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> My Beloved Noah
moon_beam
post Nov 11 2017, 05:00 AM
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At 1:52 a.m. I received a call from Noah's overnight physician from the ER hospital. A "quick" ultrasound was done on Noah at some point after I left visiting him, and fluid was found in his abdomen. A sample of the fluid was taken which showed definite bacteria - - which means something in my precious Noah's abdomen was perforated or leaking. This is always considered a surgical emergency, which I approved.

At 2:20 a.m. the surgeon called me to let me know that there was nothing she could do for my precious Noah. His stomach had ruptured from multiple tumors and there was nothing but dead tissue in place of his stomach. The only thing that could be done for him was to mercifully transition him from this earthly realm. She agreed that she could keep Noah comfortable under anesthesia until I arrived to be with him when the drugs were administered. I arrived at the hospital around 3:20 a.m., and around 3:30 a.m. Noah joined his beautiful sibling baby sister Abbygayle and adopted big kitty brother Eli in heaven's perfect garden.

Needless to say my heart is aching right now and the tears are flowing, but there are so many things I am thankful for - - one of them having had the honor and privilege of being his human caregiver all the 14 years of his sweet physical life. I will get a pawprint and his ashes back sometime within the next week.

I want to thank each of you for your comforting support during this time of great sorrow,

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Tom's Dad
post Nov 11 2017, 08:11 AM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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From: Louisville KY
Member No.: 6,946



Oh moon_beam sad.gif

My heart is so heavy and aching for the loss of your precious Noah. Tang, Anne and I send our most heartfelt condolences. I wish I could think of more to say, but know that we are here for you. Noah is now with his siblings, Thomas, Theresa, Mickey and all the other waifs. Please let us know how you are doing.


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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LittleGirl's...
post Nov 11 2017, 02:20 PM
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Moon_beam,

I am sending you my heartfelt sympathies. During sweet Noah's earthly life he had the BEST of caretakers, and he will always have you! It's true what we tell the other grieving pet parents who come to this page: Noah is in the most blissful state right now--more than we can imagine. He's pain-free for good. There's no time/space separation. He's with Abbygayle and Eli, and the 3 of them will be greeting you when one day your earthly time is over. What bliss you will all share. In the meantime, they all want to comfort you. wub.gif wub.gif wub.gif

My Sunny got some bad lab results. He is now at end-stage kidney disease and has, at most, a few months left. I was terrified when I saw the look on the vet's face when she came into the room with the lab results. Terrified that this (today) might be it. We settled back in at home and he gobbled up some food ! And he's napping contentedly in the sun right now. I am so thankful. It'll be one day at a time...

We'll be in touch. I will check for other notes from you.

Sending huge prayers of peace your way.

Kathy


--------------------
Compassion for all animals. www.earthlings.com
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moon_beam
post Nov 11 2017, 02:38 PM
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Thank you, Tracy for your and Anne's most kind and comforting support. The tears come in waves and right now it's hard to focus on much of anything, so I have to force myself to concentrate on what I'm doing. I know this is all a part of the grieving process, but it doesn't make the process any easier.

I hope you, your precious Tang, and Anne are doing well. I'm sorry for not being able to keep up our daily correspondence right now on your topic but I will get back to you when I can, so please don't think I'm neglecting you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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moon_beam
post Nov 11 2017, 02:48 PM
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Hi, Kathy, thank you so much for your kind and comforting support. Right now tears are flowing so it's hard to see what I'm typing. I'm so glad he's no longer in pain. As his surgeon said last night this situation didn't happen overnight -- it was developing over a significant amount of time. When I think over these past 10 months I realize now how much he was hiding from me so that I wouldn't worry about him while I was in agonizing pain. I am so thankful that his last memory of me was one of decent health being on the RA medication which significantly reduced the intense pain so that I could once again hold him in my arms. What a joy it was to be able to do that again!!! I do have so many things to be thankful for and I"m trying to hold onto them and focus on them as I travel this horrible grief adjustment journey.

