Dear Donna,
I too understand how you feel. As toonie said, we learn alot from the grieving process. I come here when I'm worried about my Nori, or sad and missing my other guys. It is definitely better than the therapists couch for me.
Even though my girl is still here with me, I know she won't be here forver. At fifteen, she has in the last six months or so, begun to show signs that she is failing much as Milo did a year and a half ago.
What I have learned in this "pre grieving state" is a gift from this sweet, sweet dog who has lived by my side for over thirteen years. And it has come to me from reading how others cope and grieve and mourn. I've learned to view the world with a quiet grace, to listen intently when someone that I love is talking and to view the rest of it with optimism and enthusiasm just as she does.
I've a feeling (and a hope) that these thoughts will comfort me when the time comes. I feel her beginning to leave me, and it breaks my heart but I can't keep her with me forever no matter how much I wish to and I cannot let her suffer so that I have her physical presence past the time that is good for her.
Like you, the rational side of my brain tells me that death is part of life and that which we can't control or fully understand can throw us for a loop. But our mourning and grieving is as individual as we are. There is no right or wrong way to do it. You're doing just fine considering.
Sharon