Even though I follow the advice of James Herriot to get another pet after the loss of a loved friend, there is that feeling of guilt that I experience at times when I hold the "new" pet. Am I being unfaithful, trying to replace, trying too soon, all the myriad thoughts that go through my mind while trying to learn to deal with my grief.

The day after I had to have Bitsy put to sleep, I framed my favorite photo of her and placed on my bookshelf. For some reason which I could not then understand, I placed the 8X10 photo to the far left of the shelf instead of my first impulse to center it. Now, I understand, as whatever position I stand or sit in my living room, I look at her photo and it seems as though she were looking into my eyes! Even now, as I sit in a corner farthest away from her picture, I can look over and meet her eyes!

Others may feel some of the same guilt that I did when I brought home a Jack Russell named Fancy. As I sat in mine and Bitsy's favorite chair, Fancy jumped in my lap and settled down for a nap. (RARE for a J. Russ!). I glanced up guiltily at Bitsy's photo, but as I gazed into her photo, I sensed as though once again I was gazing into her real eyes, not a two-dimensional photo. As I did so, I felt what could only be a sense of approval flooding over me. Bitsy knows that I would NEVER try to replace her, and she approves of my sharing the love that I feel for her with another dog.

Andy

P.S>. This isn't the framed photo of Bitsy, could not find the file, but the pose in this one is similar...notice the eyes I fell in love with the first time I saw them?

how beautiful bitsy was and how happy she looks in that picture. thank you for sharing! i dont know if youve read my story or not but permit me to tell you in a few (ehem) words. my cat fred passed away not too long ago. id had him for 14 years. the love of my life and then one day he was gone. a week later as i returned home, my apt man approached me (mind you i never ran into her) but this particular evening, she was outside. she came over later and heres the reason why. she knew i had been considering adopting a little dog. she knew of one that needed a home. at the time she had no idea that fred had passed. i was unconsolable. i told her how could i replace my fred so soon and so on. but the thing is how could i say no to a little dog that needed me (otherwise she would be returned to the shelter). so i took her in sight unseen, well just a blurry head shot. two days later this little ball of fur was at my doorstep. omgoodness. she is a terr(or) mix with jack russell. ayayayayay. at the time she was 6.5 months old. to make a long story short, i fought it the first day. i didnt want her. i missed my fred too much. i called everyone i knew to come get her. but my little fred was watching us. he was behind all of this and before the evening was over, thanks to him, my wonderful friends that talked me off the ledge and my beautiful little lucy (thats her name now) i fell in love with her. i cant imagine my life without her. shes my pride and joy. shes my tissue when i miss fred. shes my little cuddle bug.
im so glad you have fancy in your life now. like you i finally learned the real lesson that i was meant to learn, which is: our beautiful fur companions can NEVER ever be replaced. what we have to realize is that they want us to be happy and also that there is enough love to go around. that wound in my heart will always be there. there will never be a day that i wont think of fred, or riley, or tiger, or brando, or jenny and chiquita (and the list continues) but there is still so much room in my heart to love so many more. i know that they are "up there" watching over me and lucy and they are smiling, just like bitsy is watching over you and fancy with those beautiful eyes. and im betting shes happy that youre happy.
everyday is bittersweet for me right now. im so in love with my little girl. she makes me smile the minute i wake up and i go to sleep with a smile on my face but at the same time, when i look at her i remember my fred. but thats ok. i know that fred is happy and well now and that his little heart is happy because he knows that lucy is taking care of me.

im so happy for you!
patricia

[quote name='patricia' date='Jul 28 2009, 12:37 PM' post='51895']
how beautiful bitsy was and how happy she looks...

The amazing about Bitsy is that I got her just two weeks before my other chihuahua, Renfield, got run over. For two weeks after that tragedy I had absolutely NOTHING to do with Bitsy. She could have so easily taken up with another family member, but instead she waited for me to come out from under my cloud of grief and recognize the solace and comfort that she was so willing and able to give to me!

For others who have lost a loved one...yes, I know you are hurting....yes, I know it will take some time, but PLEASE do not shut your heart off to another animal who is so ready to share your hurt, and who will only give you comfort in your time of pain!

Andy

i couldnt have said it better myself.

its funny how similar everyones stories are and im so glad you shared yours. these wonderful furry companions are amazing! although we push them away at times because of our grief, they wait for us and just love us. how lucky we are to have them in our lives. i love what you said at the end. i too encourage all of us animal lovers to remember that all of our pets teach us so much about love. lets not let the grief shut us out from loving again; lets not forget what they teach us while in life. they were placed on this earth to bring us happiness, joy and love. what a wonderful message! thank you andy
patricia

Bitsy is beautiful Andy. No doubt she is proud of you that you have brought Fancy into your life. Of course she would always want you to share all of your love with another who needs it. She already knows the depth of your love and wouldn't want it any other way. You keep Bitsy's love and spirit alive when you share that extra special love. Your bond with her is now and forevermore.

Be well, be blessed, and keep sharing Bitsy's loving little self.

Huggers, Beth

P.S. Yes I know those eyes well. The eyes are the window to the soul.

it's so true, i remember reading that too bout not letting your grief close your heart, & hey what do you know Jesse James came into our lives, who wld hve thought that possible, certainly not me that's for sure.