I"m so sorry about your precious Sunny's lab results. I know you're on a roller coaster ride now of embracing the good days and wondering when THE bad day will come when you may have to make that heartbreaking decision for your precious boy. Please know your precious Sunny and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you once again, Kathy, for your comforting support. It is greatly appreciated.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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LittleGirl's...
post Nov 11 2017, 04:10 PM
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Moon_beam,

Thank you for your prayers our way, even as you navigate this excruciating grief-adjustment journey.

Aww -- Noah hid the extent of his issues from you because he was so concerned about you -- and vs. vs. It is amazing what love makes us do. wub.gif

Do you also have in-person support? I just hate to think of you alone (well, your fur angels are all with you, but as far as having an understanding, compassionate human nearby to talk with--even by phone, to reach out to).

Do you think you might be up to (sometime--when you're ready) sharing a picture of Noah? I'd love to see him, as well as Eli and Abbygayle.

Continued prayers,

Kathy


--------------------
Compassion for all animals. www.earthlings.com
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Tom's Dad
post Nov 11 2017, 04:34 PM
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Oh moon_beam.

Do NOT worry about our daily correspondence. That should be the least of your concerns right now. From what the admin has stated, it's going to be a moot point soon enough.

You just concentrate on taking care of yourself. I think it's what Noah would want. As you said, he hid much from you so that you could get better and be able to hold him in your arms again. But, for what it's worth, I'm glad the site is still here for you at this most difficult of times. Thoughts and Prayers.

Tracy, Anne, Tang and of course angels Theresa and Tom.


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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moon_beam
post Nov 11 2017, 05:31 PM
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Hi, Kathy, thank you for your comforting support. You can see a picture of my beloved Abbygayle in her topic "Abbygale's Journey" in the Death and Dying forum, page 7 of the topic titles. You may need to scroll through some of the pages until you see her. I was crying so hard when I opened her topic that I misspelled her name - - the correct spelling of her name is Abbygayle.

You can see a picture of my beloved Noah in his topic "My Precious Noah", on page 4.

You can see a picture of my beloved Eli on page 10 in my topic "Oslo" which is on page 11 of the topic titles. The picture of Eli is when he was a baby kitty cuddled next to his big doggy brother Oslo.

I am the only one in my family who feels strongly about the bond we have with our companions, so talking to family members about it is very limited. The only people I KNOW I can share what is in my heart are here on this wonderful forum - - and that's okay. I will miss this place when Marc sunsets the forum in 2019. I'm not a fan of social media, so participating in facebook, etc., is not much of an option for me. So for now I am blessed to have you, LoveMyMickey, and Tracy to share this adjustment journey with me.

I hope you and your precious Sunny will have a very peaceful evning, and will be back online tomorrow.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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moon_beam
post Nov 11 2017, 05:33 PM
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Hi, Tracy, I thank you and Anne for your comforting support. Thank you for understanding about my limited ability to communicate right now. I hope you, your precious prince Tang, and Anne will have a very peaceful evening. I will be back online tomorrow.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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LoveMyMickey
post Nov 11 2017, 05:56 PM
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Oh my dear moon_beam......I am crying again. I was so afraid of coming to the forum tonight, thinking of what news I would find. I'm not very good with putting my thoughts into words, but know I am deeply saddened.

I know my little angel Mickey will join the other little angels here to comfort you and watch over little angel Noah in God's Perfect Garden......Please know my prayers will always be with you.....God Bless..

(((HUGS)))

LoveMyMickey


--------------------
"Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."
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janika
post Nov 12 2017, 03:00 AM
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Dear Moon_beam
I am so heart broken to hear that your beloved , precious Noah has had to move onto the next stage of his journey 😒. Please know that I am thinking of you and sending great big hugs for you at this very sad time. You have so many wonderful memories to treasure and they will bring you so much comfort in the time to come . Noah has joined our Angels , he’ll be watching over you , in your heart and soul forever πŸ’ž
Much love Jan , Kobi and Rocco, and all of my Angels πŸ’žπŸŒˆπŸ’žxx
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moon_beam
post Nov 12 2017, 09:58 AM
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Hi, LoveMyMickey, thank you so much for your comforting support. I also thank your beloved angel Mickey's comforting support and his greeting my beloved Noah when he joined the angels. I know my beloved Noah's time to transition from this earthly realm was coming simply because of his age, but I wish he was spared the agony of of his last hours. I know so many here have wished the same thing for their beloved companions as well.

