Emotional Distress Over A Dying Pet., Don't make him go Options

[andrea]

Hi All, this is my first post to this forum and I am thankful that it is here for people who need a shoulder to cry on in a time of need.

This Thanksgiving instead of visiting relatives, I opted to stay home and care for my dying cat (my avatar). He is 12 years old and this past week I found out that he is suffering from milignant lymphoma. At the moment, he is resting comfortably, drinking water, a nibble of food here and there, taking his medicine, though he looks awfully sad. Also, I'm not quite sure how long he has.

Ever since, I've been crying on and off, the thought of losing him is absolutely devastating. It's not like I haven't been through this before, I grew up with cats and lost one to the highway, old age, illness. Perhaps it is because my current cats - I have two - these were actually MY cats - I adopted them as kittens, raised them, lived with them full time. The others were the family cats and believe me, I was terribly heartbroken when they went too but this cat... man, am I just falling to pieces.

Every time I think of not having him waiting at the door when I get home or sitting on the bed after eating, his neck craned begging for a serious kitty massage, I just break down. He is such a sweet cat, I can't stand that he will soon be gone.

Sorry, I just really need to get this off my chest.

Thanks for listening.

[SJ J & S]

Please dont apologise the best thing you can do is talk and we are here to listen and support.

Dont worry about the days to come just live for today and enjoy each precious moment you have together.

Leave the future where it belongs and look only to what you need to do next.

Love Sue

[pamurchu]

I am so sorry for what you are dealing with now. My dog went suddenly, so I really do not know the pain you feel, although I know that it must be worse to watch our beloved pets go through this lengthy period of pain and suffering. I think the poster above said it best, "Dont worry about the days to come just live for today and enjoy each precious moment you have together." Treasure each day, month, second, minute, whatever God gives you. We feel helpless when this time comes. Come back here and reconnect with you new cyberfriends whenever you need to. We are all here for you. So sorry.

[jenn]

I have to agree that watching you pet die is so very hard... I've often wondered if it would have been easier had my dog gone quickly. We were told he had a tumor in his chest, and had one month to live, max. He lived 3 months, before I ended up putting him to sleep as he could no longer eat or drink. It was SO SO hard watching my sweet boy die... a little more of me died each day. However, I wish I had taken the time to enjoy each day as I had it. I let life get me busy, his dying get me depressed, and I didn't spend nearly as much quality time with him as I should have. Enjoy every minute, take pictures, get out the video camera.. you've been blessed with more time to do all those things.

Watching Freeway die was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to endure, but I do take some comfort in knowing that I made his passing as peaceful as possible... He was sick for those 3 months but he was happy. He knew he was loved. That's really all we can do...

Take care, write whenever you need to.. that's what this place is here for.

[andrea]

It was SO SO hard watching my sweet boy die...  a little more of me died each day.  However, I wish I had taken the time to enjoy each day as I had it.

How do I know he's not in pain?

One of his "normal" habits would be to stretch out while napping. He's all bunched up as if he were freezing cold. His purrs seem forced, he doesn't want to be touched, he looks very, very sad, there is no trace of his jovial personality - it's as if he were already gone. The cat in front of me now is not the cat I knew and loved for 12 wonderful years.

It is so incredibly heart breaking that I can't be around other people for the time being. This is such a personal experience, I need to take my sadness online.

Thanks for listening.

andrea

[Muffins]

Dear Andrea:

I am sorry that your sweet furkitty is ill!! What is your baby's name ?

Perhaps it is because my current cats - I have two - these were actually MY cats - I adopted them as kittens, raised them, lived with them full time.

I believe that to be true....when you've brought your kids up from kitten-hood, and have had them all of your life, then I believe that the attachment is much stronger.

You have come to the right place, Andrea - to talk about your sadness, your pain, your anger, etc....
We all understand. When I first came here on 2/8/2004, I stayed here and typed through soooo many tears -- I just needed to help make the pain in my heart lighter.

It is so incredibly heart breaking that I can't be around other people for the time being.

Right now, you take care of your sweet boy and yourself. That's all that you need to do.
Has the vet given you any advice as to what "they would do" if this was their kitty?

I am so sorry that I can't be of more help to you, (((Andrea))). Please, keep in touch here, and let us know how you and your baby are doing. I care -- We all do!

God Bless You & Your Baby!

Love, Denise

[andrea]

What is your baby's name ?

His name is Calvin and he's my BIG baby.

[Muffins]

Andrea:

What a SWEET BIG baby!!!!

You're both in my prayers.....

Love, Denise

[karen424]

Andrea,
Calvin is a very handome kitty! I'm so sorry you are feeling this helplessness and pain....my kitty Max was diagnosed with liver cancer three weeks ago. He is showing the same signs as Calvin. He has his moments of trying to do normal things but I know he is attempting it just to please us. Just as you, we are just agonizing over "when" is the right time to give him peace. It's almost unimaginable but when read stuff about what is happening to him on the inside I think that maybe we should let him go before he gets to the point of total agony. The only thing either one of us can do is to keep telling them how much we love them and keep looking into their eyes....their eyes will tell us..

