I can really relate to this Kathryn. Kasha was my little cuddler at night and always slept either at my feet or on top of me and would "log roll" with me when I rolled over in the middle of the night. LeStat always slept at the opposite end of the bed from Kash, giving her the choice of sleeping arrangements from night to night (she ranked above him in their hieracrhy). Riley, as a new family member, didn't get get to choose her spot on the bed...she just took whatever was left over.
Since Kasha died LeStat has claimed his place at the top of the cat-pack and he now chooses his spot which is usually right on top of my husbands chest. Riley has taken to sleeping on top of me for a little while each night and at my feet after that...Kasha's spots. At first it was hard because I would wake in the night and feel the familiar soft fur tickling my feet and would think it was Kash for a second. Then I would remember that she was gone and my heart would break all over again.
I tried to keep the cats off the bed for a few days but it felt cruel...they just wanted to sleep with their mommy and I was messing up their routine, not to mention that LeStat didn't get to express much dominance over Riley aside from the assignment of bed space because for the first months following Kash's death he never left that bedroom.
For a while I felt like I sould be honouring Kasha by keeping everything the same but in the end I decided that I was only doing us all a disservice. Riley and LeStat need my love as much now as they ever did and they needed to re-establish the hierarchy. Akasha died second in command (after me...I swear she thought she outranked my husband
) and I think she would want things to go on, as they should, without her. She was always respected and honoured around here by her human and cat family members...she lived a good life. I came to realize that she only picked her spot on the bed first because she could and she had earned the right to do so in the other cats eyes. She doesn't care if Riley curls up by my feet every night..she knows, and will always know that she deserved the best in our family...and she got it.
Amber won't mind if you share your room with Ceece. It wasn't the place that she spent her time that made her life great...it was who she spent her life with that made her life extraordinary. She could have lived in the bathroom and would have been just as happy as long as her Kathryn came in to say hello often during the day. It's not the room that she loved....it's YOU.
That being said, I know how hard it will be for
you to sleep in there. Maybe Ceece will make it a little easier for you to adapt to not having Ambie there. Only do what you feel you can Kathryn...don't push yourself too hard. (Just so you know, when Kash died I slept on the pull-out couch for six weeks and had to rearrange and redecorate my bedroom before I could sleep in there again).
Sorry to ramble on....
Kristie