Thank you again so much for your being here, LoveMyMickey.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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LittleGirl's...
post Nov 12 2017, 10:12 AM
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Moon_beam.... My Sunny has taken a turn for the worse ! It may be today ! sad.gif sad.gif sad.gif Will keep you posted. And I'm thinking about you.
Kathy
QUOTE (moon_beam @ Nov 12 2017, 09:58 AM) *
Hi, LoveMyMickey, thank you so much for your comforting support. I also thank your beloved angel Mickey's comforting support and his greeting my beloved Noah when he joined the angels. I know my beloved Noah's time to transition from this earthly realm was coming simply because of his age, but I wish he was spared the agony of of his last hours. I know so many here have wished the same thing for their beloved companions as well.

Thank you again so much for your being here, LoveMyMickey.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam



--------------------
Compassion for all animals. www.earthlings.com
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moon_beam
post Nov 12 2017, 10:20 AM
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Hi, Jan, thank you so much for your comforting support. I am so grateful for all the years I had with my beloved Noah. It's a hard reality to adjust to when our companion's earthly journey ends. Yesterday I took the cushion and blanket out of his stroller and sobbed holding it tightly to me remembering how he always sought the comfort of his stroller when he was in the vet's office. He would even climb into it here at home when he wanted some "private" time. When he was so ill I was so worried that maybe somehow he got into something toxic here at home despite my preventive precautions - - or ate a bug or got bitten by a spider that was poisonous to him. But it was cancer that took his life from me, as it has taken each of my companions, and strange as this may sound this is some comfort to me -- that it was something I had no control over, it was something I couldn't prevent. But this still doesn't stop my heart from breaking, it doesn't stop the deep pain of grieving for the selfish wish that I still want him here with me so that I can hold HIM in my arms instead of his stroller cushion and blanket.

Thank you again, Jan, for sharing my grief journey, and I know your beloved angels are with my beloved Noah acquainting him with everything to do and see in heaven's perfect garden.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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moon_beam
post Nov 13 2017, 10:52 AM
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It is Monday, 11/13/2017 and I cannot believe it's been 3 days now since I last held my beloved Noah in my arms to comfort him as his sweet Living Spirit transitioned from this earthly realm. I am now waiting for a telephone call telling me my beloved Noah's ashes and pawprints are ready for pick up.

With the critical medical challenges I have had over the past 2 years I knew my beloved Noah would be my last companion. Up until this time I had always thought that I would be able to have a companion in my life, but these past 2 years with extreme medical crises to deal with have taught me that this no longer is the case. It will be a HUGE major adjustment not having another living precious soul to care for. Another "reality check" in this grief adjustment journey. The holidays are quickly approaching and for me from this time forward they will be the "most horrible time of the year". I will have to put on my "public face" to endure the family gatherings with my brother and his wife in Bedford, knowing all the while my beloved Noah is no longer physically here to greet me when I get home making coming home almost unbearable. This house that used to hold so much joy over these 21 years is now empty, silent, and lifeless. I bought this home to be a safe haven for my companions, and it has been. Now there doesn't seem much purpose to stay here anymore. This place is too big for just me. I have begun the process of trying to get it ready to put up for sale next spring so that I can move to Bedford to be geographically closer to my brother and his wife making the travel distance shorter for my brother to help me with MD appointments, getting prescriptions from the pharmacy for me, etc.. Both of us are only getting older, and my brother is older than I am in age.

