Vet Said It Would Be Ok - I Couldn't, Though Options

[1991Baby]

My little Kahlua turned 17 a month ago. I looked at her and thought we might have a shot of getting her to voting age. But the past few weeks have been bad, and the past few days even worse. Her appetite began diminishing a few weeks ago, I tried altering her diet, giving her different things to get her to eat, she accepted food up until about 3-4 days ago. She's only eaten enough food to fit in my fist since then. I took her to the vet today - her urine was deep yellow, the vet said she is dehydrated to, we gave her an IV. She was 26 lbs, now she's 19 lbs.

The vet said it would be okay to let her go today, but I said I wasn't ready. I'm just not ready to lose my little girl. She means the world to me. This news devestates me. The vet was able to get Kahlua to take some food by forcing it on her tongue. I'm going to try to do the same thing. The vet said if she takes a small can a day she'll be okay, but the end is approaching and there's not much we can do about it.

I am so not ready for this. I've tried to steel myself and mentally prepare for a long time, first posting here 6-8 months ago. This is going to tear me up something fierce. I just want to hold her and hug her and spend every last minute I have with her while she is of this earth. I'm in so much pain and anguish now. I don't want to torture her by watching her starve to death out of my own selfish needs to hold on. But I'm just not ready to call it. This will kill a huge part of my insides. I hope to have the wisdom and compassion to recognize when she's crossed a humane line and make the call. Oh, dear God, why, why, why, I love her so much.