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> Coming Up On 6 Months
missy
post Aug 25 2010, 11:22 PM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 79
Joined: 18-March 10
Member No.: 6,416



Hi everyone,
I just wanted to let you know that I still check in frequently and say a prayer for all those that are suffering with grief.
I can't believe it will soon be 6 months since I lost my precious Opie. I also can't believe that I really don't feel at all healed since then. I had been distracted for a while, but when I have a moment to myself and time to think about him, I fall to pieces.
I just don't know how I will ever be okay again. It tears me up inside. I miss him sooooo much.

The crazy part is, the breeder that I got him from continues to advertise kittens on the internet. They look EXACTLY like Opie. I get this urge to get one because it looks so much like him, but I know it won't BE him. I know it would be a terrible idea. I can't ever get him back and I have to accept that. It's just that there is this idea that comes in my head that maybe, just maybe this kitten would act like Opie too because they're relatives. But I know it is so wrong. On so many levels. For one, the breeder was awful (if you read my first post you will see) and there is no way I could ever support what she is doing. Plus it just isn't right, I can't try and make a new kitten become Opie. I just miss him so much and can barely deal with never being able to see him again.

I still have Lily my seal point siamese. She keeps me company, but is nowhere near the personality that Opie was. He was such an amazing cat. One in a million. My heart is shattered.
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janika
post Aug 26 2010, 03:20 AM
Post #2





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 1,071
Joined: 12-September 09
From: UK
Member No.: 6,120



Hi Missy

It's great to see you posting here, but I'm so sorry that you are hurting so much. I remember when you first posted about your darling Opie. It doesn't seem possible that it's six months ago....
It's the week of the first Anniversary of my Noushka leaving me and I know just what you are going through. A year down the line and I still miss her like crazy, even though I now have my darling Pixie who has brought me so much comfort and made me able to smile again.
I'm so glad that you have your Lily to comfort you. Please give her a big hug from me.
As to getting another kitty, only you will know if and when it's the right thing to do. Go with your heart. Noushka and Opie can never be replaced, they were both such characters, and still are( Bet there having fun at the Rainbow Bridge,) but it is possible to love and be loved again. Pixie has proved that to me.
Thinking of you.
Hugs JHan and my Angels and Pixie x
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wchamilton
post Aug 26 2010, 07:02 AM
Post #3





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 156
Joined: 12-July 07
From: Upstate NY
Member No.: 3,255



I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time with Opie's loss.

One thing I'd like to suggest, and PLEASE don't think I'm saying this to discount your feelings of grief, because that is in no way my intention... have you spoken to a doctor to see if you may have become clinically depressed since losing Opie? I only say this because when my mother died the same thing happened to me; on the outside I was fine but I was liable to break down in tears at the slightest provocation. It wasn't until my father talked to me about five months after she died and told me that he and my step-mother were worried about me that I finally went to see my doctor. She told me that I probably had been dealing with a mild case of depression for years and the shock and emotion of my mother's passing pushed it into a full-blown serious case. I was prescribed Welbutrin and after a week or so of taking it it was if a curtain had been removed from my eyes. I was still hurting over the loss of my mother but my emotions were much more under control.

Again, I'm not trying to say what you're feeling for Opie isn't real, but from my own experience sometimes the shock of losing someone close to you can require you to get professional help.

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Cheryl83
post Aug 26 2010, 08:47 AM
Post #4





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 655
Joined: 24-May 10
From: Liverpool, UK
Member No.: 6,508



Hi Missy,

I've just read over your previous posts. What happened to your gorgeous Opie was so sad and tragic -- it's no surprise you're still so upset -- he was taken from you WAY too soon. You put every ounce of your energy into loving him and caring for him, so to have him taken away from you due to circumstances beyond your control is so upsetting. It really is so hard when we lose one of "the special ones". The one we shared such a unique bond and connection with - the one who's simply being made our lives worthwhile. When they are gone, we feel lost and empty, we don't know who we are anymore. I think it takes a great deal longer than six months to get over losses like these. Infact, I don't think we ever truly get over it, we just adjust. There will come a time when we can think of them, of the memories, of the love, and smile at how lucky we are to have experienced that.

After reading your post, I definately DO NOT think it's a good idea to get another kitty from that breeder. I can't believe she is still even breeding them. Please don't get another kitty because you want him to be like your Opie. There will never be another Opie. It wouldn't be fair on the new kitty if you were comparing him, and you could be left with all kinds of negative emotions if he doesn't meet up to your expectations. Only make the move to bring a new furbaby into your home if you are ready to accept that it will be a whole new personality, unique in it's own special way. You will know in your heart when the time is right.

Please keep posting and letting us know how you're doing. We are all here for you during this painful journey.

Sending you hugs -- Cheryl x


--------------------
It broke our hearts to lose you, but you didn't go alone,
For parts of us went with you ... the day God called you home


My beautiful Angel, Daisy - I will love and miss you forever xx
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moon_beam
post Aug 26 2010, 04:28 PM
Post #5


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Hi, Missy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Believe it or not the 6 month anniversary of loss can be a very difficult one to experience. We have gone through half a year without the precious presence of our beloved companions. It is a HUGE reminder of all the things we have already done since our beloved companions joined the angels, and it is a HUGE reminder that our lives have really permanently changed. This is a major milestone in our grief journey, and it can be a very challenging one. And sometimes the feelings of not experiencing any "healing" during these first 6 months can feel very overwhelming.

