We considered cremation for Lenny. To me, Lenny's body is no more him than the bag of fluff we have in the cupboard. I've tried holding it and cuddling it but it's not him. So cremation would have been ok. But for my wife, there's a part of Lenny who is still Lenny's body, and she couldnt face cremating him. So I said we'd bury him in the back yard.
We have opted for a container that should stand up to a few years underground without any great problem. I then dug down about 4 foot. It was incredibly hard. I have a huge cast iron pole that is used to break up dirt. My wife offered to try but couldn't lift the pole. It got to a point where even this monster wouldnt go in. I ended up with my powerdrill drilling smaller holes in the bottom of the hole so that I could add water and then try to break it up. Even the power drill was overheating. Smoke was coming out of the holes I drilled in the ground, the drill was so hot that I could feel it through the gloves I was wearing. I probably looked ridiculous. But it had to be done.
It took me two days. At times I couldnt get out of the hole because I was exhausted. I also have artheritis that makes some things difficult. When I did get out of the hole, I tried to throw a piece of mud away half the size of a golf ball but couldn't. I'm not the physical type at the best of times.
But I did it. My wife was there constantly, shoving clay and doing everything she could to help.
We'd laid lenny in our bathroom. We left the extractor fan going full continuously. When we went to fetch him and place him in the box I had for him, he looked unchanged. He might have been asleep. I have never known a dog to stay the same - usually there's obvious signs, especially after a couple of days. I honestly think it was a gift to us, so that our last view of him could be as if he were asleep.
It was a physically and emotionally exhausting time. I've never known clay so hard. I've broken up concrete before, but this was harder. I buried my parents dog - Chip. I buried Lenny's brother, Charlie, who lived with my wife's parents next door. That was hard - in every way - because he'd always been close to us and looked on me as a protector. But Lenny's was the hardest. But we always did our best for him since the day we drove to Halls Gap to pick him up, and we weren't going to stop now. So we did it.
The grave was (i must admit) the best hole i've made. The sides were very straight, and even the edges were crisp. It acutally looked professional - if not so deep and smaller.
Despite the pain in doing it, I needed to do it for him. I couldn't get help - it didn't seem right. It seemed as if only myself and my wife were entitled to do this. He needed a proper resting place and we needed to provide it.
I think it helped us a lot. From some of my posts you might wonder! But I'm still here (just) 3 weeks later. true, I did cry my eyes out again last night - everytime I am not totally distracted, I lose it. But I could not have gone on if I hadn't done my best for him with my last gift.
We'll do a bit of tidying up round the grave, maybe a small ornamental fence, and a little headstone. Nothing too gawdy or gothic. Just a sweet reminder of a sweet heart - as if I needed a reminder. My Lenny, though, is not down there. Part of him has gone elsewhere, and part of him remains with me. His final gift to me.