Hi everyone,

I found this sight in my search for information and encouragement in trying to find my beloved cat Socks (or Sockers) who has been missing since 10/21.

She is now about four years old, and I found her and her sister at four weeks old under our shed in the backyard. They came into my life at a time when I really needed them, after my dog of seventeen years went to sleep, and I fell in love from the beginning. Never having been able to have children of my own, my pets have always been my "kids". Their kitty mother nursed them until they were old enough to eat kitty chow, and they lived the first eight or nine months of their lives outside. Both of them have always been extremely timid, but self reliant, and won't voluntarily get near any other humans other than me and occasionally my husband. At this time we lived in a subdivision in town, and they were always close by when I'd come home from work. They had plenty of places to hide from things that spooked them, under the shed or under our or the neighbors decks. When the weather turned colder, they came inside and got used to being indoor/outdoor cats, and during the winter rarely stayed out more than an hour or so at a time.

We moved about eight months ago in the spring to a new town, and after about three weeks I let them venture outside a bit. We now live in a semi-rural area in that our house backs up to a small horse farm and then a wooded area, although we are still in a subdivision. Right now there are just a few houses here, and we are off by ourselves as no one has built around us yet.

When Socks and Sassy first started going out, being as timid as they are, as soon as they heard or saw anything unfamiliar they would shoot into our garage and go through the cat door back into the house. We don't have a deck or any shrubbery here yet for them to take cover, so I would leave the garage door cracked for them. We got into a routine where, they would be inside all night, then I'd let them out in the morning before work, (it is still dark when I get up) and when I got ready to leave, Sassy and sometimes Sockers would be waiting by the back door ready to come in for the day. At times I'd have to go get Socks from the field across the street where at dawn she liked to hunt for mice. I eventually had to close the garage door because she started bringing the mice through the cat door and depositing them on the living room floor for me! I would let them back out at dusk in the summer, and they would always be around to come back in for the night when it was bedtime.

So that's how it went for about 7 months. Within the last month, Sockers has wanted to stay out later and later at night, so when I went to bed she wasn't always around. However, she was always there in the early morning, more than ready to come in and eat. Until last Sunday. I tried to get her to come in that night but she kept moving away from me (which she had done before) so I thought, I'd just get up early and let her in. Well, Monday morning came and it was like she had vanished into thin air. At first I wasn't too worried and checked the field across the street but she wasn't there. I started to get upset when daylight came and she still didn't show up. She ALWAYS came in before daylight because she wasn't comfortable being out when it was too light. Add to this, that afternoon it started to rain, and rain, and rain. It rained for almost three days straight and we got almost 6 inches during that time. I was pretty much inconsolable thinking about her out in that weather.

Since then I have been a mental and physical wreck. The anguish of not knowing where she is, is tearing me apart. I feel like if she could come home she would, because in her four years she has never wandered off for more than a few hours at a time. My husband and I are the only people who she will come around. She LOVES to take a cat nap on my lap when I get home from work. When we have company, (even my family who they've seen hundreds of times) they always hide until everyone has left before they venture out of the back bedroom. I know she wouldn't go up to a stranger.

I think we've done everything we possible can to help her come home. She had a collar on when she vanished (although no tags) but she does have a micro chip in her that I put in both of them when we moved. I've made flourescent posters, put hundreds of flyers anywhere they will let me put them, contacted and visited all the shelters etc., put an add in the paper, left out food and pieces of my clothing and her kitty litter every night, search the woods, get up at 3 and 4 in the morning calling for her - and still no sign of her. I am exhausted and just sad all the time. Her sister misses her terribly too, and I haven't let Sass out since Socks went missing. Some people tell me to just accept that she's gone, and move on but I can't. I feel like she's hurt and needs my help but I just can't get to her. It's a total living nightmare. Is it normal for a cat who has never wandered like this to start suddenly? Is there still a chance she'll come back on her own?

Sorry to ramble on so long but it helps to talk about it. I've read some of the success stories here that have given me hope, but hope is hard to keep when you are disappointed hundreds of times each day that she doesn't come home.

Thanks for listening,
Jacki

Hi Jacki, so sorry to hear of this limbo you're in. Utterly sucks. For ideas and support, on this thread read "My Cat Has Been Missing Since Memorial Day," "72 Hours Missing," "Going to Hire a K9 Search Team," "Do You Always Feel Like Something is Undone?," "Bennett is Back," and "4 Weeks Today." Full of the group's collective wisdom, tips, ideas, and support. 5catsmom, paris, oceanpets, EaglesMom, and I, and now ChloesMom, have all been through this. Chloe and you are still "pending," but of the other five of us, three pets returned home, and two did not. Of those whose cats didn't come home, we both knew in our hearts after just a few days, that this would be the case.