Missy, first of all, this grief journey is not on a time table. Sometimes there are other factors involved in grieving as well. The physical loss of a beloved companion can surface other episodes in our lives that we may not even be aware of which can add to the burden of grieving, and thus make the healing process - - the adjusting process - - more challenging. Clay does raise a good point: Grieving does change the chemical balances in our bodies and our brains. This is clinically proven. For some folks, sometimes this change snowballs to the point of causing clinical depression. When this happens, it does require professional attention so that the body can, in essence, change gears - - instead of always being in reverse we can shfit into forward drive so that we can resume our healing journey once again - - at our own pace - - and feel like we are finally making some positive progress.

There is a question you can ask yourself that may help you determine if what you are feeling is temporary sadness or more toward needing professional assistance: Do you now feel sad all the time as you did 6 months ago, or are you seeing any progress in having better days? Only you can answer this question, Missy, and whatever the answer is, please know we are here for you ALL OF THE TIME.

Missy, it is impossible for us to love each of our beloved companions the same because each one is an individual, and our relationships with each one is also individual, and the bond that we share with each companion is also uniquely individual. I do agree with Cheryl - - please do not adopt another kitten from this particular breeder, and like Cheryl, it boggles my mind that she is still being allowed to legally operate as a breeder.

As to adopting another companion, Missy, I would caution you to wait until you are ready to embrace the new little life for the special, unique individual he or she is -- and will be through the years. You and Lily need this time to continue to comfort one another and focus on one another.

Missy, I wish there was an easier way to travel through this grief journey, but unfortunately I haven't found it. There is no fast forward button to press to speed up this journey, and there certainly are no easy answers or solutions to help us deal with all the emotions and ups and downs and turn arounds that are so much a part of this grief journey. It doesn't maktter if it's the first week, first month, first year, or 10 years down the road, Missy - - just please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Missy, and please do let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam







--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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missy
post Aug 27 2010, 10:14 AM
Post #6





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 79
Joined: 18-March 10
Member No.: 6,416



Thank you all so much for your replies.

I was at the doctor's a week ago and slipped into the conversation that I lost Opie. She said she was sorry to hear that. I then told her I was so upset that I was going to come in to see her about it. She didn't really say anything, so I just let it go... She is always so rushed that I didn't feel comfortable talking to her about it right then.

The fact is, I think no amount of pills or talking to a psychiatrist will change the fact that he is gone. Nothing will bring him back. This fact is what kills me inside and I can't see any pills or psychiatrist changing that for me. I feel like there is nothing anyone could say that would make me feel better. I try myself to tell myself that he was suffering with the seizures and that I put an end to his suffering. I tell myself how I gave him an amazing life and did whatever he wanted everyday. Never left him alone for more than 2 hours at a time. Feed him in the middle of the night. Played games with him whenever he asked. etc. I tell myself all this, but it doesn't do any good.

He was my baby. He was the smartest cat with the biggest personality. I had never seen one like him before and I've had about 15 cats in my life. He was just so special. Furthermore, he was the glue in my relationship with my boyfriend. All we did was dote on Opie. Opie was the focus of out attention. He was what made our relationship whole. We were all a family. Now the family is shattered. We still have Lily, but she is only close with me and not my boyfriend. Everything is different.

We worked so hard to make our little life perfect. We got it just right. We were protecting Opie his whole life and doing everything we could to make sure he wouldn't get sick. We gave him special food, we took him to the vet for the slightest problem. We spared no expense because we wanted to make sure he lived a long life. Then this rug was pulled out from under us.

My boyfriend has been so traumatized by this that he won't even talk about it to me. He won't let me talk about it either because it upsets him too much. He has shut down. I feel like I need to let it out, but I have no one to let it out to. I am grateful that I have this board to talk to with people who know how I feel. Maybe I do need a psychiatrist since I feel the need to talk about this and no one will listen. I really thought time would help, but it has been almost 6 months and I am as upset as ever.
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AngelCareOne
post Sep 24 2010, 01:02 PM
Post #7





Group: Pet Lovers
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missy
post Sep 25 2010, 10:46 PM
Post #8





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 79
Joined: 18-March 10
Member No.: 6,416



QUOTE (AngelCareOne @ Sep 24 2010, 02:02 PM) *



Thank you so much
(((hugs)))
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AngelCareOne
post Sep 26 2010, 12:57 AM
Post #9





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 1,827
Joined: 16-June 08
From: Florida
Member No.: 4,797



You're very welcome, Dearest Missy.

Winging multitudes of loving Angels to gently guide, soothe and comfort you at this very difficult time in your life.

I Wish You Peace.

Many Comforting {{{Hugs}}} to you. And, Oceans of Love, Butterfly Kisses and Pats to your Angel Fur Kid Opie!!!

Always, Dottie xoxoxox
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