Shooting Star Options

[toonie]

Thank you Jan, ever so so much. You have introduced us to the dragon fly, how special yours was, I have never seen a red one , just beautiful black & electric blue ones, how lovely the red one, it was so so special and appeared especially for you. Indeed orange cats are 'redheads' so it all fits so well. Was the message something like: Fear not, you will hit bottom and feel like you are stuck in the muck but know that you will grow and come out of this beautifully."

The fact that we cannot see our friends or communicate with them after the transformation which we call death is no proof that they cease to exist."(jan)

I am glad that you know this.
May I share what I have just learned about dragon flies with those of you who are interested? :
Dragonflies are used by native people in ceremonies because the insect represents agility, quickness and a whirlwind quality that the warriors needed in battle and in life.A Dakota spiritual leader says that the dragonfly is a good omen and a sign of life. They bring visions during ceremonies, he said. They have the power of immortality and regeneration. Dragonflies and Damselflies are ancient. Fossil records say that they were here 300 million years ago.
The dragonfly symbolizes going past self-created illusions that limit our growing and changing. Dragonflies are a symbol of the sense of self that comes with maturity. They are fantastic flyers, darting like light, twisting, turning, changing direction, even going backwards as the need arises. They are inhabitants of two realms - starting with water, and moving to the air with maturity, but staying close to water. Some people who have the dragonfly as their totem have had emotional and passionate early years, but as they get older they achieve balance with mental clarity and control. They gain an expression of the emotional and mental together. To some Native Americans they are the souls of the dead. Faerie stories say that they used to be real dragons. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qi...01074920AA1H86q

Dragonflies are reminders that we are light and can reflect the light in powerful ways if we choose to do so. "Let there be light" is the divine prompting to use the creative imagination as a force within your life. They help you to see through your illusions and allow your own light to shine in a new vision.

Life is never quite the way it appears, but is always filled with light and colorhttp://healing.about.com/cs/innerchild/a/innerchilddoll_2.htm


Dragonflies inhabit two realms – Water and Air. Take time to understand the significance of these two items.
If they are around you might need to look at some fresh Air in regard to something emotional. Change or metamorphosis might be in the making for you. Take a look at possible neglecting yourself and your emotions.

Their realm is the realm of light, and they are only out during the day.

If you are of this totem, spending time outside in the sun near fresh water sources will be beneficial for restoring and changing health conditions for the better.

Dragonflies magic is the power of light and all that has ever been associated with it.

TerryLee WHETSTONehttp://www.terrywhetstone.com/art/Dragonfly_Shaman.htm

Dragonfly-Mother's
a messenger,
if I don't trust her
I can't keep faith.

There is a summer
in the sleep
of broken promises, fertile dreams,
acts of passage, hovering
journeys over the fathomless waters.

(http://laurayoung.typepad.com/dragonslaying/2008/01/turtles-drago-1.html)

[LoveThem]

Hi, Bubba

Just thinking of you and Willy...and our discussions.

Hugs in the New Year...may we find the peace we need.

Judy

[Zita'sMom]

Thank you Jan, ever so so much. You have introduced us to the dragon fly, how special yours was, I have never seen a red one , just beautiful black & electric blue ones, how lovely the red one, it was so so special and appeared especially for you. Indeed orange cats are 'redheads' so it all fits so well. Was the message something like: Fear not, you will hit bottom and feel like you are stuck in the muck but know that you will grow and come out of this beautifully."

Toonie, wow thank-you.

I will save all this information. The dragonfly is a special creature indeed, and was an excellent symbol for Ziggy. Very magical and I love the part where some native americans think they are souls of the dead.... that is amazing. She did give me a sign, a very special one... what a magical little girl, that Ziggy... I miss her so. She will stay in my heart forever and I do hope I'll be one of the lucky people that gets a reincarnated pet. I would love to have her and Zita back. Two lovely orange tabby souls, so so special...

thanks again for these meanings. I had never seen a red one before either, didn't even know there were red ones. So perhaps it really was a sent especially for me...

Jan.

[toonie]

OPPS :lol Sorry to have busted in on your thread Bubba, I too wish you and all of you the best for 2009, I think peace comes with good intentions. Bubba, I think that the dragonfly significance applies to you too, and this is why, through the dragonfly magic all this happened on your doorstep. Hope this intrusian was allright with you. May the dragonfly bring you the light that you seek.

[Bubba]

Toonie-Howdee-----------Ah heck no intrusion here.Interesting info.........
All the best, Bubba....

[Bubba]

Hey Judy--Hope all is well with you...........'Discussions' observed.......
Bubba.................

[AngelCareOne]

Hi, Bubba. How ya doing? I came by to share. Hope you don't mind since you and I appear to think quite a bit alike, share similar feelings as well as ... Let's just say "maladies" to be PC about it ... That's "politically correct" and not "personal computer" but I know I didn't need to tell you that ... Anyway here's what's going on and I'm wondering if you've experienced anything like this since you lost your precious Willy ...

First of all, it's really difficult to type all this cuz there are so many thoughts I want to blurt out all at the same time. So, I'll just begin with about an hour or so ago. I woke up from a nap. It was about 6:47 as I read from the digital clock and dark outside. Couldn't tell if it was morning or evening so I checked the TV and saw it was nighttime and still January 7, 2009.

Suddenly, I felt a sort of panic or shock. Still very functional. I did not hear or see Alex parrot. Ut oh. Ut oh. Tears coming now. I think that's a good thing though. I am feeling something. Whewww. Gonna try to continue and please let me know if you've had any similar feelings since Willy passed ...

It may or may not be different for you since you do have your wonderful wife, work and a life outside your home. Well, after waking, finding out it was night, feeling a "quiet panic" or what might be shock ... Then I felt like I'm feeling right this moment as I type this to you ... That I'm the only person on the planet. Where is my connection to everyone and every place on earth and in the universe that I practically always feel? Not feeling it.

Buddy dog wanted out and of course I let him out. He's back inside right now and I feel terribly guilty because he wanted to play when he came back inside and I just couldn't. I pet, hug, scratch and play with Buddy lots, too. He's on his spot on the sofa right now and appears just fine ... Not depressed as he has been a couple times or so in the past.

So, here's what we have so far: I woke at about 6:45, it was dark, I found it to be night and not morning, did let Buddy out but don't quite recall doing so since I felt that quiet panic, functional shock, did not see or hear Alex. Knew he was gone for real. Took my seizure medication for good measure just in case that was what might be coming on ...

Feeling alert. Far too alert. Coping mechanisms of "escape" not working right now. Okay, I'm gonna try something and think about Alex again to see what happens. Pausing to think about him ... Ut Oh! Oh No! Wait ... Wait ... Big time cry fest coming on. Wait. Can hear my heart beating in my right ear so know that blood pressure is rising. Gotta pause again and breathe ... Pausing ... Wiping away tears. Crying has stopped ...

Bubba, I know you have hypertension and take medication for your blood pressure. I'm wondering if your blood pressure shoots up at some of those times when you think about Willy and start bawling? Does it go so high that you hear your heart beating in one or both ears? Do you get the feeling on occasion either suddenly or gradually that you're completely alone and no one is out there? No connection with the rest of the world, other people, places, anything ... Nothingness ... Any of that? Please feel free not to share and you know I'll understand. You're my bud, ya know.

A really good bawling session might work wonders for me right now but I fear my BP shooting too high and stroking out. Hey, I ain't afraid to die and never have been. Both you and I can't wait for that Bus to come and take us to The Bridge.

Wait. That dang movie Paulie. Even before watching those clips which brought back a lot about Alex to me, I still keep wondering ... Is he really dead? I know he did not fly away as Ida the caregiver told Julia the home association property management lady. In the same breath practically, Ida told me that she gave Alex away and won't tell me where he is. She still sticks to that story with me to this day.

So, you see, I can't die yet. I have unfinished business. Can't allow myself the luxury of a good cathartic cry at this time because I really might stroke out and die. By the way, you do remember I have mini-strokes and have since I was in my 20's and possibly earlier. Their called TIA. Transient Ischemic Attack. Here's a link but you don't need to read it. They really are not serious.

Transient Ischemic Attack (TIA)

I'm just saying it could happen ... Me biting the big one from stroking out before I keep my promise to Alex by seeing that he gets earthly justice before I die. Know what I mean?

Anyway ... So is Alex really dead? Sold? What? Where? Why? Is he calling out to me, "Mama! Mama! Help me!" Yes, he would call out when he needed or felt he needed help.

Bubba, since you don't know much if anything about parrots, you also probably don't know about over bonding. I made a big, bad mistake. I didn't realize until it was too late what allowing Alex to over bond with me would cause. It's gosh awful! You see, if your parrot loses you, it will become depressed, grieve, stop talking, stop eating, get sick and will die from grief if they've over bonded with you. That's a fact, Jack.

Since I ignorantly allowed Alex to over bond with me, he would possibly and or probably be dead without me anyway. Let me give you a true example of what happened many years ago when my husband Kenny was alive. Oh, Alex loved him very much and Kenny adored Alex as well ...

Anyway, Alex always spoke appropriately saying "Hello" when Kenny or I would come home from work or wherever we had been even if one of us was already in the house, he would greet us when we walked inside the door saying "Hello" ... He said it on his own after learning what it meant. Also, whenever Kenny or I would go to walk out the door, Alex would either say "Bye Bye" or "Good Bye" but usually "Bye Bye!" Yes, he knew what that and hundreds of words and phrases really meant ... Used them all appropriately with just that one play phrase. He even initiated games and conversations ...

So, one time when I was very sick and had to be in the hospital for about two weeks, Kenny was still taking wonderful care of Alex in the mornings and evenings when he got home from work. Then came the day that Kenny picked me up and brought me home from the hospital. We both walked in the back door at the same time and there was Alex at his opened cage about 7 to 10 yards away, cage against the wall facing us as we entered from the back sliding glass door ...

OMG! Bubba, Alex stared at me and didn't say a word. I told him, "Hello, Alex! Hi, baby! I'm home." To Alex "home" meant his cage ... Where he lived ... So he knew the concept of "home" meaning where you live. Alex stayed so still. Didn't say a word. Started making a grunting type noise as though he was trying to talk. I just looked at him and said, "Alex, it's me. Mama. Are you okay? Are you okay? I'm home, Baby." Alex knew what "Okay" meant, too ...

Still staring at me, Alex was not even able to fly at that point in time although he had the capability. He used the ladder to walk down to the floor, walked across the floor to where Kenny and I were standing, climbed up my pants to my shirt and I cradled him in my arms like a baby. He still couldn't speak and kept making that small grunting noise as though he was trying. Bubba, it was like Alex was seeing a ghost. Since I was gone for two weeks, he probably thought I was dead. It took Alex a while to recover his shock but then was okay.

I never did think to ask Kenny how Alex behaved while I was gone, if he mourned, did he eat, did he talk ... Stuff like that. Since Kenny's gone, I can't ask him now. Sure wish I could.

Alex did speak with me on the telephone while I was at the hotel when my home was being fumigated. Each time I called to check up on Buddy dog, Styx kitty and Alex parrot ... Well, Alex knew I was alive and did talk to me on the phone. The last words I heard from him were, "I Love You! I Love You! I Love You!" Over and over and over.

Of course, remembering about what happened to Alex when I was away for so long a couple times, I was worried most about him getting depressed, grieving, getting sick and the like but knew that Buddy dog and Styx kitty would be fine for those three days.

So, was he given away? Sold? Sold as a pet or to a research lab for interspecies communication research? Man, that would have fetched those three monsters a pretty penny. Thousands of dollars. I address all those things on the first page of my thread.

If he was given away or sold, did he die from grief due to having over bonded with me? Is he calling out to me? Waiting for me to rescue him? Does he feel he's being punished and calling out, "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Yes, he used that phrase to express remorse and sympathy. Yes, he always used that phrase appropriately along with all the others. Amazing, astounding, smart as heck creature. So many questions. No answers.

Okay, I've bugged you enough. Thanks so much for letting me share my feelings and fears. If you don't mind sharing what I asked you about Willy, I'd sure appreciate it. But, you know me well enough by now and can feel free to just say you'd rather not talk about it.

Again, thanks millions for letting me share on your thread. I am eternally grateful to you. You have no idea. Honest and for true. Thank you, Bubba!

Big Hugs to You, Your Wife, Willy, Lily and all the Gang!!!

Your Pal,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. Please pardon all typos and if I repeated some stuff more than once or twice, skipped around in thought making it difficult to follow ... And so on.

PS. PS. Perhaps it's meant that I cry, stoke out and die so I can see Alex again. Perhaps that is one of God's gifts to me? I dunno. I'd sure like to see it in that way. You betcha! Thanks again a million times and more Hugs!!!

[Bubba]

OK.........I have some ground to cover here and I hope I can give a thoughtful response.I have wondered alot about the whereabouts of Alex.More often than not,I have 'felt' (For whatever it is worth) that he is still around.I dunno why.As there is no substantial proof yet if that woman let him fly away or worse,Maybe it is just wishful thinking,but something tells me he is around.I wonder if your friend who is a cop could help you actively investigate starting with Ida.Maybe this has been done already.Since he is more mobile than you I was just thinking that maybe he could exert some influnce on her.The issue is you are stuck in the house and can't do it yourself.I am not being pitying here just wondering who you know with influence could be pro-active on your part.I just don't think the little guy is gone.My stubborness would need real proof.
If Ida is sticking to her story about giving Alex away then maybe you can go with that and try to think of somebody who can be REALLY persuavive and get her to cough up the story once and for all.Physical persuasion might be the answer.I really hope you can find someone to do this.

THEN YOU WILL KNOW.

Now for the panic-alone in the world feeling.Virtually every Sunday(although it happens on other days as well) I may be sitting in the room with my wife and Lily sitting 5 feet from me and I don't know what it is but I might as well be sitting on a mountain top all alone and I feel exactly the way you described.Vacant,nobody home.Like if I call somebody I know they will be bugged at me for being needy.And once in a while I do and I will have a great conversation with that person but as soon as I hang up,I slip back into that feeling that it is all over and why bother because the goodtimes are in the past and Everbody is having a great time somewhere else and I am not included.Keep in mind I am not alone here.Remember my girls are right here and I sit here literally cold and clammy and want my mommy back and everybody else........wacked? nuts? certifiable? functionally insane?
All the above.I don't know what it is but I know it scares the S*IT out of me at least once a week.Weekends are the worst.....Pee break(Jeopardy thinking music:dum dee dum da da dum dee da.......)
Ok I'm back
The Willy reaction is this:I don't think I get a panic attack but I do get this feeling when I am in full grieving missing him mode that maybe I won't really see him again and the awful space I get into as stated above will intensify and I get into an inner-yet out of control feeling of helplessness and like a bad dream it eats and eats at me till I just collapse and have to go asleep.Then I wake up and it is still there but at some point, maybe that day or the next or the next or,depending on the degree it has reached,days and days later.It really is near impossible to work but I have to show up and teach the kids or play a gig and I think I just function on sheer grit and fake my way through it.It is not a pretty picture but I have become a good actor I guess as nobody has ever said anything to me that I am appearing different.Maybe they are just being polite.You know that famous painting called 'The Scream'? That says it all.
I will say though that out of nowhere for no defined reason usually when I have to go someplace and function(and feeling just fine at that moment) I get that aura of the panic attacks that were so severe last year(before Willy died by the way) and I get a mild visit from the sucker.I does not go into full attack anymore but it feel like it wants to and I just sit there(frequently while I am driving,....Nice eh?) until it passes.Kind of like there is a 900 lb lion sitting in the passenger seat waing to devour me..........roll that one around in your head for a second..........I sort of wait for it to pass .Last year it would not pass and I had to send a sub to teach for me and subs to play my gigs.I literally.......(whoa!!!!Lily justv farted..........LillllLeeeee!!!!!!! oh man) could not speak,get off the couch or eat.......Those types are gone but the specter is still around.....haunting.....Ghosts,devils,creepy thoughts don't scare me........Bring em on.........But panic attacks??????? fahget about it...

I think I will check my B.P. the next time I have a Willy attack.I wonder if it does go up?
Overbonding??????? NO WAY.When you sit back and reflect, would you really want it any other way.Alex and Willy are the relationships gave our lives purpose and now that we have known that bond (WE HAVE TO KEEP THE BRIDGE THOUGHT ALIVE IN US EVEN WHEN THERE IS NO HOPE.JUST PUT IT ON HOLD TILL THE NEXT CRISES PASSES AS WE KNOW IT WILL TILL THE NEXT ONE AND IT WILL PASS TOO.THIS IS ALL WE HAVE) that is our private relationship that we have to share with no one.We were theirs and they were ours.EXCLUSIVELY.No one can take that away.So banish the thought.

I hope this stream of thoughts have helped I wish I had more but nothing is coming forth.
Always post back as we are friends in this virtual landscape and we should keep in touch.
Bubba...........

P.S. If you are up to it,any vibes on John W. ? ................only if you are up to it...........

[Bubba]

It is late and my grammar and spelling really sucks tonight...........Sorry, Too pooped to pop..........Well, maybe a little pop!!!!!!.......My bad.
Bubba......................

[Furkidlets' Mom]

Bubba,

Just a quick interjection here, to hopefully help you know you're perfectly normal. All those feelings/reactions you described? Same here, all except for actual panic attacks. However, I did used to get heart palpitations for a period, way back - checked out with a 24hr. EKG-type monitor - and it was all just due to being over-stressed. So I quit worrying about them and they naturally subsided in a few wks. Deep breathing helps, too, as everything starts with the breath. When we're grieving, or stressed in any other way, we tend to breath only very shallowly and that mucks everything up w/i our bodies, including our emotions.

But the rest of what you talked about? Grief, plain and simple, even though it may not seem like it. Well, maybe some depression mixed in, too, but that, too, is pretty common and I also had/have the same. The grief did soften in time and with grief work, though, enough to finally start functioning acceptably again, although still not at my old, optimum level. Not yet. Maybe not ever, for all I know. And my current depression stems from not just the continuing grief, but also from many other factors/situations around me (and my reactions to same), that are quite understandable as the cause, as well as the contributing and complicating factors to my grief. It's a maddening circle, where one feeds off the other. But grief itself is most certainly the hardest set of emotions we'll ever experience, so cut yourself a lot of slack and hold tight to the idea that it WILL get easier to manage in time and with an intention to heal at least the hardest parts.

And Dottie,

I can sure understand your worries about Alex. My last budgie (who was my best friend and had the run of the house as we grew up together) grieved and actually cried when I and my family went for a week-long trip when I was a child . I was 7 and didn't even know then that birds COULD cry. Heck, neither did my Mother. His eyes were wet and rimmed with red when we came to pick him up from where he'd been staying with my Mum's friend, I actually saw a tear run down his sweet cheek, and this woman said he'd barely even sung one note the whole time, even though he did keep eating. He only began softly chirping to me again once we were in the car heading home, with me sitting right beside him. Thus began my general life-choice to try and be uber-responsible for any such divine creatures under my care and in my heart.

So I've seen this effect in birds who love us so much. And yet, just as we love these beings as much as we do and it makes OUR lives so much richer and deeper because of it, I can't think of it as "over-bonding", but just plain but glorious loving. Many, if not all, beings experience grief when 'separated' from those they love, no matter who or what that other creature may be. It's inherent in ALL our natures to not like any form of "separation", because our souls all remember that we're NOT separate, from each other, or from anything.....and so any perceived form of separation can hurt. So maybe, no matter what else you might do, just keep talking (out loud or telepathically) to Alex and on some level, and no matter WHERE he may be, he'll hear your heart-talk and feel you still with him, still bonded in that love, no matter what.....because in the greater picture and truer levels, you CAN'T be separated and you simply AREN'T.

[AngelCareOne]

Hi Bubba. I broke down all you said and put numbers by each thought or paragraph in this quote from you so I can respond to each by the numbers I've assigned them. I hope that makes sense. First your quote as I just described then my response using the corresponding numbers in your quote. Here goes ...

Posted Today, 04:43 AM by Bubba:

1. OK ... I have some ground to cover here and I hope I can give a thoughtful response. I have wondered a lot about the whereabouts of Alex. More often than not, I have 'felt' (For whatever it is worth) that he is still around. I dunno why. As there is no substantial proof yet if that woman let him fly away or worse. Maybe it is just wishful thinking, but something tells me he is around.

2. I wonder if your friend who is a cop could help you actively investigate starting with Ida. Maybe this has been done already. Since he is more mobile than you I was just thinking that maybe he could exert some influence on her. The issue is you are stuck in the house and can't do it yourself. I am not being pitying here just wondering who you know with influence could be pro-active on your part. I just don't think the little guy is gone. My stubbornness would need real proof.

3. If Ida is sticking to her story about giving Alex away then maybe you can go with that and try to think of somebody who can be REALLY persuasive and get her to cough up the story once and for all. Physical persuasion might be the answer. I really hope you can find someone to do this.

THEN YOU WILL KNOW.

4. Now for the panic-alone in the world feeling. Virtually every Sunday (although it happens on other days as well) I may be sitting in the room with my wife and Lily sitting 5 feet from me and I don't know what it is but I might as well be sitting on a mountain top all alone and I feel exactly the way you described. Vacant, nobody home.

5. Like if I call somebody I know they will be bugged at me for being needy. And once in a while I do and I will have a great conversation with that person but as soon as I hang up, I slip back into that feeling that it is all over and why bother because the good times are in the past and Everybody is having a great time somewhere else and I am not included.

6. Keep in mind I am not alone here. Remember my girls are right here and I sit here literally cold and clammy and want my mommy back and everybody else ... Wacked? Nuts? Certifiable? Functionally insane? All the above. I don't know what it is but I know it scares the S*IT out of me at least once a week. Weekends are the worst ... Pee break (Jeopardy thinking music: dum dee dum da da dum dee da ...) Ok I'm back ...

7. The Willy reaction is this: I don't think I get a panic attack but I do get this feeling when I am in full grieving missing him mode that maybe I won't really see him again and the awful space I get into as stated above will intensify and I get into an inner-yet out of control feeling of helplessness and like a bad dream it eats and eats at me till I just collapse and have to go asleep.

8. Then I wake up and it is still there but at some point, maybe that day or the next or the next or, depending on the degree it has reached, days and days later. It really is near impossible to work but I have to show up and teach the kids or play a gig and I think I just function on sheer grit and fake my way through it. It is not a pretty picture but I have become a good actor I guess as nobody has ever said anything to me that I am appearing different. Maybe they are just being polite. You know that famous painting called 'The Scream'? That says it all.

9. I will say though that out of nowhere for no defined reason usually when I have to go someplace and function (and feeling just fine at that moment) I get that aura of the panic attacks that were so severe last year (before Willy died by the way) and I get a mild visit from the sucker. It does not go into full attack anymore but it feels like it wants to and I just sit there (frequently while I am driving ... Nice eh?) until it passes. Kind of like there is a 900 lb lion sitting in the passenger seat waiting to devour me ... Roll that one around in your head for a second ... I sort of wait for it to pass. Last year it would not pass and I had to send a sub to teach for me and subs to play my gigs. I literally ... (whoa!!!! Lily just farted ... LillllLeeeee!!!!!!! oh man) ... could not speak, get off the couch or eat ...Those types are gone but the specter is still around ... haunting ... Ghosts, devils, creepy thoughts don't scare me ... Bring em on ... But panic attacks??????? Fahget about it ...

10. I think I will check my B.P. the next time I have a Willy attack. I wonder if it does go up?

11. Overbonding??????? NO WAY. When you sit back and reflect, would you really want it any other way. Alex and Willy are the relationships gave our lives purpose and now that we have known that bond (WE HAVE TO KEEP THE BRIDGE THOUGHT ALIVE IN US EVEN WHEN THERE IS NO HOPE. JUST PUT IT ON HOLD TILL THE NEXT CRISES PASSES AS WE KNOW IT WILL TILL THE NEXT ONE AND IT WILL PASS TOO. THIS IS ALL WE HAVE) that is our private relationship that we have to share with no one. We were theirs and they were ours. EXCLUSIVELY. No one can take that away. So banish the thought.

12. I hope this stream of thoughts have helped I wish I had more but nothing is coming forth. Always post back as we are friends in this virtual landscape and we should keep in touch.
Bubba ...

P.S. If you are up to it, any vibes on John W.? ... Only if you are up to it ...

Me: 1. Bubba, I also get that feeling. On one occasion early on after Alex was gone, I clearly heard his voice say "Hello" out of nowhere when I wasn't even thinking about him. It was his greeting tone of voice and not his trying to get attention tone of voice saying, "Hello." Wait! I talk about it in the Cyber Shoulder forum where I began a thread titled: "Strange Occurrences From Angelcareone." Here's the direct link ...

Strange Occurrences From Angelcareone

There you can read about my prophetic dream which I had about 3 days before I ever even heard from Julia Galpin who I had not met yet, not spoken to yet ... About Nico Pavan who is the ring leader ... But the part about Ida is vague or absent.

The next post in that same thread is about the light fixture occurrence right over my head here at my PC which happened on the evening of 10/23/07.

The next post is about me hearing Alex saying, "Hello!"

Bubba, wherever Alex is, our bond is so strong that I truly feel he was trying to get some kind of message to me. Dead or alive ... He was trying to tell me something. You'll see it there in those posts. I pray he keeps trying. I'm paying attention.

Me: 2. Unfortunately, my online cop friend lives in Georgia. He's not close at all to where I live so can't do anything but I sure know he would if he were local. Dang Skippy! He has advised me regarding my brother Frank whose been missing for ... Gosh, I do believe it's been about 5 years now. Bubba, Frank is dead. No worries, I'm okay and always was okay with that since I did everything in my power to find him for years using police, private investigator, a volunteer with a dog who searches for live people and cadavers ... And so on. Long story, but I've always been okay about Frankie being dead but sure wish we could find a body and give him a proper burial. Anyway, I digress.
Carl can't help me but ...

Me: 3. Me thinks it's time for physical persuasion. I won't say anything more than that. Not here anyway. Thanks, Bubba!

Me: 4. Exactly!!!

Me: 5. Once again, exactly!!!

Me: 6. Also exactly!!! Errr ... Pee break for me, too. BRB ... Okay, I hummed the theme from Jeopardy and am back, too.

Me: 7. OMG! Yes!!! I will even do that sleep thing for practically 2 weeks. Only getting up to take care of Buddy dog, Styx kitty, go to the bathroom and maybe eat and drink a tiny bit until the approximate two weeks are done and I come back to try facing reality again. Ya know those times when I've not been here for about two weeks or so? That's why. Except for this last time when my computer went corrupt. That was different. But ...

Yes!!! I know just what you're talking about, Bubba. At least being in the situation I'm in allows me about 2 weeks of collapse into sleep whereas you can't afford to do that long of time. I may be way out in left field, but I'll bet you'd love it if you could take that one and a half or two week collapse into sleep the way I do at those times. Yes!!! I get you!!!

Me: 8. Bubba, the acting thing? I believe we both could win an Oscar for our stellar performances of "behaving" normally and/or even putting on those happy faces, voices and overall "ain't nothin' wrong" appearances. I kid you not. As for the silent scream, do you mean something like this ...

Click Here for Silent Scream

Some time ago, I made that image to go along with some articles I posted in the Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles area here at LS. See the caption I chose to make for it? See how I cropped off the two shadowed figures in the distance in order to make it show one person all alone? Compare to the original ...

Click Here for original "The Scream"

Bubba, these articles may really help you a whole lot from all you're saying. Here's the direct link ...

Your Fur Child Loss Devastation - You Are Not Going Insane

Take a look when you've got some time. You won't regret it! And ... Yes!!! Now you know that I feel you, understand and I'm the same way, too. Why else would I have chosen "The Scream" image on September 14, 2008 to go along with that article? Once again ... Exactly!!!

Me: 9. Again Yes!!! I explain in my thread how I could not speak, wouldn't answer the door, the phone, no one!!! Finally my best friend neighbor Ginger ... (Who was my first and best friend here with along her significant other Bill ... I met them 20 years ago and ... Bill died a few years back ... But Ginger moved just a couple or three months ago all to get away from that Monster Nico Pavan! Grrr! I miss her!!!) ...

Anyway, Ginger came down, pounded on my door, I opened it, she said I had to answer my phone! I have to call my brother Tony! She said more. I said nothing. With her still outside my door and me with the door open, she continued to give me very concerned heck, I still said nothing, held one hand on the door and the other on the door frame looking something like someone being crucified ... I just nodded yes and slowly went to the floor still with my left hand on the door and my right hand on the door frame. Ginger still giving me concerned heck, I nodded from the floor and closed the door on her ...

I dialed Tony's number and said, "I'm alive and okay. Don't call the police to check on me." That's all I could say. Tony was all animated saying how he was getting a huge commission from the sale of a building, going to get an attorney for me ... I said, "Tony ... (pause) ... Go away!" He said he wouldn't and kept talking. Again, I tried my best to say what I wanted to tell him and began with, "Tony ..." I could say nothing but, after a pause ... "Go away!" I had never told Tony to go away. I had never been unable to speak with Tony ...

After a few more, "Tony ... (Pause) ... Go away!" ... Then he hung up and called Ginger back. My brother Tony told Ginger, "My sister is dying! She is dying because of this!" Yes, he knew that I very well likely was in the process of dying from grief. Tony reminded Ginger of all the times I had told him in the past, "No worries, Tony. No matter how bad things get and no matter what may come, I'll be fine as long as I have Alex. But, when Alex dies then I will die, too." Ginger then told Tony how I had at least one time shared with her that, "I cannot live without Alex." That was before all this crap happened. Ginger reminded me about that after my call to Tony and him calling her. She's the one who told me what Tony said to her when he called her.

But! I fought my way back! I had to make sure that Alex receives earthly justice for what was done to him ... And to Buddy dog and Styx kitty, too! As for Heavenly Justice? Well, that ain't my call but I'm sure God will see to it. Yeppers.

A 900 pound lion? Well, I ain't afraid of them. I can handle it if it's just one large wild lion or one large wild cougar. But a large wild tiger? I don't know if I'd be able to fend off one of those. Hope I don't ever need to find out. Oy.

So it was like that 900 pound lion was in your car with you while you were driving, Bubba? Hey, I know what you need. There's a bunch more but here's a compilation of a few and if ya wanna see the military one and/or others let me know. Take a look at just what you need for those times! Click below ...

Trunk Monkey

Yeah, we could all use a Trunk Monkey. Heck, I might even take up driving again!

As far as ... "But the specter is still around ... haunting ... Ghosts, devils, creepy thoughts don't scare me ... Bring em on ..." Bubba, I have those, too. They don't scare me one dang bit either. I don't know about you, but I can sometimes even see them. Demon bats (as I affectionately call them) and all sorts of creepy crawly things covering all the walls, ceiling, furniture, everywhere but not on me and not on Buddy dog and not on Styx kitty. Am I scared when I see them? No way. Ya know what? I find them fascinating. Truly, I do!

Ain't nothing like that can scare us after all the hell we've seen, heard, experienced both personally and through others. I'm talking about real life experiences we've seen, heard, more, more, more ... After all that? Ain't no ghosts, demons, creepy thoughts, or even creepy crawling critters gonna even make us bat an eye lash so bring 'em on! You bet!

Me: 10. That would be a very good idea to check your BP at those times, Bubba. Let me know. Okay? You gotta keep tabs on this stuff especially since you do have hypertension and take medicine for that. So, please check it and let me know.

Me: 11. Ya mean something like this? Click below for video but I'll print the lyrics ...

"They Can't Take That Away From Me!"

"They Can't Take That Away From Me!"

The way you wear your hat.
The way you sip your tea.
The memory of all that
Oh no! They can't take that away from me!

The way your smile just beams.
The way you sing off key.
The way you haunt my dreams.
No No! They can't take that away from me!

We may never never meet again . . .
On the bumpy road to love.
But I'll always always keep
The memory of . . .

The way you hold your knife.
The way we danced till three.
The way you changed my life.
No No! They can't take that away from me!

No! They can't take that away from me!

Me: 12. It helped tons, Bubba! Thanks so much! As far as John W.? I ain't getting nothing but a tall, quiet man who is good. He may be quiet but don't mess around with him, his loved ones, fur or feather kids and so on or he will smack you so hard that you'll end up in next week! Or maybe even the next millennium. Bubba, I'm pretty sure that I'm only getting images of the actor John Wayne. I'm sorry. I'll keep trying. I will.

Thanks again millions, my friend! Big Hugs!!!

Your Pal,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. I'll get back to you, Furkidlets' Mom. Thanks and Hugs!!!

[AngelCareOne]

And Dottie,

I can sure understand your worries about Alex. My last budgie (who was my best friend and had the run of the house as we grew up together) grieved and actually cried when I and my family went for a week-long trip when I was a child. I was 7 and didn't even know then that birds COULD cry. Heck, neither did my Mother. His eyes were wet and rimmed with red when we came to pick him up from where he'd been staying with my Mum's friend, I actually saw a tear run down his sweet cheek, and this woman said he'd barely even sung one note the whole time, even though he did keep eating. He only began softly chirping to me again once we were in the car heading home, with me sitting right beside him. Thus began my general life-choice to try and be uber-responsible for any such divine creatures under my care and in my heart.

So I've seen this effect in birds who love us so much. And yet, just as we love these beings as much as we do and it makes OUR lives so much richer and deeper because of it, I can't think of it as "over-bonding", but just plain but glorious loving. Many, if not all, beings experience grief when 'separated' from those they love, no matter who or what that other creature may be. It's inherent in ALL our natures to not like any form of "separation", because our souls all remember that we're NOT separate, from each other, or from anything.....and so any perceived form of separation can hurt. So maybe, no matter what else you might do, just keep talking (out loud or telepathically) to Alex and on some level, and no matter WHERE he may be, he'll hear your heart-talk and feel you still with him, still bonded in that love, no matter what.....because in the greater picture and truer levels, you CAN'T be separated and you simply AREN'T.

Furkidlets' Mom, I'm crying so hard. Must breathe ... Pausing ... Your poor budgie! And, you know! You know! Yes, Alex would cry, too. He even sounded like I did when I cried and learned to associate that sound with great sadness. You know and understand. Truly you do. Thank you for sharing your budgie experience with me. I'm so grateful!

Alex even cried and mourned for years after Cocoa kitty and Trader dog died. He'd call out their names, try to get them to speak with him then he'd just cry and cry as he called out their names. He'd only do one at a time though ... Either Cocoa or Trader ... Just one at a time ... Sometimes he'd either pretend they were there as he talked and laughed. Either he was pretending they were there or having good memories ... Or! They were there but only he knew. After all, animals do have that sixth sense.

Alex would cry if I was sad or ill and say, "Mama! Mama! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Then he'd cry out loud and ... After a short while, he'd do his best to cheer me up or make me feel better when I was sad or very ill. Kissing me, telling me how much he loved me ... More ... More ... So much more I want to say but mostly feel so grateful to you because you know. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

And, thank you for reassuring me that no! I did not make a mistake in over-bonding with Alex. Bless you! I will keep trying to reach him, Furkidlets' Mom. I will.

God Bless you and many Hugs!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

[Bubba]

Dottie --------Great twisted minds think alike.
TRUNK MONKEY!!!!! Love IT!!!!!!!!!!! Looks like a hairy Buddy Rich.

Funny thing: John W. is tall and quiet.Seems ok . I just don't know him very well yet. Wonder if I can trust him and if he is a man of his word.Hope so.............
Talk a little later.........
Bubba...............

[ann]

Hi Bubba, thinking about what you said about those P.A.s..I get them all the time. That's just due to my lifestyle. Long story won't go there. But I get them alot about losing Arthur too. Mostly it's because just about everyone I've told about him said I was crazy to let him out. And, I feel when they look at me they're thinking "she killed her cat, she let him out". Stupid, I know. It's not their thoughts, just mine, my guilt. Our loss has left such a vast hole in our world that it will take quite a bit of time fill. Alone you say, yep, me too, surrounded by people and no one there...I was talking about him with someone the other day, she lost a great pet too. The feeling I got was like the one I get coming here. Everything and everyone around me disappeared. She was the only person I've come in contact (outside of LS). that actually made me feel comfortable sharing my thoughts and tears and we both were shedding tears. (this a professional place we were in not a casual donut shop). For the first time, I didn't get all tensed up sharing my feelings like I do with everyone else, cuz deep down I know what they won't come out and tell me is that they really don't want to hear about it....Like you, I try hard to keep the Rainbow Bridge a reality, for really I'm not so sure if the soul really does linger or wishful thinking on the livings part.
I question god or the likes there of because of all the heartbreak for those who don't deserve it.
And also like you, I have a strong feeling our feathered friend Alex is still on this planet. Calling all phsycis, please help find him....take care.. Ann

[Bubba]

Hi Ann-------The last thing my shrink did on our final session was put her index fingers on either side of her head to imply that the whole PA thing was in my head. And when I feel the aura of an attack coming on I remember that last session (and of course all the digging to the root of the PA's origins) and I have not had a full strength one since.
I haven't bothered to bring up Willy's passing to anyone outside of this forum in months.It is customized grief and not 'off the rack'. As my God thing seems to be perpetually in flux, and as I write this, it is at the place of: Yes there is a God and while He/She created us and hopefully loves us,This is a huge science experiment and was set up to be, as far as events and outcomes are concerened,entirely out of Gods hands thus cancelling the notion of divine intervention in the form of angels or an even stronger hand (read:God).
Hopefully the soul-reunion fantasy is as we envision it.Gary Kurz's "Cold Noses at The Pearly Gates" helps bolster the ultimate wish but requires a constant vigilant faith.A groove that frequently fills with mud...........
Peace Ann,
Bubba..........................

[AngelCareOne]

Hi Bubba and Ann. First to Bubba ... Yep, I sure do love that Trunk Monkey. OMG! He sure does look kind of like a hairy Buddy Rich. LOL! Anyway, we all could use a Trunk Monkey to take care of us at some time or another so I can't wait until we can all have one in the trunk of our cars.

Ann, since you can't view videos, the Trunk Monkey is a real live chimpanzee and you just push the Trunk Monkey button located on the dashboard of your car when you need him. No matter what the occasion, Trunk Monkey will take care of it for you. Hilarious!

Okay, Both Bubba and Ann. Ain't many shrinks out there can tell you what to do about panic attacks. That's a fact, Jack. They are hereditary in nature, kick in when you're about 21 years old give or take and are neurological in nature. My brother Tony has them and he's six years older than I am. His began when he was 21 years old. That poor man! It was gosh awful. Then, low and behold, out of nowhere I had my first panic attack when I was 21 years old. Whoa!!!

Here's what happens: Suddenly, the chemicals that control the primitive portion of your brain which is responsible for your "Fight or Flight" abilities or phenomenon ... Well, that area of the brain goes bonkers telling every sense in your body that you are in grave danger and facing immediate death if you don't do something to get the situation under control ... Sort of something the way one might feel if someone pulled out a gun, put it to your head and is about to pull the trigger. Other stuff goes haywire such as perceiving everything in your field of vision as 2 dimensional instead of how we really see which is 3 dimensional. It's sort of like being inside a bad painting. There's nowhere to run because when you do run, you perceive yourself to be still in the same place ... Therefore you stop and freeze up. Your heart rate goes up something fierce and your throat closes so you cannot swallow.

There are other physical changes that happen to your body during a true panic attack and most would be great if the danger were real. Nope. I could be petting my fur kid and reading Mother Goose nursery rhymes or otherwise very calm and serene then ... Boom! Out of completely nowhere, your brain does what I described. Sometimes during an attack, one will somewhat (or a whole lot) dissociate and float out of their bodies so to speak ... Feeling one has absolutely no control over anything or is about to lose control and will fear doing something stupid like taking over the controls while sitting by the pilot in a private airplane. This is not good especially when you have no idea how to fly the plane but do feel that need to get control which you've lost due to what your brain chemicals have done to your senses as I've described. That's only one example.

My attacks got worse and worse over 10 years with no one in the medical field being able to help me. Finally, my brother found a neurologist that specializes in this disorder. Yay! I was given a prescription for a small dose of Clonopin which is also known as Clonazepam in generic form. After the third day of taking them, those attacks stopped and I kid you not! I took them for about 3 months and felt I must be cured so decided to stop taking them. It was just 1 mg. three times a day which is very little. But, after I stopped the Clonopin then the panic attacks returned. Ut Oh. Back on the Clonopin for me and I still take them to this very day.

Hope I helped explain that for youze guyze a little better.

No, Bubba. Your shrink was wrong when she did what I call "the double temple squeeze" then implied it was all in your head cuz it ain't. It is a real neurological disorder. Word. Oh, there are those shrinks who will tell you to float with the attacks. Well, they ain't never had one. My saving grace was to always have an exit plan no matter where I was going. Bubba ... Or even Ann ... I can elaborate on that if you wish. My plan of escape always worked so I didn't find it necessary to exit or escape. Just knowing I could and how to do it was all that it took to keep the attack at a minimum. Let me know if either of you would care for any more specifics.

Bubba, so John W. is a tall and quiet man? Hmmm? I'll keep trying to zero in on him to see if he can be trusted. As I said before, I feel I was only getting images of John Wayne but there may be a good reason for that. I mean, why the heck would John Wayne suddenly pop into my head out of nowhere just by seeing John W.? There may or may not be a connection. I'll keep working on it. Okay?

Ann, you also have a strong feeling that Alex is on this planet? I need to do something! Many thanks to you both!!!

Big Hugs!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

[Bubba]

Hi Dottie--------Interesting stuff.I think I had some version of what you described.Or still have.The reason I say still is while I had everything as far as symptoms and reactions as the above states, all of those out of control-can't function things ceased when I found out why the things that happened to me from the time I was 5 did in fact happen.I knew obviously they DID happen I just didn't know WHY they happened.Once I understood they ceased and they have not happened for 2 years now.The attacks were both physiological AND pyschological in my case.

HOWEVER

The feelings of impending doom can come outta nowhere and then I feel like I am about to have an episode.While it gets intense, it never goes outta control.I stopped the meds (15 mg valium 4x a day but I took alot more than that as I was way outta control.And also the highest dose prozac they make.Can't remember the strength.I was a scared freaked out zombie.) My case was solved in about 12 sessions.Threw all the meds out when I got home from the last session.Haven't had a pill since...........


NOT YET ANYWAY..........

CU soon...............Bubba.......


By the way, John W. isn't extremely quiet.I should say that he is a very good listener.Then he talks.............


yea,yea that's the ticket.............................

[AngelCareOne]

Hi Dottie--------Interesting stuff. I think I had some version of what you described .Or still have. The reason I say still is while I had everything as far as symptoms and reactions as the above states, all of those out of control-can't function things ceased when I found out why the things that happened to me from the time I was 5 did in fact happen. I knew obviously they DID happen I just didn't know WHY they happened. Once I understood they ceased and they have not happened for 2 years now. The attacks were both physiological AND pyschological in my case.

HOWEVER

The feelings of impending doom can come outta nowhere and then I feel like I am about to have an episode. While it gets intense, it never goes outta control. I stopped the meds (15 mg valium 4x a day but I took alot more than that as I was way outta control. And also the highest dose prozac they make. Can't remember the strength. I was a scared freaked out zombie.) My case was solved in about 12 sessions. Threw all the meds out when I got home from the last session. Haven't had a pill since...........

NOT YET ANYWAY..........

CU soon...............Bubba.......


By the way, John W. isn't extremely quiet. I should say that he is a very good listener. Then he talks.............


yea,yea that's the ticket.............................

I read all you said, Bubba. Just like there's both situational and clinical types of depression, same goes for people who have panic attacks. You could have had (and still may have) one or both types at the same time. This is NOT a diagnosis cuz you know I can't do that. But, I sure am glad your figuring that stuff out helped you to some extent. However three things:

1. What idiot doctor put you on the highest strength of Prozac without weaning you up to that point? Rhetorical question and of course I don't expect an answer ...

2. And you were on FIFTEEN mg. of Valium FOUR times a day along with being on the strongest dose of Prozac? Very irresponsible and downright dangerous! That is, if I am hearing you correctly and that doctor just slapped them on you without gradually weaning you up to taking those strengths and that often ... No wonder you were a scared freaked out zombie!

3. Valium is a diazepam but Clonopin (also spelled Klonopin) is a benzodiazepine. It may react differently for you. I know that Valium (5 mg.) didn't help my panic attacks but the Clonopin sure did. Just a thought.

About John W. ... You stated, "I should say that he is a very good listener. Then he talks." That could be either a very good thing or a very bad thing ...

It's a good thing if it means he's interested, paying attention, hearing you out until you're done before he responds. It could be a bad thing if it means he is sizing you up while listening and at the same time deciding what he feels you probably want to hear as his response so feeds that to you. I hope I explained that well.

Hmmm? Let me turn off this PC for a while and try to zone in on him. Then again, I may need to actually see where you have typed "John W." on a post of yours here in order to get some more vibes. I ain't sure but will let you know. Take care and C U later ...

Big Hugs to You, Your Wife, Willy, Lily and all the Gang!

Your Pal,
Dottie xoxoxox

[Bubba]

Hey There---------I might have been a little out of the chronological order.Actually the pams andthe others were seperate now that i have thought it through.
1st was prozac.Nothing else and it started with 5mg then 10 then 20? and so on.It never actually never worked so then I was switched to a anti-psychotic drug(can't remember the name) THAT is when I became the zombie.Imagine being wired but so tired at the same time but could not sleep.That I curtailed myself after about 4 or 5 days.It was short lived.By the end of the prozac then pyscho era (6 7 weeks?not long) and NONE of it worked, was the time I was able to get an appointment with the shrink(actually a therapist) .The meds were given to me by a family doc.The doc found the therapist for me but I was still in need of a med of some kind to calm down so the doc started me on lorazapam.Nothing had an effect on me.
Lorazapam 5 10 20 whatever NOTHING.I could have got the same effect from gummie bears.I wore out the doc's pad.Nothing..........................then,

Valium but...........Nothing. 5 and then !0 TA DA!!!!!!!!! ( I thought it was 15 but my sweetie corrected me) I was allowed 4 per day but after 10 days it was a free for all .I have a VERY high tolerence to these things.So Vali 10 it was for about 3 months .Took during the period of my therapy and the therapy worked and I did a quick ween off of the vali and one day about 8 or nine days into the ween I said to myself "that is it" and I dumped the balance of them down the toilet and that was it.

I hope the order was better this time.I would say that I could never really be a pharm-head because the effect always seemed too groggy.

John and I have good conversations.I think he just waits his turn.I dunno.
C U later .............Bubba.

[AngelCareOne]

hi bubba! lookie at these. i love them so very much!!!!!!!!!! hope u love them, too ...

bulldog lovers ... yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lookie at the one wearing a tutu with the little girl in her tutu and one in baby chair type swing and ... all of them!!!!! song is so cute, too. sounds like chipmunks singing ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWP5-_bv7UE

oh my gosh bubba! sooooo kewl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! basketball bulldogl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i luv the captions ... hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-ARc4H7QbM

Wullie Bullie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Weeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iaDYeC6n42E

AWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!! SOOOOO CUTEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRNDizsqJWU

ahhh! give that poor bullie the cookie for gosh sake! lol hehehe!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeBce7TBfd4

bubba? bullies don't like boxes??? i did not know that! hahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXi7hpwUMp0

this is soooooo humiliating!!!!! OMG!!! ROFL!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GlajYA0Z9E

oh no! i cannot get my ball out of pool! arg!!! so i will bark at it!!! hahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HoK8h4JWP3M

they can jump over fences??? i did not know they can do that!!! wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVk4xcfKCFU

bad kitty - good bullie!!! lol!!!!!!!!!! hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeFwKNPN1p4

they luv to jump on trampolines???!!! omg!!!!! way kewl!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pcy_5H62d08

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdDPLxxQgRA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzB_kZXVRaU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiBzEYaB2Xc

Zzzzzzz and snoreeeee ... huh??? u woke me up!!! hehehe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5MNOU-ihgY

2 - b - continued ... seeya later dood ...

biggggg hugs to you and yours!

always,
dottie xoxoxox