If your gut tells you she's out there, then by all means call Hilary, enlist Boy Scouts, ask about a K9 search team, keep in contact with the vets and shelters, schools, craigslist, etc. If your gut tells you she's not in her body anymore, then by all means call Hilary, enlist Boy Scouts, ask about a K9 search team, keep in contact with the vets and shelters, schools, craigslist, etc. If she doesn't make it back, you'll need to know that you did everything.

Bennett just came home when he was ready. - about 5 weeks
Shadow was turned in to a shelter. - about 4 weeks
Eagle finally walked into the cage trap set for him. Gosh, after what, 2-1/2 months??

Hang in there. Be sure to do the good basic self-care: lots of water, stress vitamins (the B's), and some lighter fresh foods in between the M&Ms and corn chips (well, that's my stress diet, anyway).

As for those who say move on, try to keep in mind they're only distressed to see you so in pain, and they want to be able to offer a solution to help you fix it. Even though it leaves you feeling a million miles apart from them at that moment, if you remember that they're just feeling concerned and helpless, it might help you feel their underlying sympathy and connect there. "Thank you, I appreciate your concern. I've lost a child, it's not time to move away from it yet. Hope shines in me, and I can't ignore that."

Big, soft, warm hug to you. What part of the country do you live in? How far did you move? I would contact your old neighbors, in case she's decided to go check out her old place. It's rare, but cats have travelled hundreds of miles to do this. ~Kimberly

Jacki,

I am so very sorry...

(((((((Hugs)))))))

Kimberly gave you some really good threads to read...and my Eagle was gone for 16 weeks and 3 days...not 2 1/2 months!

We all understand what you're going through...

And don't let anyone tell you to move on or to get over it...they have no clue as to what you're going through even though they mean well...

You're in my prayers...

Luv,

Thanks for the kind words of encouragement and prayers, they mean so much! I have read most all the threads in this area and feel SO happy for those who got their kitty back home, and my heart goes out to those who did not.

As I sit here this afternoon on a cool sunny day, I'm feeling guilty for not keeping the garage door open a crack for her to have her normal escape route back into the house. Then I also think, it won't do any good to feel guilty because what's done is done and it would be a waste of my time in trying to find her. It's so hard to keep a clear head though!

Kimberly, we live in the central KY area, right in the middle of horse country. We moved about 18 miles from our old house (a subdivision on the outskirts of a city) but I really don't think Socks would have attempted that journey after 8 months of being outside here and never wandering, although I could be wrong. We will call the people who bought our house just in case. That's what is so difficult about all this. She has always been an inside/outside cat, but has never been gone more than a day. I didn't think anything about letting her come and go since she never had the desire to wander very far from us. Although it's totally out of her character to go wandering, maybe she got comfortable with her surroundings after 8 months, and decided to take a journey - she's never had access to open country before. My gut is telling me though that she was probably chased out of her normal territory, maybe hurt and is hiding out someplace, possibly making her way home, or hurt so bad that she can't get home. I just don't know!

We have a screened in porch that we use most nights and have never heard any wild animals, although I know that's not a garantee they're not there. We've walked the woods in back of us a number of times both day and night and see nothing suspicious, no tracks, no hair, nothing. We saw some deer and rabbits but that was all. We asked the neighbor whos house is actually in the woods, and he said he hasn't seen any predators this whole summer, so that gave me added hope.

Then of course I get up and she's not there - and the heartbreak starts all over and I think she's gone for good. I still get up between three and four in the morning and call out to her, hoping she might be close enough to hear me. How many times can your heart break and still function?

We have talked with the few neighbors we have right now and they are all keeping watch. Since she disappeared at night I think the chances of her being locked in a shed are smaller, but have not ruled that out either. There is an older neighborhood a few hundred yards away from us across an open field, and that is where we have concentrated our efforts with flyers and signs.

I am going to try to stay positive and diligent. It has been just a week, but it seems like a year. Compared to some of the others here, that's not very long, so I will keep trying to find answers.

Again, thank you so much for your kind words. It helps to talk to those who have been in my place and can completely understand. My husband has been awesome, but she is my baby and he can't fully comprehend the connection.

Jacki

Hi Jacki.

Bennett's mom here.

Jacki, I read your very detailed posts.....I feel strongly that Sockers is on his way back to the old place!

When we were building our home, we moved 10 miles to another town and, yes, (OK everyone here I go again) Bennett went missing! I was besides myself until 10 days later I went back to the old home, called his name and out of the woods he came! It was, a miracle, and I fell to the ground. Last summer, Bennett was actually gone 8 weeks, and returned a bit thin but otherwise fine.

Sockers is very shy, so he may not show his face to the new home owners. You must go there early in the morning, if possible, and call his name where you think he hides. It's too soon to give up yet.

