps at some point in time you will feel up to posting a picture of her and sharing some of your cherished memories with us - - but only as you feel up to this.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Lynn, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Peggy The Human so sorry for your loss. It is difficult when it is sudden and they are young. I hope your tears pass too and will pray for you as well.

thank you Moon-beam for you kind words.
I am glad I found this site for I feel you will all help me in this journey and I hope I can help you all as well.

Went to church this am and I had a moment where the tears just started to come like water out of a faucet. I just feel as if my heart has been broken

Dear Lynn,

Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your precious Jasmine. I'm so very sorry that your heart feels broken.

I understand the sudden shock of your loss as I had that with my beautiful Victoria. Even though my girl had cushings disease, she stopped eating and drinking suddenly, and the following day she was euthanized. Please know that I share your pain.

Hope you will continue to let us know how you are doing whenever you are able to. And when you are ready, maybe you can share a pic of Jasmine.
With peace and healing thoughts,
Juturna

Dear Lynne,

I am so sorry for your pain and I understand your broken heart. It's such a painful road to be on and it seems like it will never get better. Please allow yourself to grieve, letting it out is part of the healing process and is totally normal. I'm attaching a link I used a few days after Peggy (the dog) died. It allows you to light a cyber-candle and it did offer me some comfort. The candles stay burning for 48 hours after their lit but as we know, nothing in cyber-space is ever truly gone. It felt like it was a way to leave a permanent memorial that shows she lived, was loved and will ensure she will never be forgotten by this world. A record of her having been here will forever be stored in some memory bank somewhere. I hope it might offer you some small comfort as well: http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng

Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope your heart lightens soon.

Peggy

Thank you Juturna & Peggy. I did light one of those cyber candles and told a few animal loving friends. Yes a memorial is nice. I did put her collar and her favorite toy away to keep. I am going to make a small bag to keep these items. That toy was a little purple stuffed animal with a long tail that my mom bought her. Jasmine used to carry it around and even sleep with it, like a child with a teddy bear. I can't let another fur-baby have that toy. It just needs to go in the memory bag.
Today when I was giving Sadie (my 12 1/2 yr old dog) her meds I thought I saw Jasmine entering the kitchen. I almost said Hi Jasmine then realized she was not there. Funny how you see your baby out of the corner of your eye when they are gone. That was the other shocking part of this here we have a sick dog that we don't know how long she will be here and our Jasmine we thought was ok went. I thought she would have been here longer

Dear Lynn,

I'm so sorry for the devastating loss of your precious Jasmine.

You said you had a moment at Church where the tears, "started to come like water out of a faucet." Well, when this happens, Lynn, just let them flow, for they are healing tears and crying until you feel like you can't cry anymore is all part of this painful journey of grief. I assure you though, that in time it will get easier, and the tears will become less. You will still probably experience the odd "bad day" and you will probably always miss your baby's physical presence; but you will also come to realize that she will always be with you, forever etched in your heart and memories.

Take care of yourself, and take each day at a time.

Cheryl xx

Hi, Lynn, checking in with you to see how you're doing today. As Juturna, Peggy, and Cheryl have already shared with you, so I wish to affirm their comforting words: The tears you cry are healing tears, for they cleanse the body of the toxins that build up in your body from the stress of your grief. Your precious Jasmine understands this, as do each of us, and it is very healthy to cry. Some folks think that if they suppress their grief that it will make their loss less painful. In reality, clinical studies show that suppressed grief eventually causes both physical and emotional challenges further down the road, and the grief is much harder to reconcile if it is suppressed.

Your seeing your precious Jasmine is not unusual - - it's a way for her to let you know she is still with you sharing your earthly journey just as she always has and always will. Every once in awhile I will hear a jingle of tags on a collar, and I'll look over to where Noah is and he'll be sleeping peacefully, so I know it's a way of my beloved Angels letting me know they are with me.

Lynn, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. This grief journey is filled with so many different emotions that are so unpredictable from one day to the next, sometimes one moment to the next. I hope that you feel comforted by the encouragement and support from the words that are typed from my keyboard, and know that I share in your tears in your grief journey.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Lynn, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Lynn,

Thank you for sharing this morning. I love how you are saving your precious Jasmine's favorite toy. Please know that this grief journey if filled with lots of tears and emotion. It helps to take it one day at a time.

Seeing your little Jasmine out of the corner of your eye is not unusual as Moon_beam mentioned. I can still hear my beautiful Victoria snoring some nights.

Hope you have a peaceful night's sleep.
With gratitude and healing thoughts,
Juturna

youu wrote:
Went to church this am and I had a moment where the tears just started to come like water out of a faucet. I just feel as if my heart has been broken

During the first couple weeks and few times after.. I used that phrase to my husband.... I just feel as my heart has been broken...

I feel broken. I don't feel love for anything now.. I used to see a photo of a friend's baby or a funny you tube of someone else's pet and actually laughed and felt love for these creatures...

Now, meh.. None of them are my Finn. I feel like my heart will not take in anything else until I process the feelings of Finn. Nothing can compare. I loved him when he was alive to a ridiculous point (I would just see him and be filled with love and joy and couldn't wait to give him pets) and now that he's gone, I just don't 'feel' that way with anyone or anything. My heart is broken. It simplly cannot love again until I process this thing with Finn. My grief is putting 100% of my love energy into his memory/death/whatever.

I don't want to be this way. I've allowed it up until now, but my love needs to breathe. I just don't know how to stop focusing on the biggest loss in my 46 years. I know truly KNOW the meaning of the phrase 'broken heart'. Like a machine with cogs and gears, it simply doesn't work anymore.