God Bless you all....

Karen

[andrea]

Andrea,
Calvin is a very handome kitty!  I'm so sorry you are feeling this helplessness and pain....my kitty Max was diagnosed with liver cancer three weeks ago.  He is showing the same signs as Calvin.  He has his moments of trying to do normal things but I know he is attempting it just to please us.  Just as you, we are just agonizing over "when" is the right time to give him peace.  It's almost unimaginable but when read stuff about what is happening to him on the inside I think that maybe we should let him go before he gets to the point of total agony.  The only thing either one of us can do is to keep telling them how much we love them and keep looking into their eyes....their eyes will tell us..

God Bless you all....

Karen

Thank you Karen.

I spent all yesterday with him and he didn't move an inch. Again, not wanting to be touched, when I did try to stroke him, he whimpers.

Later in the evening, he worked up the strength to use the litter box and eat. He still grooms his face and front paws but doesn't have the energy to clean his tummy and hind quarters. He slept with me on the bed last evening and even leaned his head back for me to pet. This morning, he surprised me when he came into the kitchen to joined my other cat for breakfast. Then I put him on the bed where he normally sits and he stayed put. So, he's trying to be himself.

Today, I left a message with the vet because I am very concerned about his comfort level, I do not want him in pain. She (the vet) hasn't got back to me yet, so I'll keep everyone posted.

To everyone, thank you so much for listening. You have no idea how much everyone's feedback has helped me through all of this. I can't thank you all enough.

andrea

[karen424]

Andrea,
Sounds like Calvin is a trooper just like Max. My husband and I have decided that it is time for Max to be at peace. He just lies in his bed, or lies under the coffee table or dining room table. His eyes were the "tell all".... I've always gone with my gut feelings and have felt like I have this psychic connection with my furbabies, so we have wieghed everything and feel like he's so tired, and hanging in there just for "us"...so the least we can do for him is to send him to peace while he still has his dignity.....so tomorrow I have the very painful call to make to his vet....this is the most agonizing thing I've ever had to do..

My thoughts are with you and Calvin....

Love,
Karen

[andrea]

so tomorrow I have the very painful call to make to his vet....this is the most agonizing thing I've ever had to do..

Karen,

I am sooooooo sorry. Big hug for you, your husband and your beautiful cat Max.

Peace be with you,

andrea

[karen424]

Thank you Andrea....how is Calvin doing? Did the vet call you back yet?

Karen

[andrea]

Thank you Andrea....how is Calvin doing? Did the vet call you back yet?

Karen

Yes, she called back and I explained my concerns with him being in pain, his disturbed rest and that his personality hasn't come back. She said she'd prescribe something for any pain and to keep her posted on his condition. I'll pick the medicine up tomorrow.

Calvin did greet me at the door after work and did eat again, a little bit of his old self came back for a bit but now he's back to scrunching up and is very crabby when I pet him. He won't look me in the eye. Any idea what that could mean? Because that is one of the more upsetting things about his behavior - is he angry, sad, ashamed, all of the above?

Thanks for listening and my thoughts are with you and Max.

andrea

[karen424]

Hi Andrea....
Well, I just can't do it. I agonized all evening, my husband and I crying and trying to rationalize everything and I even slept on the living room floor with my head under the Christmas Tree because he loves it so much and that's where I have his little bed. I ended up on the couch around 11 and then at 1am Max did his little "bluurrrp" sound signaling to me that he was hungry. He ate great, played a little and that's when I decided that I couldn't do it. So I came in to work. I figured out what the cycle is though. He gets totally run down during the day by the toxins in his little body from his "no functioning" liver and then we give him his subq fluids each night around 6 and it "juices" him up so he's acting great around 1am.....it's a vicious cycle - and an emotional roller coaster with no sleep for me.
I mean, last evening he was pathetic looking - not looking at us either just like Calvin. I have read that that is how cats work their way through their pain, sort of like a state of meditation. I just don't know what to think anymore.....I certainly don't want him to get to the point that he can't get up, use his box and completely stop eating......as long as I'm giving him his fluids though I think this could go on like this a while.

I hope the pain meds ease Calvin's discomfort....let me know how he does with that. My vet didn't want to give Max anything like that....I can't remember why now though..

I'm thinking of you guys....hang in there!

Love,
Karen

[andrea]

Hi Andrea....
Well, I just can't do it. I agonized all evening, my husband and I crying and trying to rationalize everything and I even slept on the living room floor with my head under the Christmas Tree because he loves it so much and that's where I have his little bed. I ended up on the couch around 11 and then at 1am Max did his little "bluurrrp" sound signaling to me that he was hungry. He ate great, played a little and that's when I decided that I couldn't do it. So I came in to work. I figured out what the cycle is though. He gets totally run down during the day by the toxins in his little body from his "no functioning" liver and then we give him his subq fluids each night around 6 and it "juices" him up so he's acting great around 1am.....it's a vicious cycle - and an emotional roller coaster with no sleep for me.
I mean, last evening he was pathetic looking - not looking at us either just like Calvin. I have read that that is how cats work their way through their pain, sort of like a state of meditation. I just don't know what to think anymore.....I certainly don't want him to get to the point that he can't get up, use his box and completely stop eating......as long as I'm giving him his fluids though I think this could go on like this a while.