Jacki, cats are amazing survivors and do have a homing instinct. Just believe that. Sockers is not hungry. He is eating. Sockers is not cold; he finds shelter from the rain.

Bennett is sometimes outside for days even in blizzards. Look (that's him on the chair)......

Hi Jacki,
You didn't mention if there is a shelter in your area, if there is I strongly suggest you contact them also. I'm the cat person whose cat Shadow was turned into a shelter after about 6 weeks, but we went every other day, and yes, it's hard and stressful, but nothing would have kept us from trying. Also, local rural radio announcements I know used to be done in the area I lived in long ago in Iowa, and were very helpful, and any media attention is also helpful. In the South, I would imagine there are lots of Search and Rescue dog units, who may be willing to help for a fee. Have you thought about a cage, which might lure her in with food if she is hanging around somewhere? Also, I don't remember if you mentioned if she is spayed or not, if not, well, that's a recipe for a cat to wander to any neighborhood where she can find a willing tom. The only thing you could do in that case, I think, is ask people if they've heard loud yowling, which is mating behavior in cats. And then, let the shelter in your old area know about her being missing - if her chip has your address, it would be out of date. I don't really know how chips work, but that would be how, I imagine.

And then, come here, and let us know, and vent and tell us what does and doesn't work for you. We lately have had an avalanche of pets go missing (it seems to me, anyway) and imagination and persistence can be the key to bringing home your Sockers. Take care - Barb

Hi all,

Thanks everyone for your very welcomed support during this time. Paris, your assurance about a cat's survival instincts gave me a boost this morning. I'm trying to "think like a cat" instead of a human who expects her kids to be home in bed at a certain hour. I'm pretty sure if Sockers is enjoying herself, I'm the last thing on her mind. Since the three day rain last week the weather has been dry and sunny, highs in the 50s, lows in the upper 30s, so I'm sure if she is still uninjured, at least cold won't be a factor for a while yet. The picture of Bennett was an eye-opener. I don't think my cats have ever been outside long enough in the cold to even get sleepy!

My husband called the people who bought our house and our old neighbors this morning to ask them to be on the lookout for Socks. She was born there and lived her first four years there so she's very familiar with the area, and the neighbors all know her. A lot of times she'd hang out on their decks or patios, and one of them has two of her siblings. It's hard to imagine her making her way that far, but I've heard the stories, and now one first-hand. She is the very intelligent cat of the pair, whereas her sister is the sweetest thing, but not the brightest, bless her heart! Hopefully Socks will turn up at her old home, safe from harm, and we can have the happy ending we've prayed for. It's certainly worth a try. I wonder how long it would take her to travel the near 20 miles?

Barb, I have checked with both the shelter here in our town and the animal control office twice since last Monday. We live in a small town now, sort of "Mayberryesque" if you will. The people there are very kind and helpful, and I believe truly want to help us however they can. In fact, a lady from the animal control office called me on Saturday, saying they had brought in one cat that day and was wondering if she could be mine. She hadn't seen the flyer with her very detailed picture I left a few days before, but she found it right away and then assured me it wasn't Socks. (On a side note, I had just taken that picture a week before and in the back of my mind had thought, "if anything ever happens to you, I'll need this". Weird.) I stopped there again today, and she remembered calling me and the flyer, and even called Socks by her name without me reminding her. She also assured me that they scan each pet brought in, and since I didn't have my cats chipped until we were moving, I waited until I had our new address before I registered them, so the chip is up to date. Also, she was spayed as soon as the vet recommended because I knew she would be a semi-outside cat.

I'm not at the point yet of contacting a search team, but if she doesn't show up eventually, I would definitely consider that. It's been a week today so I am still holding out the hope that she'll come back on her own or that we find her. The thing that really troubles me the most is that this is so out of her character, and the nagging thought that she was run off and hurt, or worse. My husband thinks that if she was coming home to eat the food I've been putting out at night (it's always gone in the morning) that she would naturally come through the cracked garage door and come inside like she always does, so a trap isn't necessary. I tried to explain that she may be too scared at this point and not trust anyone, but I'll just let the idea sink in with him a day or so longer.

Anyway, I am off to put out some more flyers deeper into the nearby neighborhood. The ad in the paper should come out tomorrow, so we'll have to just wait and hope. I have decided that, since I don't KNOW what has happened to Sockers, whether good or bad, I am going to believe for now that she is still healthy and either on an adventure or has found a way to survive until we can get her back or she comes home on her own. I've heard too many success stories to be negative at this point. I feel as though I've done all I can for now, and that in some ways it's out of my control and in God's hands. That in itself has made me feel a little bit better - acknowledging that it's really always been in His hands. I will continue to check the shelters, update the flyers when needed, and run the add, but I need to give myself a rest for now. I trust that God will look after her while I'm resting, and then I'll be ready to go again.

