Annabelle

I'm thankful for finding this site in this very difficult time. I lost my dear Annabelle Sunday morning. She was my best friend and loyal companion for 12 and a half years. Of course many of us feel similiarly about our own pets, but to me Annabelle was truly such an incredible, spirited, loving dog. I cannot imagine a better or more wonderful dog and we shared an amazing bond. I know she will be happy forever but it's so hard right now. We shared so, so many wonderful times together and for that I feel blessed.
I got my first golden, Cassidy in 1995. She too was an very, very special dog. In 1998 I got Annabelle and Cassidy quickly took up the role of Mother and did such a wonderful job (helping!). Sadly I lost Cassidy to lymphoma when Annabelle was 2, and about a month later got Lilly, who is thankfully still here, but sad and confused over Annabelle's absence. All three of them are so special. Annabelle and Lilly - together over 10 years - were best of friends. I won't elaborate too much on how incredible they all are, because I'd never stop.

Nearly 2 years ago Annabelle - with no prior symptoms - went into a major seizure. I took her to the emergency vet where after 5 days and endless tests she was diagnosed with a non-cancerous brain tumor. They gave her two months to live at the time - and she was with me for nearly 2 years - and happy and showing no signs of pain until the end. After tweaking several meds for seizure control I ended up giving her Keppra which had no side effects and worked wonderfully. Until Sunday morning she only had 2 additional seizures (that I know of - but would likely have been aware) over the 2 year period. I was always aware of her and my intention was that when she displayed any signs of being in pain or a downturn I would take her in as I of course wouldnt want her to at all suffer. But she never did show any sings at all. She was the wonderful, happy, dog she always had been, save a little arthritis which she dealt with fine. Sunday morning I woke up as she was having a seizure, and I was assuming / hoping that it would be like the others - last a minute or two, then she would be sort of "out of it" for 10 minutes or so, then essentially back to normal. But the seizure kept going, varying in intensity. Obviously I started to worry. I crushed 2 phenobarbitals up and put them in her mouth but nothing stopped the seizures. I called the emergency vet who said I could bring her in for an IV to get them to stop. It had been probably 15 minutes at this point. It is so hard to visualize that time. As far as I know dogs don't "feel" anything while having a seizure, but it is also my understanding that they dont breath, and as I was hanging up the phone with the vet she was seemingly gasping for air. I picked her up and carried her to the car and when I laid her down she let out a long, deep exhale and then nothing. She died in my arms. I can only hope and pray that she wasnt in too much pain during any of the time in between the seizures. I don't know what it was that she ultimately passed from (of course whatever it was was triggered by the chain of seizures). I just hope it was as painless as possible for her. I sat in the back of my car and held her, told her how much she was loved, and cried for at least an hour. Lilly witnessed the whole thing and I don't know how much she comprehended, but she is definitely very sad and I'm sure she knows something happened. She lays in all of Annabelles spots and won't get up. Hopefully she comes around.

My biggest "regret" is that the sudden death caught me completely off guard. I feel foolish for not realizing this was a possibility. I always just thought that the time would come when I would notice she wasnt herself, beginnings of pain, etc and then spend a day or so with her and then take her in. It didnt occur to me that I wouldn't have that "day" to say goodbye, etc. I'm having a hard time understanding why I just assumed that was how it would be. I suppose I should be thankful that her time came prior to any signs of pain at all. Her entire life was a healthy, wonderful existence. Just wanted to share her story. It's been 4 days and I still am having a hard time, but manage to feel a little better at times imagining her and Cassidy together again, happy, swimming and playful (with plenty of biscuits!). Thanks for letting me share. -Tim, Martha's Vineyard, MA