kittycat Options

[BubsDad]

Sorry if this post is a bit long:

My dear little cat was put to sleep on Friday morning. She was about 11 and she had been with me for 4 1/2 years.
She had been bitten by a stray cat on the Friday night two weeks prior. I didn't notice anything was wrong until the Sunday morning when she hadn't moved from the couch during the night. During Sunday she was not moving much so decided to monitor her. Because she had been a bit down the week before which turned out to be a furball I though it was the same thing.
She perked up a bit on Sunday night and Monday morning ate some chicken and had a big wee so I thought she would be ok.
After getting home from work on Monday night she was lying on the floor instead of her various beds around the house and wasn't eating. The next day she still wasn't eating so I took her to the vets first thing. It never occured to me that she was sick from the cat fight.

When she was at the vet she had a temperature over 40 degrees C and was quite dehydrated. That night they told me she still had a high temperature and wasn't responding to antibiotics, but luckily the next morning it seemed to be under control. They also found a number of puncture wounds on her side and under her tummy which were a result of being bitten. She still wasn't eating so we decided to bring her home and see if being home would make her more comfortable.

The next morning she had only been having a mouthful at a time, and would go down to the food but then not take any. So back to the vet where over the next four days they took xrays and bloods, and we decided to get her teeth cleaned in case a sore tooth was causing the problem, and they would also be able to check her throat.
The xray was fairly inconclusive regarding why she wouldn't eat and her bloods weren't too bad.

She then came home Saturday morning after 4 1/2 days with the vet. Over the next few days we decided to monitor her progress, but she was still only eating very small amounts of food, but drinking quite a bit. She still had a spark and was acting normally except for lying on the floor instead of her beds most of the time.

On Wednesday morning I was on the couch with her but she would get up every few minutes and cry and then try to sleep again. I thought surely she must be blocked somewhere, because she hadn't done a poo for at least a week. So back to the vets.

During this time I had been given the option of taking her to another clinic for ultrasound but I just couldn't put her through the hour long drive each way.

On Thursday we decided to run another xray and bloods. Her red cell count was low, there was blood in her wee and high amounts of protein, the xray showed something pushing against her trachea and she still hadn't pooed. There was also the possibility of swollen lymph nodes affecting her stomach, but with an ultrasound or stomach surgery it was hard to tell. I couldn't bear putting her through any more tests or injections, she was already scared of everyone except me. So we decied the next morning we would put her to sleep.

I thought there was a still a slight chance she would make it, but seeing her on Friday morning I knew that she had had enough. I thought I would be strong but as soon as I saw her sitting on the table I broke up, knowing that this was it. Holding her head in my hand as she stretched out and slipped away was so hard. It was important for me to be with her at the end and I buried her at home.

3 mornings later and I am so empty, feeling guilty. I guess it's easy afterwards to think what could have been done differently but everything was done at the time in her best interest. There is still food in her bowl and I can't bear putting anything away. I got out and sit by her grave as much as possible but there is this hollow feeling that just won't go away. I miss you so much darling and I'm so sorry I failed to help you.

her name was pus*ycat but this forum won't let me type that word in.

much love from your dad.

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[moon_beam]

Hi, BubsDad, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved kittycat. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions on this side of eternity - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

BubsDad, it is very obvious from what you have shared with us that you gave your beloved kittycat every possible opportunity for medical treatment to try to give her a good quality of life. Unfortunately our companions physical bodies are identical to ours - - they are not designed for immortality on this side of eternity. One of the greatest testimonies of our love for them is to give them as peaceful a journey home to the angels when it is obvious beyond all shadow of a doubt that their physical bodies are in irreversible pain and suffering. I hope in time you will be able to find a peace in your heart that your beloved kittycat is eternally grateful to you for honoring her by releasing her from her frail failing physical body.

BubsDad, there is no possible way that we can adequately prepare ourselves for the ultimate sacrifice we must make in releasing our beloved companions from their earthly journey with us. So please know that your beloved kittycat knows how much you love her, and wants you to know that her love for you is forever.

During the deep grief it is perfectly normal to feel a wide range of emotions including guilt and a bottomless pit of hollowness. I hope in time you will come to understand that you truly did everything humanly and humanely possible for your beloved kittycat, and that the normal guilt of grief will be replaced with peace in your heart. As for the deep hollow emptiness you are feeling, hopefully in time this too will ease so that you will be able to feel your beloved kittycat's sweet Living Spirit continuing to share your earthly journey just as she always has and always will. Your beloved kittycat is forever a part of you, BubsDad. She is forever in your heart and your memories - - she is forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know these are words - - and that there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss you are feeling in your heart right now. But I hope somehow you find encouragement, comfort, and hope as you read them, and that you will know you are not alone in your grief journey. You are among friends here who truly do understand what you are feeling, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing and your beloved kittycat with us, BubsDad. She is a beautiful little girl. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, BubsDad, and that I look forward to knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[leejaye]

Dear Bub's Dad, Just to say I am so sorry for the loss of your girl, I can't give you better words than the ones moon_beam has shared with you, but please know you are not alone on this hard journey, sending you hugs today and a wish for a moment of peace, Leejaye PS p-u-s-s-ycat is a beautiful girl

[BubsDad]

Thankyou all so much for your kind words. I live by myself and she has been my only companion for the last 4 1/2 years, so being able to talk to other people who understand is very comforting. I have also tried writing down everything I can remember about her and this helps too.