Thanks so much to you all, your caring words have helped me more than you know. Sorry for rambling on so, but it does help. I will keep you posted,
Jacki

A long time ago my roommate got married, and left for her honeymoon.
She was gone precisely one week.
She arrived home, and while bringing her bags in, her cat Bobbi slipped out the door.
She was gone precisely one week.

Moral: they generally know what they're doing, and generally take care of themselves very well. (And we need to be sure to tell them about upcoming absences.)

I believe she's on an Aboriginal Walkabout. Her kittenhood was outdoors, so her most instinctual, deepest learnings are about how to keep herself safe and dry and fed. She also learned how romping-large her world was, and she knew every square inch of the range she declared hers.

Then one day her world changed. She got put in The Carrier. The Carrier got put in that funny metal machine that vibrates and makes noise and sways and flashes streaming images of things sweeping past the windows. Then she got taken out of the swaying Car Machine and brought into a house. "Nice house," she mused, "I wonder whose it is?"

After some time, she came to understand this is home.
Gradually, she dared to explore outdoors.
After some time, she came to understand this is her home too.

Then one early autumn day, when she knew that this was the last good-gettings of summer, and winter would be coming soon, she wondered, "How large is my romping-world here? Do I know every square inch of the range I declare mine?" And off she went to explore.

She'll be back.

Thank you Kimberly. I read your post last night before I went to bed and it helped me to sleep very peacefully until 4:00 a.m. I have been waking up automatically between 3 and 4 o’clock every day since Socks has been gone, and I get up to go outside and call for her. It’s this time that is the absolute hardest and gut wrenching. The stillness of the night is deafening and seems so empty, it’s at this point where my hope level plummets.

Yesterday I thought I had some perspective on it all, but today my emotions have totally taken over and I am finding it nearly impossible to concentrate on anything else but her. As each day passes, hope for Sockers’ safe return diminishes inside me. I feel lonely, frustrated and sometimes like I just want to scream. Her poor sister Sassy can’t figure out what is going on. She hasn’t been let out since Socks went missing, and she keeps looking for her in her favorite spots. It just breaks my heart into pieces. I tell myself I don’t know how much longer I can do this, but then something will happen to bump up the hope factor once again, and the vicious cycle starts all over.

Please everyone, keep us in your thoughts as we struggle through another day.

Jacki

I love that idea, Kimber-story. You should write books. It makes sense, that she'd want to test her boundaries. I've heard that indoors and outdoors, cats are instinctive about wanting to mark their boundaries, whether male or female, although female territories tend to be smaller. That could easily be what she's doing, off staring down another cat to dare her to take "her" new territory.

Jacki, I do understand so well that feeling of discouragement and that it's not going to work out. But since you sound like a spiritual person - as I am, although I know not all of us are or need to be - at some point when it's too much of a struggle, you need to do a "hand-off" to God and let Him carry the weight for you for awhile. Not forever, cause you will get your strength back, but for a little while. He does have your best interest in mind, He is your Father, and He is watching out for you and Socks.

By all means, do the leaflet route, contact the mailperson, the neighbors, the kids who wander around the streets - especially the young ones, they tend to notice much more than the teenagers. Keep calling, and try to persuade your husband about the benefits of a trap. Some areas have feral cat societies which will lend them out so you don't even have to buy them, and all you do is put some really tasty smelly food like mackerel in the back, and maybe she'll realize she wants that good stuff in her territory, and wander into the trap. It's great that you've developed a good relationship with the shelter people - I'm convinced that's the main reason we got Shadow back, because we just haunted them and they knew us and who we were looking for every time they saw us. If I were you, even if you aren't ready, you might want to check out what SAR teams are in your area in case that issue comes up at some point.

Like Kim, I do feel optimistic about your Sockers. A new place to explore, to check out the new critters in the area and what if any might be edible, and the homing instinct of cats can be amazing at times. I'll keep you both in my prayers, and we'll help you find a way through this, no matter the outcome. That's what we do, and we care - Barb

Then one day her world changed. She got put in The Carrier. The Carrier got put in that funny metal machine that vibrates and makes noise and sways and flashes streaming images of things sweeping past the windows. Then she got taken out of the swaying Car Machine and brought into a house. "Nice house," she mused, "I wonder whose it is?"


That's funny, Kim!

Jacki,

When you say you moved 18 miles, is that mileage in a car? If you look at mapquest, you might see it is less, as cats don't travel on the car route but take a more direct path, if this is what she has done.

I am so glad she is microchipped. That is a big help if she ends up at a shelter or vets.

Jacki, I agree that Sockers could very well be out there for several reasons, and she is doing fine. She is an animal with instincts, and as you described her, she is able to survive outdoors with no problem. You said yourself she catches mice easily, so she is not going hungry. She is not cold.

