Sweetie, Loss of friend Options

[Doxie]

Hi.....I moved this topic from the Cyber-Shoulder area to Death & Dying forum, for more exposure.
Denise (Muffins)...


I recently lost my little "Sweetie". She was a black & tan mini Dachshund. She was attacked by my son's 80 lb lab. It is extremely difficult since she has done this before and I allowed the dog to stay. We have kept them separtated, but a mistake was made. We thought she was under her blanket in my daughters room and she was under the one in the living room. I let the lab in the house and Sweetie came out. I tried to stop it, but couldn't. My daughter and I jumped on the lab and I put my hands in her mouth. Finally she let go, but the vet said she didn't think Sweetie would make it. She was ripped open and part of her intestines were out, there was damage to her spleen and other things that I can't remember. The vet said they wouldn't even know what internal damage was done until they got inside and because of her age (13) she didn't think we should give her anymore pain. She was already in pain. We decided to let Sweetie go. They gave her the shot in her front leg because the vet said she was in too much pain in her back legs. Now the guilt.
1. I let the lab stay when I knew she would try again.
2. I didn't protect Sweetie and she was little and innocent.
3. I made a quick decission about letting Sweetie go. We didn't try. I don't know if it would have made a difference.
4. I want to really talk to the vet, but am afraid to. She may say we could have tried and I can't handle that.
5. My son is an adult and he is living here. He doesn't understand I can't see his dog because it hurts me. I love animals and I still feel sorry for his lab and the fact that I don't want it around. Animals do animal things. I have grown up with animals all my life on a farm and understand this. But I can't forgive the lab, because I feel it would do Sweetie a dishonor. And then I start crying again.
I cry myself to sleep at night and every morning when I wake up. During the day at work I can start thinking about Sweetie and start crying. I don't know how to get over this. Thanks for listening. All my family live in another state and we aren't really close. My two children are grown, although my daughter has been really supportive. I feel for her because I had asked her is all three dachshunds were in her room and she thought they were. She also feels responsible. Again..thanks..you know how you must get things out. I appreciate this. Doxie

This post has been edited by Muffins: Aug 18 2004, 09:29 PM

[clareriley]

Hi Sweetie, I dont think that you should feel guilty at all,. in your mind your dog was safe, it was just a tragedy that she wasnt but you didnt mean for it to happen, and with the putting her to sleep it sounds like you did the right thing.
I hope you are ok.

[gingerspal]

Dear Doxie,
I am so sorry that you lost your Sweetie! and to have it be a violent end must be so very hard for you. I can only imagine that you are exactly like so many of us here---you feel so responsible because your dear animal was dependent on you for everything. We have had many discussions about this very subject on this board because there is not a one of us---not a ONE who doesn't feel responsible for our pets demise! Doxie, I could show you post after post of each pet owner and each one will read the same way..."What if I had gotten him to the vet sooner? What if I had gotten home earlier, what if I hadn't shut the gate? what if I had opened the gate?..." on and on all these things are because every pet owner without exception feels that not only could they have prevented what happened but that they were entirely remiss or responsible 100%. We have all concluded this is because of the daily requirements for every single thing our pets needed from us. We provided for them and controlled their entire environment..so it stands to reason that however the end is reached we want to provide for and control that too. But there is no end that we will "like". It can come when our animal reaches a ripe age and the vet can do no more...we would STILL have doubts!!

What happened with your sweetie is so traumatic for you! But please remember, it was an accident. There is no way that you wanted anything like this to happen to your best friend!! To have your beloved and defenseless friend fall victim to another animal feels so cruel, I am certain. I am sure what you are feeling about the other dog is to be expected too! For quite awhile I blamed my significant other (most vehemently!) for the accident that claimed my Ginger's life. Really, anger IS part and parcel of the grief process and it is normal. As a matter of fact, were you to skip part of the process (anger and blame) your healing would not be complete. I just know this firsthand. Unfortunately, it is something we must travel through before we can get to the other side of our pain. But, remember--anytime you want a place where your feelings will be "heard" and completely understood, you can come here.

Doxie, your Sweetie is at the rainbow bridge right now and Sweetie feels no pain and is in perfect happiness..chasing about and carefree and young. Sweetie will be waiting for you for when you will be reunited again..and you will!! and when you are Sweetie will have only love for you as always. Sweetie knows (just as I do) that you had nothing but love in your heart always for her.

