Today, 10/8/08 is the 4mo anniversary of my baby's passing. I still struggle. I"m trying to fill a great void. I keep leaning toward the shelter voulenteer program. Can I handle the emotional part of it?? I went back for a 2nd time today(just to get a feel of it all).They remembered me from 2 or so weeks ago and said the next meeting(which I have to attend to sign up) will be on Nov 26th. Cool Beans! I have a chance. I asked to spend time with the kitties. No problem. I was looking forward to seeing a cat I had met the 1st time. He was a big fluffy organe guy that drooled. His owener died and that's why he was there. I felt a connection. My baby died and that's why I was there too. He was gone and I felt happy that he'd been adopted. Good. Emotions in check. Until......There he was, in the top cage, meowing like crazy at me, arm extended as far as it could to reach me.. Arthur's clone. A 2mo old named Rufeo(don't ask I don't know how he got that name either) Don't cry I'll be ok. I get closer. Every color of fur, every mark on his body was the exact same, including the white tear drop marking on his nose. He didn't want me to leave him alone. Here comes the tears. Now for more tears, the low part of my day.
I couldn't wait to tell Dave about him, I was bursting at the seems. I was hoping he'd take interest. A boy? he asked. "yep, I said. Then silence. I carried on about the others. Later I asked " Would you concider adopting again"?(I can only have a cat at his place, my home would not be good)he rolled his eyes, sighed, threw is head back. silence. Then he said "only on one condition". I said " it has to be indoors right"? He said " I can't have another outdoor cat again, I worried about him all the time, so did you, you wanted him out and was a wreck the whole time". I said" Well I'll try". He said "yeah, for a while, then when the weather gets nice you'll get all upset because he's not out "enjoying" life". Then he said "I'm really not ready yet.
Well, I thought about this, and he's right. That's exactly how I'll be. He knows it and I know it. He was the happiest cat in the world 'cuz of his freedom which is what I always wanted. But it ended up breaking Dave's heart and mine too. He was right. As safe as his place may seemed, it wasn't. And now I wear him around my neck instead of holding him in my arms. Last 2 cats I had were outdoor, I always believed in it. We lived at the corner of 2 major streets and they both lived very long lives. Arthur just liked being outdoors than indoors. Even though I know he'll never say it to my face, I just feel it, that it's all my fault. I hope the shelter thing works out 'cuz the way I feel right now is that I'll never own another cat again, nor do I deserve to. I know it's best to keep them in, I know it's safe and almost worry free(although accidents do happen in the house too)but I just can't get past not being able to watch them run, play, climb, hunt, chase leaves, swat a snowflakes..etc...The truth really does suck..Ann

{{{{{{{Ann}}}}}}} I read every word and understand completely. Honest and for true.

Dang!

Ann, before considering the shelter volunteer program, please, please, PLEASE read the PM I sent you. I honest to gawd don't know if your sweet dear loving heart could handle it. I really have no idea but ... Oh My Gosh. Please read the bottom part of that PM for the true story and ... You'll see what I mean. Tears!

Many Comforting Hugs, Love and Angels!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Ann:

Would the place allow you to foster him? He also may be a true indoor cat...prefers indoors. You don't know unless you see how he is in the home.

Shelters allow fostering and then at least he can go back if you don't think it will work out.

No harm in talking to Dave about trying to foster and see what the cat wants to do. If he wants inside..fine. My 3 ferals were scared to go by the doors. Only if they saw a stray cat to chase were they interested. They would go and hide if someone opened a door. If this one is truly an outside cat, you will know by fostering and the shelter would take him back anytime cause that's part of fostering.

At least for a while he will have a home again. Maybe the shelter knows his background. Maybe he was inside and then abandoned.

Reading how he reacted to you and how much he looks like Arthur....I think anything would be worth a try.

You may always wonder what might have happened.....

Think about and discuss with Dave...a trial of fostering.