I understand this is out of character to be gone so many days, but this happens and there are many scenarios where the cat is ok. The cat's need and inclination to be outdoors is very strong, if not they would stay inside all the time.

You believe in God, then you know that Sockers is where she should be right now. I understand the frustration of not knowing, but I am hopeful that you and Sockers will be together soon.....

Well, day nine is almost gone and still no Sockers. It's strange now, I still expect to see her but at the same time I don't. She used to be so visible out in the yard and in the pasture behind us, patiently waiting for a mole or a mouse, or whatever those small rodents were that she'd plop on the living room floor. I know there's a chance she will still come home but I worry about her being able to hold her own out there. She is a small cat, last time we weighed her about 8 1/2 pounds. There are much bigger scarier things all around and I don't know how she would do in a fight, even with another stray cat. She's been pampered for a long time so her survival does weigh heavy on my mind. I do know she wouldn't go hungry, if she's not too scared to hunt.

I checked with the shelter in the city where we used to live (18 highway miles, so less as the cat travels I guess) today after work, and that was another heartbreaker to pile on. Three big rooms with wall to wall cages of poor, sad kitties who don't have any one to call their Mom. It made me want to turn and run for the door. But I had to check, and there was one there who had Sockers' markings, almost identical, and I called to her and she even meowed like Socks, but it turns out it was a male, and when he finally rose up, I could tell for certain - not Socks.

After that I walked another neighborhood with more flyers. It is a beautiful day here today and there were lots of people out in their yards so I talked to as many of them as I could along with a couple of groups of grade school kids out playing ball. I then found a few more businesses that were kind enough to put my flyer in their windows.

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but a couple down the street lost their (indoor) cat about a week after they moved in, and another lady who had two (outside access) cats lost both of hers. Out of the three, the first one has not come back home and they moved here in July. Of the second two, one (Henry) was found at her old house across town, but she has not seen the other one since, and this was sometime in early summer. Very discouraging to hear all this. For three cats to go missing on the same street just seems very strange, and downright scary. Then again, I don't know how much effort they put into finding their pets. The lady said she called the shelter but I think that was about it.

When my husband got home we passed out the rest of the flyers. One good thing that happened - there was a group of ladies standing on the sidewalk and we stopped to hand them a flyer and tell them about Socks. She said, "Oh yeah, I've seen these signs all over town. You have a big one at the entrance to the subdivision and another one down around the corner." So people ARE seeing them, and that made me feel confident that if Socks is hanging out in any one of the nearby neighborhoods and not off into the wild, we'll know about it.

Now Im going to try to unwind. I think I've done all I can for another day and it would be nice to get some sound sleep tonight, at least until 4:00. Oh, there was one thing I was going to ask about - the traps. Is it likely that if Socks was back home that we would need to trap her to stay here? It does seem like if she was able, she'd waltz right through the cat door like she always has, (please God) but at this point, I'm not sure of anything anymore.

You all are keeping me going, please know how much I appreciate each of you and your compassion. To know there are such caring, good people out there who want to help is a blessing in itself.

Jacki

Actually, all that sounds quite encouraging - people are involved and informed, she's got survival skills, you're out actively searching. Regarding the trap, personally, I'd still use it in the garage. Along with all the paraphernalia that piles up in garages, she may not even realize it's a device used to get her to come home and stay home. Other folks might feel differently, for me, I don't leave anything like that to chance.

Cats are funny critters. I really don't think they have a well-integrated sense of time other than the clock in their bellies that says "I'm hungry - what are you going to do about it?" Time seems to be sort of topsy-turvy to them. My point is that Socks may have no clue how long she's been at this freedom stuff. If she's still close by, she may well have no idea how long it's been.

We're still with you, you both are still in my prayers and I think there's a good chance still that Socks will be able to come back. Let us know, and take care - Barb

Hi Jacki.

My vote is no on the cage. If Sockers comes back on her own, she will show up at your doorstep or crawl into the garage. The story with Eagle (dog lost in the woods) was a different scenario.

I know how you feel about the shelters. I thought I saw Bennett in a cage and could not tell if it was him or not (it wasn't). I also wanted to make sure they were still on the lookout for him (they were). Bennett was not microchipped then. He is now. Sockers is, so that is a big plus. If animal control found her, they would have contacted you also. (I'm assuming animal control checks for microchips?)

Cats can survive a long time out there, and they hide very well. Someone here 'lost' their cat for several weeks and it was across the street in the woods the whole time. Did sockers get into fights with other cats?

You are doing all you can. Have you posted an ad on Craigslist?

We are all so hopeful.....

Another beautiful day here, but they say it won't last much longer. Starting tomorrow it's supposed to get colder and possibly rain. I tell myself that if Socks is out there somewhere, maybe it will trigger a desire to come home. Although three straight days of hard, cold rain seemed to drive her away. It's just crazy all the thoughts that go through my brain during the day. I've gotten better at filtering out the negative, horific thoughts and concentrating on the positive energy you guys are sending my way.