So this is how life is - - at least for now. I know it's all a part of the grieving process, but knowing this doesn't make the process any easier.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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moon_beam
post Nov 13 2017, 11:44 PM
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I was able to pick up my beloved Noah's ashes and clay pawprint late this afternoon and stopped by a place to order a plaque for his and Abbygayle's urn - - they will be together in one urn.

I also received a call from the infusion center where I will begin infusions of a new drug for my rheumatoid arthritis. The appointment is scheduled for Tuesday, 11/28, at 12:45 p.m.. This will be the beginning of routine infusions each of them taking at least 3 hours. I'm glad my beloved Noah is no longer subjected to my numerous MD and treatment appointments. He is in a much better place now with his beautiful baby sister Abbygayle, his big adopted kitty brother Eli, and all the beloved companions and angels in heaven's perfect garden.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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moon_beam
post Nov 14 2017, 11:58 AM
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It's lonely here. Everything I did revolved around my beloved Noah. Errands I would run would be planned so that I wouldn't be gone long from him. I cringed when my medical appointments were hours long worrying about my precious boy and wanting to get home to him as fast as I could. I got a lap top computer so that I could work on things and be physically close to him instead of restricted to the desk top computer. Now I can hardly stand to look at it. Just his sweet physical presence filled the house. Now the house is so empty and cold - - my life is so empty and cold. I know this sounds so selfish. I wouldn't want him back here with me in agonizing pain. Knowing he is free of pain and restored to former youthfulness in the company of the angels is comforting to me - - still my heart and arms ache to hold him, to smell his fur - - to have his sweet body cuddled close to me - -to have him come join me here at the desk and stretch out to keep me company. Nothing seems important now, nothing seems to have much purpose for me now. I know in time this will change as the deep grief eases, but for now - - life hurts.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Tom's Dad
post Nov 14 2017, 06:18 PM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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Member No.: 6,946



Oh moon_beam sad.gif

My heart aches for what you are going through. I wish I had the beautiful words to express that, but I do not. But know that we are all here for you in this most difficult time of adjustment. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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LittleGirl's...
post Nov 14 2017, 07:55 PM
Post #19





Group: Moderators
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Member No.: 274



Moon_beam,

It is not at all selfish of you to share your feelings. I got stabbing pangs in my chest reading your post just now. You gave the biggest, best gift to release sweet Noah from his physical body at the exact time that you did. And yet---in doing so, you took on so much pain it's almost unfathomable. My heart aches for and with you. I am SO FORTUNATE to have my precious Cubby here physically with me ! I'll write more soon.

I am sorry you have to endure such medical agony---on top of everything else!!!

Kathy

Yesterday afternoon, coming home after the "appointment" I
QUOTE (moon_beam @ Nov 14 2017, 11:58 AM) *
It's lonely here. Everything I did revolved around my beloved Noah. Errands I would run would be planned so that I wouldn't be gone long from him. I cringed when my medical appointments were hours long worrying about my precious boy and wanting to get home to him as fast as I could. I got a lap top computer so that I could work on things and be physically close to him instead of restricted to the desk top computer. Now I can hardly stand to look at it. Just his sweet physical presence filled the house. Now the house is so empty and cold - - my life is so empty and cold. I know this sounds so selfish. I wouldn't want him back here with me in agonizing pain. Knowing he is free of pain and restored to former youthfulness in the company of the angels is comforting to me - - still my heart and arms ache to hold him, to smell his fur - - to have his sweet body cuddled close to me - -to have him come join me here at the desk and stretch out to keep me company. Nothing seems important now, nothing seems to have much purpose for me now. I know in time this will change as the deep grief eases, but for now - - life hurts.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam



--------------------
Compassion for all animals. www.earthlings.com
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moon_beam
post Nov 15 2017, 01:34 PM
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Hi, Tracy, thank you for your most thoughtful comforting support. Your words are just fine, my friend. Friendships know how to listen to the words of the heart. Hopefully in time this agonizing deep grief will be less intense, but for now it's a consuming black hole.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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