My significant other and I ran over my wonderful cat Ginger in our own driveway with a truck. I can't "forgive" myself either...but it has gotten better, Doxie..it really has. I just kept coming here and learning about pet loss. Please send me a personal message if you want to talk or anything...ok?? I know how much this hurts and I am thinking of you.
Love,
Patti

p.s. You have to know also from how you described this that your vet would not have been able to save Sweetie. You did the right thing. Anything else would have been cruel. You did what you did out of love.

[Muffins]

Dear Doxie:

I am terribly sorry that you lost your little furdog, "Sweetie"!!!

What Patti (Gingerspal) said is soooooooooo very true about "guilt" that we all feel when our pets die.
And, when your sweet girl had a violent end that you witnessed, I can only imagine how awful that was.

How long ago did this happen??

You will be sad for a very long time, Doxie..... I'm sure that your daughter also will, along with your son!!

It hurts, and it hurts like hell....

Our situation was different.... Ernestine was ill with thyroid and kidney disease, and she had to be put to sleep on
2/7/2004.......... She was two months shy of 20 years old.
We are extremely grateful that we shared our lives for soooooooo long together --- very, very lucky!

The one thing that was extremely instrumental in my healing was this place - LIGHTNING-STRIKE!!!!
I have "met" sooooooo many people on this site that have ALWAYS BEEN HERE FOR ME....

For the longest while, I just stayed here on this site, I kept posting & rambling on and on (not sure if I was
making any sense at all) ---- But, everyone said to just keep writing..........Get all this pain and suffering off of
my chest.....Which I did!!!
All the wonderful people here understood everything that I wrote, and so many people answered my posts,
and helped me immensely.

That's the advice I have for you, Doxie...... Honestly, just KEEP COMING HERE!!!!!

And, the tears that you are crying.....they are HEALING TEARS....
I cried anywhere & everywhere........... I believe that we all have....

Your precious, darling "Sweetie", is at Rainbow's Bridge now............and she's running around and having
a wonderful time......... Playing with lots of new friends.... She isn't in any pain anymore ---
Her body is WHOLE!!!!

And, one day, after you have lived your life on this Earth, just the way "Sweetie" would want you to, it will
be time for you and she to be reunited again.

As Kathy (Little Girl's Mommy) always says, "Your Sweetie is in perfect bliss right now.....No pain, no suffering"....

I truly believe that you did the right thing in letting your beloved "Sweetie" go.......
After we had Ernestine put to sleep, someone on this site told me, .......................
"You took on Ernestine's pain, so that she could finally be without pain......

That was the only statement that made sense to me at that time....

God Bless you & your family, Doxie....

Please keep in touch, and let us know how you are doing..... Okay???

Love, Denise

p.s. One thing that helped me is picking out different names, and then checking out "their healing process" --- How
their particular journey went - and is still going in lots of cases.....
It helped me greatly to know that what I was feeling was "normal"....
Actually, there really is NO ABNORMAL....
We are all different, and the way that we grieve is also different.
I hope that each day you feel a tiny bit better, my friend....

[deedee]

I am so sorry for your loss. Please try to let go of the guilt. You are trying to second-guess everything. When you made the decision to free her from her pain, you did so on the advice of the vet. Since they deal with suffering and injuries all of the time, please trust that your vet gave you the best advice she was capable of.

It is understandable that you don't want to see your son's dog right now. Since he is still in YOUR home, feel free to enforce some rules. It is unfortunate that he doesn't understand why you feel the way you do, but his understanding comes behind your own healing. Don't feel bad for putting your foot down.

Again, I am very sorry for your loss. Sweetie and you were blessings for each other and she knows that you love her!

dee dee

[Wanda]

Doxie-I am so sorry for your loss. It was really tragic for Sweetie and I feel really bad concerning her tragic end. Please just know that all of us here have been through all of the grief, pain, and guilt. We know what you are going through and it's not easy. We've all been there. My 17 year old furkitty died 1 month 25 days ago. I miss him so very much. I know he loves me and I know he knows I love him very much. I treasure every minute, hour, days, and years that we had together. I know he's at Rainbow Bridge healthy, playing, running, and having a wonderful time with lots of new friends. Just as your Sweetie is. I cried a lot and I still do at times but it's a healing to cry. I am glad that I came here even though they have made me cry several times but that's okay. My keyboard has gotten plenty wet during all this but it's worth it! There are wonderful, caring, and compassionate people here and I am very glad to be here! So, Please, keep coming here!


