My dear Zita went out the night of October 20th and that is the last I saw of her. At first I was sure someone was going to find her, but as I handed out poster after poster in the neighbourhood, the common response was "cougar". We live in farm country - moved here a year and a half ago, and though I knew there were occasional bear in the area, our place is well fenced and I didn't think too much of it. Traffic is very light here and I thought my cats were pretty safe. Then after talking to each neighbour I realized that by letting my cats go out at night (they have a cat door) I was putting her at extreme risk. I had no idea cougars were so prevalent here.
My Zita would home if she had a choice. She was very bonded to us and there is no way she would wander off and stay somewhere else of her own will. I had 2 animal communicators try to connect with her - one said they felt she was being fed somewhere else but disoriented. That is really hard for me to believe because I have put posters up on all the post boxes where people collect their mail and there is practically no way someone could not be aware she is missing. Also I have talked to every neighbour within a reasonable range. Zita was a homebody so there is no reason she would be far away. The other animal communicator felt strongly that she was in spirit, and I think she is right.
The grisly, gruesome thing is the neighbour behind us found deer remains buried in her yard apparently just a month earlier, by cougar. If only I had realized the danger. I have paid for my ignorance with Zita's life and this is on my mind constantly. The only thing I can do to function is to send her love every time I feel this pain. I feel such immense grief. She was going to be 4 years old in February and her brother Zeus, who was with her since conception, will now be alone. They gave me so much joy, watching them snuggled together and now seeing Zeus alone just destroys me. I thought I would have them for many, many years.
I really need to vent as people either expect me to just "get on with it", or judge me because they believe cats should always be indoors. Zeus is not allowed out at night anymore, but I feel it unfair to keep him from being outside completely since he has always had those privileges.
Up until the last few days I did everything to search for her or her remains. But a conservation officer told me that if a cougar got her I will never likely find anything. Zita simply exuded love. She was my joy. Thinking about the way she most likely died makes me feel so sickened and guilty - I was so naive to the dangers.
Thanks for listening.
Jan