More Guilt About Pepper Options

[Trulie]

When I first told my story about Pepper I was so overwelmed with guilt over things that happened that day that I didn't mention that in the end the vet asked for permission to euthanise her. I have been thinking alot about it now and I think I tried to block it because this is the worst guilt of all. I will start at the end of my story (whole story in my posts). After Pepper lied down on the floor of the vet and had heart failure, her tongue was blue and she was not responding to us, the vet swept her up and took her to the back to give her oxygen. I wasn't in the back. They called my brother and I in shortly later and said they couldn't save her. When we went to the back she was lying on the table not moving and barely breathing and the vet and the assistants asked us for permission to euthanise her. They seemed desperate to get our permission for this. I kept saying are you sure there is nothing that can be done. My brother finally said yes to proceed. I asked him again are you sure, the vet said she was now suffering. She had just been diagnosed with a heart hemicarsicoma and it was 7 cm large the ultrasound specialist had said in his report to consider humane options, but I only saw the report after not before all this. The thing that bothers me is she kind of jerked a couple of times and I don't know if it was before or after they gave the needle as I was so distraught, but now I keep thinking maybe she was only comotose and she would've come out of it. I almost felt like the vet was pressuring us to agree to euthanise her, maybe because he had seen the ultrasound report already. Maybe she could've survived this and been around for a few more weeks. My Mom says the vet does not want to euthanise dogs and would only have said this if there really was no hope. Still I am starting to feel guilt over this now on top of all the other guilt I was feeling. I just keep thinking that she moved, and I keep thinking maybe she was coming out of the coma like state and now I put her to sleep. I know her time was limited, but any extra time would've been special to me as she died so unexpectedly that day.

[MickeyandAngel]

A vet will want to treat the dog as long as possible. They see pets at the end of their life EVERYDAY. They know what to look for and they only want what is best for you and your pet. My vet knows that she is not only caring for my dogs, she is caring for me right now. I hope you will see clearly that this was gods way of taking your pet back and that your decision to put to sleep saved your precious one pain and suffering. There is so little I can say that has not already been said but I am sorry.....

[myhrtisbrkn]

Trulie,


What you are experiencing is normal. in your sorrow and devastation you are trying to make sense out of this terrible, random, irrational thing that has happened to your sweet baby girl. The tragedy of it all, is that there is no reason for it. Pepper was killed by HSA, not by anything you did wrong, or anything you failed to do.

Most likely, from what I have read about hemangiosarcoma in the two+ years since it took Mack from us, when Pepper collapsed it is because the tumor in her heart had ruptured. She was bleeding out, into her heart and around her heart. That must have been terribly painful. It certainly was a deadly injury to her heart that she could not have survived.

Your Mother is right, the vet didn't want to euthanize your baby. That was simply the last and only thing he could do to help her.

Once again, I'm so sorry about your baby. I know how much you hurt!

Love and prayers,
Dayna

[AngelCareOne]

PLEASE PARDON ALL CAP LETTERS. I'M TYPING WITH ONE HAND AND IS EASIER FOR ME. THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING ...

DEAREST TRULIE, I AM SO TERRIBLY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. PLEASE ACCEPT MY DEEPEST CONDOLENCES. HOW GAWD AWFUL TO TAKE YOUR PRECIOUS FUR KID PEPPER TO THE VET TO BE TREATED FOR WHAT YOU INITIALLY FELT MAY BE A COLD ALONG WITH POSSIBLY BEING BUMPED BY YOUR BROTHER'S JACK RUSSELL. YOU SURE WERE NOT PREPARED AND HAD NO IDEA THAT PEPPER WAS SUFFERING FROM A FATAL HEMANGIOSARCOMA.

I WENT BACK AND READ AGAIN YOUR FIRST POST. CLICK HERE FOR DIRECT LINK TO YOUR INITIAL POST: I Feel Like I Should've Done Something More For My Pepper OH, HOW YOUR HEART IS BREAKING AND YOU'RE FEELING SO MUCH GUILT. I'M HOPING AND PRAYING THAT THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION WILL GIVE YOU SOME ANSWERS THAT YOU SORELY NEED IN ORDER TO SEEK SOME FORM OF CLOSURE SO YOU CAN BEGIN TO FIND A HEALING PATH. HUGS!!!

THE FOLLOWING ARE COPY AND PASTE SNIPPETS FROM THIS WEBSITE WHICH I WILL MAKE CLICKABLE FOR YOU SO YOU CAN READ IT FULLY IF YOU WISH: Vetinfo.com Dog Hemangiosarcoma

<<SNIPPETS>>

These tumors are most common in middle aged or older dogs which are medium sized or larger but can occur in any breed.

Because these tumors arise in internal organs there is often little warning that they are present prior to time they cause severe clinical signs of disease. A common estimate of the average time from discovery of the tumor until death occurs in affected dogs is six to eight weeks but death occurs more rapidly than this in a number of cases.