Paris, yes I have put an ad on Craigslist, just awhile ago. I had forgotten about that so I'm glad you reminded me, thank you. And the animal control office said they do a scan on any new strays brought in, but I'll probably check in with them again tomorrow anyway. Oh, and as far as I know, she's never gotten into a fight. I've seen her stare down a few cats and hold her ground, but never to the point of attacking or being attacked.

I let my 12 year old cat Boo out for a few minutes this afternoon, and Socks' sister Sassy too, although I didn't let them out of my sight! Boo literally never strays from the patio except to eat a little grass now and then, so she's no worry. Sassy was so excited to run up to the wooden fence between our yard and the horse farm behind us, and I let her scratch to her heart's content. She checked out the perimeter, also ate some grass, and then bolted back to me and the back door after about 15 minutes. I won't be letting them out after dark anymore, I just can't take the chance. I thought maybe their fresh scent out there may help too - I don't know.

Barb, it makes sense about the kitty time warp. It very well could be she just isn't aware of how much time has passed and how worried I am. Since this is a first for us both, I'll just have to try to be patient a while longer.

Have a great evening and take care,

Jacki

I just realized I had never included a picture of my Socks, so here's one.

Nah, what would be the point? Trying to keep a cat where it doesn't want to be is like trying to clench sand in a fist. Doesn't work.

But instead, Sockers will wander up to the back door one day, and look at you funny through the window. You'll spot her, and even though you don't believe it's actually her, you'll open the door. Not wanting to spook her, you'll head back into the house, shaking, to wash the dishes. "Hi honey, glad you're home, baby." Then she'll walk in the door, sniff the food bowl, and settle down to eat a snack. You'll sidle over to the door, heart pounding wildly, and *voila,* Sockers is home. She'll want to stay.

Paris went through this with Bennett, and decided to let him continue to have outdoor privileges. You might ask her how she found the courage and peace to do that.

Keep us posted. It's early yet. ~Kimberly

Jacki,

I just read your story about Socks. I am so sorry that Socks went missing. I do know how you feel. The not knowing is the worse.

My dog Chloe went missing 2 weeks ago. I've been a total wreck since. I really don't believe anyone understands what you are feeling until they have gone through it themselves. I've lost pets to illness, but have never had a pet go missing before. This is worse. When you describe your feelings, it's like you are describing how I feel. I wish I had some magic words to help you.

I do know that cats are very independant and self-reliant. Many many years ago, one of my cats was gone for about 4 months. Then one day I heard a meow at the garage door, I opened it up, and my cat just walked into the house like nothing had happened! Cats can survive a long time on their own, and the way you describe Socks, I believe that Socks is just fine.

I will pray for the safe return of Socks while I continue to pray for the safe return of my Chloe.

-Chloe's Mom

My prayers will remain with you and Sockers, Jacki. The picture of Socks is a mirror image of my cat Bear, who was feral when I caught him in a cage and had him fixed and neutered.

I think I'll be taking a break from the board for awhile. There are a number of reasons, but it sort of bothers me that when I'm brainstorming to try to bring your Socks home, some of the ideas that have worked for me are kind of brushed aside. Maybe I'm too sensitive, but the focus should be on the cat who's lost here, and I don't think many ideas are too far out to be considered.

I'm thrilled that Chloe is home, and I feel terrible that Socks hasn't returned yet, but she may very well. Again, my prayers will be with you both. Take care - Barb

She's gorgeous! Really, really cute!!

Hi Barb.

I apologize if my response was too blunt when I said "I vote no". It was nothing against you, it was just my opinion (for what it's worth.) It just sounded to me, from the description of Sockers, that she would go back to the garage and stay there when she felt like returning. You are right though, it could be helpful to put the cage somewhere nearby, in case Sockers is lurking around and not returning on her own for some reason. The price of a cage is not that much, and it would be covering all bases.

I hope you are not offended and come back to the board soon, as your insights and comments are so beneficial. We all have slightly different experiences and interpretations of what is going on. The focus is on the cat and the cat's mother, and we are all so intent on finding Sockers.....

Paris.

Hi all. Another sad day today. For some reason I've felt very hopeless since this morning's 4 a.m. calling, and I'm really tired of being sad all the time. I want my normal life back!!

Barb, if you need to take a break I can certainly understand that, but I hope it's not because you think your suggestions are being ignored. I am certainly considering all your ideas, and have very much appreciated all your advice. After all, you have lived through what I am dealing with right now. Who better than you to be here and walk people like me through this pain, and offer practical solutions that are proven to work? Your ideas are as valuable as anyones. Right now I think I'm just emotionally drained, and it's putting a strain on my work and my home life. But again, please don't think you aren't appreciated because I certainly thank you for caring.