Its strange that its only been four mornings since she passed but it feels like forever.

I ended up leaving work early today after breaking down and not being able to function.
I decided I wanted to talk to the vet and try to understand what happened because at the time there are so many things that gets said and I wanted to clear them in my mind. Luckily she saw me only an hour after I called.
Being able to talk it through and be reassured that we did the right thing was so helpful. Even though they still didn't know what was wrong with her it was good to be able to talk through the different problems they found and discuss the options we took. It looks like it may have been that the initial infection dropped her immune system so low that there was stomach and gut problems she couldn't fight even though they gave her so many pills and injections. The vet also noticed what felt like swollen lymphnodes indicating she probably had stomach cancer, and maybe the swelling was causing a blockage. The cancer would have been untreatable so knowing she avoided this fate was comforting, and possibly she had been fighting it already for some time without me knowing it.
I feel much better now, but I know that there will still be a long period of grieving and still guilt.
There was also a card in the mail when I got home that the vet had sent the day P*ssycat died. How these people are able to go through this every day is amazing and I can't thank them enough for there time spent looking after her over the last few years.
I've also decided that when I am ready that I will donate to them all the cat food I have left which is quite a bit.

I guess I also fear not being sad for her, like I am not doing her memory justice if I can't have a good cry. I also fear forgetting what she looked liked and things she did.

There is a line from a song called Wait for Sleep which although is incredibly sad it also comforts me:
"Now and forever curled in my heart and the heart of the world".

thankyou all, i hope in time i can give comfort to others the way you have done for me.

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[corinnajane]

Dear Bubsdad,

I am so sorry to hear about your kittycat and the sad nature of her death.

It sounds like a very upsetting and overwhelming experience.

You clearly knew her very well indeed, and I think that you were being very selfless and caring that you had her put to sleep the minute you knew that she had had enough. I am sure that she would have utterly appreciated your presence, and the fact that you cradled her head for her, giving her comfort, in those final moments.

In her photos, she looks to be a very patient, quiet, almost stoic girl. Would that be an accurate summation of her personality? She is very beautiful and tabbies are so caring. I am so sorry that you feel so lost and sad. It is natural that you would miss such a gorgeous and affectionate companion.

When my boy cat died, I also felt frightened that I would forget all the little details of his personality and his presence. I felt that this would somehow diminish the bond we shared. Perhaps you could take some practical steps now, to help you remember? For example, collecting all of your photographs together in one spot, writing a detailed description of your little one, that sort of thing? Do you think that would help?

Thinking of you and offering my support.

CJ

[BubsDad]

Thank you CJ, it's so nice being able to share experiences with people who go throught the same thing.
Yes she was tough little girl but also patient and quiet. 5 days on and i think its getting harder.
Having her here even though we would be in separate rooms or I would be at work never made the house feel lonely, just having her here to say hello to and sit with for a few hours each day mad such an impact on my wellbeing.

I keep looking back on the night of the attack because I know it was my fault. I had given the stray cat something to eat that afternoon because he looked so poorly, if I hadn't done that then he wouldn't have been hanging around when I put her out for a few hours later that evening.

I have printed off all the photos I have of her and going through writing the details on the backs of each one helps to clear my mind and focus my attention away from the sadness. I am also writing to her everyday and sit by her grave to keep her company as much as possible.
It's hard knowing that no matter we say or do, or how much money we can spend or the number of tears we cry that the one thing we want the most is the one thing we can't have.

I love you darling and I'm so sorry.

BubsDad

[corinnajane]

Hello again, Bubsdad,

I am so sorry to hear that things are getting harder for you at the moment.

I believe that our animal friends really do take care of us, sometimes in very subtle ways. Your darling kittycat no doubt took care of you, by providing companionship and love when you were home together. In return, you did the same for her, when she was ill, and especially in her last moments, which is a magnificent kindness that she would have cherished.

I was able to cuddle my darling Leonine when he was put to sleep, and he utterly appreciated it. Nothing could be done as his body was ruined by some incredibly insensitive and stupid person. Leo knew what was happening. I have no doubt about it. He purred and kneaded his paws to let me know how he felt and to comfort me in my distress.

I do not believe that it was your fault that she fell ill. You were not to know that the stray cat would bite her, and that this would lead to other issues. In many cases, stray cats move in to a new area, and establish themselves as friendly pets or local free-ranging animals. You were being kind to the stray cat by providing a much-needed meal. On the other hand, it does sound like a dispute over territory may have occurred. This is completely normal and natural cat behaviour. Whilst we wish to protect our little ones from harm, we cannot protect them from everything, no matter how hard we try. And we cannot stop them from behaving in a normal feline fashion.

It is such a shame that some of the test results were inconclusive and that you were not given a clearer picture of the true situation sooner.

It is indeed very sad that this unfortunate situation has taken your darling away from you, but nothing will ever diminish the love she felt for you, and the bond she shared. I know in my heart that kittycat would never have blamed you for what happened. On the contrary, she would have adored you for the love and care you always provided, the home you created for her, and the life you shared.

CJ