Wanda

[Ann H]

I cried as I read this and I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through. Our babies are just like our human babies and try as we might we can not always keep them out of harms way. All we can do is the best we can and this was just not your fault since you thought she was safe. I know it must be eating you up with guilt but you are not to blame. I am so so sorry this happened to your baby.
Ann

[Jjay]

Doxie hun everyone can tell you dearly love Sweetie
It was not youre fault you must know that!
You love Sweetie you wouldnt indanger her On purpose Sweetie loves you so so so much you gave her everything most importantly the love she wanted!
Shes still with you Everything you do Sweetie is there watching over her mummy *mommy*!
Love Jaymie X

[BabyHannahsMom]

I am so sorry about Sweetie. I can imagine how bad you feel. I had a little bird that was killed by my adopted dog, and I was right in the next room. There was nothing I could do by the time I got there. I "should have" had the bird in his cage because the bird and the dog didn't know each other. I should have ..." The list is endless and it broke my heart. Then there's my baby girl Hannah. I'll always wonder what I might have done differently during her entire life so could have been healthier longer -- altho she was almost 16.

You did NOT intentionally let the dog get to your little Sweetie. Accidents do happen. They happen in a flash, before we know it. Accidents are part of our lives. One minute someone is here, the next they are gone. It is really hard to comprehend for sure.

I am really really sorry your son doesn't understand. Also, when Maggie killed Babe, I was so upset with her, I almost packed her up and took her to an animal rescue group or a kennel or something. But, I just couldn't. I knew Maggie did not know what she had done, and I know she did not mean to kill my Babe. She just wanted to play. And then, that gets to where I start blaming myself, so I won't go there again. It serves no good purpose.

Sweetie knows how much you loved her, and you loved and protected her for 13 years. It doesn't sound to me as if there was anything that could be done for Sweetie. I too had to go back and talk to all of Hannah's vets. You already said the vet said you needed to let Sweetie go. I'm sure if you go talk to him, he will confirm that you did the only thing you could do. You had to rely on the vet because it was such a traumatic thing for you. There's no way you could think rationally during that time. Just remember, you know, and Sweetie knows, and all of us here know, that you loved your Sweetie. It was not your fault or your daughter's.

Things just happen sometimes, and usually I think they happen for a reason.
You said you didn't think you could forgive the dog that killed Sweetie because it would dishonor Sweetie. I guess I felt that way at first with Babe, but not for very long. It wasn't the dog's fault either. It was nobody's fault. You cannot dishonor your Sweetie.

Again, I am so sorry. I know there's really nothing I can say. Nothing will stop the tears for awhile. I know your heart is breaking. I know you miss your baby. Please keep coming here and "talking." It really does help. Everyone here helped me so much. I went through major guilt about Hannah and about Babe. It's better most days now because I know I cannot do the things I need to do in this life if I keep beating myself up.

Take care.
Love Marcia

[Toni]

Doxie - please stop blaming yourself........Sweetie knows she was loved. Your son must understand that his dog is a physical reminder of the accident, but time will heal that. It is not that you hate the other dog, but you need time. Maybe I don't know what I am talking about, but I euthanized my cat 4 days ago, and after 15 years together, I feel like the ultimate betrayer. I knew what I was doing; your son's dog didn't. Do I make sense? I have not slept for 3 days as when I close my eyes, all I can see is Angels demise and knowing it came at my behest is killing me. How do we live without them and with guilt??? Please tell me how, as I am lost and lonely and drifting. I am so sorry about your baby and mourn for all who miss their babies as we do.
Toni and Miss Princess Angel

[Toni]

My daughter is in love with the picture of Baby Hannah - she wanted me to post this little message for her - she keeps looking at Hannah and it makes her smile - H. is still doing great things!!!! My girl needs to smile since her sister went, and thank you Hannah for doing that for her when i am unable to.