I Can't Get Past It, loss Options

[karenkay]

My kitty Joey died in my arms last Fri morning. She had a malignant tumor in her bladder. We were told this in Feb. We have been treating her with meds and fluids every week since. We kept holding on. We knew she wouldn't survive this - but we tried to keep her as long as we could. The last week of her life she was bleeding bad - clots and all. We had an appt Fri at 5 to put her down. At 10 that morning she walked into our living room and just fell over on her side. I layed with her and talked to her telling her it was okay - she could go. She just stared into my eyes - I think she was looking into my soul. I picked her up and went to the car - she was floppy and shallow breathing. I got to the vets and he took her right in and said - her heart is very faint and within 30 sec. she was gone.

I cannot stop grieving. I am angry at my self for hanging on to her - I'm at such a loss. I have had a pet for 36 continuous years. Now I have none. Someone please help me through this.

karenkay

[beecherbabe]

Karenkay,

I am sorry to read about Joey! My heart goes out to you. You took good care of him and he will never forget you. We all try to hang on to our sick babies, but you knew it was time and Joey went on his own terms. Just remember he is in a great place where there is no more suffering. Greiving is the hardest thing to go through. My baby charlie has been gone almost 4 weeks and I still cry everyday!! Never second guess yourself. You will find this site full of great people with hearts as big as yours and mine. It has really helped me. So when ever you need to let it out just come here and let it go. I will keep you and joey in my thoughts and prayers.

Take Care,
Michelle

[Daisy's Mommy]

Judging when to euthanize a beloved friend is one of the most difficult decisions that we have to make. Is it too soon? Did we wait too long? Did we do everything we could? In some ways, I think we feel this way, at least I did, because it is less painful to be angry and second guess ourselves than to feel the real sorrow of an unbearable loss.

That I will never see my dog, Daisy, again on this earth is unbearable, unthinkable - that I may have made mistakes in her care is manageable.

In every way you could, you gave Joey a wonderful life. That she developed cancer was beyond your control. In any event, it sounds like she passed away at the right moment for her.

If you have had pets for 36 years in a row, it might not be a good idea to go too long without one. Only you can know when the time is right. But, remember you can honor Joey by adopting a homeless cat in her name. It is no betrayal.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Daisy's Mommy

[Krissyo]

karenkay,

I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved Joey. If you read everyone's posting here, I think that you will find that we all experience some form of guilt. I myself lost my cat Dugan, two a a half weeks ago and I am not only feeling guilty myself but go back to the last two animals we lost and still feel gulity, wondering if something I could have done would have made for different outcome.

With Dugan and Dobbsie's passing, it makes 18 years since I have had a cat in the house and it is sheer torture. I look for Dugan everywhere. I wonder why "cat food" is not on the grocery list. I stop myself after I have gotten half of his name out of my mouth, wondering where he is. I have not had one day that I have not just bawled and you will too.

I think I would have gone crazy if not for this place and all the wonderful caring people here. It is a safe place to come and pour out your heart and your pain and know that we all understand and feel the same way.

You are in my thought and prayers.

Dugan's Mom
Krissyo

[bubbawny]

Hi Karenkay:

First let me say that i'm sorry for your loss. This must be quite a challenging time for you. The loss of your wonderful kitty Joey surely must be making your heart cry out with anguish.

You have many great memories of the lifetime of love you spent with your furry friend. Think upon those wonderful moments you've shared together. Remembering the happy times, the cherished moments, is such an important part of healing, I find. The final days with Joey must have been mixed blessings. but all in all, i'm sure the memories of all the happy moments you've spent over the years must surely outweigh the difficult last few days. REmember Joey well.

And like Daisy's Mommy says: Perhaps there is another furball out there that is just waiting for you to share your love and offering him a home of care, friendship. Only you will know if it's time or not. but if you've had pets for 36 years, it's because they've NEEDED your love and friendship and you've needed theirs.

Peace be with you, my friend.