I love how I read things on this forum and people use different phrases to describe grief. Most we use without thinking. It's only in times like this we understand these time worn phrases like.." broken heart...."

Finn keeps teaching me.

I understand your feeling of "my heart has been broken". It is broken. Horribly broken. But not irrepairable. Your phrase taught me that I need to look at the shattered remains of My heart and see that maybe, just maybe, I can repair this sucker. I need to repair it for my other cats if nothing else.

I would like us to repair our hearts together through this forum. If you're game so am I.

I'll start by a warm, understanding hug.

ConnieJ

Well thank you everyone. I had a good day yesterday I did not cry and kind of felt this thing called peace. I am still grieving but I do have a dog that needs me very much she has renal & liver disease and arthritis. Her love has helped. I have to cook home made food for her to keep her system in check and use a sling to get her up the steps when coming in in case she slips. I don't know how long she has but it just seems to help my grief by being so focused on her needs.
Connie I understand the none of them are Finn thought and nothing can compare. I keep saying Jasmine was sooooo special and I will never have another like her. Yes, it is true. Each & everyone of our furbabies are special in their own way. Even though I am busy with Sadie (my dog) I still have that heaviness in my heart. That hurt that break that will just take time. I too would like to repair our hearts together

Huggs to all
Lynn

Hi, Lynn, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Having a beloved companion who needs us does help with the grief journey. I hope and pray the peace you feel will continue to be with you every day.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Lynn, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I am so sorry for your loss. My furbaby, Brutus, was lost to cancer. It was a huge shocker to everyone including myself. I had to send my boy on his way exactly 7 weeks ago today and I still cry everyday. I wish that I could tell you that time heals the wounds but it doesn't; we only just learn to make a new routine for ourselves without our furbabies. I definitely know how you feel. Our furbabies can and do become part of our family and I pray that you receive some comfort in knowing that your little girl is in a place now that she is better and feeling no pain. I know this doesn't make it better for those of us left her to grieve. Again please allow me to offer you my sympathies.

Thank you Rallytally7. I was doing fairly well. Then when I came home today my hubby started up. Next baby will get x-rayed every year. This had to be going on for a long time. I just wanted to cry!!! I calmly told him the outcome would be the same because when she got sick it was time for her check up. I know I did not fail her! How was I to know she was sick??? Did I miss something???? Should I have known something???? This was my first cat I always had dogs. Maybe I did miss something! OMG why why why. What did I miss??????

Hi, Lynn, unfortunately guilt is a part of this grief journey, and is one of the hardest emotions to reconcile. Our beloved companions are masters at disguising how they are feeling - - it's a survival characteristic they inherit from their wild cousins. By the time the illness is detected and diagnosed, sadly, the illness has taken a firm foothold, and sometimes the only thing we can do is treat the symptoms giving them a good quality of life, and sometimes the need is more immediate to release them from their painful failing physical bodies to join the angels.

I assure you, Lynn, all the x-rays in the world, all the blood tests in the world, cannot always detect the early stages of illness, including for our beloved companions. I know this personally, and I know the devastating piercing sword in my heart, as you are feeling, when finally, at last, the symptoms are so obvious and the diagnosis is so irreversible. It's part of embracing our beloved companions into our hearts and lives. We are not provided the privilege of foresight as to how and when and why they will precede us to the angels. We are not omnipotent and therefore do not have the ability to prevent illness, injury, accident, tragedy from happening. All we can do is cherish every moment of every hour of every day that we have to share our beloved companions earthly journey with us, letting them know they are loved and protected and provided for to the very best of our ability under our circumstances. This is really all they ask, Lynn - - and in return we receive their unconditional, eternal love and undivided attention - - a love bond that the physical laws of time nor space cannot separate them from us - - for they are forever in our hearts and our memories.

Lynn, I truly wish there was an easier path through this grief journey, and if I knew one I would most certainly share it with you and everyone on this wonderful forum. I hope and pray with all my heart that you will be able to find peace in your heart that you truly did everything you could for your precious Jasmine, and that this will bring comfort to you.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Lynn, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Was holding up today then I got the call. The vets office Jasmine's ashes were ready for pick up. Oh I just started to cry. When I got out there the water works were running down my face. I got her remains. The vets office even had her ashes place in a lovely carved wooden urn box. How nice of them to do that. Inside her ashes are in a bag which is in a velvet bag. I felt better after talking to some of the office staff there today. When I got home I was unsure of where to place her. Hubby & I decided to put her in the spare room (which we called her bedroom) since she always got on that bed to sleep. It is just too difficult to have her out where I will see her non-stop. When we heal we plan on bringing her out to the main room of the house.

Moon Beam I know all the tests would not help it was just when the hubby started it got me going again. I am glad you are here to help me & others. Thank you.

Hi, Lynn, getting our beloved companions' ashes back is a two-sided coin -- on the one side it's a relief to have them back home again, although not in the physical form we wish for, and on the other side of the coin it's another blatant reminder that we no longer share their physical presence as we have been so accustomed to and blessed to have. I am so glad the staff at your vet's office shared this experience with you, took time to talk to you and comfort you.

I'm glad you and your husband have found a comfortable place for her ashes that will be comforting to the both of you. You will know when it is time to change location of your Jasmine's ashes.

Lynn, thank you for sharing with us how you're doing. I hope today is being kind to you, and t hat you and your husband will have a peaceful evening and weekend. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam