Thank You All Options

[neomum]

It's just over two months since Neo died and I'm starting to feel a tiny bit better. This site has been enormously helpful, showing me that I'm not totally mad for feeling as devastated as I have been. I still can't look at photos of Neo yet but I will one day I'm sure. I still have a cat( Big Phuzzie) and a dog(Ollie) to love, but can't see myself having any more, we'll see! Anyway I'm not very good at typing my feelings but a huge thank you to everyone here. Donna.

[Precious' mom]

Donna,
I came across this site whilst searching the Internet for anything about the death of a pet. I did not want to consult a psychiatrist; I did consult a priest, who blessed Precious' ashes and told me animals do indeed have souls like their human counterparts. He told me I was not crazy to feel the way I did; the grief I went through when Precious was ill and then dying was close to the same thing I went through seeing my mum die of cancer in a short time two years before. It was overwhelming. I stumbled across this site and thought, wow, people are sharing my feelings and I am definitely not crazy to feel this way!! So I started posting and responding to posts and that was the best therapy I could have ever asked for. Meeting new friends was something I never expected but I thank God for that. We've all been to hell and back, our souls raked across the coals of grief and despair but we made it through alive! Though our babies are physically gone, they're still there...trust me, it is true! Never stop believing that yours is still communicating. They are looking out for us as we once did for them!
Lisa

[toonie]

Donna, What you feel is normal, what is not normal are the people who expect us to get over the loss of our soulmate like we would over a broken vase...my grieving has changed me, it has been a sort of introspection, it is helping me realign my priorities in life, it is making me change to become a better person. I too felt that the best therapy for me and many is through this site where we can exchange with others going through the same thing though at different stages. Your pain is still very raw I would say, I lost my loves last fall and it all took so long to assimilate this physical separation ,I have let so many tears fall, the separation is still is being digested but I let it 'etch the story on my soul' I try to find quiet time to be with my cats in spirit, meanwhile I know I am surrounded in the love of those who have gone, those who are with me and those who I don't know yet but will love later or in another space and time. Love conquers all. I quote Lisa:

Though our babies are physically gone, they're still there...

Although I don't think they can 'do' anything for us else (and we can ask the question should our world be run by the dead or by the living?) this is just my opinion but I certainly agree that they are with us and this is our strength. Take care all

[zookeeper]

Dear Donna,

I too understand how you feel. As toonie said, we learn alot from the grieving process. I come here when I'm worried about my Nori, or sad and missing my other guys. It is definitely better than the therapists couch for me.

Even though my girl is still here with me, I know she won't be here forver. At fifteen, she has in the last six months or so, begun to show signs that she is failing much as Milo did a year and a half ago.

What I have learned in this "pre grieving state" is a gift from this sweet, sweet dog who has lived by my side for over thirteen years. And it has come to me from reading how others cope and grieve and mourn. I've learned to view the world with a quiet grace, to listen intently when someone that I love is talking and to view the rest of it with optimism and enthusiasm just as she does.

I've a feeling (and a hope) that these thoughts will comfort me when the time comes. I feel her beginning to leave me, and it breaks my heart but I can't keep her with me forever no matter how much I wish to and I cannot let her suffer so that I have her physical presence past the time that is good for her.

Like you, the rational side of my brain tells me that death is part of life and that which we can't control or fully understand can throw us for a loop. But our mourning and grieving is as individual as we are. There is no right or wrong way to do it. You're doing just fine considering.

Sharon