[Furry's mum]

Dear Karenkay,
I am so sorry that your beloved Joey has passed away.
I'm sure you did everything that you possibly could for her. If you had had her pts sooner you would always be agonising over whether she could have lived longer & did you do it too soon? The reverse is that I think we all have those terrible feelings about whether we left it too late. I feel that I should have called the vet out sooner for my Furry to be pts, as she was in pain for an hour that I could have saved her from, before the vet could come. At least Joey didn't have that.
I found that the best comfort & support comes from posting & reading messages here - you know you are not alone in the intensity of your grief. I still cry every day for Furry, who was pts on 23 July 2006 & I seem to miss her more as time goes by.
Perhaps, like me, you will go the your local rescue center & adopt another needy furbaby?
Take care of yourself,
Judith

[Precious' mom]

Karenkay,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Joey was so young! Remember all of the time you shared, hopefully that will be a comfort right now.
Don't feel guilty of keeping her alive longer -- if I could have done that with Precious, I would have, but he had suffered so much.
You gave her the greatest gift of all: your love and devotion. I will say a prayer and keep you in my thoughts.
Lisa

[Furkidlets' Mom]

karenkay,

I'm so sorry for your loss of Joey. Your story touched a cord in me as my own loss of our Nissa-girl was similar in some ways. She'd been peeing bloody urine with each pee for the last 3 days of her life and I believe I saw one clot, too. Though she'd had a 2-year history of bladder inflammation ( with and w/o bacteria ), by the time this became unresponsive to treatment, it was too late ( she was 19 1/2, with CRF, high blood pressure, mainly blind, some arthritis ) for last-ditch tests &/or surgery, just to prolong her failing and afflicted body and likely just add to her physical suffering. We'll never know now what exactly her condition had turned into, though one of her vets had his own theory. But there was no cure, nor any amelioration for her, either. So I believe we each did the only thing left to us to do, as a kindness and further expression of our deep love.

Like your Joey, Nissa could no longer walk by her second-last day. We made arrangements for a vet to do a housecall, but couldn't get anyone the day we requested, so had to wait an entire additional day. And yet we still think it was meant to be this way, as we got to spend her last day in bed with her, trying to make sure we didn't miss telling her anything we needed her to know, and to shower her with the last bits of physical love we could. And also like Joey, her gaze was riveted on my own eyes each time I'd get back in front of her face, or come back to bed if I'd had to get up for something. It was very soulful, just as you'd described it. Though I didn't think I'd feel this way after the fact, I don't think OUR timing was all that off, and it sounds like we waited a few more hours longer than you did. For us, we still felt that performing this service at home would better serve our girl ( knowing her ), even if that meant waiting a bit longer. We used homeopathic remedies for pain and they appeared to be working, so never resorted to the Valium we were also supplied with in case we needed it. And if we were wrong?.......we still did the best we could, moment by moment, assessing what we could and allowing our extreme love for her to surround her, cleaning her, giving her water when she stopped eating the last day ( only ), just as one does for a human loved one. If that wasn't absolutely perfect, that's still what we were shooting for, and we did our best. ( if I find some piece of information later that flies in the face of this, I'll have to deal with it then, but I couldn't have known it at the time and that's what I'll hang onto )

As someone who definitely waited too long once to be able to euthanize ( Nissa's brother ), on the faint hope that one last treatment we were trying would kick in and work, I would say that it doesn't sound like you waited overly long to provide this loving service to Joey. I'm always reminded, too, of many human deaths that aren't comfortable, and no one has the legal right to help them out of their pain. Many must just go when they go. I don't think I've heard of anyone, either, who thought their timing was impeccable and perfect - we just work with what we've got and TRY to do our best. Just to wish for our babies that we did something perfectly still attests to our great love for them and we shouldn't punish ourselves for being imperfect. And without us, they may have suffered far worse on their own, with a more frightening and troublesome transition.

I, also, am all alone now, with no furkids to care for, and since Nissa's passing was only on Aug. 23 ( 14 days ago ), it's new and terrible for me, too. She was our last and may always be our last - we won't know until we know. I wish you all the help and blessings you can receive at this sorrowful time.....