Kimberly, in one moment, I like to think that Sockers will just walk up to the door some day soon and want to be let in, and in another my brain tells me it's not gonna happen. If you all knew how timid she was of things unknown before she left, (or was chased away) and how much she loved to eat, and sleep in her bed, it still just does not seem possible for her to be gone this long without something catastrophic happening. But then there's no sign of that either. So it continues...

Chloe's mom, I am SO happy for you! You have your precious family member home with you again, and can once more enjoy the peace of a normal existance. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers for me and Sockers, they are much appreciated.

I have not given up, but I am discouraged. I don't know what else to do besides try to not think about her so much. Now I'm off to church. Maybe I can find some peace there.

Thanks again to everyone for caring,

Jacki

Hi Jacki.

I understand exactly how you feel. When Bennett was gone for so long, it was not normal, even for him. The worst part was the not knowing. If a pet dies, it is horrible, but you have definite answers, you grieve, you go on. A missing pet you are never sure, and this is so hard on the brain and emotions. When do you give up? Part of you says one thing, another part says something different. You hope at the same time you dispair.

Get assurance that Sockers is microchipped, and you have put out flyers and ads, so if someone does find Sockers they can contact you. Since Sockers is shy, she may not be making herself known to anyone. Eagle, the little dog, survived in the woods for months....and Sockers is a better hunter than Eagle! So it is likely that, say if Sockers got chased out of the territory, she is doing fine out in the wild, and nobody sees her! Cats hide really well and come out in night.

Have you spoken to your neighboring farm owners?

Paris.

I just want to add my profound sympathy and concern for the return of your loved one.
You both are in my thoughts and prayers.
Dayna

Jacki,

How are you doing?

Hi Paris, thanks for asking.

I'm doing well. Still not one lead on Socks, not a phone call or even a "probable" sighting. It will be three weeks tomorrow.

I haven't been on here for awhile because I needed to try to focus elsewhere and get my head straightened out. Losing Socks really threw me into a state of depression like I never expected or experienced before, and it got to the point where I wasn't able to function normally. I had to do something about that so I went to my doctor who offered much empathy, and medication. At that point I agreed and took the first one that evening. Understand, I am hypersensitive to any kind of meds and have had reactions before. Well this time was no different, and after a jittery, sleepless, awful night I decided then I would have to get better on my own.

The mind is such a powerful force. After making sure that I had done everything I possibly could do in order to help Sockers come home, I made peace with it. I also started eating better, and got back to exercising daily. I now have the outlook that Socks is either on a fantastic adventure and is having too much fun to come home yet, or she has found another home and may come back eventually, or ultimately that I may never know in this life what happened to her. I was able to do this by knowing in my heart that I have done all I can, for now, and lots of prayers.

I also believe nothing happens by accident, and this experience is meant to teach me something. I will never give up hope that Socks might come back, and I will continue to run the adds and keep the posters up for the near future, but my life has to go on. I am very blessed by SO many things, and I now focus on that and try to take care of myself.

All of you people here have been amazingly supportive, compassionate and helpful, especially during those first few horrible days when the pain of loss was almost unbearable. I thank you all so much - I don't know what I would have done otherwise.

I will certainly let you all know if Sockers ever does return. Wow, wouldn't THAT be a joyous day?! Thanks again for all your prayers and encouragement, and maybe if someone new happens along here, I'll be able to do the same for them as you all have done for me.

Peace to you all,
Jacki

Jacki,

I know this is horrible but I agree you have done everything possible. It still is likely that Sockers is living somewhere and has not resurfaced. A cat can survive for years, and Sockers is one of those cats. She is microchipped, which is very good. Keep the lost/found ads active. I hope, and pray, that fate will bring you two together again. Not getting a phone call about Sockers doesn't mean anything either way.

Please keep us posted and I wait for the day to read some good news.

Take care of yourself, good person.

Paris.

It will be four weeks tonight since Sockers disappeared. I remember the last time I saw her and didn't make her come inside for the night. I wish so much that I had! I'm still hoping that she will someday come home, but less as the days pass. I re-made my posters this weekend, even bigger than before, because I just can't give up yet. I don't think about her as much as when she first went missing, and I feel bad about that. At times though, it still hits me like a ton of bricks that she's gone. I had a dream the other night that she came home, and then I woke up to the same old sinking feeling.

I've learned to deal with the grief, but I still just miss her so much. I look forward to the day when I can think about her and not cry or feel sad, but remember the joy she brought to my life, and all the fun and love she gave me. She was a gift that came to me at exactly the right moment, and I wasn't ready to give her up!

Please continue to keep me and Socks in your thoughts and prayers.

