No Easy Way

I have come to realize in the last few months that there is no easy way to lose someone you love.

I have felt guilt from euthanizing a beloved pet, wondering if I should have done more, waited longer, was it their time... all those questions. Having a pet die in your arms at home provokes guilt as well. What did I miss, was I not paying close enough attention to his diet? Should I have rushed him into the vet anyway. Did I over feed too much of this, not feed enough of that?

This been a year of loss for animals close to me. I lost my cat New Years eve. One of my beloved birds in February as well as my beloved poodle Misty. A baby bird in July, the father chewed the toes off of it and killed it, it wasn't even 12 hours old. The cat I gave my mom for Christmas 20 years ago in mid October and my Little Degu "Doug" at the end of October, he died right in my hands, there is no nice way of dying. I held Doug for 3 hours, petting him until he passed, about a minute of funny breathing and he was gone.

No matter whether you make that decision or God does some of us will always wonder if we could have changed it, stopped it, made it better... all of this comes from the Love we share, and the loss. I have come to realize it's all part of the greiving process that we all go through, all are different, none are right or wrong, it's all just part and parcel.

I have 18 critters left at home, ranging in age from 3 months to 19 years; their time will come. I will greive for all of them, and wonder if somehow I could have fixed them as well... Boy there is going to be a crowd at the gate to heaven when I get there.

My Poodles Sister

I am getting another dog, ironically it's my last poodles Littermate, Bernie, she is 14 years old. some people think this is crazy, adopting another old dog. I am letting myself in for more heartache, and I agree that yes, one day she too will pass and I will grieve and it will be hard, but nothing worth having or loving in life is ever easy. The young lady that owns this dog is working fulltime and going to school part time, and neither of her parents are willing to take the dog, so she contacted me to see how Misty was doing, she was sad to hear Misty had passed, but was wondering if I might consider taking care of Bernie. I said I would. In some ways I feel like I owe it to Misty, when Bernie passes their ashes will be together, always. Misty was such a ligth in my life. Bernie might be able to help Prince my young poodle with some of his fears of people, being a good example. He has learned quite a bit from some of my friends dogs.

Seems like a new start, but I know when I see her I will cry, she looks just like my little Misty. Lets pray for a couple of healthy years for her too.