She Would Have Been A Year Old On Wednesday

It has been just over four months since I lost Purdy. Her death has just been so difficult for me to accept. I adopted two kittens five weeks after she passed away. They have helped to ease the loneliness and get me back into a routine, but I still think about Purdy all the time. In the days immediately after her death I wanted to die because the pain was so bad. I felt that I had lost everything. Purdy really was the light of my life.

Heidi and Coco are lovely kittens. I do love them but I don't have the same bond that I had with Purdy. This probably down to the fact that they have each other, and don't pay me as much attention. Sometimes I look at them and want to cry because I can't help thinking that something bad is going to happen to them. I am so scared them getting sick.

Can't Bond With New Kittens.

Last Friday I picked up two kittens. I got them from the same shelter that I adopted Purdy from. I thought it would help, but instead I can't stop crying because I keep thinking about when I took Purdy home. It is so unfair that she is not here with me.

The kittens are being well cared for, but I don't love them. I loved Purdy from the very beginning and don't feel like that this time. I want my baby back. Its been six weeks now and I still feel dead inside. I don't understand why she was taken from me. We should have had years together.

I feel bad that I can't bond with the kittens. What is wrong with me?? All I can think of is my Purdy. Everybody in my life thinks I should be over it by now. I have only just gone back to work, and can barely make it through the day without crying. The second I get home I break down.

I keep dreaming that she has gone missing, and i'm looking for her. When I wake up in the middle of the night I just lie there and cry. The other night I woke up half asleep and turned around looking for her. Then the pain hits me again.

She was my pet, we only had each other. I have nobody to share my grief or memories with. Life without her is unbearable.

A Poem For Purdy

In loving memory of my beautiful girl. Born on the 27th August 2007, went to heaven on 10th April 2008. I will treasure the six months that we had together for the rest of my life.

Lend Me a Kitten
I will lend to you for awhile a kitten, God said.
For you to love while she lives, and mourn when she's dead.
Maybe for twelve or fourteen years, or maybe two or three.
But will you, 'till I call her back, take care of her for me?

She'll bring his charms to gladden you and, should her stay be brief
You'll always have her memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promises he will stay, since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught below I want this kitten to learn.

I've looked the whole world over in search of teachers true.
And from the folk that crowds life's land I have chosen you.
Now will you give her all your love, nor think the labor vain?
Nor hate me when I come to take my kitten home again?

I fancied that I heard them say 'Dear Lord Thy Will Be Done'
For all the joys this kitten brings the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter her with tenderness, we'll love her while we may.
And for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay.

But should you call her back much sooner than we planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand.
If, by our love we've managed your wishes to achieve,
Then in memory of her whom we loved, please help us while we grieve.
When our cherished kitten departs this world of strife,
Please send yet another needing soul for us to love all his life.

Author Unknown

My Kitten Died, And I Can't Cope

Three weeks ago my beautiful seven month old kitten Purdy died. She had spend weeks in intensive care, as her immune system was attacking her bone marrow. She became severely anaemic, and although it seemed that she was getting better, she passed away during the night.

My heart is broken. I live alone, and have suffered from depression for years. Purdy made such a huge difference to my life. She was the only thing that had made me feel truly happy in years. Purdy was the sweetest cat that I could ever have wished for. She followed me everywhere and I adored her. I can't believe that I am never going to see her again, it has all been such a shock. I thought we had years together.

I might find this easier to accept if she was an old cat that had lived her life, but she was just a baby. I am also devastated that I didn't get to say goodbye properly and wasn't there when she died. Every time I think of her struggling for breath at the end my heart breaks all over again. I never, ever wanted her to suffer.

The day before she died I went into hospital to see her as usual, but she was very grumpy and distressed and wouldn't let me touch her. I get upset every time I think about it because I didn't get to hold her one last time.

I haven't been at work since she went into hospital nearly two months ago. I just can't stop crying and nobody seems to understand what I have lost. I have been so lonely without her. I went back to the charity that I got her from and I am adopting two kittens from them a week on friday. I feel so guilty about that too. They'll never replace her.

I keep finding her fur everywhere which sets me off crying, and can't bear to hoover up. Its as if I would be removing any evidence that she was ever here.

Its four weeks now since she passed away, and the pain isn't getting easier. I can't accept her death and just wan't her back so much that it physically hurts.