Thanks,
Jacki

Jacki

My Zita went missing the same time as your Sockers so I know how you feel. However, I live in an isolated area with not so many neighbours (who all know she was missing), and I now know that cougars are an extreme risk at night here. I also know that in this case no remains are ever found. So I have accepted the most obvious truth for my dear sweet Zita. I know she would have been home long ago if she physically could.

However, I heard stories from so many people about cats showing up after 2 weeks, after one month, 7 months, and in one case 10 years later! So I truly hope your Sockers is found and returns to you one day soon.

Most of these cats seemed to be living only blocks away. I don't know where you live and what the likely risks are for Sockers, but there still could be hope. However you can't live in constant stress and pain of thinking about where she is. I grieved for Zita during the first week, then went back to disbelief, then back to grieving. I am still grieving and I don't think I will ever be resolved at her loss. She was only 3 years old.

I send my Zita love every time I think of her. That's all I can do now. I even have thoughts that she be reincarnated and come back to me in this lifetime. Maybe crazy thoughts, but I wasn't ready to let go of her, not anywhere near ready.

take care of yourself and I send Sockers my love and best wishes.

Jan.

Read "4 weeks today" by Eagle's Mom..in this Section. Miracles do happen!

I do hope you and your baby reunite soon. A missing pet is so heartbreaking, words are hard to come by. take care and don't give up.

Today is day 40 without my Sockers - 6 weeks this coming Monday. It's gotten cold here for KY, lows in the 20s, highs in the 30s. I still wonder if she's hungry and cold, trying to survive and come home. Life keeps going, but I still miss her so badly sometimes it physically hurts. I was going through some pictures last night and found some more of her a few winters ago, Sockers and her sister playing under the Christmas tree. I just burst into tears. That's how it is now - although I still think about her a hundred times a day, sometimes her absence hits me like a punch in the stomach at the most unexpected times.

We had a nice lady call this past week saying she had seen a cat matching our poster pictures hanging out in her neighborhood the last week or two. Just as I was getting home from work she called again and said "she's here now, come quick." So I did, and although she looked really close to Sockers, it definitely wasn't her. In fact we haven't had any positive sightings at all. For some reason though, that episode renewed our efforts and rekindled hope that she might still be around.

My posters are still up, we passed out another 100 or so flyers that same day, and last night we put a trap out in the yard for the first time. Haven't set it yet, but will soon. I only see two cats around our house these days and I know they've been eating the food left out. I really never thought I'd need to trap Sockers if she came this close to home, but i don't want to let a chance of getting her back pass us by either. After this long being gone, I don't know what to think anymore.

When do you you finally say "enough"? I know there's no definite answer to that question as there are no answers to many of my questions concerning the disappearance of Socks. Hope in this case is a strange thing. It's hard to live with it, and without it.

Thanks,
Jacki

Hi Jacki

I know exactly how you feel. My Zita vanished the same time as your Sockers. I talked to various psychics, mediums and animal communicators and got all different conclusions. I even paid $300 to talk to Sonya Fitzpatrick, the pet psychic. None of it really gave me the concrete evidence I needed. Common sense in my case says that a cougar got Zita - she was a homebody and the lack of a body suggests she was taken. My gut really feels she is in spirit, but at times I have had a phonecall about a cat looking like her, and like you, got my hopes back up again. What I really wanted from an animal communicator was evidence (without knowledge of our situation or where we live) that convinced me of what happened.

A couple of days ago an animal communicator I spoke to gave me a description of a "dog" that she felt took Zita. The "dog" had short ears, a broad face, yellow eyes, a short coat and a dusky even coloured coat. To me that really sounded like a cougar. When I asked her, she said she had an image of the pit bull that lived next door to her and it was about as cougar-like as you could get in a dog. To me that was confirmation that what I think happened did. She also said some things that jived with words / images I have received myself when I have tried to connect with Zita (psychically).

I miss Zita so much that, like you, it hits me like a punch in the stomach sometimes. But I am accepting now that I have to live life without her, much as I would not choose to if I had the choice. I don't know when I will see her again, but the connection through love never dies. I try to use the memory of her sweet loving Buddha energy to motivate me to do greater things.

take care

Jan.

Hi Jacki.

Your question is the one I had when Bennett was missing. When do you say to yourself, to let go. this to me was the hardest part. I envied in a strange way the people on the death/dying forum. At least they had some peace of mind and could start the grieving process.

I used to play games in my head, tried to convince myself one minute "he's alive, he'll be back" and the next "he's dead, he died like this or that and it's over."

There are so many possibilities. It's hard to give up. I think it's smart to keep looking and posting lost/found, but maybe to not dwell on it. Just have peace of mind that the feelers are still out there, because cats do show up and people need to know they are missing. I still think he might have gone back to the old neighborhood.....maybe.

I wish I had the magic crystal that could tell you where Sockers is.