Judy

Ann,

I only have a sec. here to reply, but have you ever considered either buying or making a large, comfortable, well-outfitted and cat-friendly outdoor enclosure for a new furbaby? That would keep him/her safe yet able to enjoy being in nature still, but without most of the worst risks. There are some very good systems on the market these days, or building a customized one yourself is also an option and from what I've heard, not hard at all to do. I think I may have posted a link to one good site long ago here; you could use the Search button to see, as I don't have time right now to check for it myself.

Just a thought for maybe being able to address your fears and yet provide any new fur-member some important needs for health and happiness. This is likely the way I'd go if there's a next time, because while we always supervised our kidlets outdoors, it was very time-consuming and could still be rather nerve-wracking if they ever dashed away quickly, or if we were with them across the street in the natural areas. And even if I could still do those parts, I'd still want a large and lovely enclosure for those times when I wasn't able to either be out with them, or take them for a romp elsewhere.

My personal opinion/feeling is that unless a particular cat really doesn't care for the outdoors whatsoever, every effort should be made to give them at least a PIECE of the outdoors if at all possible, even if that takes some ingenuity, time and effort. But I also don't believe it's safe enough in today's world to just allow them to be free-roaming, even if they love it. So a compromise is in order, I think, in order that everyone be happier.

Hi people, Thanks for the ideas,/support. Judy, I don't know about the fostering thing. I DO know I cannot go that route. It would be like losing them all over again. I'd get too attach. This little guy was only 2mo, fits in the palm of your hand. But, other older ones there I'm sure have a history of indoor/outdoor. Any future cat I get will be housed at Dave's. So, I really have to respect his wishes, it is his home not mine. The whole problem is ME. I just feel like they should be outdoors. I honesty don't begrudge anyone's decision to keep them in, as I know you have, that is YOUR choice and I respect that, I do. I just have a problem with it for myself... FukidsMom, I did notice in one of your posts about a construction to build. I thought that was a great idea. However, Dave is only renting this house so it would not be possible. But when I get my house I will definitely do something like that where I have quite a bit of dense woods around me. And Dottie... I read your pm and you certainly have had one hell of an emotional ride!. I don't know if you may have misunderstood. I will NOT be volunteering at a Vet's office, just a shelter, 1 hour a week, cleaning cages, litter boxes, feeding, laundry etc. nothing drastic. I'm so lost, I use to be with Arthur everyday just "taking care" of him. I miss that so much and with all the extra time I have b4 work I can give some of it and some attention to a poor neglected kitty. Someday I will have a house full of kitties, my house. This is to fill a void in the meantime.
Even I worried everytime he was out. But his yard is huge and far from the street and ...Oh I'm so frustrated. Until I get my house to myself I won't be having any kitties. Then the skys the limit!..What bothers me now is when he said "only on 1 condition, indoors". Arthur came home a couple of times with cat bites and I'd get all nervous and upset and he'd say" your the one who wanted him to be an outdoor cat". When this all happened I looked at him and said "please don't even say it" and he said "no, he loved being outdoors." His lastest remark was to me pretty much the same. I keep thinking this is what I wanted so this is what I get...If it wasn't for this place I'd be so all alone. Thanks for being here..Hugs.. Ann

