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> Missing My Quazar, My Hearts Broken And In Agony, Hemangiosarcoma sucks
post Jun 4 2019, 02:12 PM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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Joined: 4-June 19
Member No.: 9,271

I fell like i made the wrong choice, im in so much agony it hurts my heart. It's been just over 1 month since I had no good options but to send my big black beautiful Labrador named Quazar over the rainbow bridge. It was very unexpected and has left my heart and soul broken in a million pieces. He was my best friend, loyal companion, confidant, furry soulmate and my everything. I still feel like it happened yesterday, time seems to be standing still. He passed from a heart hemangiosarcoma that ruptured filling the pericardium sac arround the heart with blood. The first vet we saw faied him and thought he bad aspiration pneumonia, his breathing rate was rapid and he wasn't able to get up, the vet gave him lots of treatment and we were sent home. He only cared about money and getting out of the clinic by closing time. I'm so very disappointed. The emergency clinic we ended up at diagnosed him within minutes. I was not ready for this diagnosis. They advised that we could try draining the fluid but that he could pass away during the procedure. This may of provided us with hours to days with him. There was no cure but we could have had surgery, followed by chemo and radiation that could provide on average maybe a few months together if the treatment didnt take his life first. This treatment plan did not seem fair to my boy. We sent him over the rainbow bridge and my heart has been broken ever since. I am doubting my decision, feeling like maybe we should of atleast tried to treat him. I don't like going over the woulda shoulda game in my head everyday. I hope I did right by him, i miss him more then anything. I am grateful for our time together, he was 2 weeks shy of his 13th birthday. I just don't know how to start healing from this devastating experience. I am thankful for this forum, I'm hoping that by posting my experience it will help start the healing process. I miss my Quazar, he made everyday sparkle for me, now everything seems dull. I am so very sorry for every one here who are going through and have hone through this awful grieving process too. It really gnaws at the heart. I am doubting my self and dont know if i really made the right choice, he was my everything and im feeling like i just gave up. This unexpected loss is breaking whats left of my heart. I miss him.
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post Jun 4 2019, 03:37 PM
Post #2

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Hi, quazarsmom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Quazar. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. I know so very well from first hand experience how traumatizing it is to lose a beloved companion unexpectedly.

Quazarsmom, euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions so that they can be released from their frail, failing, painful physical body and be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels. It is never an easy decision to make - - it isn't meant to be easy. Sadly, part of the grieving process includes being haunted by the "shoulda's woulda's coulda's" - - but knowing this doesn't help to diminish the painful grief / remorse we have to contend with until our hearts and minds can reconcile the honest fact that the best decision was made for our beloved companion at a time when we are so emotionally vulnerable knowing that they would no longer be physically with us.

This grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in a moment, an hour, a day, a week, a month -- it can only be traveled one day at a time sometimes one moment at a time. It seems like every moment of every hour of every day is a constant excruciatingly painful reminder that our beloved companion is no longer physically with us. During their earthly journey with us they were the center of our universe. When they precede us to the angels the focus of our lives is completely changed. We are faced with the incredibly painful and difficult task of inventing a "new normal". During the deep grief we function on what I call "automatic pilot" - - chores get done, jobs get done, bills get paid, etc., but it seems like they are accomplished without our conscious participation. This is perfectly normal during deep grief. Our brain is literally in "survival mode" - - and this helps us to continue to "function" on a very basic level.

I promise you, quazarsmom, that it won't always be like this. Eventually the deep grief does ease and hopefully in time you will be able to find peace in your heart that your beloved Quazar is eternally thankful to you for your enduring love. For love is eternal, quazarsmom - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Quazar's sweet Living Spirit is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you. You are forever blessed to be his sole, and soul, heir to his eternal love.

I know so very well from first hand experience that there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, and encouragement as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for sharing with us your beloved Quazar. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,

In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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