I hope the pain meds ease Calvin's discomfort....let me know how he does with that. My vet didn't want to give Max anything like that....I can't remember why now though..

I'm thinking of you guys....hang in there!

Love,
Karen

Hi Karen,

Here's an update.

Calvin surprised me again this morning, joining the other cat for breakfast. He's back to napping in his normal spot at the foot of the bed. After work I did get the pain medication (Butorphanol????) but I haven't given him any yet because he doesn't look like he's in pain. At least he's not acting that way.

A poster from another board I frequent suggested I try using a hot water bottle for him to nuzzle against to comfort him. I couldn't find a hot water bottle but I did find this microwaveable heat pack. He was perplexed at first when I placed it next to him but has since snuggled right up to it. So, he's hanging in there as best he can.

I'm sure you'll do what is best for little Max, hope you two are okay.

All the best,

andrea

[samhaincat]

To Andrea and Karen,
I have been in the same position as both of you with two of my pets, first my beloved Zody who had an abdominal tumour and then my sweet Nymph who had kidney failure. I was in touch with a homeopathic vet online and what I found to be a godsend for Nymph was arseni%% album 10M (you can usually get it from any homeopathic vets -if you need help in knowing how to mix it just email me), it helps to make the passing much more peaceful and also helps them while they are still alive to get the most out of life and to feel the best they can. Another remedy which worked wonders was Back's flower remedy impatients (health food stores usually carry it)---it works as a potent pain killer and apparently even works better than morphine on humans. I used it for Nymph when I realized the end was near and rubbed it onto her ears. She went peacefully and painfree. It was so hard losing her but at least I know I made her last days as enjoyable, love filled and painfree as possible.
I am so sorry for the both of you, I know how agonizing it is but letting them know how much you love them also helps.

[Muffins]

Hi Andrea & Karen:

Calvin surprised me again this morning, joining the other cat for breakfast. He's back to napping in his normal spot at the foot of the bed. After work I did get the pain medication (Butorphanol????) but I haven't given him any yet because he doesn't look like he's in pain. At least he's not acting that way.

Karen, that sounds wonderful to me!!! I love that your sweet Calvin is acting 'somewhat' normally.....

I will keep everything crossed that Calvin continues to do well----And pray that he stay as comfortable as possible!!

I know when our sweet Ernie-Bird would act herself when she was ill with hyperthyroidism and kidney failure, I was just sooooooo happy & thrilled!! Every single minute that I got to spend with her was a true gift from God!!


ANDREA: The hot water bottle sounds like such a wonderful idea.....I know that our kids just love the warmth, and it is very soothing to them. I'm sure that Calvin absolutely loves it!!!


KAREN: I know that "bluurrrp" sound!!!!!!!! (Mr. Yoster sounds like a bird, too!!)

I certainly don't want him to get to the point that he can't get up, use his box and completely stop eating......as long as I'm giving him his fluids though I think this could go on like this a while.

I think that we all feel that way, Karen..... Gets to the point of, "is this a quality, HAPPY LIFE, for our kids??" It sounds as if Mr. Max is hanging in there....

Mr. Max has done well since I've known you, having his sub-Q fluids, and I remember that always made him feel pretty chipper!!

It is sooooooooooooooo hard though, having a furbaby that doesn't feel well and/or has a chronic illness -- I know that ---
I remember only too well, though it has been 21 months since Ernestine went to the Bridge....
Of course, we do miss her a lot!! But, I know that she's happy and without pain, and nothing could make me happier than that!!!

Please, Keep in touch Andrea & Karen and let us know how Calvin & Max are doing...... Okay????

God Bless You & Yours!!

Love, Denise

[karen424]

Thank you Denise....and Andrea...

I did end up making the appointment to peacefully end Max's pain for
Thursday at 7PM....even though he had a very good day on Tuesday
and this morning he was doing pretty well. I just can't watch him
each day battle with those moments of discomfort. I truly want him
to leave this world with his dignity in tact and his memories of his
life with his mommy and daddy still vivid in his heart. Honestly
I am making myself sick over this and there are times that I just
want to cancel the appointment and see how it goes. I'm very confused,
even after talking to his vet on the phone last night. She feels that
if dignity is important then this is the time.....I have never, ever been
so torn up over anything in my life.

Karen

[Muffins]

Dear (((((((Karen)))))))

Please know that I am here for you............if you have lost our phone number & you want to talk, please PM or e-mail me and I will send it right back to you.....

We know just how difficult this is....

Our prayers are with you always....

God Bless.

Love, Denise xo