In most instances tumors of this size in this location are found on physical exam. In other cases the tumor affects the heart and is hard to find on a physical exam and even easy to miss on X-rays.

Visible bleeding, usually in the form of nosebleeds, and signs associated with blood loss, such as tiring easily, episodes of unexplained weakness, pale color to the mucous membranes of the mouth and eyes, increased respiratory rates, abdominal swelling and depression are the most common presenting signs for patients with hemangiosarcoma. A few dogs just suddenly die with no clinical signs having been noted by their families prior to death.

Finding hemangiosarcoma saves a lot of agonizing over possible causes of the death of a friend. There are no known predisposing factors other than size and breed that I am aware of for hemangiosarcoma.

<<END SNIPPETS>>

SO YOU SEE, THERE WAS NO WAY FOR YOU TO KNOW, TRULIE. IT HAPPENS VERY, VERY FAST. YOU DID DO THE RIGHT THING AND YOUR MOTHER IS CORRECT. MOST VETS CANNOT BEAR TO EUTHANIZE YOUR FUR KID. I KNOW BECAUSE I'VE NOT ONLY HAD TO HAVE ONE BELOVED KITTY AND TWO CHERISHED DOGGIES EUTHANATIZED, BUT I'VE ALSO WORKED SIDE BY SIDE WITH VETS HELPING DOGGIES, KITTIES AND THEIR FUR PARENTS DURING EUTHANIZATION. IT'S GAWD AWFUL HARD TO DO AND I FAKE CALMNESS. MY SUPPORT TO THE FUR KIDS AND FUR MOMS AND DADS IS INDEED MOST GENUINE.

STILL, SO GOSH AWFUL HARD FOR THE VET TO DO IT. THEY STAY CALM, PET YOUR FUR KID OR ASSISTANT PETS AND SOOTHES YOUR FUR KID BEFORE AND DURING THE INJECTION. ONCE EUTHANIZAION IS DECIDED, THE VET AND ASSISTANT DOES IT AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR FUR KID AS WELL AS FOR YOU. IF IT IS NOT AN EMERGENCY, YOU ARE GIVEN ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO YOUR FUR KID FIRST. HOWEVER, IF YOUR FUR KID IS SUFFERING BADLY, YOUR VET AS WELL AS YOU CANNOT BEAR TO MAKE YOUR FUR KID WAIT AND WILL URGE YOU TO PLEASE MAKE A QUICK DECISION AND DO IT RIGHT AWAY BECAUSE THAT IS TRULY THE MOST HUMANE THING TO DO. TO STOP THEIR SUFFERING ASAP IN EMERGENCY SITUATIONS. WHAT YOU AND PEPPER HAD WAS MOST CERTAINLY AN EMERGENCY SITUATION.

SOME FUR KID PARENTS WANT AND FEEL THE NEED TO BE PRESENT TO HUG AND HOLD THEIR FUR KID WHILE BEING PUT TO SLEEP. OTHERS CANNOT BEAR TO BE IN THE ROOM AND IT'S FAR BETTER FOR YOUR DOG IF YOU ARE NOT THERE SHOULD YOU BE IN A VERY EMOTIONAL STATE. YOUR DOG WILL KNOW AND WILL TRY SO HARD TO COMFORT YOU EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE SUFFERING HORRIBLY AND WISH VERY MUCH TO BE RELEASED SO THEY CAN GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS. THERE ARE THOSE CALM FUR KID MOMS AND DADS WHO STAY WITH THEIR DOG OR CAT THEN AFTERWARDS WISH SO BADLY THEY HAD NOT DONE IT BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT THAT TO BE THE LAST MEMORY OF THEIR ANGEL FUR KID. OH, THIS HAPPENS A LOT. I KNOW CUZ I'VE HEARD THOSE PEOPLE EXPRESS THAT REGRET.

IT MAY BE OF COMFORT TO YOU TO KNOW THAT DOGS AND CATS DO NOT HAVE ANY CONCEPT OF DEATH AND THEY DO NOT FEAR DYING.
I GIVE YOU MY WORD THIS IS TRUE.

IF YOU WISH, YOU CAN CLICK HERE TO READ MORE: Dog Euthanasia ALSO AT THIS WEBSITE, YOU CAN ASK QUESTIONS TO A VET ONLINE AND GET IMMEDIATE ANSWERS AND THERE'S A PLACE AT THE BOTTOM TO MAKE COMMENTS IF YOU CHOOSE.

I HOPE AND PRAY I'VE BEEN OF SOME HELP TO YOU, DEAR ONE. PLEASE KNOW THAT BOTH YOU AND YOUR ANGEL FUR KID PEPPER ARE IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS AS I WING MANY LOVING ANGELS TO SOOTHE AND GUIDE YOU THROUGH THIS MOST DIFFICULT TIME IN YOUR LIFE.

I WISH YOU PEACE!



MANY COMFORTING HUGS!!!

ALWAYS,
DOTTIE xoxoxox