Hi people, Thanks for the ideas,/support. Judy, I don't know about the fostering thing. I DO know I cannot go that route. It would be like losing them all over again. I'd get too attach. This little guy was only 2mo, fits in the palm of your hand. But, other older ones there I'm sure have a history of indoor/outdoor. Any future cat I get will be housed at Dave's. So, I really have to respect his wishes, it is his home not mine. The whole problem is ME. I just feel like they should be outdoors. I honesty don't begrudge anyone's decision to keep them in, as I know you have, that is YOUR choice and I respect that, I do. I just have a problem with it for myself... FukidsMom, I did notice in one of your posts about a construction to build. I thought that was a great idea. However, Dave is only renting this house so it would not be possible. But when I get my house I will definitely do something like that where I have quite a bit of dense woods around me. And Dottie... I read your pm and you certainly have had one hell of an emotional ride!. I don't know if you may have misunderstood. I will NOT be volunteering at a Vet's office, just a shelter, 1 hour a week, cleaning cages, litter boxes, feeding, laundry etc. nothing drastic. I'm so lost, I use to be with Arthur everyday just "taking care" of him. I miss that so much and with all the extra time I have b4 work I can give some of it and some attention to a poor neglected kitty. Someday I will have a house full of kitties, my house. This is to fill a void in the meantime.
Even I worried everytime he was out. But his yard is huge and far from the street and ...Oh I'm so frustrated. Until I get my house to myself I won't be having any kitties. Then the skys the limit!..What bothers me now is when he said "only on 1 condition, indoors". Arthur came home a couple of times with cat bites and I'd get all nervous and upset and he'd say" your the one who wanted him to be an outdoor cat". When this all happened I looked at him and said "please don't even say it" and he said "no, he loved being outdoors." His lastest remark was to me pretty much the same. I keep thinking this is what I wanted so this is what I get...If it wasn't for this place I'd be so all alone. Thanks for being here..Hugs.. Ann

{{{{{{{Ann}}}}}}} There's lots I want to say but am a bit teary eyed after reading all you said and I'll bet you know how that goes. Yes indeed. However, I wanted to make sure you know I am here and listening and sending you love and Angels and so much more ... And so much more ...

Oh, I wanted to say that I feel much relief now that you've explained what you meant about volunteering at an animal shelter. That might just be the thing for you, Dear One. More later. Okay? Big Hugs!!!

Love You So Much!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

I went back to the shelter today. 1 kitty left and 3 more arrived. They told me I was always welcomed. It does make me feel good to give each one a little of my attention. They seem to enjoy it. Although I'm trying to get pass wanting to take them all home. I feel funny about going with no intention of adopting, but I'm trying to give myself a head start in getting to know these souls b4 I get into the program. Dave seems to tune me out when I talk about it. I know he feels I'm going to talk him into adopting again. I'm not going to bother him about getting another one again. I know he is right. I'll be ok about the indoor thing for a while and then I'll go crazy wanting to let them out. He never wanted him out in the first place and I did and he gave in to me. His comment the other day about the 1 condition indoor only thing, I feel it's the same as if he said your the one who wanted him to be outdoors. I'm going thru a ton of emotions about this. I feel if I could go back, I'd do the same thing, and it's not safe out there no matter what and I have to except this. I'm depressed that his heart is broken and I did it. How could something so right and wonderful turn out to be so wrong and awful. I hope this program will give some peace and happiness that I haven't had in a long time. I'm on my own with it.. Ann

Hello Anne, I am so sorry about your loss of Arthur. I wanted to say I hope you find what you need as a volunteer at the shelter. I wish I were able to do it, but at this time I can't and maybe never. But thankfully there are people who can. I have a great respect for those who can. Just hope you find the happiness and fulfillment you seek. I have an eleven year old kitty named Lucky that comes and goes as she pleases. We live on several acres and she has always been able to do as she pleases. When I try to keep her in she very loudly lets me know she is not happy. I worry about her too, but at this time with her being older, I don't think I could make her become an indoor only cat. Mostly when she goes out she lounges in a chair. She comes in every night and after dark my dog and her lay together on the pourch for awhile before comming in. It is a hard decission as to what is best for our feline friends. I think any kitty who has you for a Mom is very lucky indeed! Hugs , Ava

Thank you Ava for your kind words. It was such a battle at first. After the first day I let him out I told him no more, I can't bear the thought of something happening to you. But it was too late. He got that taste of it and loved it. He was my spoiled child and I couldn't say no. I overheard a woman who fosters cat to another woman that if you have an outdoor cat, don't expect it to live past 2. I felt sick. Yet I had 2 who lived 12 and 18yrs on the corner of 2 major streets. The shelter almost didn't let us adopt him 'cuz we said he'd probably be an outdoor cat. They were concerned about the coyotes. I know I would do it all over again 'cuz I loved how happy it made him and yet I feel I made a big mistake. It sounds as crazy as it's making me feel..Ann